Ricochet
by Jenndur
Summary: "Its like I'm the bullet in a gun. One pull of the trigger and it could mean the end of someone's life..." Can Edward help save Isabella from her self-destructive behaviors or will he just push her closer to the edge? AH/OOC B/E R
1. Prologue: Ricochet

**This story is rated MA.**

**The original characters and plot of Twilight are the property of Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended with this story. After the story is completed, all Twilight references and character names will be changed and copyrighted. Copyright 2010 by Jenndur. This story may not be duplicated, copied, printed or otherwise reproduced in anyway, nor can it be reposted on any other website without the expressed written authorization of the author.**

**This story may contain adult subject matter, strong language, controversial topics, drug and underage alcohol use, mentions of rape, consensual sexual content, and self-injury. You have been warned.**

**Summary:** Isabella is a troubled teen with self-destructive behaviors sent to live with her father in Forks, WA. Will Edward be the one to help her, save her from this downward spiral? Or will his actions push her closer to the edge? AH/OOC, B/E.

**Recommended songs for this chapter: Armor for Sleep- "Awkward Last Words"; 30 Seconds to Mars- "Attack"; 10 years- "So Long, Goodbye"; Slipknot- "Snuff"**

* * *

**Prologue**

_To ricochet is to rebound, bounce or skip off a surface. Ricochets present unpredictable and serious danger of causing collateral damage to bystanders or even oneself._

* * *

"_Bella_," Edward gasped. "Please. Just… just come back away from the ledge."

I ignored him, smiling as I heard the waves crashing below me. The wind blew my hair around, whipping me in the face. It was refreshing to have the mist cover my skin. My lungs and chest expanded with fresh air, leaving me feeling like I was on top of the world.

"I understand that you're upset, and—"

"You don't understand a single thing, Edward," I snapped, finally turning to face him. I knew this move only intensified his worries. "You can't save me. I can't be fixed. I've told you this many times."

"Kate can help you. I'm sure my dad would—"

I felt the rage inside me bubbling up. "You're not _listening_ to me!" I screamed. "I'm not good for you. For anyone."

"I love you so much, Isabella. So please… don't do this. For me? Please?"

"I don't care if you love me. You don't even really know me. I hate you Edward Cullen! I just want you to go away."

"You and I both know that's not true." He gave me a grim smile, rubbing his arm.

I looked to the beautiful man before me. There was no way I'd ever be able to compare to him — I was too average looking. On top of that, he and I both knew there was something wrong with me. Not that I could tell anyone what it was; not that I would. He deserved so much better than me. The only thing I could offer was irrational and unpredictable behavior…

"I'll destroy you if I haven't already," I said softly and sadly, taking a few steps toward him. "I don't want to do that to you, which is why you need to leave. Get as far away as possible."

"You could never destroy me, Isabella," he replied, walking the rest of the way to me.

He grabbed my face tenderly. I clenched my eyes shut tightly, so many feelings overwhelming me as he pressed his lips to my forehead. I tried to process his words, his feelings for me. I wanted to believe what he said.

I couldn't.

Anger at myself, and him as well, coursed through me. I pushed him away with my good hand. I would not allow him to distract me anymore.

"It's like I'm holding a gun, Edward. One pull of the trigger and it could mean the end of someone's life…"

"What are you going on about? You're not making any sense, Isabella," he said in confusion.

"I'm like the bullet in the gun. All I'll ever do is hurt you."

"What you're doing right now is the only thing that could hurt me."

I cringed in response and turned. I walked back to my original spot at the ledge.

"I'm really no good for you, no one. Not even my own family. I'm just a toxic, horrible person."

Without giving him time to respond, I took a deep breath and flung myself toward the raging waters. My scream was not out of fear, but excitement of falling. I could barely hear my name being yelled as I plummeted. I didn't feel the cold until I hit the surface. I gasped in shock at the freezing temperatures, losing my breath before I was lost in the riptide.

Swimming had never been my forte, but I did know enough that it was dangerous being caught in the riptide like I was. Even strong swimmers could lose the battle. I knew if I swam against the tide, I'd drown. My only option left was to swim parallel and eventually make it to safety. Though I accepted I was going to drown, my natural instinct to bring oxygen back into my lungs made me fight my way to the surface.

I was being tossed around in the tide, unable to find my way. Why couldn't I find the cool air that had the oxygen I needed? Why did Edward care so much? And why did that make me so angry?

Giving up, I let myself become the rag doll the riptide was trying to make me be. I felt regret build up for doing this to Edward. He didn't deserve it, any of the shit I put him through. If only Renee hadn't sent me away…

* * *

**A/N:** I just want to say thanks to **Violette de Musique**, my beta and best friend. She's kicked my butt to get this story finally started with trips to Starbucks. Without her, it would have taken me forever to get around to writing it. Please check out her story, **Break Away**. Also Chapter 1 will be posted sometime on Saturday, 1/9/10-so look out for it. Don't forget to leave the love, R&R. Thank you.

**A/N (5/24/11): **Re-edited thanks to **Taylor** and **Ooza**! The best betas!


	2. Glimpse Into Hell

**This story is rated MA.**

**The original characters and plot of Twilight are the property of Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended with this story. After the story is completed, all Twilight references and character names will be changed and copyrighted. Copyright 2010 by Jenndur. This story may not be duplicated, copied, printed or otherwise reproduced in anyway, nor can it be reposted on any other website without the expressed written authorization of the author.**

**This story may contain adult subject matter, strong language, controversial topics, drug and underage alcohol use, mentions of rape, consensual sexual content, and self-injury. You have been warned.**

**Summary:** Isabella is a troubled teen with self-destructive behaviors sent to live with her father in Forks, WA. Will Edward be the one to help her, save her from this downward spiral? Or will his actions push her closer to the edge? AH/OOC, B/E.

**Recommended songs for this chapter: Blue October- "X Amount of Words"; My Chemical Romance- "Teenagers"; Linkin Park- "Crawling"; Green Day- "She"**

**Just a forewarning—PHIL IS A MAJOR CREEP IN THIS CHAPTER.**

* * *

**Chapter 1**

"_Life—the way it really is—__is a battle not between bad and good but between bad and worse." -Joseph Brodsky_

* * *

"Let's go, Isabella."

Headlights flashed over us from a car passing by as a firm hand gripped my upper arm, pulling me from the car. I didn't struggle as I was led to the front door of the house—I knew it would only cause me more trouble. The grip on my arm tightened as we stood beneath the porch light waiting for my mother to find the correct key. I wanted to snatch the jingling set of keys away from her after a few seconds. As I reached out my hand, she extended her arm to the lock. The door flew open and I jerked my arm free, brushing past my mother and her new douche bag husband.

No words had been uttered since leaving the police station. I knew as I had gotten halfway up the stairs, it would be too much to hope that I could get by unscathed.

"Kitchen. Now Isabella."

_Fuck my life_, I thought. I sighed out of irritation and turned, stomping back down the stairs.

Phil, the new husband of a few months, stood at the foot of the stairs, preventing me from going any farther. I waited a few seconds, glaring at him.

"Excuse me," I muttered, taking another step forward.

He didn't move, his eyes narrowing as he silently antagonized me.

"I said 'excuse me'. So move," I snapped, shoving my way around him once again.

I walked into the bright kitchen and threw myself into a chair on the opposite side of where Renee, my mother, sat. I drummed my fingers loudly, trying to signal my annoyance, as Phil took his place standing behind Renee with a hand on her shoulder. Renee took a few deep breaths before she began.

"It's almost six in the morning Isabella. What the hell were you doing out after curfew?"

"Calm down, Renee. Jeez, I'm home now," I sighed, rolling my eyes.

"Answer the question."

"I was just hanging out with a few friends."

Phil scoffed, shaking his head, mumbling to Renee something I couldn't hear.

"You were out with _him_ again, weren't you?"

"What the fuck does it matter?"

"What does it matter," she shrilled, repeating me. "He's fifteen years older than you. You're only seventeen! He's too old to be spending his time with a teenager. It's disgusting."

"Cut the crap, Renee. You can stop pretending like you actually care," I threw myself back and folded my arms across my chest.

"I'm your mother and I do care, which is why I'm going to stop you from seeing him anymore."

"Ha. I'd like to see you stop me," I leaned across the table, breathing in her face.

"Are you…are you _drunk_?"

"Get over it, Renee," I rolled my eyes. "You're always lecturing me. So what if I drink a little, party a little, let my hair down every now and then?"

"That's the thing Isabella. You're always coming home drunk or drugged out from your 'little' parties. That or we're always having to bail you out of jail, like tonight—"

"Bail? Yeah right. It's not like I was arrested and you had to pay money to get me out. Besides, that only happened once."

"Like I was saying, I've had enough of the lying and stealing. I'm sick of it."

"Fine. I'll try to cut back on the partying and drinking."

"_No_, Isabella. I'm _sick_ of it. Phil and I… we're not dealing with this anymore."

I narrowed my eyes at him—he hadn't left his spot behind Renee, nor did he remove his hand from her shoulder. This was all his fault. I just knew it. But it confused me as to why he was trying to pit my mother against me. I had actually been doing okay for a while, not getting into as much trouble as I usually did.

"_This_?" I hissed.

"We've been putting up with this for so long, Isabella. Nothing Phil or I do is working. Hopefully your father will have a better chance at—"

"Fuck that shit, Renee. I'm not going to live with Charlie. You can't make me."

"You really don't have a choice. I've already discussed with your father about you coming to live with him."

"And when did this happen," I sneered.

"The last time you fucked up," Phil butted in.

"Mind your own damn business."

"Now _Bella_, that's no way to talk to your father."

"You're not my father. You're just some douche bag that married my stupid, immature mother," I spat at him.

Suddenly, Phil was in my face and I was looking into his livid eyes.

"You should show your mother and I the respect we deserve."

"Respect is earned, not demanded," I replied, snottily.

Phil's fist slammed down on the table surprising me. I flinched and leaned away as Renee pulled on his arm.

"That's enough, Phil. Why don't you go make some coffee or something?"

"Yeah. Sure. Whatever." And with that he was out of my face and across the room, his back to me.

"If you don't get on that plane, I'm sure Charlie will come over here and make you go, though he won't be too happy about that."

"You've got to be kidding me. You honestly think I'm going to live in the middle of nowhere?"

Renee looked down at her hands and didn't say anything. It was then that I realized there was no hope.

"Please," I tried. "Mom, please don't send me there. I'll do anything to stay. Really. I'll stop drinking and partying. I'll even stop seeing James."

Still nothing.

"I'll _die_ if you send me there."

"Oh, enough with the dramatics Isabella."

_Dramatics_, I thought to myself. Narrowing my eyes, I shoved the chair roughly away from the table and leapt up. _I'll give you dramatics_.

Once I was on the second floor, I screamed over the railing, "Fuck you. I _fucking_ hate you!"

I slammed my door as hard as I could and turned to look at the room I was about to destroy. I threw my clothes around, knocked things off my desk and dresser, and somehow managed to upturn my mattress and have it hanging halfway out my closet. I was screaming and crying. I grabbed my lamp and threw it against the mirror. I immediately ceased my fit when I spotted myself in the broken mirror. I moved forward, reaching my hand up to touch my broken tearstained face.

I was in a trance as I stared at the mess I was, so much that I didn't notice my door start to open. I don't know how long it had been since I left the kitchen, but it couldn't have been too long. Finally I looked away from my own reflection to where my door was being blocked by Phil. He turned to face me as I began backing myself into a corner.

"Your mother left. Looks like it's just you and me, _Bella_."

There was a fiery rage in his eyes I knew well, even in the short time that I've known him. He was just like the others.

"What the fuck do you want Phil?" I asked, trying to back up some more, but felt the wall collide with my back.

Instead of answering my question, he looked around, slowly making his way closer to me. I crossed my arms across my chest and tried to figure out a way out of this situation, but could see none—I was trapped.

"My, what a spitfire you are," he commented, so close to me now that I closed my eyes wishing I was anywhere but here. Well, soon I would be in Forks, Washington. 1,584 miles away from Phoenix, Renee and Phil.

"I can't believe one little girl made this big of a mess," he continued, and I could hear the smirk in his voice. My stomach turned.

Soon I felt unwanted hands on my face trailing down my neck to my collarbone, lips following immediately. There was really no use trying to put up a fight—I'd easily be overpowered by this man. This devil.

He grabbed me roughly around the waist, going for the button on my jeans when I tried to get away. I spit in his face causing him to freeze for a moment. Before I knew what was happening, the left side of my face was on fire and then I had hands envelop my neck, fingers digging in to cut off my air supply. My head banged against the wall and my own hands searched for a way to release the grip on my neck.

"Listen up, _bitch_. That little move you just pulled was very idiotic of you, but lucky for you, I'm feeling lenient. Do it again and you won't be so lucky," Phil said, slamming my head against the wall once more.

As I was about to rasp out 'go to hell,' we both paused, hearing my mother pull into the driveway and the garage door opening.

His fingers loosened around my neck but his hands didn't leave immediately.

"Get this mess cleaned up. It's a shame you won't be around much longer. I'll definitely miss this ass," his hands dropped down to my ass and gripped tightly, pulling my body closer, grinding on me for a few seconds.

Dipping his mouth next to my ear, he breathed, "Say one word of this to anyone, _Bella_, and I will end you and whoever you tell."

He turned to leave, pausing to tell me to clean myself up and apologize to my mother. Once he was out the door, I fell to the floor shaking, screaming on the inside.

Maybe leaving to live with Charlie in Forks would be just the thing I needed. I could start over.

* * *

It's been four days since it was decided I would be moving to Forks to live with Charlie. Four days should've been enough time for Charlie to prepare himself for my homecoming. Only four days and he's already forgotten about picking me up from the airport in Seattle.

I haven't seen Charlie in six years, nor have I spoken to him. So it would make sense that I wouldn't know his address and phone number. I'm sure I could have taken a cab, but that would have been expensive, and I'm not sure I'd even remember the house if I saw it. I also knew I could've called the Forks police station to remind him that he forgot me, but I was stubborn. Which is why I've been sitting with my three bags at the airport for three hours and seventeen minutes.

I shivered slightly when I looked through the windows at the snow covered ground. I found it ridiculous that anyone would want to live where it snows and is constantly wet. Unfortunately, I didn't have much of a choice.

I had a jacket, a sweatshirt and a few long sleeve shirts, but I don't think that'd be warm enough so I'd have to borrow some of Charlie's clothes until I could go shopping for proper clothing.

I pulled my cell phone out of my pocket, looking at the time. Three hours and twenty seven minutes. My patience finally ran out and I dialed four-one-one to get the Forks police station, when I felt someone standing over me. I looked up, finding my father clad in his uniform.

I huffed, hitting the end call button and slipped the phone back into my pocket. I stood, stretching and Charlie stood in front of me awkwardly now.

"Hey Bells. Sorry I'm late. I got caught—"

"Stop," I said, raising my palm toward him. "Save your excuses, Charlie. I don't want to hear them. I just want to leave."

I turned, leaving him to follow me, though I had no idea where I was supposed to be going. A minute later, I felt something warm and slightly heavy fall upon my shoulders—Charlie's jacket.

"The car's this way," he jerked his head to the left.

It took almost four hours to get to Forks from Seattle and there was an awkward tension in the car. I was giving Charlie the silent treatment for not picking me up at a decent time. He attempted to start a conversation a few times, but after seeing my stubborn attitude, he gave up. It was dark when we pulled up to the house. As I reached for the handle, Charlie's voice stopped me.

"So, there's really not much food in the house. I'm going to order a pizza tonight. Maybe we could go to the grocery store tomorrow?"

"Sure… whatever." Again as I was about to get out of the car, his voice rang out.

"I just want to make a few points clear before we go inside," he paused for a few seconds, and I just looked to him. "There are a few rules to living here."

He cleared his throat.

"And they are… Charlie?" I gave in, getting annoyed.

"First off, to you I'm Dad—not Charlie. So the rules are pretty basic. No ditching, homework must be done before you go out, no inappropriate clothing, no foul language, no drinking. Oh and your curfew is ten p.m. on school nights and midnight on Fridays and Saturdays. Got that?"

"Sure thing, Char—I mean _Dad_. Can we go to inside now? I'm tired."

"Okay. Let's go."

I didn't respond as I climbed out of the car. I waited at the front door for Charlie to unlock it before trudging upstairs and flinging myself on the floor.

_What kind of hell did Renee send me to? Albeit, I can tell it is going to be better than living with Renee and Phil. Why doesn't Charlie just slap some cuffs on me now? I'm sure to fuck something up eventually…_

* * *

**A/N:** As promised, it's here on time. I hope you enjoyed this chapter. When I originally wrote this chapter many months ago, Phil wasn't really involved nor was he the perv he is now. Luckily, this is the only chapter he plays a part in. Chapter 2 will be updated Saturday, 1/16/09. Thank you to everyone that reviewed, alerted and added this story to their favorites. And thank you to **Violette de Musique** for beta'ing this story. Please check out her story, **Break Away**. That's all for now. : )

XOXO  
Jenn


	3. One Of Those Days

**This story is rated MA.**

**The original characters and plot of Twilight are the property of Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended with this story. After the story is completed, all Twilight references and character names will be changed and copyrighted. Copyright 2010 by Jenndur. This story may not be duplicated, copied, printed or otherwise reproduced in anyway, nor can it be reposted on any other website without the expressed written authorization of the author.**

**This story may contain adult subject matter, strong language, controversial topics, drug and underage alcohol use, mentions of rape, consensual sexual content, and self-injury. You have been warned.**

**Summary:** Isabella is a troubled teen with self-destructive behaviors sent to live with her father in Forks, WA. Will Edward be the one to help her, save her from this downward spiral? Or will his actions push her closer to the edge? AH/OOC, B/E.

**Recommended songs: Marilyn Manson- "The Beautiful People"; New Found Glory- "Failures Not Flattering"; Weezer- "Troublemaker"; Paramore- "Ignorance"**

* * *

**Chapter 2**

"_Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art… It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things that give value to survival." -C.S. Lewis_

* * *

It was _way_ too early to be awake, not to mention how cold it was. My hand shot out from under the covers, straight to my annoying alarm clock. _Fuck school_, I thought, _I'm not even in the mood to deal with the staring and whispering about the Police Chief's daughter._ I'd rather spend the rest of my time in Forks the way I'd spent it this past weekend—sleeping and eating all the junk food I could manage.

There was a knock on my door, pulling me back to consciousness.

"Come on, Bells. Up," Charlie said through the door.

"I'm sick," I groaned loudly. "I have a migraine."

I heard my door open so I peeked out from under the covers to see Charlie walk in. "It's the first day of school, kid. You gotta go."

I glared at him for a few seconds before I muttered 'whatever'.

When Charlie didn't leave, I grew impatient and angrily motioned for him to go. Once I finished getting ready, I made my way sluggishly to the kitchen. I could smell the freshly brewed coffee from all the way upstairs. I walked past Charlie who was sitting at the table in his uniform reading the paper.

I was pissed he wouldn't let me stay home because I really did have a headache.

I poured myself a cup and leaned against the counter. A silent tension was building, not that I minded. Finally it was apparent that Charlie became too uncomfortable because he cleared his throat and shifted in his seat.

"Are you… you going to eat before you leave for school?"

"No."

"You really shouldn't drink that on an empty stomach."

"I never eat in the morning, _Charlie_. If I do, I end up feeling sick. So don't worry about it," I replied icily.

"Bells, I told you not to call me Charlie."

"Then _Dad_, don't call me Bells—I hate that. My name is Isabella."

"You've never had a problem with me using that nickname before."

"I was _eleven_. I don't want to be called Bells, or even _Bella_ anymore."

I knew he wasn't sure how to respond so he changed topics.

"We should probably get going. You'll want to have enough time to get your schedule and find your classrooms."

"I'm not riding in your cruiser—everyone will talk."

"I just figured you wouldn't want to walk a mile in the snow and rain. It's pretty cold out there."

I debated for a second. Social suicide or freezing my ass and every other part of my body off. I ended up choosing to take the ride because, regardless, there would be talk.

Climbing into the car, Charlie began chatting.

"So I know you hate not being able to drive yourself around. From what Renee says, at least."

"Duh…" I muttered to myself.

"I wanted to surprise you with a car when you got here, but it wasn't ready."

"Really? You actually got me a _car_?" I asked, with a hint of excitement. This information changed my mood in an instant.

"Well, when I say car, I mean truck. And it's not brand new or anything. So don't set your sights too high," he replied hastily.

"Dad, as long as it's mine and it runs, I'll be good," I smiled. "When do I get it?"

"Billy said Jake was trying to finish it before Friday. I invited them over for dinner and I was hoping you'd make it."

"Billy? Jake?"

"Billy Black and his son, Jacob. You and Jacob used to make mudpies when you were younger. You remember them right?"

"Obviously," I replied dryly. "Which is why I'm asking about them."

"Enough with the sarcasm. Anyway, I need you to make enough food for four on Friday. Do you think you can handle that?"

"Sure thing," I said, grabbing my bag and opening the door.

I told Charlie I would see him later and that he didn't need to worry about picking me up—I'd find my own way home.

The parking lot was mostly filled and it surprised me that so many of the other students stood out there. The rain stopped, at least for the moment, but the ground still had a thin snow cover.

I began walking toward the stairs that led to the office. I could already feel the eyes on me as I stared at my destination. I could hear the whispers and it aggravated me. I was almost to the stairs when two cars sped past me. They skidded to a halt at the closest available spaces right next to each other.

_What the fuck? Stupid cock-sucking douche bags_, I thought angrily.

I shot dirty looks to the two cars, a total of five people climbing out. Two girls and three guys. All exceptionally beautiful and judging by their cars, rich. They crowded together in between their cars, except the copper haired guy. He was standing by the driver's door of the shiny, silver Volvo, leaning with one arm on it. He must have felt my eyes on him because he turned suddenly, locking eyes with me. I jumped with surprise and ended up falling back down the stairs.

_Oh! Fuck me! He's so devastatingly gorgeous and I've just made a complete idiot of myself_, I berated myself, staring at the grey sky above. _How embarrassing._

"Oh my god! Are you like, okay?" a girl asked, getting in my face. I rejected the proffered hands that were crowding around me, standing back up on my own.

"I'm fine," I said, looking around her, for that brooding, copper-haired beauty.

"Are you sure?" she asked, moving herself back into my line of sight. "I'm Jessica. You must be the Police Chief's daughter. Right?"

"Yeah. Isabella."

"Do you have your schedule yet?"

"No. I was actually on my way to the office to get it when I fell."

"Here, I'll go with you," she offered, though not really giving me any options. "You really should watch where you're walking around here. Especially those stairs. There's always ice on them. The school should really do something about it. Like put salt down or something. I really like your name but it's kind of long. Do you have any nickna—"

"No!" Jessica gave me a weird look. "Sorry, I'm just a little sensitive about my name."

She looked appeased with my answer so I let her continue talking.

"So you're from Arizona, right?" I nodded. "That's so cool. I bet it was nice living there. I wish it was sunnier here. I'll wait for you out here," she finished as we approached the doors to the office. I saw her wave and yell out to someone before I ran inside. I was in and out within two minutes with my schedule and locker combo. Jessica was still in the same spot as I left her.

"Let me see your schedule," Jessica said, snatching the paper out of my hands.

I was taken aback by this move, but once I recovered I was slightly pissed. Who the hell did she think she was?

* * *

The lunch room was crowded and I was feeling slightly claustrophobic. My eyes darted around looking for an empty chair before they fell shut.

"Bella! Hey, over here," a blond boy named Mike yelled.

My eyes flew open at my unwanted nickname to see Jessica smack him in the shoulder. I could hear her tell him that my name was Isabella. I smiled, taking my tray over to the table. As much as I was annoyed by everything about Jessica, I put up with her and her friends. The only person that didn't bother me was Angela Weber because she didn't say much of anything. It was too bad that we didn't share more classes.

I sat down beside Angela, offering her a small smile. I picked at the food on my tray, not really hungry, listening to Jessica ramble to Lauren. I tried to ignore the looks of lust that Mike, Eric, Tyler, and Ben were throwing me. Normally I didn't mind the attention, but seeing as how a few of these guys were taken by the girls sitting at the same table, I didn't think it would bode well for me during my time here.

"So Bella," Mike said, my eyes narrowing at him again at the use of my nickname. "How do you like Forks?"

"It looks the same as it did the last time I was here, Michael."

"You've been here before? How come I've never seen you before?" Mike asked me stupidly.

"Mike, you dumbass. Her father is Chief Swan and he's lived here for like, ever," Jessica replied before I could respond.

"I haven't been to Forks in about six years. I used to come here every year before that during my summer breaks. I never really spent much time outside of the house or down at the reservation. So you could've seen me before…" I trailed off, smiling awkwardly.

"Jessica was telling us that you're from Arizona," Eric said. "I bet it was nice there."

"Yeah, it was. It was always hot and everything was dry." I smiled thinking of my home.

"If you loved it so much, why'd you move here?" Lauren's snooty voice brought me back. This was my home now.

"My mom died," I deadpanned.

Everyone, including Lauren, gasped and apologies were murmured. I knew it was wrong to lie, but to me Renee really was dead. Everyone was uncomfortable and I wasn't sure what to say. Thankfully, I didn't have to.

"Do you like your classes?" Angela asked me quietly.

"Sure… I guess. The classes are pretty easy," I grinned, trying to ease the tension. I was about to say how different the classes were in Arizona, when _they_ walked in. I couldn't help myself, asking, "Who are they?"

Everyone at the table turned to look at the cafeteria doors. The boys at the table groaned while the girls giggled and sighed. Everyone turned back to their food, while Jessica and Angela answered my question.

"The tall blonde girl is Rosalie Hale. She's the head cheerleader. She's with Emmett McCarty, the big football player," Jessica said.

Angela finished for her, "The blond boy with the curly hair is Jasper Whitlock. Alice Cullen, the little dark haired girl, is his girlfriend."

"What about the copper-haired boy?" I asked, not seeing him.

"Oh, that's Edward Cullen. He's Alice's twin brother," Jessica grinned, as Edward appeared. The boys groaned loudly again. Apparently, Edward Cullen was not a topic they enjoyed talking about.

As he stalked to the table his friends shared, I asked, "Who's his girlfriend?"

Everyone laughed, and I felt the blood rush to my face.

"Edward doesn't have a girlfriend. Everyone here isn't good enough for him. His last girlfriend, Tanya, graduated this last year and she dumped him in front of everyone at the Diner. She told him that he wouldn't be able to give her what she needed, unlike the boys at college."

"Hmmm…"

"Don't go getting any ideas, Isabella," Jessica said, with a bit of warning in her tone. Even though she was involved with Mike, it seemed like she was trying to stake a claim on Edward.

"I wasn't. I was just wondering about the douche bag that tried to kill me today."

"He tried to kill you? How?" Lauren asked, trying not to seem too interested.

"He nearly ran me over with his stupid mom car," I replied.

This caused the table to burst out with laughter.

"Don't let him hear you talking bad about his car," Ben chuckled.

"Is he one of those guys that worships his car?"

"Yeah. He is," Ben said.

"Wow. Isabella, Cullen is looking over here at you," Angela pointed out.

I turned, catching his eyes. He looked annoyed, finally withdrawing his gaze back to his friends. They too, had been looking over at me, until he said something to them. I couldn't figure out why he looked so angry with me. I had only laid eyes on the boy twice.

"What'd you do to piss him off?"

"Nothing…" I trailed off.

* * *

The rest of lunch passed quickly. There were no other looks passed between me and Edward Cullen, besides when he left the cafeteria. I couldn't even fathom what his problem was. A minute later, the bell rang signaling the end of lunch.

Mike, Eric, and Angela walked with me to our Biology class. I could already tell from looking at their notes that I was far more advanced in this subject. Another easy class. I'd probably be able to use this class as naptime and still pass with an A.

The bell rang a final time as the four of us walked through the door.

"Take your seats, please," Mr. Banner, the teacher, said.

I walked toward him as the others took their seats, handing him my slip.

"Ah, Ms. Swan. Welcome. Here is your book."

I took the heavy object from his hand. He looked over the classroom before telling me to sit next to Cullen and that Cullen could catch me up with the current topic. I nodded and thanked him.

I dropped myself in the chair next to Edward and heaved a sigh. This was going to be a long class. I could already feel it. Edward sat stiff as a board, beside me. His hands were clenched and he seemed like he was barely breathing. Once Mr. Banner began talking, I turned my head to look at Edward.

"Hi," I breathed quietly.

He didn't respond—the only movement he made was pausing mid-sentence in his notes.

"You're Edward Cullen, right? I'm Isabella."

"I know who you are," he replied shortly.

"Oh. Right. Duh… I'm the talk of the town, aren't I?" I asked, rolling my eyes.

When he didn't answer, I felt the need to keep talking so I asked the first thing that came to mind. "Do you like the snow?"

With his silence, I continued, "Because I don't. I don't really like anything cold or wet."

I fell silent and began taking notes. My eyes kept drifting to Edward's notebook where his hand was so still he could have been a statue. Every few minutes I would ask another question.

"How long have you lived here?"

…

"Do you like Bio?"

…

"Do you like this teacher?"

…

"Do you like music?"

…

"Do you—"

"Would you be quiet already?" he snapped suddenly at me.

I was stunned, left gaping at him like a fish out of water. He rose from his seat beside me and walked to the front of the class. I couldn't hear what he said to Mr. Banner, but the teacher nodded his head and Edward walked out of the classroom.

I breathed in deep, my eyes stinging. _What was his problem_, I thought to myself. _This is the first time I've ever talked to him and he's treating me like dirt. I haven't done a single thing that would warrant this behavior. What a fucking dick! Who the fuck does he think he is?_

Within the few minutes he was gone, my temper flared, overshadowing the hurt. I grew more and more agitated, unable to calm myself down. I would _**not**_ let this happen here. I couldn't. This was supposed to be my fresh start. Put who I was behind me and create something new, be someone different.

The bell rang and I jumped up, my bag swung around and hit another student. I was too far into my rage to care. I stalked out toward the parking lot and I could hear Angela calling my name, but I didn't stop.

"Isabella? Where are you going? We have gym and it's this way," Jessica's annoying voice said, pushing me farther.

"I'm not going," I replied as I ran down the steps into the parking lot.

_Fuck this town if there are only bimbos and jerks occupying it…_

* * *

**A/N:** Here it is, as promised. A little later than I planned to post today, but RL gets in the way sometimes. Thank you to **Violette de Musique** for beta'ing my chapter and for coming out to Starbucks to write with me. Check out her story **Break Away**. It's a great story! Thank you to everyone that is reviewing, alerting, and adding this story to their favorites. Please don't forget to leave a little love for the author. Any questions or comments about this story, PM me or twitter me. The link is in my profile. I'm actually going to Starbucks with my beta after I post this, to work on Chapter 3. Maybe if you guys leave me some love, I may post earlier than Saturday, 1/23/10. That's all for now.

XOXO  
Jenn


	4. Unwelcome Savior

**This story is rated MA.**

**The original characters and plot of Twilight are the property of Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended with this story. After the story is completed, all Twilight references and character names will be changed and copyrighted. Copyright 2010 by Jenndur. This story may not be duplicated, copied, printed or otherwise reproduced in anyway, nor can it be reposted on any other website without the expressed written authorization of the author.**

**This story may contain adult subject matter, strong language, controversial topics, drug and underage alcohol use, mentions of rape, consensual sexual content, and self-injury. You have been warned.**

**Summary:** Isabella is a troubled teen with self-destructive behaviors sent to live with her father in Forks, WA. Will Edward be the one to help her, save her from this downward spiral? Or will his actions push her closer to the edge? AH/OOC, B/E.

**Recommended songs: No Doubt- "Just a Girl"; All American Rejects- "Can't Take It"; The Beatles- "With A Little Help From My Friends"**

**A/N: When you get a chance, go on YouTube and search "How Twilight Should Have Ended." I borrowed a quote from it. Can you find it?**

* * *

**Chapter 3**

"_After all, life is really simple; we ourselves create the circumstances that complicate it." -Author Unknown_

* * *

Another day ruined.

I practically bolted out of the classroom to get away from Edward's moody ass. Today we were assigned to complete an exercise with our lab partners—Edward being mine. Apparently, he decided that I was completely incompetent so he did all the work himself, grumbling as he did so. I knew I shouldn't have cared that I didn't participate, but the fact that he wouldn't even let me touch the slides bothered me. But maybe it was a good thing. The next I knew, I accidentally knocked his book and pen to the floor when I shifted in my uncomfortable chair. Needless to say, he snapped at me to 'watch it'.

As I left him sitting at the lab table, I considered skipping gym again. I had already skipped once and this was only my first week here. I really couldn't afford to have Charlie bugging me about ditching.

So as I could see the parking lot just in front of me, I turned at the last minute to head to class. Having taken the scenic route, I ended up being late, but hey… at least I didn't skip again. Though I should have…

After changing into the proper attire, I walked out to the bleachers. I sat watching each of my classmates, one by one, finish up the laps we had to run as a warm up. From where I sat, I could see the boys running outside. I thought it was strange that the school separated the genders, but… whatever.

"Hey, Isabella!"

I looked to my left and found Alice Cullen grinning at me, her eyes wide. It was surprising how differently the siblings treated me. Alice had been nothing but kind to me this whole week and we were becoming great friends.

"Hi Alice," I smiled. "What's up?"

"Want to be partners?"

"Are you sure?" I asked apprehensively.

_She must be crazy_, I thought to myself. _Everyone here knows to avoid me like the plague when it comes to sports of any kind. Even in the short amount of time I've been here._

"Yeah. Come on," she said, grabbing me by the hand and pulling me down the steps.

"Alice, _really_," I begged, tugging on my arm once we had safely reached the ground. "I'm no good. I was actually trying to find a way out of it today."

"Pshhhh. You'll be fine," she said, ignoring my previous comment. "Besides, your partner isn't here."

"What about your partner?"

"She'll get another one," she replied, her tone final.

Halfway through class, the boys joined us in the gym due to rain. Before they had joined us, I was thoroughly avoiding any volleyballs that came my direction. Now, on top of that, I had to worry about the basketballs from the rowdy boys.

I was actually glad that Alice had decided to be my partner because she did most of the work. She wasn't perfect at this sport but she did good enough. Plus, she covered my back. That is, until Lauren decided to take advantage of the fact that I was my team's weakness. She spiked the ball directly at me, knowing that I'd either try to dodge it, end up hitting the net, or knock the ball out of bounds. Of course, I tried to dodge it, but had no luck. The ball hit me as I fell to the ground. I winced, grabbing my ankle in pain. The girls on my team rushed around me and it felt familiar to when I fell on my first day. I was immensely embarrassed when I saw that the boys had stopped to look at what the commotion was. For some reason, I turned bright red when I caught Edward's eye. As I turned away, I saw Lauren smirk.

"No, I'm fine. Don't worry," I told the girls as I slowly got into a standing position with Alice's help. I cautiously put my weight onto my ankle. I cried out, falling back down. Arms grabbed my waist, preventing me from colliding with the floor. I looked up to thank my savior, only to groan.

"Edward," I began. "Let—"

"Shhhhh. Don't talk—you're injured," he replied, as he half-carried me to the bleachers. Once there, he helped me sit down and pulled my shoe off. As he gently examined my ankle, I was being bombarded with questions from my classmates and teachers. I tuned them out as I watched Edward.

He stood up, telling the teacher that he wasn't sure if it was broken or severely sprained and said I should probably go to the hospital. Then he proceeded to offer to take me so his dad could check it out. It took a little pushing on Edward's part before they conceded.

He and Alice began to help me, when the teacher told Alice that only Edward and I were permitted to leave. She nodded, muttering an apology to me as Edward continued to lead me out of the gym.

It was still raining lightly as we silently approached the stairs. I could tell Edward was aggravated from his heavy sighs and eye rolls. I eyed the stairs wearily; I was fearful of going down them with only one good foot, even if I did have Edward for support. He sighed one last time before sweeping me up into his arms. I cried out indignantly when he failed to put me down after the stairs. He ignored this too.

The ride to the hospital was short and quiet. Edward parked in the emergency section, much to my embarrassment. He called out for a wheelchair and to have his father notified that he was waiting. Dr. Cullen was busy with a patient, but said he'd be done in a few minutes. I was roomed quickly, sans Edward who went to his father's office. Five minutes went by before there was a knock at my door.

"Yeah."

The door opened and I knew immediately this was Edward and Alice's father.

"Hello. I'm Dr. Cullen," he said, extending his hand to shake mine. I shuddered from the cold touch.

"Nice to meet you," I mumbled quietly.

"So Isabella. Edward was telling me that you hurt your ankle."

I nodded, lifting my left ankle slightly. He took a seat in the swivel chair, scooting closer. He grabbed my calf, raising it to his eye level to examine it. I shivered again, not that he noticed.

"Hmmm. Point your foot towards me… Now try to point it towards you… Stand up for me and put your weight on it slowly."

I did as he asked, wincing in response.

"Well, Isabella," he began, helping me sit back down. "Your ankle is most definitely not broken. It appears to be severely sprained. I want you to stay off this foot for the next few days and I'll give you note to excuse you from gym. If it still hurts by Tuesday, come back in and we can do X-rays to make sure there's not a miniscule fracture somewhere in your ankle."

He handed me a slip of paper which I thanked him for. He stood up and washed his hands, telling me his assistant would be in shortly to wrap my ankle up and bring me crutches. I thanked him once more for taking time to see me.

"It's no problem Isabella. That's what I'm here for," he smiled as he left the room.

His assistant came in shortly after he left with bandage wraps in one hand and crutches in the other. She worked quickly and efficiently, wrapping it up snug, but not too tight.

I hobbled out with my crutches, following the assistant to the front. Edward was sitting in the waiting room, flipping through a magazine with a bored expression. Once he heard me, he looked up and threw the magazine back down where it belonged.

"Hey," I murmured, looking down.

"Come on," he turned and started walking away, not waiting for my slow ass.

I followed out to his car and then we were off. He didn't ask me for directions, seeming to know exactly where I lived. My first thought was 'stalker', but then I remembered that this was a small town and everyone knew where Chief Swan lived.

I thanked Edward when he pulled to a stop in front of my house. He stared straight, refusing to acknowledge me. I huffed angrily, throwing the door open and grabbing my crutches out of the back.

Not saying a word, Edward began opening his door, which pissed me off. What the fuck is wrong with this guy?

"Don't fucking bother. I wouldn't want you to go out of your way any more than you already have," I said angrily, slamming the car door.

I made it up to the stairs as gracefully as one could with crutches. I struggled to get up the stairs and I could feel his eyes burning my back. I would not ask for help from him. I couldn't figure out why he was still here. Maybe he was secretly hoping that I would fall down again so he could boost his ego with being my knight in shining armor. As if…

Once at the front door, I realized I had forgotten to grab my things before I left school, which meant I didn't have my keys. Fuck. Edward was still watching me as I moved a ridiculous flower pot on the steps to find the spare key. I'd have to remember to find a new spot for this and tell Charlie.

I heard Edward's car pull away as I shut the door. I knew I needed to get dinner started because everyone would be here soon. I preheated the oven before pulling out the pan of lasagna I made the night before. While it cooked in the oven, I rested against the counter. Using crutches in a small kitchen like ours made cooking nearly impossible. After trying to get around, I finally abandoned them, deciding to hop around on my good foot.

I didn't enjoy cooking. Living in such a small town, where The Diner was the only place that sold food ready to eat, you were left with no choice but to cook. That or go to Port Angeles, which was absurd to even consider.

I sat down at the kitchen table, throwing together a salad. My thoughts kept wandering from how dinner would go to fantasizing about that beautiful bastard, Edward Cullen. As much as I disliked his attitude, I couldn't deny that he'd already starred in a few of my fantasies. Well… I'd more than likely deny such a thing at this point.

Shaking my head, I got up to check the lasagna. After determining that it needed a little longer, the doorbell rang.

_That must be Billy and Jacob_, I thought.

"Hold on," I yelled, grabbing my crutches. "I'll be right there."

"Hey Bella," Jacob's smiling face greeted me, as Billy nodded from his wheelchair.

"Hey," I replied. I didn't want to be rude by telling Jacob that I didn't want to be called Bella, so I planned to tell him later. "Come on in," I moved to the side. Jacob let Billy roll in before he ventured into my house. "Make yourselves at home."

I followed them into the living room.

"Smells great Bella. What are we having?" Billy asked as Jacob said, "Cripples Unite!"

"Real funny Jacob," I replied, rolling my eyes.

"Sorry," he laughed.

"We're having lasagna. It's probably done," I said turning to go into the kitchen.

"I'll help you," Jacob offered, as Billy turned the television on.

I set the table, while Jacob pulled the lasagna out.

"Hey Jacob," I began. "Do you mind calling me Isabella? I'm not really fond of being called Bella."

"Sure, sure," he said.

"Thanks," I smiled at him.

The front door opened and I heard Charlie walk in. I went to greet him and he was already sitting next to Billy, eyes glued to the television.

"Hey Dad," I said.

"Hi Isabella," he replied, without glancing away from the television. "How was your day, honey?"

_Honey? What's he playing at?_

"Fine. Dinner's ready," I replied, getting pissed.

Then he turned to look at me. "What happened to you?"

"Nothing, _Dad_."

"That's not nothing," he replied, pointing at my injured foot. "Tell me what happened!"

"I fell during gym. I'm fine. It's just a sprain."

Everyone sat down at the table and began to dish up their food.

"Did you borrow the crutches from the school. Maybe you should go to the hospital to get it checked out."

"I _did_ go to the hospital. Dr. Cullen took care of me. Relax," I replied, feeling annoyed. _He really needs to stop bugging me about it._

"Dr. Cullen? I like him—he's a good man," Charlie said. "How'd you get to the hospital?"

"Edward Cullen drove me there. Is that a problem?"

"No… Why'd he take you?"

"I needed a ride, Dad. It's not like I could have driven myself," I said. "He saw what happened and offered to take me. Dr. Cullen took care of me right away because of Edward." I pushed my food around on my plate.

Charlie finally figured out that I was pissed and turned to Billy and Jacob, and talked to them for a few minutes while I tried to calm down.

"So Bella. How's your first week of school been? Besides, spraining your ankle," Billy laughed.

"Dad. She wants to be called Isabella," Jacob said before I could.

"It's been fine, Billy. Pretty easy, actually. Everyone has been nice to me for the most part."

"That's good."

The conversation became awkward as everyone finished their meal.

"You excited, Isabella?" Jacob asked me.

"For…?" I trailed off.

"Your… your truck? Didn't Charlie tell you about it?" Jacob and Billy looked to Charlie in question.

Charlie threw his hands up in defense, stating that he did in fact tell me on my first day of school.

"Oh yeah. I totally forgot," I replied, my excitement building. "Let go out and see it!"

They all laughed when I tried to run with my crutches. I slowed down once it was in my view. Jacob helped me down the stairs, worried that I might fall and actually break something—which was a definite possibility.

"Wow. I can't believe this is mine," I said in awe.

I ran my hand along the side of my new truck. It wasn't a brand new truck, but it was new to me. And I loved how vintage it looked. Jacob was babbling in my ear about how he'd just rebuilt the engine, how it could only reach about 55 mph, and some nonsense about double pumping the clutch. I nodded occasionally, pretending that I was listening as I climbed into the cab.

"Want to take it for a test run?"

"Heck yes!"

"Isabella," Charlie warned, "I don't think that's such a good idea."

"Why not?" I asked, feeling cheated out of my excitement.

"You're injured. That's going to impair your driving. Not until you are better."

"Charlie," I wined. "It'll be fine. Please Dad? Billy and Jacob need a ride home."

"Yeah, come on Charlie," Jacob begged alongside me.

Billy and Charlie looked from the two of us to each other. Billy shrugged indifferently and Charlie sighed.

"Fine. But I want you to be safe. Do the speed limit."

"Sure thing Dad!"

I was absolutely in love with my truck. Even though it was painful to put pressure on my ankle, it was so worth it just to have the freedom that comes with owning a car.

"Turn here Isabella."

We came to a stop in front of the Blacks house and I got out with them.

"Thank you guys so much. I love it."

They both laughed and Billy wheeled himself into the house. I followed Jacob around to the back of the house, where he was pulling a joint out from his wallet.

"You want?"

I looked at him. I couldn't believe Jacob actually smoked pot. He didn't look like the type that did drugs of any kind. I know, I know… I really shouldn't judge a book by its cover, but he seemed so innocent. I'm sure he thought the same about me.

"Uh… _yeah_," I replied with a bit of sarcasm.

I watched him light it and take the first hit. I could feel myself salivating with want; I hadn't had any in a while. I watched him take a second hit, holding it in as long as possible. He exhaled and passed the joint to me. I took one hit… then another, and it was like heaven.

We took turns, passing it back and forth. I looked at the time after we finished it and realized that I needed to get back.

"Are you sure you should go?"

"Yeah," I waved my hand, "I'll be okay. Give me your phone."

"Sure, sure," he replied, handing it to me. I punched my number in and handed it back to him.

"My number. Call me sometime. Let's hang out."

He smiled, walking me to my car. I opened my door, turning back to face him. I bit my lip in anticipation.

"_Jake_… I need you to hook me up with your guy," I said, looking him in the eye.

He nodded, though a bit reluctantly. With that, I grabbed his face and pulled it to mine. His response was immediate, running his tongue along my lips asking for entrance. I submitted to his request, moaning loudly as his arms snaked around my waist.

"Have to go now, _Jake_. Call me later," I said, pulling out of his embrace.

_Life was definitely looking up, and Jake just became my new best friend…_

* * *

**A/N:** Well, these characters just don't want to cooperate with me. Edward and Lauren transferred out of their classes to be in gym at the same time as Bella. And Bella was being extra clumsy. Anyway, I'm working on trying to keep my promise of posting sometime every Saturday. Hopefully you enjoyed this chapter. Many thanks go out to my beta, **Violette de Musique**. Please check out her story, **Break Away**. Also, thank you to everyone reviewing, alerting, and adding this to their favorites.

XOXO  
Jenn


	5. Risky Business

**This story is rated MA.**

**The original characters and plot of Twilight are the property of Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended with this story. After the story is completed, all Twilight references and character names will be changed and copyrighted. Copyright 2010 by Jenndur. This story may not be duplicated, copied, printed or otherwise reproduced in anyway, nor can it be reposted on any other website without the expressed written authorization of the author.**

**This story may contain adult subject matter, strong language, controversial topics, drug and underage alcohol use, mentions of rape, consensual sexual content, and self-injury. You have been warned.**

**Summary:** Isabella is a troubled teen with self-destructive behaviors sent to live with her father in Forks, WA. Will Edward be the one to help her, save her from this downward spiral? Or will his actions push her closer to the edge? AH/OOC, B/E.

**Recommended songs: The Strokes- "Reptilia"; My Chemical Romance- "I'm Not Okay"**

* * *

******Chapter 4**

"_Nothing gives one person so much advantage over another as to remain always cool and unruffled under all circumstances." -Thomas Jefferson_

* * *

"Come _on_ Isabella," Alice begged. "It's a once in a lifetime thing!"

"Sure it is Alice," I laughed. "There will never be another concert in my _whole_ lifetime. Relax."

"_Bella_," Alice whined. She stopped short when I glared at her.

"I really don't have the money right now. And I'm sure Charlie won't let me go anyway," I sighed.

"How do you know?" Alice challenged me.

"Because the day I arrived, he laid down some ground rules. I have a curfew—10 pm on a school night."

"Sneak out. Like he'd ever know," Emmett said, with his arm slung around Rosalie's shoulders.

"Seriously, Emmett?" I asked incredulously.

"What?"

"I can't just walk out the door—Charlie would wake up for sure."

"So go out your window," he supplied.

"I live in a _two_ story house." He continued to stare at me, not understanding. "Do you not remember that I sprained my ankle a few weeks ago? I was on the ground then, so could you imagine what would happen if I tried to climb out my window? I'd probably die!"

Everyone laughed, even Edward chuckled a bit.

"I'm sure Edward could bring a ladder over," Jasper snickered, nudging an elbow into Edward's ribs.

"Thanks, but no thanks. Besides, even if I could sneak out, I'd never be able to get in. I don't have a fake ID."

"We're gonna have to work on that then," Emmett grinned at me.

"Well then, at least come out with us to The Diner now," Alice said.

"I actually have plans already."

"We never get to see you outside of school," she grumbled.

"I _do_ have other friends Alice," I reminded her.

"Oh yeah… how could I forget," she replied sarcastically.

"I'm sorry Alice. I already made plans to hang out with Jake. I promise you can have me all weekend."

"Jake?" Alice questioned, as Edward stopped walking with the group.

"Uh, yeah…" I said, stopping and looking at Edward who was staring over my shoulder at something.

The others stopped and Jasper clasped a hand on Edward's shoulder, asking if he was alright. He gave no response, continuing to stare straight ahead with his fists clenched at his sides. I turned back to see what he was looking at. What I found brought a huge smile to my face. There, leaning against a black motorcycle, was Jacob.

"I got to go you guys. Have fun tonight. I'll see you tomorrow," I yelled over my shoulder.

I ran down the stairs—holding onto the railing, of course—and threw myself into his warm arms.

"What're you doing here?" I asked, laughing. "I thought I was supposed to meet you at your house."

"You were," he nodded. "But I thought since the sun's out, you'd want to take a ride with me."

"Duh! You know I've been eying your bikes for a while now."

"I know. Hence, me here with the bike," he smiled. "What are you waiting for? Get on."

I moved to climb on, but hesitated, remembering something.

"What about my truck?"

"I can drop you off back here when we're done. Don't worry about it."

"Okay," I grinned, throwing my leg over the seat.

Jacob started the bike up, the engine snarling loudly as he revved it. My grin grew even wider with excitement.

"Ready?" He asked, turning his head sideways to briefly look at me. I nodded against his shoulder and tightened my arms around his waist. I felt his body rumble with laughter as the bike began to move. "Hang on."

I did as he told me. We rounded out of the parking lot, creating a lot of noise. I looked back to see everyone staring, excluding my group of friends. Just before they went out of view, I saw Edward visibly angry, arms waving around. Alice was clearly trying to calm him down as she grabbed his arm. I couldn't make out the others expressions.

It was weird. Even in the short amount of time I'd been in Forks, I had never once seen him respond like he was—so much anger. I mean, he did have moments where he was short with me and snapped, but he was never this outwardly angry. Though he still didn't seem to like me and I thought he was a jerk, we began to act more civilly with each other. We had to, due to the close friendship I formed with his twin sister. Today, Edward seemed to be in a fine mood. What had happened in such a short amount of time? Was it something I did or said? I couldn't think of anything. Maybe he just honestly did not like me.

My thoughts shifted to how cold it was outside as we approached the reservation. At least it wasn't raining. Even with the sun out, it was still freezing. I was glad that Jacob provided a little warmth. My eyes grew dry and my face stung from the chilling temperatures, so I buried my face into his back.

"You okay back there?"

"I'm great," I replied in his ear.

"That's good. We're almost to my house."

"I know, Jake. It's not like I haven't been here almost everyday for the past few weeks," I said, rolling my eyes.

He shook his head in response as we came to a stop. Shakily, I climbed off the bike and made my way over to the porch steps. I threw my bag down beside us, happy to relieve myself of the extra weight.

"So what are we gonna do today?"

"Well, you can finally meet Sam. If you'd like?"

"Today? Really?"

"Yeah. But not until later," Jacob said.

"Sure," I smiled. "What should we do in the meantime?"

"We could hang out at the beach if you want."

I scrunched my face up—we had been to the beach so much lately, I was growing sick of it.

"Or not," he added. "What about… uh, just hanging out and watching a movie or something?"

"Jake, I could do that at my house. Find something else to do," I demanded playfully.

"Dang Isabella. Why'd you have to go and ruin my plans of making out with you?"

I smiled, rolling my eyes. "Who said we were going to be making out?"

"I said so," he smirked at me.

"Maybe later… if your lucky. Why don't we ride your bikes some?" I suggested.

"You don't even know how to work it."

"It can't be that hard, Jake. Come on. You can teach me," I said, nudging his shoulder with my own.

"Fine."

He followed me out to his garage where we grabbed his second motorcycle and wheeled it out to the one we rode on earlier. He grabbed that one and pushed it alongside me to the road. As we walked he gave me a quick lesson on the basics—brakes, gas, clutch, etc.

"So you hang out with the Cullens when I'm not around?" Jacob asked, trying to sound indifferent.

"Yeah. Alice is like the closest thing I have to a best friend here."

"What about her brother? You guys friends?" I could hear the strain in his voice.

"Definitely not. We just happen to hang out with the same people. So you know them?"

"Yeah. Haven't you figured it out yet? Everyone knows everyone around here."

I smiled sheepishly as the blood rushed to my face. Of course I already knew that. I was only asking because I got the vibe that he didn't really like them. Well… at least Edward.

We came to a stop when Jacob deemed it would be a good place to practice. I couldn't jump start the bike myself so Jacob helped me. He asked me to point out where the break and clutch were and a few other questions to determine if I was listening the first time around. Once I got everything correct, he set me free.

The first few tries were a little shaky, but then I began to get the hang of it. He coached me every now and then as he watched me. This went on for about two hours before Jacob pulled his cell phone out of his pocket. Apparently, someone was calling him because he took one look at the screen before he flipped it open and began talking.

"Hey. Yeah… it's just me and her… right… we'll be there soon," he said, snapping the phone shut and thrusting it back into his pocket.

"Was that Sam?" I asked with anticipation.

"Yeah. We have to go—he's waiting on us. Do you feel comfortable enough to ride that over there?"

"Sure. No problem. Let's go."

We took off, Jacob leading me to our destination. The thrill I felt while riding was amazing. It was so freeing and felt like I was flying… kind of. It was colder, not having Jacob's body to protect me from the sharp, stinging air. I didn't care though. I smiled shakily as I let the bike accelerate to keep up with Jacob.

I didn't see Jacob signal at me to slow down, so I flew past him. He yelled out at me, but I couldn't make out what he said. I slammed on my brakes when I saw the road curve. Big mistake. The handlebars jerked violently from side to side. I tried to correct, but suddenly I was no longer on the bike and was actually flying through the air. I screamed Jacob's name, but it was useless—he couldn't prevent my impending doom.

As I hit the ground, the air left my lungs from impact. My body continued to hurtle forward as if I was still riding the bike. My head slammed into something hard and I was lost in darkness immediately.

My head pounded and I winced internally. I felt nauseated from the dizziness that accompanied the pounding, even with my eyes still shut. A warm trickle down my face caused me to open my eyes. I could hear Jacob yelling, though I was not processing the words he was saying. His mouth seemed to be moving faster than the words I was hearing. It was only adding to the immense dizziness I was currently feeling so I let my eyes fall shut, with the hope that this would offer me some peace.

"No! Isabella. You have to stay awake," Jacob said, causing me to open my eyes again. "Just keep looking at me."

I struggled to keep my eyes open and on him. Jacob looked around, panicked, and yelled out. I felt an added pressure to my head, which caused me to close my eyes from the pain.

"Isabella!"

My eyes slowly opened and there were a few figures standing around me. I could barely hear their voices.

"What the fuck happened, Jake?" A deep voice asked.

"She slammed on the brakes."

"Why the fuck did she do that?"

"She didn't know… today was the first day she's ever ridden on one… Don't look at me that way. I was teaching her when you called."

"She needs to stay awake, Jacob," a soft voice stated.

"Isabella. Come on… stay awake. Can you guys take us to Forks hospital?"

"Yeah."

I felt my body being lifted and became even more nauseated. The rocking feeling only lasted for a minute before we were in the backseat of a little car.

"Emily, can you grab a towel? My shirt is soaked," Jacob's voice said.

The pressure on my head lifted for a second before it was replaced.

"How are you doing Isabella? Can you talk to me?"

"Jake," I rasped. "I feel like shit."

"I know. Just hold on. We'll be at the hospital soon."

"I'm tired Jake. I want to sleep."

"You can't. We need you to stay awake. At least until the doctor sees you."

I was falling back into a state of unconsciousness, so Jacob had me continue to answer his bizarre questions. Within fifteen minutes, we arrived at the hospital. I was whisked out of the car and onto a gurney.

Before anyone could ask another series of questions, I became violently ill in the hallway. I was immediately put into a room and morphine was making its way into my system. I was feeling the same way I had when I had woken up—the pounding, the dizziness, and the nauseated feeling were still present—but the medicine made me feel goofy. My heart rate and blood pressure were being monitored electronically.

Jacob walked in, sitting beside the gurney and kept apologizing. I ignored him, marveling at the weird sensation. The doctor walked in after about five minutes.

"Isabella, back so soon?"

I grinned goofily up at Dr. Cullen.

"Apparently, sir."

He smiled slightly, before asking, "Can you tell me what happened?"

I scrunched my nose, trying to recall what happened, what had caused me this pain.

"I…I don't know. I can't remember," I replied, looking to Jacob. He would know.

"Um, we were riding some of my motorcycles out on the reservation and she tried to stop quickly. She lost control and fell off. She slammed her head into the trunk of a tree," he relayed quickly and quietly, as Dr. Cullen began to examine me.

"Do you have a headache, dizziness, nausea?"

"Yes to all."

He pulled a little flashlight out of his pocket, shining it into each of my eyes.

"Do you have any ringing in the ears?"

"No," I replied.

"I need to look at your forehead now. It may be a little painful, but I'll try to be quick."

"Okay," I said, as Jacob grasped my hand in his.

I tried not to wince as he poked and prodded at my forehead. After a minute, he withdrew his hands and pushed his swivel chair away.

"Your going to need a few stitches for that gash," he said. "And I want to keep you here over night for observation. Do you know a number where I can reach your father?"

"Um…"

Jake saved me by rattling off a number and I smiled at him gratefully. His assistant came in, setting up a sterile tray. Dr. Cullen pulled the tray closer to the two of us and set to work.

"Hey doc?"

He paused, looking me in the eyes. He didn't say anything so I continued.

"I've always like playing doctor," I winked.

He let out a soft laugh, shaking his head slightly.

"Has anyone ever told you how handsome you are?"

"Yes, actually. My wife tells me everyday," he laughed.

I giggled in response.

"Tell her she's lucky to have you. You're a good guy, Dr. Cullen. Everyone says so," I told him, matter-of-factly.

"Everyone?"

"Yes. Especially my dad. Shit. He's going to be so pissed when he finds out I was riding a motorcycle. I'm so fucked," I muttered.

My eyes widened in surprise, stunned that I said "fuck" in front of him… an adult. It was different when it wasn't my parents.

"Sorry. That just sort of slipped out," I muttered.

He didn't comment on it, instead saying that he was all done and that my father would be contacted while I was put into another room.

"Thanks doc." He nodded before leaving the room.

Jacob told me he would stay with me until Charlie showed up, which I thanked him for. I apologized for ruining his night.

"Isabella… it's okay. I'm just glad that you're okay. Well, you will be."

I nodded, "I know, but still… and Sam. Is he pissed?"

"Eh. He's not pissed at you. He understands that shit happens," Jacob sighed.

"Okay…"

"You should rest. Dr. Cullen said you'd be okay to sleep now."

"Yeah. Okay," I said, settling back into the hospital bed, closing my eyes.

"Goodnight."

I awoke sometime later. Jacob was gone and in his chair Charlie sat, looking distraught.

"Dad. Hi."

His head snapped up immediately, eyes meeting mine.

"Don't you ever do that to me again! You scared me half to death."

"Sorry. I promise I won't."

"What the hell were you thinking, Isabella? A motorcycle?"

"They looked fun. It was fun until I crashed."

"You promised me that you would never ride a motorcycle."

"Dad," I gave him a look. "I was 8 when you made me promise that."

"I've seen so many motorcycle accidents, none as lucky as you were today. I thought you would have at least known to wear a helmet," he replied, shaking his head.

I felt guilty for making him worry like he was. I honestly didn't think about how he would react. I didn't think at all.

"I'm tired, Dad," I said, not knowing what else to say.

"Go back to sleep. I'm going home now and I'll be back in the morning to pick you up."

"Sure. Goodnight."

"Goodnight Isabella," he said, kissing me on the forehead, opposite of my stitches.

_Finally Charlie was beginning to open his eyes to the kind of person I am_—_the unintentional hurt I brought to each person I came into contact with. Little did he know of what was to come… what more I was capable of…_

* * *

**A/N:** Hey everyone. Sorry for not updating yesterday—the site wasn't being nice. You have no idea how hard I tried to get this chapter up. I spent more than three hours attempting everything under the sun. But at least it's only a day late. Thanks to my beta, **Violette de Musique**. You should check out her story, **Break Away**. It's amazing. Thank you to everyone who's reviewed, alerted, and added to their favorites. Next chapter will be out on Saturday (hopefully the site will be nice).

XOXO  
Jenn

**PS...SHOW A LITTLE LOVE...LEAVE A REVIEW : )**


	6. Vindictive

**This story is rated MA.**

**The original characters and plot of Twilight are the property of Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended with this story. After the story is completed, all Twilight references and character names will be changed and copyrighted. Copyright 2010 by Jenndur. This story may not be duplicated, copied, printed or otherwise reproduced in any way, nor can it be reposted on any other website without the expressed written authorization of the author.**

**This story may contain adult subject matter, strong language, controversial topics, drug and undersage alcohol use, mentions of rape, consensual sexual content, and self-injury. You have been warned.**

**Summary:** Isabella is a troubled teen with self-destructive behaviors sent to live with her father in Forks, WA. Will Edward be the one to help her, save her from this downward spiral? Or will his actions push her closer to the edge? AH/OOC, B/E.

**Recommended songs: Hinder- "Get Stoned"; Nine Inch Nails- "Closer"; Jakalope- "Light After Night"**

**This chapter is dedicated to $—you know who you are! : )**

* * *

**Chapter 5**

"_Help me, I broke apart my insides. Help me, I've got no soul to sell. Help me, the only thing that works for me. Help me get away from myself." -Nine Inch Nails, "Closer"_

* * *

It was almost eight in the morning when I was woken up from a restless night by the door to my room being shut loudly. The hospital bed was far from comfortable and the nurses, though they were extremely nice, had been way too noisy. I sat up slowly, looking around the room. It was white and way too bland for my taste. Besides the bed and the monitors, there was a small television attached to the wall and one chair that could be made into a bed. Luckily, I had a private room that included a private bathroom, which meant I didn't have to share with anyone.

Once in the bathroom, I avoided the mirror, not wanting to see my damaged face. I knew I looked like shit. I also knew I should have taken a shower, but I was really weird about taking showers that other people have been in, unless I had my flip flops. So I would just have to wait until I got home.

As I settled back into bed, the nurse came in. She monitored my vitals and asked how I was feeling.

"Other than the horrible headache, I feel fine," I replied.

"I can imagine, dear. That should go away in the next few days. Dr. Cullen and your father are sorting everything out to get you discharged right now. You should be able to leave by noon," she smiled at me.

I smiled back, awkwardly.

"Those are lovely flowers," she pointed out.

I turned to look at the aforementioned flowers and gasped in surprise—I hadn't even seen them when I had woken up. I pulled the vase closer to look and saw a note attached.

It read:

_**Be safe. I'll never forgive myself…**_

I was stunned. There was no signature._ Hmmm… must be from Jake…_

"They must care a lot about you," the nurse said as she ridded me of all of the tubes and wires.

"Hmm?" I looked at her questioningly.

"The guy that got the flowers..."

I smiled in response, fingering the petals of one of the flowers. Jake _did_ care about me—that much was obvious. I'd have to remember to thank him. The nurse wished me well before leaving the room.

I saw a plastic bag next to the bed. In it, I found a pair of jeans and a long sleeved shirt. I was glad Charlie remembered to bring extra clothes, seeing as the ones I came in with were stained with my blood.

As I got dressed, I noticed how quiet it was with the monitors off. It was too quiet… I couldn't stand it. The quietness allowed me to get lost in my thoughts and that was something I couldn't afford. I flipped the television on to create background noise. I didn't even bother to change the channel.

I fell back to sleep after a few minutes, lulled by the quiet volumes. I couldn't remember if I dreamt at all—it didn't even feel like I was asleep for more than twenty minutes.

"Come on, baby. It's time to go home," Charlie said softly as he gently shook me back into a conscious state.

"Okay…" I replied drowsily, dragging myself up.

Charlie walked beside me with one arm around my shoulders—to support me, I guess—and my bag and flowers in the other. We passed Dr. Cullen as we approached the elevators. Charlie thanked him as I gingerly smiled.

The car ride home was short and silent. It almost seemed like Charlie spent more time staring at me with a concerned look upon his face than actually watching the road. Sure I was injured, but he didn't need to gawk at me.

Once again, Charlie put his arms around my shoulders as he guided me up to my room.

"Dr. Cullen says you should take it easy for the next few days," Charlie said as he tucked me into bed.

I nodded, wiggling around slightly to get more comfortable. Charlie walked out for a second, before returning with a glass of water and a pill bottle.

"I got your prescription filled earlier, so if you need something for the pain…"

"Thanks Dad. When are you going to be home?"

"What do you mean?"

"Aren't you… don't you have to go back to work?" I asked.

"No. I took the day off," Charlie muttered.

"Dad! You didn't have to do that. I'll be fine by myself. I'm just going to be sleeping most of the time."

"I know that… still, I'd feel better if I stayed with you today."

I nodded and yawned. Charlie took the hint and left, but not before kissing my forehead again.

I spent the rest of the day sleeping. Charlie came in a few times to ask me if I wanted anything to eat, but I would just mumble incoherently as I rolled away from him.

I woke up at three in the morning feeling extremely hungry. Carefully and quietly, I made my way to the kitchen in the dark. I scrounged through the fridge and cabinets only to come up short. Nothing sounded good and I didn't really have the motivation or energy to cook. I debated going back up to bed, but decided that my body needed food. I ate my cereal without really tasting it.

I laid down on the couch with the television on, my body feeling too heavy to go back up stairs. I stared mindlessly at the colorful screen. I don't remember falling asleep or Charlie carrying me back up to my room.

Wednesday was much the same, except Charlie went back to work. I was finally awake long enough to take a refreshing shower. It was hard trying to wash my hair because I wasn't supposed to get my stitches wet. When I finally left my room in the late morning, I saw my bag sitting beside the couch. I looked out the window and saw my red truck sitting in its usual spot. Then I remembered Charlie mentioning that Jacob came by. I knew I had left my things at his house so he had to have brought them over. I smiled to myself—he was so sweet.

Thursday morning, I woke up before Charlie and decided that I needed to go back to classes because I didn't want to get too far behind. I made breakfast for the two of us and attempted to disguise the bruise on my forehead—though there was no way of hiding the fact that I had a bandage over my stitches.

_Good enough_, I thought to myself, fixing my hair.

I went back to the kitchen and found Charlie munching on bacon and eggs. I smiled and grabbed my keys from the hook by the back door.

"Got to go Dad," I said, slinging my bag over my shoulder.

"Be careful, Isabella. I want you to come home right after school."

"I was going to go to Jacob's…" I trailed off.

"I don't want you going over there," Charlie said, shaking his head.

"It'll be fine. I promise nothing dangerous."

"No, Isabella."

"Fine," I muttered angrily.

I turned and stomped out of the kitchen, slamming the front door behind me.

I pulled into a parking space quickly and threw the emergency break on. I grabbed the pill bottle from the front pocket of my bag and a water bottle. I popped a pill into my mouth, taking a swig from the water bottle. I winced as I swallowed the contents in my mouth. I never really liked taking pills, but had to all the time growing up.

My mother had taken me to a series of doctors when I was much younger, concerned about my inattentiveness, my constant need to be moving, and my impulsive behaviors. It was then that I was diagnosed with ADHD. There were several suggestions of treatment, from therapy to medication. I knew my mother would have done everything in her power to get me the help I needed through therapy, but she couldn't afford it. So the next best thing was getting me on the medication. The medication did help, but it would often bring me down and I would never eat. So in the beginning of high school, I began to stop taking my pills. Throughout my lifetime of taking medication, I switched to several different types because I didn't like the effects they had on me. I had no problem actually taking pills, but I still got cotton mouth whenever I had pills in front of me.

I threw my hood on, effectively covering my head from the rain and view of curious eyes, and climbed out of my truck. I quickly made my way to my first class, avoiding everyone. Unfortunately, Jessica stopped me and asked me where I had been the last two days. I shrugged telling her I had been in the hospital and needed a few days off. Of course telling her anything, spread like wildfire, so the whole school would know before the end of first period.

People would not stop talking and openly staring at my forehead, and eventually I began to snap at them and walk away. The teachers knew what had happened because I'm sure Charlie had to explain my absence. They didn't hassle me about the assignments I missed, telling me to take my time. One teacher even told me I could make up a test the rest of my class was taking today.

Lunch came quickly and I was the first at the table. I felt antsy waiting for the rest of my friends to make their way to the cafeteria. I also didn't want people to stare at me anymore. I fidgeted in my chair, my feet and hands constantly moving. I was feeling on edge because of the painkiller I had taken earlier without eating before. It probably didn't help that I had taken it with vodka either. I couldn't get rid of the chalky taste in my mouth which in turn caused a decrease in my appetite.

I watched my group of friends waiting in line to get lunch. They were laughing and joking. Emmett grabbed Edward in a head lock and gave him a noogie. Edward in return, punched Emmett in the gut and then attempted to fix his messed up hair back into the casual disarray it had been in. I laughed when he used the glass to look at his reflection. I should have known he was vain enough to care so much about his looks.

Alice and Emmett sat on either side of me, and Edward sat next to Rosalie and Jasper, directly across from me.

"You're not eating?" Edward looked at the empty space where a tray should have been.

"No. I'm not hungry," I replied.

"You should eat," he said, pulling a few things off his tray before shoving it in my direction.

"You should mind your own business."

I pushed the tray back across the circular table, watching his knuckles whiten as he gripped the edge of the table. I looked to my left to see Alice staring at me. I sighed.

"What, Alice?"

"What happened to you?"

I relayed how Jacob was teaching me how to ride the motorcycle and we went for a ride and I lost control. I didn't include that we were actually going to Sam to buy drugs. I don't think they would have taken that information well.

"Why did Sam drive you to the hospital?" Edward asked suspiciously.

"How do you even know that?" I questioned.

"My dad said Jacob told him you guys were dropped off by Sam."

"Isn't that like a breach of patient confidentiality? Well, if you must know, Sam happened to be driving by where I was practicing when I crashed. He saw what happened and Jake asked him to give us a ride," I said. It was partially true.

"Jake the snake? Really, Isabella?"

"Emmett! Stop it. He's my friend."

"Some friend," Edward scoffed. "If he cared about your wellbeing at all, he would have made sure you were safe."

"He does care," I defended, then I smiled. "He even got me flowers."

"Flowers? You honestly think flowers make everything okay?"

"Of course not, but—"

"He's a reckless and dangerous person," Edward said.

"Maybe I _like_ reckless and dangerous," I challenged.

"If he cares about you as much you say he does, then why didn't he make sure you were safe by wearing a helmet and protective gear? Did you even consider how lucky you were? It could have been ten times worse."

"Why do you even care, Edward?"

"I don't," he said simply.

"Grow the fuck up!" I replied angrily, grabbing my things as I stood. My chair made a loud screeching noise and I knew I was drawing attention—I didn't care. "And mind your own damn business." With that said, I stormed out of the cafeteria.

I could hear Alice calling my name out and knew she'd follow me into the bathroom. I needed to de-stress and I knew just the way. I grabbed another pill and washed it down with more clear liquid from my water bottle. Sure enough, there stood Alice, watching me.

"For the pain," I mumbled.

She nodded, "Sorry about Edward. It's just… things between those two are a bit of a touchy subject."

"Obviously. What the fuck happened for them to have such animosity toward one another?"

"Its not really my place to tell," Alice sighed.

I rolled my eyes, "Sure its not. Whatever Alice."

"Isabella… Edward's just trying to look out for you. Jacob doesn't always have other's best interests in mind."

I scoffed and turned away, walking out of the bathroom.

"I don't care. He's a fucking jerk."

"Hey now. Edward is my brother and although I don't condone his behaviors, I understand the reasons behind them. If you really want to know what happened, maybe you should ask Jacob about Leah Clearwater…"

"Leah? What? Were they both in love with this girl or something?"

"No… just ask Jacob, if you really want to know."

"Fine," I said, parting ways with her.

I walked into biology and sat next to a brooding Edward. I wanted to be anywhere else other than next to this prick. I began doodling in my notebook, trying not to let my temper get the best of me. Mr. Banner asked me to be quiet when he passed. I nodded and stopped doodling. Once he was out of earshot, I began to doodle again, trying to be quieter this time.

"Ms. Swan! Out of my classroom. Now!" Mr. Banner barked at me.

"For what?" I cried out indignantly.

"You're being too disruptive. I've already asked you once to stop, yet you continue. I want you out of my classroom now."

"Whatever," I said, walking out.

I sat against the wall outside my classroom. It was much nicer being out there anyway, than having to sit next to the douche bag. I sat there for half an hour before the bell finally rang and I stormed back into the classroom and grabbed my things. I rushed to the gym and sat at the bleachers, not even bothering to go into the locker room. Really, what reason did I have to be in there—I wasn't even going to participate today. I had a doctor's note as a pass. Sitting on the bleachers, I watched my classmates and the boys' class play badminton together. I could see Edward's frame from behind and I thought about the argument we had during lunch. He irritated the hell out of me. I left class early, no longer wanting to be in the same vicinity as him. I didn't want to go home, and couldn't think of any other place I would rather be than where I wasn't supposed to be.

* * *

No one was home, but that didn't matter. I would wait for him. It was cold out so I decided to stay in my truck. I wanted to not feel… I need more painkillers. My head didn't even really hurt right now, but I wanted an outlet. A knock on the window made me jump and spill vodka all over my shirt.

_Fuck me. Charlie's going to be able to smell this on me_, I thought to myself.

"What are you doing here?" Jacob's voice was muffled.

I clambered out of the cab of the truck and threw myself into his arms.

"Jake," I sighed.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing… I'm fine. I just wanted to see you," I smiled into his chest.

Jacob pulled away slightly, looking upset and uncomfortable. "Isabella, you should probably go home…"

"What? Why?"

"Your dad made it pretty clear he doesn't want you around me," Jacob sighed.

"Don't listen to him. Everything is fine, I swear. All because I fell off the motorcycle…"

"Okay… Do you want to come inside? I have your stuff."

"Can we smoke first? I really need it…"

"Sure, sure," Jacob nodded.

I followed him to his garage and he pulled out a small wooden box hidden on one of the many storage shelves. I smiled when he pulled out a joint and lit it up. He passed it to me after taking a hit himself.

Once I declared I was officially high, we decided it go inside to watch some television. I laughed at the screen and looked at Jacob. He smiled lazily at me.

I felt the sudden need for skin to skin contact and the next thing I knew, I was straddling his legs. My hands were roaming his chest as my lips sought out his. His lips were warm, just like the rest of him.

He responded immediately to my kiss and pulled me closer. I was quickly flipped over onto my back with Jacob hovering above me. He pushed his hips into mine and we both groaned at the contact. I broke the kiss, gasping for air. Jacob didn't seem to need oxygen as badly as I did because he trailed kisses down my neck to my collarbone.

My back arched without my consent as his kisses continued to my chest. I moaned loudly and Jacob paused for a second. Long enough to pull my shirt off and kiss the newly acquired skin.

"Jake," I breathed.

He made his way back to my neck and his hand found my breasts. I groaned wanting to taste the skin on his chest. I pushed him away slightly and he looked taken aback until I lifted the hem of his shirt. Understanding what I wanted, he sat up on his knees and pulled it off by the collar behind his neck. I sat up as well, caressing his abs and pecs.

"You're sort of beautiful," I whispered, gazing at his chest.

He laughed quietly as I kissed his chest, savoring the tastes. His eyes fell closed at the sensation. His eyes flickered open, lust filling them as he stared down at me. I grinned wickedly back up at him, grabbing him by the pants and unbuttoning them. He watched me with his hands on my shoulders, rubbing sensually. I pushed both his pants and boxers down and went right to work.

With one hand gripping the shaft, I brought my mouth to cover him completely. I swirled my tongue around the tip as I began to stroke with my hand. I took him in as deep as I could go, sucking and pumping my fist faster. He groaned, jutting his hips forward.

"Feels so good baby. Don't stop," He said, his head thrown back.

I continued my ministrations, now pulling on his balls and gently playing with them. I hummed and his hands found their way into my hair. He gently guided my head the way he wanted.

Eventually, I pulled back and wiped my mouth. I was sitting there with my chest heaving, trying to get my breath back.

"I need you now, Jake," I said, watching his hand run along my chest and down my stomach. He stopped at the button on my jeans, backing away and standing up.

"Hey!" I cried out indignantly.

He just smiled, pulling me up next to him.

"Come on," he said, smiles still on his face.

He lead me down the hallway and just outside his room, I couldn't take it anymore. I grabbed his arm and turned him back to me. He was expecting this though, and pushed me up against the wall. He flicked the button of my jeans open within a few seconds and had my pants and underwear on the floor beside us.

He picked me up by the waist and I threw my legs around his hip.

"Ready?" he growled.

I nodded as he thrust sharply into me. We both groaned at the sensation—it felt so _good_. He began his movements again, thrusting hard… so hard my back slammed against the wall, making a slapping noise. I had no way of controlling the pace—it was all Jacob. Not that I minded because he was doing it fast and hard¾the way I liked. I reached down, rubbing my clit and moaning loudly.

"Change?" I asked.

He stopped, setting me back on my feet, and flipped me around. He took me from behind, forcing me to bend over. I leaned partially against the wall. I actually preferred this position because I didn't feel so claustrophobic—I hated being hovered over and always felt like I was unable to breathe. Yes, this was much better. He went much deeper, harder, and faster, grunting with effort. I could feel the knot in my stomach building, as I reached back down to touch myself.

I cried out, orgasming. I rode it out as I continued to touch myself and Jake thrust a few more times. He groaned as he came, finally ceasing all movements. We stayed still, him still inside me, as I tried to collect myself again.

When he pulled out, I stood back up feeling slightly awkward. Where did we stand now? I looked back up at him and met his lips.

"Come on, let's get you dressed. You should probably get home before Charlie does."

I nodded, and grabbed my clothes throwing them back on. Instead of my shirt, I grabbed his and threw it on. I smiled, feeling sort of sneaky.

"Hold on. Let me get your stuff."

I nodded, waiting on him by the front door. He came back and handed me a small bag. I smiled in thanks. He then walked me out to my truck and kissed me goodbye.

"Thanks for the flowers. I loved them," I said, as I broke the kiss. "Oh yeah… I wanted to ask you something, but I forgot until now."

"Sure, sure," he laughed. "What is it?"

"Who is Leah Clearwater?"

"What?" He asked, his expression falling.

"Who is she?"

"Why do you want to know, Isabella?"

"The Cullens said I should ask—"

"The Cullens?" Jacob yelled. "Why the fuck are they telling you to fucking ask me about her?"

"I just—"

"You know what? Never mind. It doesn't matter. You should really get going now."

"But Jake—"

"Isabella," Jacob warned, "You need to leave right now."

"Fine," I said, growing angry and hurt at Jacob's rudeness. "Whatever. See you around."

_There was obviously a story behind this Leah girl that involved both the Cullens and Jacob. I didn't know what it was, but one way or another, I was going to find out…_

* * *

**A/N:** Hey everyone. Thought I'd post tonight instead of tomorrow. Hopefully you enjoyed this. Thanks to my wonderful beta, **Violette de Musique**. Check out her story, **Break Away**. It's pretty awesome. Also, thanks to those who have alerted, added to their favorites, and especially those who have reviewed. **It means a lot to get feedback, so be kind and leave a review**. Thanks : )… The next chapter is in the process of being written so it will be up in the next week.

XOXO  
Jenn


	7. Slipping

**This story is rated MA.**

**The original characters and plot of Twilight are the property of Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended with this story. After the story is completed, all Twilight references and character names will be changed and copyrighted. Copyright 2010 by Jenndur. This story may not be duplicated, copied, printed or otherwise reproduced in any way, nor can it be reposted on any other website without the expressed written authorization of the author.**

**This story may contain adult subject matter, strong language, controversial topics, drug and underage alcohol use, mentions of rape, consensual sexual content, and self-injury. You have been warned.**

**Summary:** Isabella is a troubled teen with self-destructive behaviors sent to live with her father in Forks, WA. Will Edward be the one to help her, save her from this downward spiral? Or will his actions push her closer to the edge? AH/OOC, B/E.

**Recommended Songs: Muse- "Cave"; Three Days Grace- "Animal I Have Become"; Linkin Park- "Given Up"; Get Set Go- "I Hate Everyone"; Evanescence- "Imaginary (Fallen Version)"; Avenged Sevenfold- "Walk"; Thousand Foot Krutch- "Slow Bleed"**

**WARNING: ISABELLA'S MOODS ARE A BIT EXTREME AND THERE DOES INVOLVE SELF-INJURY. DO NOT READ IF YOU CANNOT HANDLE MENTIONS OF SELF-INJURY—PM ME AND I WILL LET YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE HAPPENS IN THIS CHAPTER.**

* * *

**Chapter 6**

"_Thoughts are tyrants that return again and again to torment us." -Emily Bronte, Wuthering Heights_

* * *

I didn't look back to see if Jacob stood there, watching me leave. I'm sure he didn't, considering how badly he seemed to want me gone. I drove home in an angry daze, tears streaming down my face. Hitting the steering wheel, I screamed in frustration. I didn't even realize how fast I was driving as I screeched to a stop in front of my house. I threw the emergency brake on and jumped out of the truck.

_Fuck Jacob. Stupid fucking douche bag._

I ran up the steps and threw the door open, letting it hit the wall. Luckily, I was out of the way as it bounced back, slamming shut. I raced up to my room, already up the stairs before Charlie could corner me. I could hear him following me up the steps so I quickly grabbed the chair from my desk. I threw the door closed and jammed the chair under the handle. I'm sure that even with it angled right, Charlie could manage to get it open somehow—he's a cop.

"Isabella? Where in the hell have you been? I told you to come home right after school! Open this door," Charlie said through the door as his fist pounded on it.

"Fuck you, Charlie. Go away!" I yelled back.

"ISABELLA! You open this door right now!"

"Leave me alone. I don't want to talk to you. You're ruining everything."

"Open the God damn door. NOW!"

"Go _away_! Why can't you just leave me alone?" I sobbed.

Charlie's tone became panicky and he began to jiggle the door handle. "Isabella? What's wrong, baby? What happened? Are you hurt?"

Instead of just telling him, 'no, I'm not alright', I screamed shrilly. _Was he really that stupid or did he just like to upset me? I SAID leave me alone._

I collapsed in a heap in the middle of my bedroom, amongst the mess of clothing. The sudden weight of gloom was pressing down upon my chest, leaving me breathless. I gasped for air as I curled into the fetal position.

I laid there for so long—I'm not even sure how long it really was—staring blankly out the window. Charlie walked away eventually, heaving a sigh of defeat. I tried to fight off the unwanted thoughts and feelings that threatened to consume me. I knew it would only be a matter of time before I was dominated. I would never win—I was just a fragile human, weak and incapable. No matter how hard I tried to keep them at bay, they would always weasel their way back in.

It never took me long to fall. Fortunately, a restless sleep was my savior. If only for the time being…

* * *

I woke up a few hours before school would start. As hard as I tried to fall back to sleep, I deemed it impossible within thirty minutes. Every time I closed my eyes, disturbing images would burn into my mind. I was sore and achy all over. It could have been from sleeping on the floor or having sex with Jacob yesterday. Maybe it was a little bit of both.

I needed to keep busy so I ended up rearranging my room. I stripped my sheets and threw them, along with all the clothes that had been strewn throughout my room, into my wicker laundry basket. I wiped the sweat off my forehead, taking a step back to survey my 'new' room. My bed was now under one window and my desk and bookshelf under the other. My dresser was pushed to where my bed had previously been. Everything else was either stuffed into my overly full closet or shoved against any available wall space.

I lugged the heavy basket down the stairs and started the wash. I gulped down some water from the kitchen before running back upstairs, making a pit stop for the bathroom. I stopped short when I saw the gleaming silver taunting me. I eyed it carefully as I made my way around the small room—my eyes never leaving it.

It wasn't mine. Mine was covered in dried crimson from long ago and had been left in Phoenix. Back where I was caused pain and suffering…

If I walked away now, it wouldn't be dangling in front of my face like a piece of meat. I left the bathroom quickly, trying to rid myself of the urge. I paced around my room as the want, the need grew to become unbearable. I pulled my school book out of my back pack. I quickly looked through two before throwing them down on my desk in anger. I couldn't focus—my thoughts kept drifting—and I kept fidgeting. I gnawed on my lower lip so hard, I drew blood.

My resolve weakened and I gave in. I rushed back to the bathroom and made sure the door was locked, before turning back to face the antagonistic object. I stood with my back pressing into the door as I looked at it. My heart rate accelerated and I swallowed the lump in my throat. I had been doing so good lately and now all my hard work was just being thrown away like yesterday's trash.

The pressure in my chest was back now, stronger than ever. I stepped forward to the sink, gripping the edge of the counter. I stared at my reflection, seeing the sadness flicker in my eyes. I had purple circles around my eyes and my skin was a pasty color. My hair was a wild mess and I looked as ugly on the outside as I felt on the inside. I drew in deep breaths, trying to calm myself as I took off my pajama pants.

_This isn't the first time, you stupid girl. Get over it with. You'll feel better as soon as you do it. Go on… you know you want to._

My hand shakily reached for the blade that Charlie had left lying around so carelessly, though he didn't know any better. It's not as if I was the little kid that used to run around this house. He didn't know who I was, so I knew I shouldn't fault him for it. That didn't mean I wasn't going to…

I brought the blade to my thigh, holding it steady. I held my breath as I drew it across the skin. It stung a little, the blood slowly but immediately making it's way to the surface. I drew another line right next the first one… then another. I watched the blood trail down my leg, from my thigh to my kneecap and down my shin. I watched as it flowed to the floor. My eyes fluttered closed and I threw my head back as I exhaled. I felt sweet relief as numbness seeped into my veins. My thoughts no longer wandered—I was too focused on the wonderful, tingling numbness.

I couldn't help feeling guilty and remorseful for doing this to myself again. While I felt that, a part of me was elated at being able to release the tension and anxiety I'd been feeling lately. I had promised myself that with moving to Forks, I would start over. And I had broken that.

Eventually, I began to feel the pain that came with cutting yourself. But it was a good kind of pain. One that I'd willing cause at any moment if it meant I could escape from my thoughts. I was too far into my euphoria, that I didn't notice Charlie was up. A knock on the door startled me which caused me to jump and let out a yelp.

"Isabella?"

_Shit! I'm so fucked…_

"What Dad?" I asked in an annoyed tone. Inside I was freaking out because my blood was everywhere. I frantically began trying to clean up everything.

_He's going to see all the blood…_

"Are you going to be in there much longer?"

"Yes," I said snootily. "I need to shower."

"Honey, just let me use the bathroom for a minute then you can have it back."

_He's not going to want to deal with me anymore when he sees how fucked I am. He's going to send me away, just like Renee did…_

"No! I'm seriously about to turn the shower on. I'll be quick," I promised as I turned the knobs and the shower started.

"Isabella. I. Need. To. Pee."

"Either hold it or go in the backyard, if you need to go so badly."

I didn't hear anything more from Charlie while I was in the bathroom. I made sure none of my spilled blood could be found by Charlie, before I jumped into the shower. I was done in record time, mostly because the stream of water was irritating the fresh cuts that were still oozing slightly. The water was tinged pink as it flowed down the drain. I grabbed a towel, wrapping it around my body and made a dash for my room. I wrapped a bandage around my thigh and threw my clothes on.

I waited in my room until Charlie left the house for work. I grabbed my things and pulled my empty water bottle out to refill it. I dragged a chair from the table over to the counter and stood on it. I rummaged through the cabinet, memorizing exactly how everything was. I pulled Charlie's hidden stash of hard liquor out and stepped off the chair. I'm not sure if he even drank these since he consumed several beers daily. Once my bottle was full, I put everything away and left for school.

My truck had been parked slightly on the front lawn, but I really couldn't care less. And I'm sure Charlie didn't either. After turning off my street, I was stuck behind an old lady who drove painfully slow. Not only was her tortoise speed aggravating my nerves, she also didn't feel the need to use her signal when turning or changing lanes.

"Come _on_! If my grandma were still alive, I'm sure she'd pass your ass… just get off the damn road," I yelled.

Having had enough, I sped up and crossed the double yellow line, leaving her behind and out of view. If only Charlie saw me now…

I entered the parking lot much faster than Edward had on my first day and several students jumped out of the way. I saw a parking space that I wanted and just as I was about to get it, another car zipped in. I hit the horn and profanities spouted out of my mouth.

I sped down the rows of parked cars, finally finding a spot. It seemed like it was the one that was furthest from the building. I huffed, pulling my jacket on and threw my bag over my shoulder. I slammed my truck door and stalked towards my first class. I ignored my group of friends and left them behind me. I didn't even pause when Edward's voice rang out.

* * *

My morning was difficult, to say the least. Every little minute thing was irritating me. All I wanted was pure and uninterrupted silence, but I wasn't given this because I was undeserving.

The way the clock moved so slowly. The way the teachers droned on and on. The way my classmates would whisper, giggle, and pass notes when the teacher wasn't paying attention. The unnecessary coughing and throat clearing. The foot tapping and finger drumming. All of it was driving me crazy. I wanted to scream at them to stop it. I was itching to yank on my hair for something to stop the anxious feelings I was having.

Completely overwhelmed, I grabbed my things and ran out of the classroom without asking permission. I ran into the bathroom, tears already streaming down my face. I couldn't stop the way I was feeling and it was frustrating beyond belief.

_What the fuck is wrong with me? I'm a hopeless and pathetic excuse for a human being. I'm so stupid and ugly. I'm not good enough for anyone, let alone him… I will never amount to anything in life. What am I going to do? I hate myself. Why do I feel so empty, like I have a bottomless hole inside myself? Why can't anything fill this void I feel? I wish I could just not exist anymore. I don't want to die, I just want to become nothing and still be. Float in nothingness…_

The bell rang, signaling the end of class. It was lunch time and soon girls would be flitting in and out of the bathroom. I didn't need more people watching me, waiting for me to snap at them like I had done a few times earlier this morning. I downed the rest of my water bottle and straightened my clothing.

My stomach grumbled as I realized how hungry I was. I walked swiftly to the cafeteria, as swiftly as one could after taking in a bit of alcohol. I stood in line for just under fifteen minutes before walking over to the table I shared with my friends. Friends I was unworthy of…

"Dang, Isabella," Emmett laughed. "You gonna share or what? You got enough there for two people. Maybe even three."

I sat down heavily in the seat next to Edward. I threw my tray of food down on the table and I could see everyone flinch. I was not amused by Emmett's antics right now and I probably would have hit him if I had the energy. But I felt depleted. I began to shovel the food into my mouth. Even though I started to feel full two thirds into my meal, I continued to eat everything. I knew they were watching me, but I did not care.

"Is she bulimic?" One of them asked quietly.

"I don't think so…"

"Maybe she's just PMSing."

"Isabella? Are you okay?" Edward questioned.

"I'm fine," I snapped, throwing down my fork.

"Are you sure? You seem kind of off today," Alice said.

"I'm positive," I growled. "Am I not allowed to have a bad day?"

Alice didn't say anything more, instead choosing to look away. I felt sick from eating so much.

"I'm sorry," Edward whispered.

I responded with an attitude, "For _what_?"

"For upsetting you with what I said…"

"Whatever, Edward. It doesn't matter," I rolled my eyes.

"Obviously it does," he muttered, pushing his soda bottle around.

"You know, not everything is about you, Edward."

"What are you talking about Isabella? God you are being such a _bitch_ today. You've been snapping and being rude to everyone and most of us don't deserve it. Hell, I was trying to be nice by apologizing and you just blow it right back in my face," he replied, shaking his head.

"Oh that's right. I forgot you are _such_ a nice guy. Mr. Wonderful over here. I didn't ask you to apologize. And I didn't even ask you to be nice to me. I wish everyone would just mind their own business and leave me the fuck alone!"

I stood and walked out as calmly as I could. I went to my truck with the intention of leaving. I sat in the truck and threw my head against the steering wheel.

"Ow," I groaned, not removing my head. I looked over to the passengers side floor and noticed the bag Jacob had given me yesterday. I opened it and found a shit load of pre-rolled joints and an assortment of pills.

I decided I would go back to class after I smoked a joint. And I did just that, along with popping a pill. I took my time walking back to class that only had ten minutes left. I mumbled some bullshit excuse for why I was late. Mr. Banner nodded and waved me to my seat. Edward shifted to look at me. I smiled sluggishly at him.

"Hi Edwardddd," I said, drawling out his name.

"Uh… hi," he furrowed his brow at me, sniffing the air lightly. "Are you fucking serious? You're high?"

I smiled lazily, shrugging.

"What the fuck were you thinking getting high here?"

"Nothing Wardo. I'm great."

He raised his eyebrows at the nickname I gave him.

"You could get suspended for doing that shit, you know."

"I know. Does it look like I care?"

"I guess not," he replied as the bell rang, dismissing us from class.

"Hey Wardo… wait up. I wanna see if you can do something… Swallow."

"Excuse me?"

"Just do it. Think about doing it and then try to do it again," I laughed.

He swallowed once and tried to do it again, like I told him to, and he couldn't. He made the funniest face.

"Weird, isn't it, Wardo?"

He looked at me weirdly before turning away to go to the boys locker room. Alice skipped up to my side, linking my arm with hers and began talking my ear off. I tuned her out, thinking about Edward.

"So what do you think, Isabella?"

"Hmm? Oh, yeah. Sure."

"Awesome," Alice grinned.

I went straight to the bleachers while Alice changed in the locker room. I was extremely thankful I was still excused from this class because if what happened Monday. It was a blessing in disguise. I had almost forgotten about my stitches in my forehead. I passed the class, pulling out a notebook. I drew different items and doodles. I could have been doing my homework. Actually, I should have, but I didn't want to ruin my high. It wouldn't last much longer.

The final bell of the day rang out and I grabbed my shit and ran out. Edward ran up to me and grabbed my arm. I spun around and glaring at him.

"Do you need a ride home?"

"No thanks, Wardo. I've got it," I replied and left for good.

On the way home, my phone rang. I pulled it out and looked at the caller ID. Jacob Black. I flipped it open, telling him to 'Fuck off' and snapped it shut. I silenced it before throwing it over my shoulder. Once at home, I trudged up the stairs and plopped face first into the bed. I was beyond exhausted.

_It was starting already. There would be many more days like today. How many times would it take before people began to realize I'm not worth the trouble and abandon me? I can feel myself slipping already…_

* * *

**A/N: **Hey guys. Hope you enjoy this chapter and can see into Isabella's mind a little better. This chapter was hard for me to write and I still don't really like it. Anyways, many thanks go out to all my readers. And thank you to my beta, **Violette de Musique**. You should check out her story, **Break Away**. Next chapter is going to be from Edward's Point of View. Don't miss it! **Remember, author's appreciate reviews of any kind—even if its to say 'hey, I'm here. I'm reading.' So be kind and leave a review!**

XOXO  
Jenn


	8. Truths Revealed

**This story is rated MA.**

**The original characters and plot of Twilight are the property of Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended with this story. After the story is completed, all Twilight references and character names will be changes and copyrighted. Copyright 2010 by Jenndur. This story may not be duplicated, copied, printed or otherwise reproduced in any way, nor can it be reposted on any other website without the expressed written authorization of the author.**

**This story may contain adult subject matter, strong language, controversial topics, drug and underage alcohol use, mentions of rape, consensual sexual content, and self-injury. You have been warned.**

**Summary:** Isabella is a troubled teen with self-destructive behaviors sent to live with her father in Forks, WA. Will Edward be the one to help her, save her from this downward spiral? Or will his actions push her closer to the edge? AH/OOC, B/E.

**Recommended songs: +44- "Baby Come On"; My Chemical Romance- "The Sharpest Lives"; Blue October- "Let It Go"**

* * *

******Chapter 7**

"_We have seen better days." -William Shakespeare_

* * *

**EPOV**

The door opened and there stood Chief Swan, gun still in its holster at his hip. Even having done nothing wrong, my heart picked up and I felt a little nervous. I tugged on the collar of my shirt and ran a hand through my hair, instantly regaining my composure. He warmly greeted Alice before turning a curious and menacing look upon me.

"Who are you?" Chief Swan asked, his eyes narrowing.

"I'm Edward Cullen, sir. Alice's twin brother," I said, motioning my head in her direction.

He nodded, seeming to accept my response.

"Charlie," Alice said, drawing the attention back to her. "Is Isabella here?"

His brow furrowed, "No. She left a while ago saying she was going out with you."

"Well she's supposed to," I muttered under my breath.

"It's probably just a miscommunication. I bet she's already there waiting for us," Alice covered quickly. "Never mind, Charlie. Sorry about that."

"It's no problem, Alice. You guys have fun and stay safe," Charlie replied. "And don't stay up too late tonight doing whatever it is you guys do at… slumber parties…"

Alice nodded as she grabbed my arm and pulled me away to go back to my car. As soon as Chief Swan closed his front door, Emmett rolled down the window to Rosalie's cherry red convertible and stuck his head out. The music was blaring out of the one window and I could feel the bass thump loudly.

"No go?" Emmett called out.

I shook my head, not bothering to yell back to him. Alice ran over to tell them Isabella had already left and was more than likely at the party. From where I stood, I could see Rosalie roll her eyes and Emmett laughed. I climbed into the car, not bothering to stand around waiting on Alice. Jasper was sitting in the backseat of my car, messing around with his phone.

"She not coming?"

I looked into the rearview mirror as I answered, "She's already there."

"Cool," he said, eyes still locked on the screen.

Alice jumped into the front seat and slammed the door. I looked over at her with a dark expression—she knew better than to do that shit. She muttered an apology and then began to chatter nonstop. Once Jasper realized Alice was just ranting about Isabella, he went back to staring into his phone.

"Don't you think she's been really weird this past week, Edward? I'm worried about her."

I ignored Alice and mulled over my thoughts that were being consumed by Isabella Swan. The first time I had seen her was a month and a half ago. I had felt her eyes on me, burning through me. I watched from my car as people gathered around her at the foot of the stairs. I had been surprised when she fell, but couldn't bring myself to go over and help her. At lunch that first day, Alice couldn't stop talking about the new girl and how pretty she was. My annoyance grew when I caught Isabella staring at me and a blush overtook her face at the same time Alice said the new girl and I would look good together. Someone would need to clue this girl into the fact that I was _not_ interested.

It hadn't even been a year since Tanya had dumped me and I was still trying to piece back together everything she had broken. No one wants to admit they're heartbroken, especially the male species, but I had truly believed things were great between the two of us. The night of her graduation, at the celebratory dinner at The Diner, she took me outside and dumped me—most of the school watching. She told me she had found someone else, a guy who was already in college. She said it was innocent, that nothing had happened between them. I didn't believe her and asked her how long it had been going on. She couldn't give me a definite answer. All she said was that I couldn't give her what she needed and that was it. Three years of my life wasted. Not even a week after the breakup, Jessica, along with many of the other girls from Forks High, began throwing themselves at me, but I would reject every advance. Within a few months, all the girls started to back off with the realization that I didn't want what they were offering.

I thought luck had been on my side, until Isabella walked through the door into my biology classroom. Things only became worse when she began walking towards me. I realized at that point, the only available chair was located right beside me. I had stilled my movements and my hands clenched from the smell of her as she sat next to me—she smelled heavenly. I had not been expecting her voice to sound so breathless as she said hi. I could barely concentrate as she mindlessly talked. Finally it came to a point when I snapped at her to be quiet. It was either that or I would have kissed her to silence her and that would lead me nowhere good. To prevent that from happening, I left the classroom. I went out to my car and turned on some music to calm my nerves. After some time had passed, I watched Isabella run through the parking lot, leaving the school grounds.

As that first week passed, I found out just how clumsy the new girl was. She had gym at the same time I did and ended up hurting her ankle. I knew from how quickly it started to swell, she should see a doctor—my father. I took her to the hospital without Alice for company which was slightly awkward, not to mention having her so close when I had to carry her down the stairs. I hadn't had any physical contact with another female, other than family, since Tanya left me. I was annoyed because having to carry her made me realize how attracted I was to her and I was not ready to have feelings like that for another girl yet. At the hospital I met with my father in his office and asked him to see Isabella. I couldn't help but become defensive when he started to question me about her. I took her home after she came out with her crutches. I couldn't look at her because there was something about her large, innocent doe eyes that bothered me. I had started to open the door to help her but she snapped at me and I stopped. I waited, watching her struggle to get up the stairs and inside the house. I stayed until she closed the door just in case she had another accident before I left.

A few more weeks went by and I tried to resist my physical needs that seemed only she could fix. The only real thing stopping me was that I still couldn't let go of Tanya. Things between Isabella and I were still tense, but she and I had come to a silent agreement to be civil to one another. When I saw Jacob Black at our school, I grew pissed off. It only became worse because it felt like time had stopped when I watched Isabella fling herself at him. The moment his motorcycle started up, I yelled my thoughts and feelings as I waved my arms around. The others stood there watching me and Alice grabbed my arms in attempts to calm me with a quiet, soothing voice. Jacob was dangerous and not someone Isabella should be hanging out with. Not after what happened with Leah…

My father came home from the hospital late that night. He woke me up, telling me that Isabella had been in an accident. He couldn't give me details because of patient confidentiality—he wasn't even supposed to tell me that she had even been in the hospital at all. I didn't sleep well the remainder of that night because I was too worried about her. She was being so stupid getting involved with Jacob. I visited her in the hospital before school. I placed the flowers on the table beside her bed, feeling like utter shit when I looked at her. I should have stopped her from getting on that bike with him. She started to stir as I was leaving so I quickly made my way out before she knew it was me. She didn't come back to school for two days.

She didn't look any different from the time I saw her in the hospital to when she arrived at school, but it still tore at my heart to see her that way. At lunch she didn't eat, even when I offered her some of my food. She grew defensive when we began questioning her about what had happened with Jacob. I couldn't help getting a little upset whenever Jacob was mentioned and when Isabella asked me why I cared, I denied it to everyone. That day in biology, she was sent out of the classroom for being too disruptive. I couldn't care, though, because I was too busy going over what had happened at lunch.

I was taken aback the next day, when Isabella's truck sped into the parking lot so fast—I hadn't even known it was possible for her truck to gain that much speed. I watched her honk her horn and yell out. She sped off into another spot, angrily got out of her truck and slammed the door. She stalked past our group, not even seeming to see us. I called out her name, but she still didn't stop. The next time I had a chance to talk to her was at lunch. When I tried to apologize, she blew me off and it started another fight between us. She seemed to be off the wall that day with her emotions. I didn't think she was going to come to biology, but she strolled in with only ten minutes left of class. She seemed very different until I realized it was because she was high. I couldn't believe it—Isabella never seemed the type to be involved with any kind of drugs. I shouldn't judge a book by its cover, though. The rest of the week flew by and she seemed to act more like herself, but occasionally she'd blow up over little things.

I couldn't believe that she was flaking on Alice again and this time I was involved. The previous weekend, Isabella had promised to hang out with Alice, but she refused to leave the house. Alice returned home feeling put out. Monday came around and Isabella acted like nothing was wrong and Alice decided to let it go and not mention it again. So when Alice had told Charlie earlier that there had just been a miscommunication, she'd been lying—I knew this for a fact. I had been standing next to the two of them. Maybe Isabella hadn't been paying attention to Alice because she was high out of her mind…

I pulled up to Newton's house and groaned when I saw Jacob's pathetic, beat up car parked only a few places away from Isabella's truck.

"Well, at least we know she's here," Alice said, trying to sound optimistic.

"Sure. Time to play babysitter," I muttered. "There is absolutely _no_ where to park. This is ridiculous!"

"Its just because we're fashionably late. Go park around the corner," Alice replied.

We met up with Emmett and Rosalie just outside the front door. Alice said she wanted to find Isabella as we walked inside as Jasper decided he wanted to get some beer.

"Fine. Edward will go with me," Alice said, volunteering me without even asking me first. "Get me some, will you?"

Jasper bobbed his head and walked away with Emmett and Rosalie. Alice and I didn't have to search for too long to find Isabella. She was with Jacob and a few of his friends, drinking some sort of alcohol from her red, plastic cup. She was swaying to the music—not really dancing—with Jacob's hands on her hips. He was grinning like a fool, talking with his friends who seemed envious of him.

"Come on," Alice said, pulling on one of my arms.

"No. I'm not going any where near him," I responded, tugging my arm out of her grasp and shoving my hands into my pockets.

"Be mature, Edward," she said, throwing her hip to the side and placing a hand on said hip.

"I am, Alice. I swear, if I get any closer to him, there will be a fight. And I'm not sure who will start it."

She shook her head and walked away from me, toward Isabella. I didn't want to see what would happen between her and Jacob so I walked away as well. I found Jasper and Emmett having a chugging contest in the kitchen. There were a few other guys around them, cheering and yelling. Rosalie was making herself a girly drink that actually looked pretty good. I grabbed myself a cup and poured from the keg. Taking a hesitant sip, I winced—warm beer was never a pleasant thing.

"Can't handle beer, Wardo?" Isabella's voice slurred.

"I can," I nodded. "This just tastes like shit."

"True. But its beer—that shit tastes nasty anyway," she said. "Hey Rose."

Rosalie smiled and offered to make Isabella a drink. I motioned to her not to put a lot of alcohol in it and she nodded in understanding.

"Sure. Looks awesome. What is it?"

"A Midori Sour. It tastes like a fucking popsicle," Rosalie said, handing back her cup.

Isabella moaned after taking a sip. "That shit is fuckawesome. Thanks Rose."

I watched Isabella walk back and wondered where Alice went. A few guys would stop me to chat and a bunch of drunk girls threw themselves at me while I walked around the house. I still couldn't find Alice so I walked out to the backyard. I immediately found her and Jasper talking, so I pulled up a chair. Jasper pulled out a pack of cigarettes pulling one out for himself. He offered to both Alice and myself, and only I took one. I took a deep and long drag once it was lit and let myself exhale with a sigh.

"What's up, man? You seem kind of stressed out."

I looked at him questioningly and he shook his head, muttering, "You never smoke unless you're stressing. Just something I noticed a while ago."

"Nope, man. I'm good," I said, taking another drag and looked at my sister. "You okay, Al?"

She shrugged, so I poked her in the arm. She looked back up at me and I stared her down.

"Fine," she sighed in defeat. "Something about Isabella seems off again. I just wish I knew what's wrong with her."

I laughed and shook my head. "Don't worry about her, Al. She's just high."

"High?" She asked doubtfully. So apparently, I wasn't the only one that thought Isabella wasn't the type to do drugs.

"Yeah. You know, smoke a little weed. Some ganja, hash, bud…"

"I knew what you meant. Just… really? Are you sure?"

"Yeah. I'm positive. She basically told me she was the other day. She apparently likes to call me Wardo when she's high. She must find that shit funny or something," I muttered, flicking my cigarette.

"It is sort of funny, Wardo," Alice giggled a little as Jasper grinned.

"Come _on_, Al. Not you too," I groaned.

"Don't worry, baby brother. I won't use her affectionate term again."

"Good. You better not."

"But I will," Jasper laughed.

I rolled my eyes and stood up as I put the cigarette butt out. "I'm going back inside. See you guys later."

* * *

"Hey, Cullen," Tyler yelled at me. "Come on over here!"

I finished filling up my cup with more warm beer, before I turned to find Tyler Crowley with an Xbox controller in his hand.

"Play a game with us."

I looked around quickly, not seeing Isabella. I nodded as I wondered where she had been for the last hour—probably puking in a toilet from being too drunk. I'd play one game and then I'd look for her. I stopped in my tracks when I saw Jacob.

"Come on dude. Stop being such a pussy."

Jacob looked over at me, staring for a minute before looking away. I walked forward and sat as far away from him as possible. The game started and I got into it. So far into it, that three games had gone by before Alice stepped into my vision.

"Alice! Move. I've almost got him."

Still she didn't move and I ended up being shot. The other guys whooped and yelled as I groaned, dropping my arms in defeat. Then I looked up to see a panicked look on her face.

"'Kay. I'm done guys. See ya later," I said, handing the controller off.

I followed Alice out of the room and up the stairs, with Jasper following in suit. I asked her what was going on and she was muttering under her breath about Isabella, completely frazzled. At the top of the stairs, Newton and another kid from our school stood outside a bedroom door, like they were standing guard.

"What are you guys doing up here?" Newton asked, with an angry tone.

I looked to Alice and I just knew something was wrong—it was our twin connection.

"I could be asking the same thing about you, Newton," I replied.

"This is my house, dumbass."

Alice tugged at my arm, like a little child does to her father while pleading for a toy. I glanced down at her before bringing my gaze back to Newton.

"Have you seen Isabella? We've been looking for her everywhere."

Immediately, he shook his head and shifted his eyes uncomfortably.

"What's behind the door, Newton?"

"Its my bedroom, Cullen. What are you? The Police?"

"No, but I'm pretty sure that Isabella's in your room. And she's the Chief of Police's daughter."

He said nothing, so I moved forward and shoved him out of the way. I threw the door open and I heard Alice gasp in shock. Isabella was sprawled on the floor, barely conscious. I quickly made my way over to her and knelt down on my knees.

"Isabella?" I asked, shaking her lightly.

She was mumbling incoherently and her eyes were moving around, seeming out of focus. I knew she was drunk, but she appeared to have some kind of drugs in her system.

"Isabella? Do you know what happened to you? What did you take?"

I couldn't get a response from her so I started to pull her up into a sitting position.

"Alice, go and get the car. Bring it around for me. We've got to get her out of here."

She nodded and ran out with my keys in hand. Jasper immediately got on the phone with Emmett and told him what was happening as I got Isabella to stand, leaning against me. She wrapped her arms around my neck loosely before jumping onto me. I caught her in surprise, stumbling forward from the unexpected weight. She locked her legs around my waist as I held onto her. I saw Jasper looking over at me with as much surprise as I felt, but I shook my head at him—we didn't have time for this. I took a few steps forward, but halted when Isabella ground her hips against mine and moaned loudly. I clenched my teeth together, pausing as my dick stiffened. I readjusted her and continued out of the bedroom and down the stairs. Emmett and Rosalie were waiting at the foot of the stairs for us. They had shock written all over their faces, but I continued to walk straight through the opened door.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing, Cullen?"

I faltered when I heard Jacob's voice, but shook my head, ignoring him. There was no time to deal with him—I didn't know what exactly was going on with Isabella and I couldn't bother myself over Jacob.

"Where the fuck do you think you're going with her? Stop right now."

"Fuck you, asshole," I said over my shoulder.

He grabbed my shoulder, turning me and Isabella around to face him—I almost dropped her.

"You're seriously going to try to fight with me while I'm holding her, you douche bag?"

"No. You're going to give her to me."

"Fuck that. She needs help."

"I'll fucking help her. Put her down. Now!"

I shook my head, disbelievingly. "Yeah. I'm sure you'll help her. You've already gotten her into this position. How much worse can she get with you? Fuck off."

When Jacob tried pull Isabella out of my arms, Emmett grabbed him by the scruff of his neck. Jacob tried to hit Emmett, but couldn't get a good punch in. In response, Emmett pulled back his fist and it connected with Jacob's nose, bringing him to the ground. I ran over to the car and set Isabella gently into the backseat with Alice and climbed into the drivers seat. Jasper told me he'd catch a ride home with Emmett and Rosalie so I left, my tires squealing as I peeled out.

I pulled the car into the drive way and threw it into park. I got out and Alice helped me extract Isabella from the backseat. I prayed to myself that Isabella would keep quiet while I tried to sneak her upstairs. Alice was going to distract our parents while I did this and once I deposited Isabella upstairs, I would go back downstairs to say goodnight so as not to raise any suspicions.

Thankfully, she was quiet as I made it up the stairs. She was still muttering incoherently, occasionally drifting in and out of consciousness. I didn't know what to do. I didn't know if I should involve my dad or not. I was panicking and I decided to just try to keep her awake as long as possible. Through all my efforts to keep her awake, I was failing and about to give up.

"Let's put her in the shower, Edward. Maybe that will help," Alice suggested.

So that's what we did. Alice helped me get her into the steaming hot shower. I climbed in with her, both of us fully clothed. It only took a second for her eyes to pop open extremely wide. She looked around, still seeming to be in a high, but she was alert and that was something.

"Wardo," she smiled. "We're getting all wet."

"Yeah," I muttered, holding her up against me for support. "That's because we're in the shower."

If possible, her eyes grew wider. "Where are we?"

"At my house."

"Edward, I'll be right back. I'm gonna grab some clothes for Isabella to change into when you guys get out," Alice said.

"Sure," I replied.

Isabella looked around for Alice but she had already left. "Why are we at your house?"

"Because I didn't know where else to go with you. Your dad mentioned that you told him you were staying the night with Alice."

She nodded, dropping her head to my shoulder. She sighed loudly, going limp against me.

"Hey. Hey, stay awake," I said, trying to shake her.

"I am," she mumbled into my neck. "I'm so tired though."

"Isabella? Do you know what you took earlier?"

She didn't respond for a minute.

"Isab—"

I stopped immediately, freezing in place. Isabella's lips were currently trailing up my neck to my jaw and I was powerless to stop her. It felt so good, so unbelievably good. I needed her to stop, but I couldn't. Then Alice walked in and I pushed her away.

"What did you take earlier?"

"I don't know… I feel like shit. Can't I go to sleep?"

"Not right now. Do you know if someone gave you some drugs tonight?"

She shook her head as she began to sob against my chest. "Wardo? Please… I hate this fucking place. Can't we go away? Far away? I just want you to take me away…"

I looked over at Alice, feeling helpless. She shrugged, looking just as helpless as I felt.

"Come on, Isabella. Let's get out. The water's starting to get cold," I said, scooping her up into my arms once again. I didn't need a repeat action of earlier.

"No! I don't want to!"

I shushed her, trying to keep her quiet so my parents didn't hear her.

"We need to get you into some dry clothes. Alice is going to help you."

"No!" She pleaded with me.

I sat her down on the floor of the bathroom, promising her that she could go to sleep after Alice got her changed into some warm pajamas before I left. Within a few minutes, Alice opened the door and called out to me shakily. I walked in and Alice's face was pale. I asked her what was wrong, but she shook her head saying she'd tell me later. I look at her curiously as I picked Isabella up. I brought her over to my bed and laid her down. I pulled the covers over her and went to move away when she grabbed my hand.

"Please don't leave me," she begged.

I swallowed the lump in my throat, looking to Alice before nodding. I motioned for Alice to lay down on one side of Isabella and I'd lay on the other. I didn't feel comfortable enough to be here alone with her, especially after her kissing my neck in the shower earlier.

Alice and I watched over Isabella the entire night. She feel asleep quickly. After fifteen minutes, I thought she had woken back up, but I found she was actually just talking in her sleep. She kept saying my name, occasionally with this grief-stricken tone. I would shush her and whisper soothing things into her ear until she quieted down. She woke up once covered in a cold sweat, panting and gasping for air. She was having a nightmare, but after realizing it was only that, she fell back to sleep. I talked quietly with Alice most of the night, though she wouldn't tell me what happened while she was in the bathroom with Isabella.

Around five in the morning, we decided to go to sleep. And as I was almost out for the count, Isabella's voice broke through my drifting thoughts. She mumbled my name before sighing 'I love you'. My eyes snapped open, and I stared at her in disbelief. Her admission, whether it was real or just my imagination, pulled at my heart. I knew I felt some attraction to her, but I didn't think my feeling were as strong as they are, especially after only a month and a half. I should have known there was something there with how I was always going out of my way to make sure she was safe. I sighed, before laying back down and closing my eyes. I really needed to get some sleep.

* * *

**A/N: **So yeah. I know I was supposed to get this chapter out last weekend but I was super sick. I spent all Saturday sleeping and haven't actually gotten better until yesterday. These past few weeks have been not so great. Sorry for complaining. I'm going to try to get the next chapter out by next week, but I've decided to change my day of updating from Saturdays to Tuesdays. I think this will be better instead of trying to write during the week. Anyway, hope you enjoyed this chapter. We'll be back to Isabella's POV in the next chapter. Any questions just PM me or twitter me. Just wanted to say thanks to my beta, **Violette de Musique**. Check out her stories—they are awesome. Also thank you to everyone who's reviewed, alerted and added this to their favorites. **_Remember to be kind and leave a review... I really do appreciate each and everyone : )._**

XOXO  
Jenn


	9. Out Of Sorts

**This story is rated MA.**

**The original characters and plot of Twilight are the property of Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended with this story. After the story is completed, all Twilight references and character names will be changed and copyrighted. Copyright 2010 by Jenndur. This story may not be duplicated, copied, printed, or otherwise reproduced in any way, nor can it be reposted on any other website without the expressed written authorization of the author.**

**This story may contain adult subject matter, strong language, controversial topics, drug and underage alcohol use, mentions of rape, consensual sexual content, and self-injury. You have been warned.**

**Summary:** Isabella is a troubled teen with self-destructive behaviors sent to live with her father in Forks, WA. Will Edward be the one to help her, save her from this downward spiral? Or will his actions push her closer to the edge? AH/OOC, B/E.

**Recommended songs: Sum 41- "In Too Deep", Thousand Foot Krutch- "Go"**

* * *

**Chapter 8**

"_Truth is beautiful, without doubt but so are lies." - Ralph Waldo Emerson_

* * *

_Ugh!_

I woke up feeling like utter crap. There was a consistent rhythm of pounding in my head. It felt like my stomach was lodged in my throat and every movement only made it worse. As I tried to swallow, I willed myself to force the disgusting feeling back down where it belonged. This attempt was in vain though. I couldn't remember the last time I had felt this horrible from drinking. I must've had a shit load more than normal.

I groaned loudly, cringing away from the sunlight that filtered into my room. _Why on earth are my blinds open?_ I thought to myself. I never had them open because I hated waking up with the sun in my eyes—even more so with a hangover.

I rubbed my eyes, hesitating for only a second. Finally, I opened them cautiously. I quickly sat up in alarm, using all of my energy. This wasn't my room. My hands flew to my head, vertigo suddenly hitting me. Once the feeling had gone, I looked around while wondering where I was. The effects from the previous night left me with little memory of the party after my arrival. I was a little unnerved by this fact.

There were no pictures throughout the room to give me any indication of whom the room belonged to. I could have snooped around to solve this mystery as this is what I usually did, but I couldn't find the energy and didn't feel like getting caught. I could determine, though, that a boy resided in this room. There were various sports paraphernalia organized on shelves. Sort of like shrines, but not. One wall was a built-in bookshelf that housed a million Cds and a very expensive stereo system. In fact, the whole bedroom screamed 'I'm rich'. I was terrified to touch anything.

Seeing that it was seven in the morning, I climbed out of the king-sized bed. I figured I could sneak out, but I needed to at least complete my daily morning routine just in case someone saw me. I was amazed at the size of the bathroom because it was almost as big as my bedroom. I peeked a glance in the mirror and gasped. The clothes I was wearing were not the ones I had on last night—these weren't even mine. I felt panic flood through me as I mentally checked myself over. _Nope. Everything is good_, I sighed to myself.

My hair was a mess and I looked as shitty as I felt. There was no brush around, so I raked my fingers through my now tangled, curly hair. I knew I had straightened it yesterday morning, so it must've rained last night. I needed to brush my teeth, but there was no way I was going to borrow anyone else's toothbrush so I settled for mouthwash.

I crept back into the bedroom in search of my belongings when the door opened slowly. I froze mid-step and held my breath.

"Oh good. You're awake."

"Edward?" I gasped, surprised to see him.

"Yes," he smiled, as he entered the room. It was odd to see him smile so genuinely at me.

"This is your room?"

He nodded, taking another step closer. I couldn't move, but I exhaled when I saw Alice trailing in behind him.

"Hi Alice," I said quietly.

"We brought you some juice and food," she replied, lifting the plate I hadn't noticed when they came in.

Simultaneously, the smell hit me as my hand flew up to cover my mouth. I twisted back around and lunged for the bathroom. The door opened as I emptied my stomach. I felt my hair being moved out of the way and a soothing hand rubbed my back as I continued to heave.

"Sorry about that," Alice apologized quietly, as I sat back. "Edward's getting rid of it right now."

"Its no problem," I muttered, wiping the back of my hand across my mouth. "You didn't know."

I sat back against the cool wall and closed my eyes. I longed to rest on the cool tiles of the floor, but I didn't trust to have my face on the floor of Edward's bathroom—it was bad enough that I was sitting on it. I sighed and heard Alice sit back as well.

"Isabella?"

"Hmmm?"

"Are you okay?"

"Sure. It's just a hangover, Alice," I looked at her, only to find her avoiding my gaze. "So I take it these are yours?"

"Yeah. Sorry they're a little small," she muttered as she nodded.

"A little?" I laughed, though it didn't help the feeling in my head.

"Just a bit," she smiled slightly, still not looking me in the eyes. "Yours should be done soon."

"Done?"

"They were wet from the shower," she said, leaving it at that.

"Why was I in the shower with my clothes on?"

"I thought it would help keep you awake. You were scaring us," she told me.

The only thing I could respond with was "Oh…" before an awkward silence filled the huge bathroom. I couldn't stand the silence—it was so loud, ricocheting about the bathroom and suffocating me—and I was grateful to Alice because she didn't seem to be able to handle it either.

"Are you sure you're okay?"

"Of course, Alice. Why wouldn't I be?" I asked rolling my eyes.

"I don't know. You can always talk to me, you know that don't you? About anything…"

"Alice, what are you—" I began, giving her a weird look, only to be interrupted by Edward's return.

"Feeling any better?" He asked, handing me a Dixie cup full of mouthwash as I stood up.

"Yes. Thank you," I said after I rinsed.

"So you're okay?"

"Jeez! What is it with you Cullens?" I questioned. _Why were they suddenly so concerned about my well-being?_

"What are you talking about Isabella?"

"First Alice, now you. How many times are you guys going to ask me that?"

"Sorry," he threw his hands up in surrender. "I won't do it again."

"Good," I replied walking out of the bathroom. "So how did I end up at your house?"

Edward recounted everything from going to my house and talking with Charlie to the entire party. Occasionally Alice would interrupt with little facts Edward had forgotten. I was surprised when Edward suddenly asked me what I had taken.

"Excuse me?"

"Cut the shit, Swan. We all know you're into the drug scene—you were really fucked up last night. What did you take?"

"Nothing. I smoked a little before the party, but I didn't do anything else."

"Well, you were definitely on something," he said as Alice looked away from me completely once again.

"What if someone slipped her something?" Alice pondered aloud.

"That's a possibility—I wouldn't put it past some of those guys. Did you leave your drink unattended at all?"

"I don't remember. Actually, I don't remember much of the party," I admitted.

"It must've been early into the party then," Alice said.

"You really can't hold your liquor very well, can you?"

"That's the weird thing though. It normally takes a _lot_ to really get me drunk."

"Hmmm… well after we found you, we brought you back here. I almost went to my dad because I wasn't sure if you were going to be okay," Edward said.

"Thanks for not involving him. I'm guessing your parents don't know I'm here then, do they?"

"Nope," Alice replied.

"How'd you guys manage that?" I questioned. I knew from prior parties that when I got drunk, I got loud.

"I snuck you in and Alice was the decoy."

We all grew quiet then. I realized I needed to get home so I started to edge to that topic. Hopefully, they wouldn't be too difficult about letting me go home.

"Well, thanks for everything you guys did," I said, awkwardly.

"It's no problem. I guess we'll just have to do a better job at watching out for you next time," he laughed, nudging Alice playfully until she grinned as well.

I gritted my teeth, attempting to rally in my annoyance at his statement of there being a next time, though it was the truth, and the anger that threatened to seep through. I didn't need to be looked after and I certainly didn't need to be saved. Well, except for this last time, but even then, I would've been just fine.

"I should probably get home. I have a lot I need to do today."

"Yeah. Of course," Edward nodded. "Just let me get my keys and put my shoes on."

"Huh? I can drive myself. I'm not incapable."

He stopped, pausing to laugh. "Um, Isabella? I drove the three of us here, so I'm hoping you're not assuming you get free reign to my car."

"Mine, either," Alice added.

I looked around, disgruntled at the situation.

"Two choices, Isabella. Either take me up on my offer," he grinned, a playful gleam in his eyes. "Or… you could always walk home."

I pondered this shortly, getting distracted with Alice's laughter. I caught her gaze and was even more confused when she stopped laughing, looking uncomfortable again. That was just weird—why was she acting like that? And Edward… what was his deal? He's being so playful and just… unlike himself. Maybe he was normally like this, just not around me. Or maybe it was because he was so comfortable in his own environment.

"So?" he asked, now in my face.

Automatically, I took a step backwards to create some distance. I could see his whole face light up as he smiled a crooked smile. It was surprisingly nice and something I hoped to see more of.

"Ugh… I guess you can drive me," I sighed with mock-exasperation.

"Good. I'm glad we got that settled then," he smiled and led the way out of his room.

The car ride was short and quiet to the Newton's house. Alice was still unusually quiet and I couldn't figure out what had happened since yesterday when I left her at school. I'd have to talk to her later about it seeing as how she wouldn't even look me in the eyes. Edward was just as equally quiet as his twin sister, which was something I was used to.

I'd only ridden in his car a handful of times and each one was in silence. I turned my head to gaze out the window as he sped through the streets, taking corners just as fast. It didn't bother me like it should have. Charlie was always trying to drill it into my head that driving fast was dangerous, even when I was living in another state. I could understand that from his point of view as the police chief, he mostly dealt with car accidents. This never stopped me from my need for speed.

He came to a sudden halt behind my truck and I was surprised at how smooth it had been. I climbed out of the backseat, thanking them again before quickly walking over to my car. There were a few stragglers from the party, hanging out in the front yard. I was thankful that I wasn't one of them today.

I threw the unlocked door open, reaching under the driver's seat to retrieve the keys—I'd hid them under there so I wouldn't lose them during the party. I situated myself, making any needed adjustments before waving towards the silver Volvo that held my friends. The truck roared to life and I winced. I drew in a deep breath and threw the truck into drive, pulling away. I tried not to let my eyes draw to the rearview mirror, to watch the Volvo. It took some efforts.

_I'm a troublemaker, never been a faker. Doing things my own way, and never giving up. I'm a troublemaker, not a double taker. I don't have the patience to keep it on the up. I picked up a guitar._

I jumped when my ring tone began playingsomewhere in my car. My heart accelerated and I leaned over, reaching my hand under the seats as I kept my eyes on the road. My hand jerked unintentionally as my phone rang out again, causing my car to swerve. I drew a deep breath as I corrected.

It was quiet for another minute before it started up again. _Jeez_, I thought to myself, _What the fuck is this person's problem? I'm not answering because I'm obviously busy._

I arrived home, but Charlie's cruiser was gone. I rummaged through my car for a few minutes until I found my cell phone. Three missed calls—all from Renee. I ran inside and there was a note beside the front door telling me that Charlie was out fishing with Harry Clearwater and Billy Black. He also wrote that Renee had called once again and that I should call her back.

_Fuck that. That stupid bitch banished me so she should have no right to fucking call me and act like everything is cool between us. Why has she been calling so much?_

Renee had been calling me everyday for the past week, not that I actually spoke with her. She'd been alternating between calling Charlie's house and my cell phone. I would hit the ignore button every time her name popped up on my caller ID, but I was not so lucky when I was at home. Charlie would answer and make small talk with Renee. Then he would call out my name, telling me Renee wanted to talk to me. I would just stare at him and after a few minutes I'd either tell him to make up some excuse or just walk away. Though I couldn't help but wonder why after a few months since I left, she suddenly wanted to talk.

The home phone rang and I jumped as it pierced through the silence of the house. I walked quickly, hesitating with my hand over it before I raised it up to my ear.

"Hello," I said, tentatively.

"Bella?"

I cringed. It felt like so long ago that I had heard that name. I was a different person, at least I tried to convince myself that I was somewhat different. I was no longer that girl, that Bella. I was now Isabella Swan.

"What do you want, _Renee_?"

"Is that really any way to greet your mother, Bella?"

I cringed again.

"Just answer my question. Why are you suddenly calling me?"

_More like harassing me. I wonder if I could get a restraining order against her and her douche bag husband_, I shuddered with the thought of him. I had been putting him out of my head for a while.

"Honey, I just wanted to see how you were doing."

I laughed. She was unbelievable… seriously. "You've got to be kidding me, Renee. You sent me away and haven't contacted me until now. Really… what do you fucking want?"

"Bella—"

"Stop fucking calling me _that_. My name is Isabella!" I screamed into the phone.

There was silence, before Renee spoke again. "Are you alright, honey?"

Again, I screamed, "Leave me the fuck alone! I hate you!"

I hung up, feeling anger course though me. Fucking Renee acting like she cared again. Stupid bitch.

It took me a while before I could feel myself calm down and I felt like shit again. I always hated when I had rage attacks because I would have so much adrenaline pumping through my system and I would grow shaky.

I needed to feel better and I knew just the thing to make me feel better.

I brought the receiver up to my ear once again, dialing numbers and waiting for the call to be picked up.

"_Hello?_"

"Jake? Can you come over?"

After telling him to fuck off last week and ignoring him for the rest of the weekend, he came over to my house. I stared at him stonily, pissed that he would show up unannounced at my house. He didn't say anything, just stared at me. He took a step closer, and I couldn't help but temporarily forget why I'd been pissed at him. All thoughts escaped me as he pulled myself into him and pressed his lips to my own.

After hanging out that day, he came over everyday until Charlie was due home from work. It was almost like everything had been resolved, but instead I had placed it on the backburner. Something I was sure to think about at another time when I would no doubt be left to my own thoughts. But that would not be happening today. Jake was coming over and that brought a smile to my face—I was already starting to feel a little better.

The rest of the weekend passed by uneventfully. When Monday came around, I didn't feel like being at school, especially when things were still weird with Edward and Alice. While Alice avoided me all around, Edward seemed to be stalking me.

I would be walking to class and there he'd be standing there, just waiting. At first he had a hesitant smile upon his face and by the end of the day, it had transformed into a huge grin. Now, I was wondering what the fuck _he_ was on…

By Monday night, I was feeling exhausted, though I had not done much that day. I fell asleep right after I made Charlie dinner. I felt sort of bad for producing a half-assed meal, but I really couldn't care about it. I slept a little over twelve hours, but I didn't feel completely rested.

When I woke up Tuesday morning, I felt horrible—my whole body felt achy and I just felt weak. I had a headache, but I figured it was from sleeping too long. I still decided to go to school, though I felt like shit. The day passed slowly, but I seemed to be caught in a daze. And as the day progressed, my throat became sore from coughing so much.

I skipped the lunch room that day and decided to sleep in my truck, hoping it would somehow miraculously help me feel better. I groaned when the alarm went off, but forced myself to trudge to class. I was trembling slightly because I was freezing. I was wearing a tank top under a long-sleeved shirt with a sweatshirt over as the last layer—and that didn't seem to be enough. I was a few minutes late and I didn't give a shit. At least I made it to class at all.

"Isabella," Edward mumbled, only loud enough for me to hear, with a grin on his face.

I bobbed my head and sniffled. I rubbed my eyes before laying my head heavily on my crossed arms. I turned my head to face Edward's direction. If I was going to space out, I'd rather do it with a good view.

"Where were you during lunch?" his eyes never strayed toward me as he continued taking notes.

"Sleeping," I sighed.

"Staying up too late, Swan?" he chuckled softly.

"Quite the opposite, actually."

At my forlorn tone, Edward finally cast his gaze at me. Seeing that I was still trembling, he offered me his jacket. Not even caring that I was supposed to greatly dislike this guy, I took his letterman jacket and bundled myself up securely in it. It was still warm and smelled just like him. _Maybe I'll never give it back_, I thought to myself.

"Are you feeling okay, Isabella?" Edward's voice asked as he nudged my side. I sat up to see Mr. Banner staring in my direction. I sighed and shook my head.

"I'll be right back," I told Edward before I got up and approached Mr. Banner.

I went straight to the bathroom and collapsed on the floor, my legs weren't cooperating—they were too shaky. I was starting to panic, my breathing was labored. I was scared because I'd never felt like this.

* * *

**EPOV**

When Isabella walked into class she looked like the walking dead. She had dark rings around her eyes and seemed paler than usual. She slowly took her seat next to me, dropping down. I could feel her staring at me and when I looked at her, I was surprised to see her shivering—she looked so warm. I shrugged out of my jacket and offered it to her.

She smiled lightly and I wanted to make sure she was feeling alright. She shook her head and left the classroom. I could hear her ask Mr. Banner if she could be excused to the bathroom. Twenty minutes went by and I kept looking for her. The bell rang loudly signaling the end of class. I sighed, looking around once more hoping I had just overlooked her. I grabbed her things and put them back in her backpack and took it with me. I figured she'd meet up with me in gym and get her things.

Walking to the gymnasium, I saw a bunch of girls near the bathroom. They were all squawking around the door. I shook my head in wonder at the female species, pulling out my phone to text Alice. Then I heard Emmett's voice yell out.

"MOVE!"

I turned and I felt my stomach drop to the ground. What the hell happened?

There was Emmett, walking out of the girls bathroom, carrying an unconscious Isabella in his arms, with Rosalie flocking around the two of them. I charged toward them, dropping the two backpacks down.

"What happened?" I yelled, sounding almost hysterical.

There was always something unfortunate happening with Isabella, no matter how much I intervened to stop it; it was inevitable.

"Give her to me," I told Emmett, holding my arms out to take her. "I'm going to take her to my dad."

"Okay, Edward," he replied, handing her off to me.

I staggered slightly at the dead weight in my arms. The last time I carried her in my arms, she was half awake but able to hold her own weight. I turned and started for the parking lot. Emmett and Rosalie walked with me, carrying my and Isabella's bags. I fished out my keys, handing them off to Emmett and waited for him to open the passenger door for me. I carefully placed her in the seat and ran around to the drivers side, thanking the two of them. I sped out of the parking lot and drove like a maniac to get to the hospital.

Isabella still hadn't woken up, and I refused to let them take her out of my arms. I demanded that my father see us immediately. They paged him over the speakers. Not a minute later, he halted in front of us, worry etched into his face.

He gestured to an opened door and followed me in. Before he could ask anything, I started telling him everything I knew, but only about her being found unconscious in the bathroom at school. I didn't clue him in about her staying the night in my room over the weekend, or the fact that she had been drugged at a party.

A nurse knocked on the door before opening it swiftly.

My dad interrupted me, asking me to lay her down on the chair and I obliged. He started to examine her as the nurse skirted around us and going in and out of the room, gathering whatever my dad asked of.

They stuck an intravenous drip of saline solution in her as I watched on. She was finally coming around, coughing as she tried to sit. My father put a soothing hand on her shoulder, telling her to stay laying down. When she was fully conscious he began asking her what happened.

I was surprised when she said she had fallen to the floor in the bathroom, feeling weak and unable to get back up. She grew dizzy and had a horrible headache.

Once she was situated, my dad led me out of the room telling me that she was just dehydrated and that she had the flu. I was relieved when he said that she'd be fine in a few days. He insisted that I go home and he'd let me know how she was doing when he got home. I agreed and before I left, I went back into the room.

"Hey. How come you didn't tell me were feeling sick?" I said, wanting to stroke her hair out of her face, but resisted.

"I didn't want to make a big deal out of it," she sighed.

"Well, I'm just glad you're okay… or will be. I've got to leave now, but I'll talk to you later," I said, placing a gentle kiss on top of her forehead.

And with that I turned and left the room, glad that nothing serious happened to Isabella. I didn't know what I would do if anything happened to her. I realized then how far I had fallen for this girl.

* * *

**A/N: **Hey everyone. I'm sorry I'm such a slacker—I meant to have this out yesterday, but I waited until then to actually get around to really writing it. I even asked my beta, **Violette de Musique**, to beta it last night. Unfortunately, it was far too late when I did finish it. I have to give major props to her though because she did an excellent job beta'ing for me in such a short time—and for that, I am very grateful. Thanks Kim. Want something else to read, check out her stories—they are so awesome. I honestly can't wait to read her next chapters!

Thank you to everyone who reviewed, alerted, and added to their favorites. I also want to thank everyone who reads my story. I'm going to try to update again by next Tuesday, but I'm not making any promises. Isabella's ring tone is Weezer's "Troublemaker." That's all for now. Any questions… feel free to PM me on here or follow me on twitter. I'm planning on posting previews to the next chapter on there. Thanks again.

XOXO  
Jenn


	10. Reverie

**This story is rated MA.**

**The original characters and plot of Twilight are the property of Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended with this story. After the story is completed, all Twilight references and character names will be changed and copyrighted. Copyright 2010 by Jenndur. This story may not be duplicated, copied, printed or otherwise reproduced in any way, nor can it be reposted on any other website without the expressed written authorization of the author.**

**This story may contain adult subject matter, strong language, controversial topics, drug and underage alcohol use, mentions of rape, consensual sexual content, and self-injury. You have been warned.**

**Summary:** Isabella is a troubled teen with self-destructive behaviors sent to live with her father in Forks, WA. Will Edward be the one to help her, save her from this downward spiral? Or will his actions push her closer to the edge? AH/OOC, B/E.

**Recommended songs: Jace Everett- "Bad Things"; Shinedown- "Fake"; Phantom Planet- "Dropped"**

* * *

**Chapter 9**

"_We are more interested in making others believe we are happy than in trying to be happy ourselves." -Francois De La Rochefoucauld_

* * *

He kissed me.

_Edward Cullen_ kissed _me_. Granted, it was on my forehead. But still, he had willingly _kissed_ me. I could feel an electric current flowing through my body, pulsating at the spot where his lips connected with my skin.

As he disappeared from sight, I was left feeling dazed and confused. With a goofy grin plastered on my face, I slowly lifted my hand and gently touched my face. I cringed from this movement, forgetting I had an IV attached to my arm.

"Isabella?" A man's voice asked. There were a few knocks before the door opened slowly, as if the person behind the door was being cautious.

"Doc! Long time, no see," I grinned.

He shook his head in amusement, looking over my chart. "How are you feeling now?"

"Eh," I shrugged. "The same I guess."

"That's to be expected. I'm going to have you stay here for a while longer—I want to get you hydrated again."

I nodded, knowing that was going to happen when he left the room earlier saying I was dehydrated.

"I'm writing you a prescription for Tamiflu, which should help relieve some of your symptoms. You've already had some earlier, right after you arrived."

"Okay. Thanks doc," I nodded again. "I really appreciate you taking care of me."

"I thought we've already covered this—that's what I'm here for," he laughed.

I laughed lightly in response.

"You should rest," Dr. Cullen said suddenly, standing up and making his way to leave the room. "You father will be here soon."

I groaned, throwing my head back. "I really wish you hadn't called him."

Dr. Cullen stopped, "Why is that?"

"Because he overreacts to the littlest things. He's going to be flocking over me like a mother hen. I mean, don't get me wrong—its totally sweet, but its _so_ annoying."

Dr. Cullen chuckled as I finished my little non-rant.

"What's so funny, doc?"

"Nothing," he chuckled. "Its just that I'm a little surprised that you don't describe Edward that way." At my confused look, he continued, "Edward wants to work in medicine and has always been calm in any situation, except when it comes to you. He seems to jump at any signs of distress."

I nodded, realizing that this did in fact seem true. Did that mean he cares about me?

No… he couldn't. Even if he did, it would be totally platonic.

"Rest now, Isabella. I have other patients I need to tend to."

"Hey doc? One more thing…"

He looked to me in response.

"Can I reserve this room as mine seeing as how I'm always here?"

He let out a loud laugh, catching me slightly off guard at the tone. "Sure, Isabella. Would you like a placard on the door with your name as well?"

I grinned back at him as he walked out of the room.

I could see so much of Edward in his father. It was almost uncanny; the similarities were so strong that I could only see a few minor differences. I could bet that in twenty years, he would look identical to how Dr. Cullen looked now. I could even see Edward exactly where his father is right now—having a family and working as a doctor. When Dr. Cullen shared with me that Edward wanted to work in the medical field, I wasn't all that surprised.

I stared at the ceiling, daydreaming of Edward's future. He'd be a doctor supporting his wife and kids. I could see a huge white house with a wrap around porch and a white picket-fence. The grass would be a vibrant green and there'd be several flowers blooming. I could see various toys scattered throughout the yard. And three little kids running around screaming playfully and laughing. I could see him driving up to the house and the kids running at him—a large smile gracing his face, brightening it. After greeting the kids, he would straighten up, giving his wife an adoring gaze before kissing her gently.

I shook my head. I wanted that. That had always been something I dreamed about—the house, the kids, the husband. Edward Cullen had never been a part of that equation. But after seeing this altered version, I knew that it was supposed to be him. I wanted it to be him.

There were a few problems with this thought. I knew he'd never want that—not with me. Why would he? He deserves much better than me and I would never deserve that dream or him. He deserves someone that could give him everything he needs. Someone that had a handle on their emotions. Someone who wasn't a total fuck up.

Someone not like me.

He'll go away for Med School and meet a nice girl, who can give him the world and more. He'll have kids who adore him and he'll be a great father. I will end up alone because no one will ever be able to handle everything I am. Anyone who does end up with me, will grow to resent me. I'll end up with kids of my own, but I will eventually ruin them somehow because of my fucked up ways. My own selfishness to have someone of my own will overrule everything and I'm already terrified of this.

"_Everyone here isn't good enough for him…_" Jessica's words from my first day circled throughout my mind. I still couldn't figure out why he had kissed me. I wasn't even his friend. We were maybe considered to be acquaintances. I would never be more than his sister's friend… his lab partner… the fuck up.

But then why would he go out of his way to make sure I was okay? Like Dr. Cullen had said, any signs of distress with me, he tries to right everything. Is it possible that he could like me? Even just a little bit?

I guess I'll just have to wait and see…

Charlie picked me up from the hospital a few hours later and I was grateful he didn't make too much fuss about me. Maybe Dr. Cullen said something to him. I got my prescription from the pharmacy and Charlie drove me home in his cruiser. For the first time, I didn't care that I was riding around in it. I was slightly shocked to see my truck sitting in its usual spot in front of the house. Charlie mentioned that Edward Cullen had driven it home for me. I blushed at Edward's consideration. My face grew a brighter red when I noticed Charlie looking at me weirdly.

"I called your mom, by the way. She'd like you to call her back," Charlie began, essentially preventing me from leaving the car.

"Why'd you call her?'

"You were in the hospital. For the third time in less than three months."

"Only because Edward overreacted," I replied.

"Yes, well… you were dehydrated."

"I'm fine, Charlie. You don't need to worry. Any you certainly don't need to involve Renee."

"She's your _mother_," Charlie said, disapprovingly. "You should give her a break."

"Why should I? Huh, Charlie? What good will it do?" I spouted off.

"She cares about you—"

"No. She doesn't. If she really cared about me, she wouldn't have sent me away like she did. She doesn't want me. She doesn't _love_ me."

"You don't honestly believe that, do you Bells?" he questioned softly.

I couldn't stop myself from cringing at the name.

"Yes. I _honestly_ believe that she doesn't want me. I'm done talking about her," I said, climbing out of the car. I leaned down to look at Charlie in his car, "And for future notice, I don't want to take any more phone calls from her. I'm going up to my room to sleep. Goodnight."

* * *

It was now Friday; three days since I had last been at school. I had spent the previous two days trying to sleep away the fatigue. Though I was still exhausted, I had been feeling much better with the medication Dr. Cullen had prescribed to me.

My truck loudly backfired as it came to a stop next to Edward's mom car. Though I was not a fan of his car, I was still slightly jealous because my truck was definitely a clunker and I wasn't sure how much longer it was going to last.

I sighed, letting my eyes fall shut, willing for the first time that I didn't own my truck. I couldn't be sure that the piece of crap would be able to make the trip to Port Angeles, nevermind a roundtrip. I'd been looking for a certain book and after scrounging for it in the only bookstore in Forks with no luck, I was told the closest location that held the book was in Port Angeles.

I climbed out with my backpack already on and locked the truck. I walked around the back, glad that people no longer stared when my truck backfired. When my group of friends came into view, I couldn't help but smile brightly at them. I was greeted warmly by everyone. Maybe not Alice so much.

"Alice? Will you come to the bathroom with me?" I asked, looking at her expectantly.

"Um… sure," she stalled. "Rose? You wanna come with us?"

"Actually," I interrupted before Rosalie could respond. "I wanted to talk to you privately, Alice. Sorry Rose."

"Its okay," Rosalie responded, leaning back into Emmett's chest.

"Okay," Alice said, reluctantly.

She grabbed her things off the ground and began walking away, taking the lead. I followed her silently until I was sure we were far enough away from the group.

"What's going on Alice? Why are you acting so weirdly?"

"I don't know what you're talking about Isabella. I'm not acting weirdly. Why don't you tell me what's going on?"

"Yes, you are," I grabbed her arm, forcing her to look at me. "For the past week, you've been avoiding me. You won't talk to me or even look in my direction."

"Oh, honestly Isabella. You're just imagining things."

"No, I'm not," I said, getting frustrated because I knew I was right.

"Isabella, really. There's nothing wrong. If that's all, I'm going back to our friends," she replied, turning away from me.

"Stop with the bullshit," I jumped in front of her, essentially blocking her away. "If you don't tell me right now, I'll just keep bugging you until you do."

She bit her lip, considering how serious I was.

"Fine," she whispered. "I saw them."

"Them? You saw who? What were they doing and what does it have to do with me?"

"No. Isabella. I saw _them_. I never thought you were that type of person…"

I was confused.

"You never though I was what type of person?" I asked slowly.

Alice stayed quiet, letting me have time to slowly piece the information together.

"Oh!" I exclaimed suddenly. "Oh… Alice…"

"Why Isabella? Why would you do that to yourself?"

"You don't understand—"

"You're damn right I don't understand. I cannot for the life of me figure out what would possess you to hurt yourself like that," she shrieked at me.

I looked around in a panic, hoping that nobody heard her. I grabbed her by the arm again and dragged her until we reached the edge of the forest. I dropped her arm and began pacing. How was I supposed to talk to her about this, when I've never had to do this with anyone ever?

"When did you find out?" I questioned, looking at my feet. I couldn't stand to look at her face.

"When I was helping you change into dry clothes. After the party."

Of course. That made total sense.

"Those were from a long time ago."

"No they weren't. I'm not stupid Isabella. They may not have been fresh, but I know they weren't from too long before the party."

"You're right," I sighed, dropping my head. "I don't know what you want me to tell you Alice."

"Why don't you tell me the truth, to start with," she said, crossing her arms over her chest.

I nodded, drawing in a deep breath. I hesitated as I began pacing again. I could do this. I could tell her.

Couldn't I?

"Alice, I…" I began.

I looked to her and couldn't see a way to persuade her to just leave this alone. This was my problem and my problem alone.

"I don't do that very often. That wasn't actually something I had even planned to do. I just came across the blade and I—" I stopped, seeing her grimace. "Look. I know you're worried, but honestly, you don't have to. I'm not going to do it again."

"Why did you do it in the first place?"

"I don't know. I needed to feel some kind of release. I was so stressed out, so overwhelmed. I just… I don't know. I'm sorry."

"What had you stressed out? That you couldn't even talk to me?"

"My mother… everything… I don't know," I sighed again, throwing my hands up to cover my face.

"Oh, Isabella," Alice breathed out quietly.

I felt her petite frame come up to me and wrap me up in her arms.

"Everything is going to be okay. You don't have to hurt yourself because you miss you mother. I know she's gone, but you can't let her memory haunt you. If you need to talk about anything, anything at all, I'm always here for you. I can't imagine losing someone I care about. If you want, I can talk to my dad and see if he knows someone you can talk to."

I shook my head. I didn't need to talk to a shrink. I didn't need them analyzing me. I didn't need them telling me shit I already knew.

"You really should consider it. Seeing a counselor or a psychologist doesn't mean you're crazy or anything. They just help you sort through problems and they listen."

"Thanks Alice. But honestly I'm okay."

"Okay… We should probably head to class now, otherwise we'll be late."

"Yeah, sure," I replied, turning to head to class.

"You'll talk to me, won't you? If something's bothering you…"

I smiled sadly, nodding my head in response. I was afraid that if I opened my mouth, I would lie to her.

It didn't take long for things between Alice and I to get back to how they were. And I was glad that we had sorted things out. It was lunch now and we stood in line for food. We couldn't help but make ridiculous jokes that had no point to them so we could make the other one laugh. Just before we were going to pay, Alice pointed out that Edward was staring at me.

"I'm positive. He likes you, I swear."

"Alice," I whined. "He doesn't. Why can't you just drop it?"

"Because I know you're crushing on him. Come on. I'm telling you, he does like you."

I followed her to the table and sat in my usual seat next to Edward. Though this was normal, I felt awkward and unsure. I tried to eat my food, but Edward's unwavering stare was making me feel uncomfortable. I cleared my throat and gave him a pointed look. He finally tore his eyes away from me, looking thoroughly embarrassed.

"Do you guys know of any book stores that are closer than in Port Angeles?"

"Uh... yeah," Emmett replied. "There's one like three minutes from here."

I rolled my eyes, "Other than in Forks."

"Oh. Nevermind then," he grinned.

I smiled, shaking my head.

"Why do you need to go to a book store in Port Angeles?" Edward asked, playing with his food.

"For a book…?" I raised my eyebrows.

"You couldn't find it here?"

"Obviously," I laughed.

"Why don't you want to go to Port Angeles?" Alice questioned.

"I don't think my truck will even make it there. I was hoping there would be something closer. The last thing I'd need is to get stranded somewhere between here and there."

"Well, I'm busy tomorrow," Alice said. "But if you want, I can drive you there after that."

"Are you sure?" I asked hopefully. "I'll pay you for gas."

She waved me off, stating that she need to go to the mall anyway.

"Thanks so much, Alice," I said, throwing my arms around her to give her a hug.

The bell rang, signaling the end of lunch. Everyone gathered their things and dumped their trays. Our group separated at the door, Edward and I walked to biology together. We stayed quiet, walking side by side slowly through the crowded hall.

I stole a glance at him just as we stopped in front of the classroom, only to find him staring at me again. I watched him nibble on his own lips and wished that it was my lips he was doing that too. I ran my tongue along my own lips and took a deep breath.

The bell rang and suddenly the hall was scarce of other students, leaving just Edward and I. Neither of us made a move, just staring intently at each other. It felt like time had stopped, leaving the world around us frozen.

He stepped closer to me with only a few inches separating us. He didn't touch me, just continued to stare down at me. My heart took off, like it was running a race and suddenly I was left breathless.

His warm breath on my face smelled so sweet—I wanted to close my eyes and bask in it, but I didn't dare glance away from him.

He smirked as his hands raised to my face. Hesitantly, he reached those last few centimeters until we were connected. Even with the littlest contact, I could feel the electricity flow through me again, just as strongly as it had a few days ago. His smirk grew as my eyes fluttered shut. I could feel him move my hair out of my face, gently tucking it behind my ear. The other hand slowly moved down my neck, stopping at the sensitive spot on my collarbone.

I dropped my bag, taking the small step forward to press whatever part of my body I could to his. I needed as much contact as I could get. My hands landed lightly on his chest, gripping his shirt tightly in my fists for only a second before I released it. I wound my arms around his neck, pulling him closer to me.

I didn't care if he didn't want this—want me—or not. I would be getting what I wanted from him, one way or another. Luckily for me, it seemed he wanted me just as much as I wanted him.

I pushed up on my tip toes to meet him halfway. His lips touched mine and I gasped in shock at the softness of them. He gently worked his lips over mine, seeming content to just kiss me. He drew his hand from my collarbone down to my chest. I pushed forward, arching into his touch. His other hand, the one that had moved my hair, gripped my hip.

Having him touching me like this made me wet. I wanted more, I needed more. So I pushed him further.

I ran my tongue along his bottom lip until he granted me access. Without warning, he was kissing me back deeply. So deeply, I was overwhelmed by the passion his kiss held. So I met him with just as much enthusiasm. I pushed him backward until he hit the wall.

When I used the last of my breath, I pulled away reluctantly, gasping for much needed air. Still tangled in each others arms, he leaned down and kissed my neck. I moaned his name several times, telling him not to stop, as he kissed his way around my neck. I just about came undone when he kissed my exposed collarbone. I couldn't help but to shudder at this contact.

"Cold?" He asked with the smirk still upon his face.

"Hardly," I breathed, still shuddering.

He laughed, turning us until I was pushed up against the lockers. My hands found his hair and I tugged on it. He shoved his hips into mine and we both groaned. I needed him. Badly. But I wanted to explore a little more.

I didn't waste time as I slid my hands back down his chest, along his toned stomach until I reached the button of his pants. I broke away from his gaze only long enough to watch my hand undo his pants and lower them until he was bare and exposed. Not that surprised, I couldn't help my reaction of widening my eyes at his size. His wasn't the biggest I'd ever had, but it was right up there.

I locked eyes with him again, watching his expression as I suddenly took him as deep as I could handle into my mouth. I gripped the base, working him until he grabbed my hair, forcing me to stop.

"I'm going to shoot my load, if you're not careful," he moaned, his eyes squeezed shut tightly.

Once he seemed to have control over himself, he opened his eyes and pulled me back up. I began unbuttoning his navy blue shirt wanting to admire every bit of him.

"Ah, ah, ah," he said, pulling away from me slightly. "Now, I don't think it's fair that I'm the only one losing their clothes. It's your turn."

I didn't argue with him. I had gotten a glimpse of what I wanted to see. I grabbed the bottom of my shirt and quickly pulled it over my head, tossing it to the side. I started to unhook my bra, but once again he stopped me.

"Leave it on. I like the contrast of your pale skin to the black of your bra," he said.

I rolled my eyes. It didn't really matter to me either way. As long as he was inside me, I was good.

He pushed my hands away, apparently wanting to undress me himself. He reached under my short jean skirt, pulling my thong down. Helping me step out of it, he straightened back up, holding it in one hand.

He grinned at it and looked at me, "I'm keeping these. They're mine now."

"Hey! That's my favorite one!" I exclaimed, but didn't move to grab them.

"Too bad," he grinned. "Are you flexible, Isabella?"

I nodded and suddenly, he had one of my legs thrown up against his chest, with it barely reaching his shoulder. I had to hold on to his arms to keep myself balanced. The tip of his cock was grazing my wet center. I looked into his eyes, silently pleading with him to hurry up. I was drowning with want, practically suffocating…

What was he waiting for?

Suddenly, I was pushed backward, no longer connected with Edward. I opened my eyes to see Edward fully clothed, standing in front of me. I had been standing there, caught up in my own fantasy. I hadn't even been able to fully enjoy it, because stupid Mike Newton ran into me.

"Sorry, Isabella. Are you okay?" he asked, turning back to face me.

I glowered at him, thoroughly pissed off, "Peachy."

He nodded, leaving Edward and I alone. I turned back to look at Edward. I watched him clear his throat and open his mouth. Before he could say anything, the final bell rang. A disgruntled look formed on his face as we rushed inside.

I couldn't help but wonder what was wrong with him and what he was going to say to me. I ripped a piece of paper out of my notebook jotting something down before passing it to him.

_What's wrong?_

He shook his head. He paused, before pulling the paper in front of him. He quickly wrote back a reply.

Nothing. I'm fine.

_Don't lie to me, Edward. I know something is up._

Nothing is up, Isabella. Just leave it.

_Okay._ _Smile for me, Edward._

He shook his head again.

_Fine. Here goes. You asked for it._ _Are you from Tennessee? Because you're the only ten I see._

Haha. Real funny. sarcastic.

_Bond. James Bond._

So original.

_Humph. What's your sign, babe?_

I have two.

I couldn't help it—I laughed a little too loudly. I had not been expecting him to say that. I looked over at him to find him grinning. I was about to write another cheesy pickup line, when Mr. Banner stood over our lab table, clearing his throat.

"Ms. Swan. Mr. Cullen. Do you two have something you'd like to share with the rest of the class?"

I blushed, dropping down lower into my seat. I shook my head.

"No, sir. It won't happen again."

Mr. Banner seemed satisfied with Edward's response as he nodded and walked back to the front of the classroom. Jeez, now adrenaline was coursing through my body and I was going to end up feeling all jittery.

The bell rang and I jumped up. I ran outside the classroom and waited for Edward. He appeared a minute later, grinning at me. I laughed and we walked in silence once again to our next class.

"So… I was actually planning on going to Port Angeles tomorrow and I know you said you'd go with Alice, but I was wondering if you wanted to go with me tomorrow."

My brow furrowed. Really?

"Like I date?" I questioned.

"Uh… yeah, I guess. Like a date," he smiled lightly, running a hand through his hair.

God how I wanted to do that.

"Sure. That sounds great," I smiled.

He nodded, "Okay. Cool. Well, I'll see you after gym."

"Yup," I said, before we turned and walked our separate ways.

_Never in my life, have I thought I'd ever walk into gym class smiling…_

* * *

**A/N: **So here's the next chapter. Hope you enjoyed it—I know I did. I'm extremely excited for the next chapter, which I'm going to assume you can figure out what it will be about. I feel sort of bad about Bella's daydream, but Mike really wanted to be remembered. Just a note, I know that the many trips Isabella takes to the ER seems excessive, but I promise she won't be so accident prone for quite a few chapters.

Anyway, major thanks to my beta, **Violette de Musique**. Please go read her stories and harass her until she updates. I know that will most definitely get her butt in gear. I'm so thankful for everything she does in such a short time. Thanks also goes to everyone to reviews, alerts, and adds this story to their favorites. Don't forget to drop a little review to let me know you're here or what you think about the story—I really appreciate it.

XOXO  
Jenn


	11. A Better Day

**This story is rated MA.**

**The original characters and plot of Twilight are the property of Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended with this story. After the story is completed, all Twilight references and character names will be changed and copyrighted. Copyright 2010 by Jenndur. This story may not be duplicated, copied, printed or otherwise reproduced in any way, nor can it be reposted on any other website without the expressed written authorization of the author.**

**This story may contain adult subject matter, strong language, controversial topics, drug and underage alcohol use, mentions of rape, consensual sexual content, and self-injury. You have been warned.**

**Summary:** Isabella is a troubled teen with self-destructive behaviors sent to live with her father in Forks, WA. Will Edward be the one to help her, save her from this downward spiral? Or will his actions push her closer to the edge? AH/OOC, B/E.

**Recommended songs: Dashboard Confessional- "As lovers go"; The Cab- "Risky Business"; Emilana Torrini- "Big Jumps"**

**Some 90s Music for your enjoyment: Right Said Fred- "I'm Too Sexy"; The Offspring- "(Pretty Fly) for a White Guy"; The Cardigans- "Lovefool"; Crazytown- "Butterfly"; Sisqo- "The Thong Song"; OMC- "How Bizarre"; The Vengaboys- "Boom Boom Boom Boom"; Bloodhound Gang- "The Bad Touch"; Ace of Base- "The Sign"; Afroman- "Because I Got High"; MC Hammer- "U Can't Touch This"; Chumbawamba- "Tubthumping"**

* * *

**Chapter 10**

"_Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, "Where have I gone wrong?" Then a voice says to me, "This is going to take more than one night."" - Charles M. Schulz, Charlie Brown in Peanuts_

* * *

_Why the fuck am I awake at five in the morning on a Saturday? Oh, right. I have a date. With Edward Cullen. In five hours. Shit._

I couldn't stop replaying the previous day in my head when we had met after gym class by his car. With our friends and other students staring, I watched him awkwardly rub his neck and shuffle his feet as we arranged when and where to meet for our date. I'd never pictured Edward as the type to be shy and bashful. Instead, it had seemed he'd be the type to always be completely debonair. Either that or a cocky bastard. I have to admit, I was pleasantly surprised at what I'd found.

I clenched my eyes shut tightly, willing myself to sleep once more. Unfortunately, all I did was toss and turn for a few minutes, trying to find the comfortable position I had been in when I woke up. I huffed loudly, defeat laced through my breath. Sleep had evaded me—there was no hope for me now. So instead of laying in bed, I decided I'd rather do something productive.

I cringed at the sharp sting of the cold wooden floor. I couldn't believe I had forgotten to put socks on the night before, especially since it had become a routine. It had seemed unusually chilly this morning until I remembered that the heater would start up automatically an hour from now.

Striding over to my closet, I threw on one of Charlie's sweatshirts I had stolen a few weeks ago. It had become my favorite item around here, even though I completely drowned in it. I pushed the huge sleeves up to rest at my elbows as I bounced down the stairs to the thermostat.

I shivered just as the heater kicked on, slowly bringing heat into the room. As I wondered where I wanted to start first, I stood completely still and stared into the dark shadows of my house.

I had always been the type of person to let the house get messy before I would clean it. And from what I could see of the house, it had gotten pretty bad. I'm surprised Charlie hadn't said something about it yet. But I suppose that he didn't really mind the mess either and that's where I took after him. When I began to clean, I _really_ cleaned—it was an all-or-nothing type of thing.

I moved quickly and quietly, first gathering the laundry then the dirty dishes that were dispersed throughout the house. I started the laundry and walked back into the kitchen, groaning with the knowledge that I would have to wash the dishes by hand. I stared at the broken dishwasher with disdain.

I still remember that day—it had been two days into my stay and I was loading the dishwasher. I had turned to grab the detergent when my bare foot came into contact with a puddle of water that I had forgotten to clean from earlier. I ended up slipping and landing right onto the open door. Luckily, I had already pushed the rack of dishes back in so I didn't get hurt too badly. Charlie had come rushing in after I had cried out in pain.

I can't believe that even after eight years, Charlie still hadn't replaced it or tried to have it fixed. But that was typical Charlie. Ever since Renee had left with me all those years ago, things with Charlie just began to deteriorate; like my relationship with Charlie and the house in general. Everything was falling apart, one right after the other. It was depressing that he wouldn't fix anything and had seemingly given up hope.

I finished up the dishes and cleaned the whole kitchen. I wanted to do a deep cleaning, but I had a feeling that I wouldn't be able to get anything else done before I had to leave so I would just do that tomorrow along with the bathroom. The living room was by far the messiest with all of Charlie's crap scattered around. There were so many fucking empty beer cans, I was almost able to fill up a whole trash bag. This was just disgusting. I walked back upstairs and passed Charlie's room with no intention of going in. He'd have to clean that all by himself.

My room was immaculate when I walked out of it. I suppose I was making sure that everything was in place because if there happened to be any chance of Edward walking in, I didn't want him to see what a mess I was—both internally and externally.

With nothing left to clean, I switched the laundry. I was in such a good mood, I even decided to make breakfast for Charlie. I made scrambled eggs, toast, bacon and sausage. I hated the smell but I knew it was something he liked. And I still hadn't told him about my date with Edward.

I was nearly finished when I heard Charlie rustling around upstairs. He came down a few minutes later, decked out in his fishing gear.

"Smells good," Charlie said gruffly, setting down his fishing pole and readjusting his vest.

I stared at him for a second as he plopped down in front of the full plate I had set on the table. I shook my head as I grabbed the carton of orange juice. Once I had finished pouring one glass, I made to grab another but stopped when I heard Charlie clear his throat. I turned to see him shake his head with his mouth already stuffed full. Venturing a guess, I replaced the glass and poured him a mug of coffee. I grabbed both our drinks, setting his down alongside his plate, before I sat down in my own chair. I ran my fingers around the rim of my glass as I waited for Charlie to talk.

"You're not eating?" he asked, shifting in his seat.

"No, Dad. I don't eat in the morning. Remember?" I replied, rolling my eyes.

"Oh… right," he said, before shoving another forkful into his mouth.

I remained at the table, even as an awkward silence filled the room. I wanted desperately to get up from the table, but for some reason I remained glued to my chair.

"So, um…" I trailed off, not sure what I was going to say.

Charlie set his silverware back on the table as he finished chewing. He swallowed and cleared his throat once more before he sat back in his chair. He watched me with narrowed eyes, making me feel uncomfortable.

"Noticed you cleaned," he finally said.

"Yeah, well. It was getting really messy in here," I shrugged.

"Did you want something?"

"Huh? What are you talking about?" I questioned in confusion.

"You're after something—you wouldn't have done so otherwise. So… what is it that you want?"

"Nothing. Jeez, dad. I woke up early this morning and was bored."

"Okay," he replied, looking unsure.

"So you're going fishing today? Who're you going with?"

He nodded while responding, "Billy. He says he found a great spot."

"Awesome," I said before taking a sip of my juice.

"So what are your plans for today?"

"I'm going to leave at ten to go to Port Angeles."

"Okay. You do know its almost ten though, right?" Charlie replied.

"What?" I jumped out of my chair, knocking it backward. "I have to get in the shower now."

"Relax. It really doesn't matter what time you leave," Charlie called after me.

I didn't respond as I took the stairs two by two. I locked the door, stripping down as I turned the water on. I couldn't believe I hadn't been paying attention to the time. I could only hope that Edward would be late.

I was out of the shower in record time and I nearly slipped while climbing out. I had to grab onto the towel rack and thankfully it didn't break under my weight—not that I was heavy, but because it was so flimsy looking. With my towel wrapped around me and my toothbrush hanging loosely in my mouth, I flung the door open and rushed into my room. I searched through my closest, randomly pulling different options out as I brushed my teeth. I looked at the time and it was only making me feel horrible. I didn't want him to have to deal with Charlie so I quickly grabbed my dark skinny jeans, a dark blue spaghetti strap top, a cream colored cardigan, and a cute pair of sandals.

After I was dressed, I winced as I brushed my tangled hair. I swore after every time I had to brush my hair, I would just have it cut. I hated doing it with a passion. But then I would remember, I hated having my hair short. I didn't have much time, so I quickly put eyeliner and mascara on and a little bit of lip gloss.

Fuck! I was running so far behind and I didn't even have an excuse with how much time I had.

I looked out the window to see Edward's mom car sitting behind Charlie's cruiser. Double fuck.

I practically sprinted down the stairs and that's where I made a big mistake. I knew with my lack of balance, I should have taken the stairs slowly. I had almost made it all the way down and I got cocky. Two steps from the bottom, my foot caught on the carpet and my body hurtled forward. I cried out, trying to catch myself. My head hit the corner of a cabinet by the front door.

As I lay on the floor, rubbing the spot my head hit, I heard two sets of feet running out of the kitchen toward me. I groaned and began to laugh lightly at myself. It was just my luck that I couldn't make it through one day without being clumsy. I felt two arms lifting me up from under my arms. I looked up to see Edward looking down at me concerned. I shook my head, silently asking him not to comment on it. He sighed, letting go of me as I straightened up. I looked up to see Charlie staring at me with a raised eyebrow. This whole time I had been living with him, he had not actually seen me injure myself and I could tell he was surprised.

"I'm fine," I said out loud in an attempt to deter their concern.

Still, they looked at me doubtfully. Having enough of their staring, I huffed and pushed my way in between them until I reached the front door. I bent down, grabbing my messenger bag. I opened it to pull out my sunglasses and keys.

"You ready?" I asked Edward as I stood back up.

"Uh…" he replied, shaking his head. "Yeah. Let's go."

I nodded and opened the door. Remembering Charlie I called over my shoulder, "I'll be back later, Dad."

"Not too late, Isabella," he said.

Edward responded for me, "I'll have her home before dark, sir. Don't worry."

I giggled at Edward and rolled my eyes as he opened the door. I think someone's nose was getting a little brown. He was definitely putting on a show for Charlie. I could hear Charlie tell Edward to keep it slow before Edward climbed in the car.

Once we were settled, Edward started the car and put it into gear.

"Sorry about my dad," I apologized.

"Its cool."

"You weren't waiting too long, were you?" I asked hesitantly.

"Nope," he replied, but I could tell he was fibbing.

"What did you guys talk about?"

"Nothing much. He was just being a typical dad," Edward laughed.

"Oh God," I moaned, slouching in my seat.

"Don't worry. Really, he wasn't that bad. I've met worse."

This fact alone didn't make me feel better. It only added to the horrible feeling I had earlier. If only I had been watching the clock, I could have prevented their unsupervised conversation.

"So," he began lightly. "Is this something I'm going to have to worry about everyday?"

"What? My dad?"

"No. You being so accident prone," he grinned.

"Oh. I don't know. I guess…" I replied, feeling an awkward tension fill the car.

"Here," he shoved his iPhone at me. "Find some music."

"Okay," I replied.

I fiddled around with it, going through the songs, laughing when I realized he had _very_ diverse music.

"Dang Edward," I looked to him, laughing.

"Hey now," he started. "Some of that Alice put on there."

It was funny watching him get flustered and defensive over his music, but I actually liked most of it. There was everything from rock to blues, classical to country, and pop to rap. But I have to say, I did not see him being a total fan of music from the 90s.

"Oh, Edward," I mock-groaned. "_Offspring's 'Pretty Fly for a White Guy'_?"

"That was all Emmett."

"Sure it was," I laughed.

"It was. Honestly."

"Its okay to admit you like that song. I promise I won't tell anyone."

"But I didn't do it."

"Its okay Edward. I actually like most of your music."

"You do?" he asked with an unsure tone.

"Yeah," I said, clicking on OMC's _"How Bizarre."_

I began singing along with the music, and shortly after Edward sang with me. Fuck me. I nearly creamed my panties when his velvety voice rang out. I could seriously listen to him forever and never grow tired of his voice. He could even sing a song I hate and make me love it. How did he manage to do that? He was totally dazzling me with his sexy voice. I could feel myself getting progressively more wet with each song that passed.

"I love Muse," I murmured.

"Me too."

"You know, its funny that I knew almost all their music years before I knew their band name."

Edward looked over at me funnily and I blushed.

I scrolled through his music again, quickly finding a song to take the attention of me. I selected a song from the Beatles.

"So what are we going to do in Port Angeles?" I asked, turning the volume down to just above background noise level.

"Its a surprise," he smiled mysteriously.

"I hate surprises," I mumbled.

As soon as his smile dropped, I felt bad and tried to fix it.

"I'm sorry, Edward. I didn't mean for it to come out like that. I just don't like surprises. They aren't usually pleasant for me."

He didn't say anything, instead choosing to look straight ahead at the road. I sighed loudly, looking out my window and watching the trees blur by. We hadn't even made it to Port Angeles and I'd already screwed up. Jeez, what the hell was wrong with me? Where the hell was my filter? Was I born without one? It seemed like this was inevitable. I just didn't know how to get along with people without saying something to ruin everything.

I didn't dare mention to Edward that I was falling into a depressed mood and that I didn't want to listen to the music anymore. I was afraid that if I did, I'd only upset him further. So here I was wishing desperately for the music to suddenly disappear and wondering why Edward hadn't turned around a long time ago.

The car stopped suddenly, pulling me from the thoughts. I looked around in surprise because it didn't even feel like we'd been in the car for an hour. I slowly inched my gaze over to Edward. His seatbelt was still fastened and his eyes were locked forward. Neither of us moved nor did we say anything. I wasn't sure what to do to make things right again between us, but I knew I wouldn't be the first get out.

After what seemed like forever Edward sighed and removed his seatbelt. Once he noticed I still hadn't moved, he heaved another sigh and bent down to my level.

"You coming?"

"Uh. Yeah," I nodded my head, my hands quickly going to work on the seatbelt buckle.

I couldn't get myself free by the time he began to open my door. I tugged and tugged at the belt and I began panicking when it wouldn't even loosen. I looked over at Edward and stopped immediately when I saw his grinning face.

"Problem?" he questioned, quirking his eyebrow.

"Uh, no I've got it," I replied, trying to slyly pull the seatbelt free.

My face burned with redness as I felt Edward's eyes on me. I didn't want to admit that I needed help, but after a few minutes of fruitless efforts I turned towards him. I wouldn't look him in the eyes and see my humiliation of being unable to extricate myself from his car reflected there.

"Want some help?" I didn't have to look directly at him to hear the smile in his voice.

I nodded, not trusting mine. My breath caught in my throat when he leaned into the car, pausing over me. My eyes flickered up to his eyes and then down to his lips. He subconsciously licked his lips and my breath hitched. He reached his hand down to the buckle.

"You have to," he began, quickly wetting his lower lip again. "Push it in like this." Not taking my eyes away from his, I nodded again. With each word, his breath fanned over my face and I took in all its sweetness. "Then you pull it."

And with that I was freed from the car.

"Thanks," I said quietly, feeling awkward.

He backed away slowly, bobbing his head in response. He straightened up as I rushed out of the mom car.

"So. What now?" I asked.

"This way," he pointed out.

I followed in step with him before asking, "Did you foresee that being a problem?"

"No," he replied, looking down at his feet while the corners of his lips threatened to expose his guilty smile. He looked over at me and upon seeing my doubtful look he admitted, "Okay, so I did."

"I knew it," I laughed and shook my head.

I jumped toward him and playfully swatted his arm. He grinned, quickly grabbing my hand before it was out of his reach. At once, my laughter stopped and I was left staring at our now interlocked hands. He turned, tugging me along behind him. Another awkward silence fell over us—well it was for me at least. For him, it could have been a comfortable silence.

"So are you ever going to fill me in on what we're doing?" I asked, as he stopped us.

"If you'd be a little more patient, you'd know that I was about to tell you that we're here," he grinned.

"Here?" I looked around to find we were standing outside a bookstore.

"Yeah. I thought we could get your book first before we did the fun stuff."

I figured Edward could be a really decent guy, but I don't think it ever actually hit me until now. He was really thoughtful to remember that I needed to get a book. I, on the other hand, had totally forgotten about why I had originally needed to come to Port Angeles.

"Come on," he said, pulling me once again.

The bell above the door rang out loudly, signaling that customers were entering. The size of the store was decent enough for how old it was. There were rows upon rows of ceiling to floor shelves, filled to the brim. The girl sitting behind the counter was talking incessantly on her cell phone while twirling her hair. She barely acknowledged us, only bothering to glance in our direction and blow a bubble of gum until it popped. I watched her thumb her way through the magazine in front of her. Edward began walking in her direction with me in tow, seeing as how he had failed to let go of my hand still.

"Excuse me. Can you help us?" Edward asked politely.

I stared at him, not used to hearing him talk this way. The counter girl looked up with an annoyed expression until she looked at him. I watched her face shift from stink eye to one of eagerness to please. She pushed her chest forward, shoulders back and a huge smile graced her face.

"Sure. What can I do for you?" she smiled.

I felt jealousy and possessiveness flood through me, even though Edward wasn't my boyfriend. My hand tightened in his as I restrained myself from saying anything inappropriate.

"We were looking for a book," Edward said, squeezing my hand and smiled lightly at the girl before turning to me. "What was the name of it, Isabella?"

"Uh," I said, staring at him blankly for a second before spouting of the name of the book and the author.

The stink eye was back. She turned to the computer and quickly typed in the information I gave her. She grabbed a piece of scratch paper, scrawling on it before sliding it over the counter towards us. Edward picked it up and nodded while thanking her. I didn't say anything as he dragged me to the back of the store. Edward squatted down to the lower shelves, his fingers running over the spines of the books until he found my book. Of course I stood there, wishing it was my spine he was running his fingers down.

As he stood up and flipped the book open, I watched the muscles in his arms move. _Fuck me_. I was fucking in love with his arms. I just wanted to be wrapped up in them as tight as possible. And I bet they were warm.

He looked up at me, flashing my special crooked grin, "Why do you need this book?"

"Extra credit for one of my classes," I said absent-mindedly.

He pursed his lips in response, cocking his head to the side as his eyes crinkled at the corners. He took a step closer to me and I backed away. He continued until I was backed into the bookshelf. Without saying a word, his lips immediately sought my lips. We kissed for a minute before his lips found their way to my neck.

"Edward," I moaned lightly. "Mmmh… we can't do this right now."

"Why not?" he questioned breathlessly, continuing to assault my neck.

God, I hoped he wouldn't leave any hickies. How the fuck would I explain that my not-boyfriend was sucking on my neck until it bruised?

"There's people here. They'll hear us."

"Only the girl working here. And I can be quiet… can you?" he grinned deviously.

I had no strength in me to say no—I couldn't resist his offer. When I said nothing, he reached one hand under the hem of my shirt to access my chest while the other immediately went into my panties—he didn't even bother to undo the button to my jeans. I groaned as he slipped a finger inside me.

"God, you are so fucking wet," he said huskily.

I couldn't say anything, even if my life depended on it. Not with him touching me this way. My mouth moved wordlessly, trying desperately to get something out. I needed him badly. With the way I needed him to fill the void, you'd think I hadn't had sex in forever.

I somehow managed to get out a noise that sounded a lot like, "Please."

"What do you want Isabella?"

I shoved my hips toward him, receiving much needed friction from his fingers. I let out a guttural noise.

"You. Now," I panted.

Before I knew it was happening, he had both our pants on the floor and me pinned up against the shelf. He entered me quickly and we both gasped simultaneously. Not even pausing to allow me to adjust, he started thrusting fast and hard.

I was almost at my breaking point when I began pleading with Edward to get me there.

"Edward. Please. I'm so close. Just a little further," I begged.

"Where'd you go space cadet?" he questioned, his voice sounding far away.

"Huh?" I asked in response. "What'd you say?"

"Hello? Anyone home?" His voice sounded closer.

I snapped my eyes shut and shook my head. Opening them again, I saw Edward holding the opened book, both of us fully clothed and standing at least a foot away from each other.

I sighed, feeling frustrated. I couldn't believe that wasn't real. It felt so real. When I looked him in the eyes, I saw he was staring at me expectantly.

"What did you say?"

"Wow. You were really out of it, weren't you?" he laughed.

"I guess so," I replied.

"So this is the book?"

"Yup."

"Okay. Let's go pay for it," he said, leading us to the front of the store.

I blushed violently when I saw the counter girl watching us. I looked away and to distract myself I withdrew my money from my pocket.

"I've got it," Edward offered.

"That's okay. Thanks though."

"No, really. I want to get it."

"Edward," I growled. "Stop. Buying me this book isn't part of our date. If you buy it, I'll just find someway to give you back the money."

"No you won't. I wouldn't take it," he said, stubbornly.

"I never said I'd give it to you directly. Maybe I'll just hide it somewhere that I know you'll eventually find it."

"Fine," he conceded.

_Ah. Victory._

After we exited the bookstore, he held my hand and we strolled leisurely down the sidewalk. Light conversation filled the air, taking over any awkward tension that had been present. The fact that I didn't know where we were going still bothered me, but I tried not to think about it. Instead I focused on him, admiring while trying to pay attention to the things he was saying.

"You're really out of it today," his lips curved up at the corner of one side.

I blushed, knowing this was true. I couldn't help that his body distracted me.

"Sorry. I'm just a little tired. I didn't sleep much last night," I replied.

"I hope you're not too tired," he said, holding open a door. "Because we're here."

I walked into the building to find a bowling alley.

"Glow bowling?"

"Yeah," he said, hesitantly. "Is this okay?"

"Definitely," I nodded. "I love bowling, but I'm not very good at it."

"Maybe I'll just have to teach you a thing or two."

"Maybe," I smiled in return.

After we were settled at our lane with our shoes and bowling balls, Edward let me go first.

"How exactly are you going to show me how to improve if I go first?"

"I need to see your technique," he smiled.

"Sure. I bet you're just trying to get a head start to win," I said, grabbing my neon pink ball before I walked away from him. "You really don't need to because I highly doubt that I'll get anywhere close to your score, even with your help."

He laughed, shaking his head, "Seriously. I need to see you do it at least once, so I can see what you need help with."

I giggled while rolling my eyes. I turned away from him, drawing in a deep breath and slowly exhaling. I licked my lips before biting down on them. I let my arm fall, swinging back behind me. The weight of the ball forced my arm to swing forward until I let go. The ball hit the wooden floor with a loud _thunk_, before it rolled away toward the pins. About three fourths of the way, it rolled into the gutter and I groaned. When I turned back around I saw Edward watching me with a calculating look.

"I know, I know. I'm horrible. And now you probably regret offering to help me," I said, scuffing my foot on the floor.

"No I'm not. Try again," he urged.

"Fine, but its going to be exactly the same."

I'm not quite sure why I felt more nervous this time because he'd already seen me do it once. And I was sure I couldn't make a bigger fool of myself anymore than I already had. How very wrong I was…

I exhaled a shaky breath, letting my arm drop and fly back behind me. I didn't expect my fingers to disconnect from the ball. At once, I flipped around and didn't see the destruction my mind had quickly produced. Edward was fine, everything was fine. I let myself breath again, my head falling into my hands as I moaned in embarrassment.

"I'm so sorry Edward. I told you I'm not any good."

"Stop. You're fine. Just relax," he said, bringing the ball back to me. "Now try again, but make sure you let go at the right time."

This time I didn't swing back very far, so it was much harder throw the ball. It took much longer as it slowly rolled down the lane. It made it all the way to the pins and I was excited when it knocked one down. What can I say—I don't get to the pins most of the time so when I do, it's a big deal.

"YES," I jumped around, throwing my fisted hands above me.

I stopped immediately when I realized I was in a public place and people were staring. I looked down at my feet and turned into Edward's unexpected—but not unwanted—embrace.

I was right. His arms were fantastic and his smell was intoxicating. We stood, him holding me while I discretely sniffed him until I needed to break the embrace. I could only stay like that for so long with how claustrophobic I am.

"Okay," I heaved a sigh. "You're turn. So me your mad skills."

"My mad skills. _Right_…" he snickered.

It was not fair how he threw the ball for the first time in the game and immediately got a strike. Really… he was in a completely different league than me. He put me to shame as I watched on in awe, jaw unhinged open.

"Did you see how I did that?" he asked, turning back to me.

I shook my head, smiling sheepishly. That was done too quickly for anyone to have really examined what I'm sure were perfected movements.

"Here. Grab your ball and come over here. It's your turn anyway."

I did as he said, slowly walking over to him. I looked around, not really seeing anything, as he positioned me until he deemed I was standing correctly. Staying as still as possible until he gave me another order, I watched him until he moved behind me and out of my view. My eyes closed and my other senses grew—I was fully aware of him behind me and I wished we had more physical contact. I leaned into his touch slightly.

"Now, I want you to swing your arm back," he said, running his hand from my shoulder to my wrist. He held onto my wrist, guiding me back. "And then swing it forward." Again he helped guide my hand forward and as I let go of the ball, he simultaneously squeezed my wrist lightly.

I watched the ball spin down the straightaway, colliding with the pins. About half of them dropped and I squealed with delight.

The rest of the game, Edward would get strike after strike. At my turns, he would give me some advice, adjust me, or just watch me. We only played that one game before I gave up.

"I don't know if I'll be able to take any more hits to my self confidence if we play another round," I said, unlacing my borrowed shoes.

"That's okay. I'm not sure I'd be able to watch you do that all over again," he joked.

I playfully swatted his arm and received a "Hey!" I rolled my eyes when he apologized and said he was only kidding.

After we returned the shoes and paid, we headed back for the door. I was blinded from the natural light, though I had been expecting it. I blinked furiously, stepping back until Edward's chest stopped me. He pushed me forward, closing the door behind us.

"Want to get something to eat now?"

"Yes," I replied. "I'm starving."

I grabbed his hand and he smiled my special crooked grin at me. We walked side by side until we reached a restaurant called _La Bella Italia_. Again I was faced with another girl attempting to throw herself at Edward. Thankfully, he had the smarts to barely acknowledge her.

Seriously, was it so hard for people to believe that he was on a date with me?

We decided to share an Italian Sausage Pizza. When it finally arrived at the table, I had already guzzled down three sodas. I waited for Edward to take a piece before I would. I eventually gave in and went first, grabbing the slice closest to me and brought it up to my mouth immediately.

"Oww! Hot," I said with a full mouth.

"It just came out of the oven, Isabella," Edward said, raising his brow. "You have to blow on it to cool it down."

"I know, but I'm so hungry," I whined.

Edward laughed lightly, taking his own advice. He was seriously trying to kill me because he had to have known how much he was affecting me. I shifted uncomfortably with desire to jump him right then and there.

Together we polished off the pizza and were both left feeling full. I almost felt sick because of how much I had eaten, which had always been a problem of mine. I would never eat until I was hungry and then when I was, I'd eat… and eat… and eat.

We headed back to his car and I felt sluggish, dragging my feet along. I wished he had parked closer. I debated just asking Edward to go get the car and come back for me, but I decided just to push myself along.

The drive home seemed shorter, as it always did for me. Maybe it was because I knew the way home or there wasn't as much anticipation due to the fact that it had become a familiar place. I spent most of the ride slyly glancing at Edward. Sometimes he'd catch me staring before he'd quirk a smile at me and I would look away embarrassed.

Not many words had been spoken so when he pulled up to my house, I was still in my pensive mind frame. Charlie still wasn't home from his fishing trip. I cleared my throat and suddenly Edward was half an inch away from my face, eyes slightly hooded. His hand came up to hold my face and I met him the rest of the way.

It was an awkward first kiss and nothing like I had fantasized about. Our lips mashed together and our teeth clashed. I still had my seatbelt on which didn't allow much room to move. Once we got a rhythm down, it seemed to get steamier. I yanked his hair, trying to pull him on top of me—I needed him there. Edward complied immediately. He moaned as his hips jutted into mine.

There was a knock on the window and Edward froze. He pulled away from me and we both looked out to see my father standing there with a disapproving look upon his face.

"Inside now, Isabella."

I groaned, throwing my head back into the head rest. Great, now Charlie was cockblocking me. Was I really that unlucky?

"Fuck," Edward sighed, before climbing back into the driver's seat.

"You can say that again," I mumbled, grabbing my messenger bag and the book Edward bought for me. "Thanks for today."

"Yeah. It was fun."

"Totally," I smiled. "See you Monday? Or maybe tomorrow, I'm still supposed to go shopping with Alice."

He nodded, "I'd walk you to your door, but…"

"It's probably best if you don't. I'd like to be able to go out with you again."

Edward laughed, helping me out with the seatbelt. I turned back to him, my hand already on the handle and the door open. I needed to kiss him once more. I placed a gentle kiss on his cheek and then one more on his lips before.

"Bye," I said quietly and then shut the car door.

_Today had been a great day, though there were minor hiccups—it still had been the best day I'd had in a while. If only Charlie had come a little while later…_

* * *

**A/N: **Hey guys. I know it's been way to long, but for some reason this chapter really kicked my butt. I've also been stuck on this new story idea (JSYK, I'm not giving this story up by any means) and I can't get past it. It is beyond frustrating and RL hasn't been all that great either. Don't forget to add me on Twitter _Jenndur_, for teasers, WCs and whatnot. Happy Easter!

Major thanks goes to **Violette de Musique**, who is an awesome beta. She pushed and pushed me to finish this chapter, even when I didn't want to. When you get a chance, go read her stories **Break Away** (which I will soon beta) and **Red Flags and Long Nights**. Both of those stories are wonderful.

Thank you to all my readers, without you I probably would have given up long ago. You keep me going so thank you. Also, thank you for reviewing, adding to your favorites, and/or alerting this story. _**Please be kind and drop me a review, they are greatly appreciated.**_

XOXO  
Jenn


	12. Shopping

**This story is rated MA.**

**The original characters and plot of Twilight are the property of Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended with this story. After the story is completed, all Twilight references and character names will be changed and copyrighted. Copyright 2010 by Jenndur. This story may not be duplicated, copied, printed or otherwise reproduced in any way, nor can it be reposted on any other website without the expressed written authorization of the author.**

**This story may contain adult subject matter, strong language, controversial topics, drug and underage alcohol use, mentions of rape, consensual sexual content, and self-injury. You have been warned.**

**Summary:** Isabella is a troubled teen with self-destructive behaviors sent to live with her father in Forks, WA. Will Edward be the one to help her, save her from this downward spiral? Or will his actions push her closer to the edge? AH/OOC, B/E.

**Recommended song: Dashboard Confessional- "Morning Calls"**

* * *

**Chapter 11**

"_The only thing that can spoil a day is people and if you can keep from making engagements, every day has no limits." -Ernest Hemingway_

* * *

I walked into the house that night, half expecting Charlie to go off on my ass and embarrass me with a talk about the birds and the bees. I was not expecting him to be sitting in front of the television, essentially ignoring me except a passing glance to check if I was alone, I guess. Before I went to my room for the rest of the night, I grabbed a bowl of cereal from the kitchen. I was left to wander around my room aimlessly for hours, looking for something to do.

Sometime around two in the morning I passed out, partially hanging off the bed. I woke up a few hours later to my bedside lamp glaring brightly in my direction. I closed my eyes and turned my head away, reaching my hand out blindly. Once I was enclosed in the darkness I craved, I lifted my hips and kicked off my jeans. I shifted around on the bed, climbing under the covers before passing out again.

It felt like I had just fallen back to sleep when I was woken up, screaming in a panic because someone was on top of me. Completely forgetting my surroundings, I started to thrash around in an attempt to escape. Was my time in Forks just a dream? Something to dangle over my head and dream of as I barely survived the living hell I called home in Arizona? I heard nothing as I kicked and hit whoever was above me, all the while yelling at the top of my lungs. Finally, with all my might, the person that had been hovering over me flew off me and landed with a thud. This person did not have the deep voice I expected, instead they had a very girlish yelp. I flung the covers off my head immediately and stared at the person that woke me up.

Alice.

Oh shit. I couldn't believe I'd accidentally just kicked and hit my best friend.

Alice groaned from her spot on the floor. Sitting up further, I glanced at the alarm clock before bringing my gaze back to watch her massage her jaw.

"What the hell, Isabella?"

"Sorry Alice. You scared me," I muttered, nervously playing with the corner of my comforter.

"You didn't need to go to all extremes."

"I said I was sorry. What else do you want from me?" I questioned before narrowing my eyes. "What the hell are you even doing in my room at such an ungodly hour?"

"We're supposed to go shopping today. Remember?"

I looked at her blankly, not understanding the way her brain worked. I mean, who in their right mind would get up to go shopping at six am? And to wake up their supposed 'friend'. I think she just wanted to torture me.

I huffed as I rolled my eyes and threw myself back down on the bed. I covered my head and mumbled into my pillow.

"I'm going back to sleep. Come back in a few hours."

"No you don't," Alice refused, grabbing a hold of my blankets. "We have to get up right now if we want to get to the mall when it opens."

"Dude, Alice. Relax. Port Angeles is only an hour away and the mall doesn't even open until ten."

"_Dude, Isabella_. We're not going to Port Angeles anymore. I want to go to Seattle. The mall there has a much bigger selection of stores."

"Oh," I replied dumbly.

"So… if we're going, then we need to get going soon."

Alice walked over to my closet and threw the door open. I watched her thumb through my clothes, feeling embarrassed as she tsked at my wardrobe.

"Well, it's a good thing we're going shopping."

"What's wrong with my clothes?" I cried indignantly.

"Nothing," she hesitated at my tone. "You just need a few more things to go with it."

"Alice. I'm not going to buy a whole new set of clothes. I really can't afford to do that."

"Okay. Fine. Just come to keep me company. I really need a shopping buddy," she said, pulling different clothing options out of my closet.

She grouped pieces together and threw the outfits down on my bed, just over my legs.

"This one," Alice decided after a minute. "Get dressed. I'll be waiting downstairs."

_What a bossy little pixie._

I started the shower and threw the window open. I lit a joint, needing the high to be able to survive this trip. Finishing it as quickly as I could, I smiled lazily as I stripped and hopped into the shower, gooseflesh breaking out all over my body from the two temperatures—hot water and cold air.

After finishing my morning routine, I quickly got dressed. Honestly, I hated the whole outfit, not that I'd ever tell her. Even though it looked cute when put together, I knew the truth. I'd only worn each item once, twice at most, and it's been sitting in the back of my closet since then. I hated it because it not only was itchy, but it also sat on me weirdly. Oh well.

I was feeling too lazy to brush my wet, tangled mess, so I threw it atop my head in haste before grabbing my bag. I threw random shit in it, making sure I had a few pills and my 'water bottle' to last me for the day. I wanted Wardo on my mind.

I moaned loudly, my hand on the door handle, as I felt the heat rush to my core just thinking about him. I swear my clit pulsated with desire, want, and need. I sighed, pushing this feeling on the backburner.

Alice and Charlie were talking jovially as I walked into the kitchen, and I rolled my eyes as Alice laughed loudly at something my father said. Charlie wasn't _that_ funny.

"Hi," she bubbled, looking over at me.

"Hey," I grumbled, grabbing a soda from the fridge.

"You really shouldn't drink soda in the morning," Alice stated.

"Thanks mother. Is there anything else I shouldn't do? Hmmm?" I questioned, growing angry with her.

Alice shifted in the seat, falling silent and looked over to my father. He glanced between the two of us, noticing the tension I had created.

"Are we leaving or not?" I asked, my foot dangerously close to tapping out my annoyance at Alice's flirting with my father.

"You're ready? What about makeup and your hair?"

I just looked at her until she shook her head, responding, "Yes. Yeah, let's go. See you later Charlie."

I shook my head in disgust before following her out to her car. I suppose I shouldn't have been surprised that it was a bright yellow Porsche because it totally fit her personality. It was like a highlighter; something to catch your eye.

"What's wrong with you?" Alice whispered loudly at me.

"Stop flirting with my father. It's gross."

"I can't help it. His 'stash is hot."

I groaned, "Stop. Please. You're damaging any sanity I have left." She sighed loudly and I hit my head on her car. "Tell Jasper to grow a mustache and leave my dad's alone."

Ignoring my comment, Alice giggled as she rolled her eyes at me. She then turned to Charlie, who was still standing in the open doorway, and waved in a flirtatious manner.

"Come on," I groaned, dropping myself into the car.

She huffed loudly before jumping into the drivers seat, much more gracefully than I did. The engine purred to life which was a nice change from the roar of my truck. It was quiet and idled smoothly. It really was a nice car. She peeked at my father once more before shifting gears and hitting the gas.

I had always loved driving fast, which was a nasty habit to get into when your father was the Chief of Police. I was expected to be the perfect child who obeyed all the rules. Too bad no one knew that I had never been able to fill that role, nor would I ever be able to.

Though I had a need for speed and I was high, Alice's driving made me nervous. She had the nerve… the audacity to peel out and speed off in front of my father. I swear she almost hit two people and ran every stop sign in sight. I gripped the door handle and my seat until my knuckles whitened. I was tempted to look behind us for any sign of Charlie, but I continued to watch the road in front of us. As soon as we got onto the highway, I let out a breath I hadn't even noticed I'd been holding.

Alice sent me a funny look before she fiddled with the radio. Once she found a suitable station, she bobbed her head to the music and began chattering away at me. She barely seemed to be able to keep her eyes on the road. She'd start to drift out of the lane before she'd swerve back, continuing the conversation like nothing out of the ordinary had happened. I now saw why she was always catching rides with one of our friends or Wardo—she was a crazier driver than I was. Hopefully I'd be able to survive the next three hours it took to get to Seattle.

"Eyes on the road, Alice. Please," I begged, as she finished texting Jasper.

When the car came to a stop, I couldn't get out of it fast enough. I held onto the side of the yellow car, trying to calm my stomach from the nausea. If I hadn't felt so sick, I would've kissed the ground.

"Jeez, Isabella. You need to chill. It wasn't that bad—we made it here in one piece," she scolded.

"Just barely," I murmured, straightening up and letting go of the car.

"Come on, you baby. Let's go shopping," she squealed.

I shook my head and willingly let myself be dragged around like a rag doll. We'd barely been in the store for ten minutes and Alice already had several different items waiting for us in the dressing rooms. I looked at her, unsure how to feel.

"Here, Isabella. Don't forget this," she threw a blouse at me. "Oh and this one. This one will go great with your complexion."

I followed her silently as she threw more clothes at me until I felt I was carrying my body weight in clothing. I felt sort of bad when I saw the dressing room attendant glare at us. At the same time though, I grew pissed because that was her job. If she didn't want to have to return the clothes to where they go, then she shouldn't have been working there.

After trying on a piece of clothing, Alice would demand that we show each other. She said that it was a great way to give constructive criticism. But in all honesty, I think it was just a way for her to say whether it looked good or not and if I should get it. In between changing, Alice continued to babble away. Eventually I tuned her out, letting myself drown in my thoughts. _Mmmmmh… Wardo._ When I was addressed, I gave autopilot responses.

I must've been on autopilot for longer than I thought because when my stomach growled loudly. I hadn't even noticed we were walking out of a completely different store.

"Hungry?" Alice asked with raised brows.

"Uh, yeah," I responded, lightly rubbing my stomach.

"The food court is right there," she said, raising an arm full of bags. "Let's grab some food."

I nodded, my eyes already set on the Chinese food. I was practically salivating as I thought about it. It was kind of like when you see or think about Warheads—you can't help salivating, but not in a good way.

I ordered enough food for both Alice and myself, gobbling it down before Alice could even finish her plate.

"My arms are _exhausted_," Alice complained.

"Maybe you shouldn't have bought yourself so much stuff," I said, standing up with her.

"This isn't all mine," She replied, holding out a few bags.

"What are you talking about? I didn't buy anything."

"I know that."

"Then what is that?" I asked her with an unsure look.

"I bought you some stuff."

"_Aliceeeeeee_," I whined. "Why did you do that?"

"Because I liked them on you."

"That doesn't mean you can just buy me new clothes."

"But I wanted to," she waved me off.

"Fine. When I can get money, I'll pay you back."

"Don't worry about it. Honestly, just accept them."

"No," I stomped my foot.

"There are still a few stores we haven't been to yet. Come on."

"No more shopping for me, Alice," I warned.

"But—"

"No."

"Fine," she sighed, sounding defeated.

I fell onto a bench and groaned. Finally we had gone through each and every store—it had only taken us several hours. My feet and lower back were aching in protest and my hands were sore from the handles of all the bags cutting into my palms. And on top of all that, my head was pounding.

Please fucking shoot me next time I agree to a shopping trip with Alice. Anyone?

I threw open my bag and pulled out my last pill and my water ball. I ignored Alice's watchful gaze as I swallowed the pill and downed the rest of my 'water'.

"What?"

Alice merely shook her head, before looking away.

"It's nothing Alice," I said, trying to defend.

"Okay. It's none of my business."

"I have a headache," I partially lied.

"Fine," she said. "Want to get a pedicure?"

"No!" I almost shouted.

I already owed Alice too much for this trip, I didn't want to owe her any more. When her face fell and discouragement showed upon her face, I felt horrible.

"Alice, why don't we save that for next time? I really don't feel all that great. I think I'm getting a migraine."

"Okay. Sure," Alice smiled after a minute. "Why don't we get you home then?"

We left Seattle with Alice's trunk stuffed full of our new purchases. I reclined the seat and let my eyes fall shut. I threw my arm over my eyes to block out any light. Alice cranked the heater and rolled the windows down. She gently told me to go to sleep, that it would help.

Alice called my name softly as she gently shook my arm. I woke up feeling groggy, my head throbbing and I immediately wanted to purge my stomach. Damn pills didn't help.

"Feel better, Isabella," Alice called out. "I'll sort through the clothes and bring yours tomorrow."

"Thanks. I'll see you tomorrow," I said over my shoulder. Before I shut the door, Alice's yellow Porsche had already sped away.

_This day was so fucking long, I just want to forget about it. But at least I get to see Edward tomorrow. It's weird that Alice didn't try to get me to spill about my date with Edward yesterday. She didn't even mention it. I wonder what everyone will say at school…_

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**A/N: **Hey guys! A few things I want to say… Sorry for the short chapter—it wasn't originally planned in the outline. Please **take the time to review_,_** even if its just to say 'I'm reading!' I also appreciate any and all constructive criticism.

Also, I want to know that I on twitter most of the time. Follow me on there. I post teasers for upcoming chapters on there if your interested. Another great thing about twitter is that there are WCs. Not sure what a WC is? It is a Word Challenge, which is where a bunch of authors write for 60 minute cycles in Google Chat. During the hour, it's usually quiet in the group chat window so everyone can work (but if you have any questions, that's okay). Before and after is a great time to chat away and also to post teasers of what you've written. Personally, I find this very productive and a great way to meet and connect with other authors. If you want in, please email me at jenndur1 at gmail dot com (take out spaces and change dot and at to appropriate signs). If it weren't for the wonderful ladies I've worked with this since my last chapter, I'm not sure this chapter would be out yet. So you can thank them.

Major props go to my wonderful beta, **Violette de Musique**. She is amazing. Don't forget to check out her awesome stories. Also thank you to everyone that reviewed, added this story to their alerts and favorites.

XOXO  
Jenn


	13. Crush

**This story is rated MA.**

**The original characters and plot of Twilight are the property of Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended with this story. After the story is completed, all Twilight references and character names will be changed and copyrighted. Copyright 2010 by Jenndur. This story may not be duplicated, copied, printed or otherwise reproduced in any way, nor can it be reposted on any other website without the expressed written authorization of the author.**

**This story may contain adult subject matter, strong language, controversial topics, drug and underage alcohol use, mentions of rape, consensual sexual content, and self-injury. You have been warned.**

**Summary:** Isabella is a troubled teen with self-destructive behaviors sent to live with her father in Forks, WA. Will Edward be the one to help her, save her from this downward spiral? Or will his actions push her closer to the edge? AH/OOC, B/E.

**Recommended songs: Sarah McLachlan- "World On Fire"**

* * *

**Chapter 12**

"_I am more and more convinced that our happiness or our unhappiness depends far more on the way we meet the events of life than on the nature of those events themselves." -Karl Wilhelm von Humboldt_

* * *

I passionately abhorred Mondays with a passion. At least when I lived in Arizona, I didn't have to worry about it being too cold in the mornings or having Renee harass me to get ready for school. Unfortunately, that was not the case in Forks where it was fuckass cold. Had it not been so cold, I would have gotten out of bed with no problems. Probably.

As soon as I opened the bathroom door, steam escaped and I was left standing in the doorway with skin pruned and a raw red color. I had stayed under the blazing hot stream until it ran cold and I immediately jumped out.

I was getting dressed in my room when the doorbell rang throughout the house. I only had my bra on and one leg already in my jeans. As I attempted to get my other leg in, I hopped over to the window.

"Fuck," I hissed, grabbing my foot in pain. Damn rocking chair…

The last time I had stubbed my toe, it had resulted in a broken bone. My eyes watered slightly as I dropped to the floor. _I didn't cry then, so I won't cry now_, I willed internally. I inspected my foot, but there were no signs of trauma to be found. Suddenly from where I sat, I heard male voices trickling up the stairs. I knew one to be Charlie's, but could not place the other one. I jumped up, being extra cautious with my injured foot, and looked out the window.

The mom car was parked directly behind the cruiser.

Holy fuck. What the fuck was Edward doing at my house at seven thirty in the morning?

"Isabella," Charlie's voice yelled up the stairs.

"Hang on, Dad. I'm getting dressed," I yelled back.

I rushed to get my jeans on the other leg as well as a shirt before I threw the door open. I rushed down the stairs in bare feet, this time holding onto the railing so as not to break my neck or anything else vital.

Standing at the foot of the stairs in all of his perfection was Edward. And oh my, was he a delicious sight to take in. He greeted me with a warm smile as I stopped just before him. Breath nearly leaving me, I clenched my thighs as a burning desire built in my core. Fuck my life.

"Hey," he said softly.

"Hi," I breathed.

Charlie cleared his throat eventually, causing me to tear my gaze away from Edward's almost depressingly beautiful face. Just looking at him made me want to cry. I hated how overwhelmed with emotion I felt. I could not even begin to tell you why this would happen and it wasn't the first time. The littlest things could bring out all these intense feelings that were inappropriate for certain situations.

Giving both Edward and I pointed looks, Charlie retreated back to the kitchen. At once, I leaned forward, wrapping my arms loosely around his neck. His arms immediately snaked around my waist causing me to sigh in content. I felt him begin to pull away so I quickly kissed his cheek, wishing for more contact.

"What're you doing here?"

"Taking you to school," he said simply, leaning back on his heels.

"Oh you are, are you?" I grinned back at him.

"Yup."

"You do know that I have my own mode of transportation. Right?"

"Yeah, I know," he laughed. "Come on. We're gonna be late if you don't hurry up."

"Okay," I said. "Just let me grab some shoes."

"Sure thing."

I quickly gathered my things for school and slipped on my flip flops, unable to find my converse. I was flustered with the thought that Edward was in my house, waiting for me so he could drive me to school. Glancing at the clock, I wondered how long I'd already spent scurrying through my room like a chicken with its head cut off. Jeez, we really were going to be late.

"Let's go," I said as I walked by him to the front door. "Bye Dad."

I barely heard the door shut, but I knew Edward wouldn't have just left it open. I could feel him following me closely. I was almost to the mom car when he jogged ahead of me. I guess I wasn't really surprised when Edward pulled the door open for me, but it's not something you see everyday. He stayed silent as I climbed into the car. Once I was fully in the car, he shut it before making his way around to the driver's side.

As he pulled away from my house, I wondered if all Cullens drove the same. Or at least somewhat the same. His car didn't have trouble accelerating like mine did and it was just as smooth as Alice's car. There was no roaring loud engine, no trembling as it idled, and no backfiring. Unlike his sister, Edward kept his eyes on the road and had a much better handle on his car.

"Did you have fun with Alice yesterday?" He asked, bringing me out of my thoughts.

"Sure, I guess. As much fun as one could have shopping," I shrugged as I picked a loose thread on my jeans.

"I know what you mean," he replied, laughing. "Shopping with Alice can be… trying, for lack of a better word."

I giggled lightly, "Just shopping?"

"Alice means well," he began.

"I know, but sometimes her… liveliness… is a bit overwhelming. Please don't get me wrong, I love her to pieces, but…"

"Did something happen between you and her?" He asked carefully, as if he was walking on eggshells.

"What do you mean?"

"I don't know," he replied, rubbing his neck. "You two have just seemed sort of weird lately. And yesterday she wasn't as peppy as she normally is after a shopping trip." I couldn't help raising my eyebrow at the word 'peppy'.

"Nothing that I know of," I lied.

Of course I knew what was wrong with her. I could see it in her eyes, every time she looked at me. She'd never forget one of my secrets. And there was no way in hell that I'd freely give that information away to anyone.

"How do you know anything is even wrong with her? Have you tried talking to her?" I asked.

"It's a twin thing—we just know each other so well, it's scary sometimes. And I've tried talking to her, but she won't tell me what's wrong. She's hiding something and I just wish I knew what it was. Do you think you could talk to her about it?"

My stomach dropped and a large lump formed in my throat. Oh fuck.

"Oh… um, sure," I replied softly.

"Thanks, Isabella," Edward glanced at me, a soft smile gracing his face.

It was clear to see how much he cared about his sister. And I could tell just by his words that my secret that I forced Alice to keep, was slowly but surely ripping apart his relationship with his sister. The lump in my throat hurt as I tried to swallow and tears were threatening to spill down my face. I sat stiffly in my seat, turning my head toward the window and scrunched my eyes tightly shut. I opened my eyes just as Edward parked his car. We were at school and we weren't late.

"Ready?" Edward asked before opening his door and exiting the car.

I sat there, suddenly feeling embarrassed and wanting to flee. I had no idea why I was feeling this, but I sunk down in my seat as if doing this could make me disappear. Peering in through the windshield, Edward's eyes found mine and a deep blush spread over my face and chest. As I look into his eyes, I felt calmed and relaxed though the feelings of embarrassment where still lingering.

I breathed in deeply, letting it out as I leaned forward to retrieve my bag. Edward opened my door just before I could grab the handle. His eyes burned with different emotions, the strongest being curiosity. After a second, he held out his hand to me and there was no hesitation on my part.

"Sorry," I muttered under my breath.

"Relax," he replied.

"I'm trying to," I said, throwing my bag over one shoulder.

Edward shouldered his backpack as well before stepping closer to me. I looked down when he put one of his arms around my shoulder. My blush returned stronger than before. Why was I acting so weird? I mean, I could have sex with a complete stranger and do the walk of shame with little to no embarrassment. But this, whatever I had with Edward—the start of something it seemed—was terrifying. I'd never really had a boyfriend before and I wasn't even sure that Edward and I were that far. I didn't know how I was supposed to act or what I was supposed to say.

Whispers broke out like wildfires and people stared as Edward led me to my first class of the day. I didn't see our friends in the parking lot and I wondered if any of them knew about Edward and I… whatever we were. I leaned into him for the emotional support that I hadn't even known I needed. He'd squeeze my shoulder every so often and I would look up at him. We'd smile at each other before looking away once more.

He slowed our pace just before we reached my classroom. I felt slightly awkward standing there with him, unsure of what to do.

"Well, thanks for the ride," I said, looking down at my feet.

When he said nothing, I looked back up to see him trying to smother a smile that was dying to get out. Thinking over what I'd said, I realized how it sounded to him.

"To school, you perv. Jeez, get your mind out of the gutter," I pushed him playfully on the shoulder.

"Sorry," he laughed. I couldn't help the huge smile that overtook my face as I shook my head at him.

The bell rang above us and Edward took a step closer to me.

"I've got to go now. See you at lunch?"

I nodded, taking the final step between us. I felt awkward hugging him because I was once again aware of the eyes on me. I wanted to kiss him, really kiss him, but still wasn't sure what was okay and what wasn't. So I settled for kissing his cheek again. He smiled down at me, lightly caressing my face before walking away.

I drew in a deep breath and began walking into the classroom. Before I was completely inside, Emmett pounced on me.

"So you and Cullen, eh?" he asked loudly, ruffling up my hair.

"Get off me, Emmett," I replied gruffly, trying to fight him off.

Emmett was always so playful and seemingly unaware of his own strength. I mean, he knew he was strong, but I'm not sure he knew how to be gentle. I ignored him and as soon as he released me, I went straight to my desk. I knew everyone was curious as to why Edward and I were being so friendly with each other, especially after seeing how we were in the beginning. I still can't figure out when and where things changed for the both of us.

Emmett's assigned desk in English was directly behind mine and I had to deal with him whispering stupid shit at me and tugging on my hair, trying to get me to respond. I just had to roll my eyes at him and bite my tongue, because even though it was really annoying, I didn't want to yell at him.

Thankfully, Emmett and I didn't share second period together, otherwise I'd probably have to shoot him… or myself. I really didn't care for Government, so when Angela passed me a note, I eagerly replied. Of course she asked me what was going on between Edward and I, but didn't press me for details. At one point during class, I glanced over at Jasper who sent me a really weird knowing glance. Considering that he was Edward's best friend, it wouldn't really surprise me that he'd know.

Jessica practically jumped me when I walked into Trigonometry and Rosalie was right along with her. Sick and tired of being hounded, I wished Edward was being harassed as much as I was. I finally gave in and told them all about the date because at least this way, I could attempt to squash some bizarre rumors I was sure would eventually pop up.

"So are you guys, like, together?"

"Um, I… I'm not really sure," I replied unsurely, playing with my pencil.

"What do you mean, 'you're not sure'?" Jessica laughed.

"Shut up, Jessica," Rosalie sneered.

"Well, he and I never really talked about that."

"Okay…" Jessica trailed off.

"Just ignore her," Rosalie said, throwing a dirty look at Jessica. "Have you guys, you know… done anything?"

"No. Not really. We kind of made out in his car after our… date." That word just sounded so weird coming out of my mouth.

"Did you stop it or did he?" she asked with a raised, perfectly sculptured brow.

"Um," I cleared my throat. "My dad… um, my dad caught us."

Rosalie's bell-like laugh rang throughout the noisy classroom. What the fuck was this substitute being paid for? It sure as hell wasn't to sit on her ass and pretend to baby-sit us. Okay, I'll admit any other day, I'd love it, but not today. Not when all the attention was being focused on me. My head hit the wooden desk with a loud thump and I just wished everyone would stop interrogating me.

I watched the clock, counting each minute until my next class. Jessica walked with me and I ignored her. As soon as Lauren came into view, Jessica ran off. Probably to gossip about me. She's such a stupid bitch. At least I had Alice here with me to fend off Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dumb.

I practically fell into my seat, throwing my book and backpack on the table. I crossed my arms over my book so I could lay my head down to rest.

"Hey," Alice greeted.

"Hi," I sighed, feeling sleepy.

"You okay?"

"Yeah," I yawned. "Just tired."

Alice gave me a smile, pulling out her own book and notebook. I watched as our crazy Spanish teacher stood up after the bell rang, patiently waiting for the class to quiet down. Today we were having a test but before that we were going to cover our study guide. Alice didn't bother me, knowing that I was horrible in this subject, though I knew she wanted to talk about Edward and I.

Even with the review, I knew I wouldn't be getting a good grade on this test. I had ended up BSing on most of it. I'd rather make it look like I attempted instead of just leaving it empty. Not that it really mattered to the teacher.

"Thank heavens, the day is almost over," I moaned as Alice and I left the classroom. "That test was horrible."

"Sweetie, it wasn't that bad," Alice replied.

"So says the fluent Spanish speaker," I grumbled.

"I am anything but fluent. I'm sure you did fine," She playfully bumped into me. "But if you want, I can always help you."

"Thanks, Alice."

"No problem," she smiled at me. "So are you ever going to tell me what exactly is going on between you and my brother?"

I sighed exasperatedly. "You don't already know?"

"Well, sure I know. But I thought, you'd at least tell me, you know... your best friend?"

I mock-glared at her before I rolled my eyes. "There's really not much to tell. He took me to the bookstore and then to the bowling alley. I had a lot of fun with him. And not to mention, he's a great kisser."

I smiled with satisfaction when Alice groaned. "Isabella. I do not want to hear about you kissing my brother."

"Hey," I laughed, as we walked into the cafeteria. "You were just bugging me, saying that you wanted to know. So I don't want to hear any more complaints from you."

"Well, at least it's you and not someone like Jessica or Lauren. I'm happy for you guys."

"Thanks Alice," I said, pulling a chair out next to Edward.

Edward pushed his tray in between his spot and mine, signaling that he wanted to share with me. I gazed down at him, grinning to the point where my face physically hurt.

"Hey you," I said, grabbing an apple of the tray. "Want to go for a walk?"

He nodded, pushing the food back over to Alice before standing with me. Silently, he grabbed my hand and pulled me from the noisy room. He walked like he was on a mission—quickly and silently. I was about to interrupt him when he suddenly veered right, throwing open a door.

I have no idea how he managed to pin me to the now closed door and already had my leg hitched up on his hip. Let me tell you though, I'm not complaining.

His lips were urgent upon mine. I met his enthusiasm, throwing just as much into it as he was. I could feel his dick grow hard, right at the apex of my thighs. I shifted my hips forward cautiously, resulting in mouthwatering moans from the two of us. At least this time, our teeth weren't clinking against one another.

"You're driving me crazy, Isabella," Edward mumbled into my neck.

His lips were doing things to me, so much that I couldn't even describe it. I wanted more, so much more. But, before I could even consider going farther than this, we'd need to sort out a few details first.

"Edward," I groaned, his hands now under my shirt.

"Hmmm?"

"We... we need to... oh," I gasped, my eyes rolling into the back of my head.

"We need to what?" he asked before attacking my lips again.

"Um," I said, momentarily forgetting what I had wanted to say. "Uh... talk. We need to talk."

"About what?" he sighed, pulling away from me slightly.

"What exactly are we doing?"

His brow raised, watching and waiting for me to elaborate further on my comment.

"I'm just not sure where we stand. Everyone keeps asking what exactly we are..." I trailed off, extracting myself from his embrace completely. "I just want to know."

"Do you really care what everyone thinks? This should just be between you and I."

"Honestly, Edward, yes. I do care. And I bet, if you were to ask every other girl, most of them would give you the same answer. I wish I didn't care, but I do. And this _is_ just between you and me," I added.

I watched him stand there and I immediately felt awkward. I couldn't believe I had actually let myself believe that he could possibly like me. As if there had ever been a chance in hell. He stood there, running a hand through his hair before rubbing his neck. What the hell was wrong with me? Jeez, this was embarrassing. Normally, I wouldn't have minded just being fuck buddies, but now he knew that I was wishing for more. What if he wasn't capable of giving me more? Could he still be hung up over Tanya? Or was he ready to move on, but not with me? Did he know who I really was? I couldn't see why anyone in their right mind would want to be with me—I was just a package of many troubles. Fuck...

"I should have done this the other night," he began, pulling me from my thoughts. Oh no... this was really happening. "Isabella, I really like you—"

"But," I interrupted. "You don't want to be with me. To be my boyfriend."

"What on earth are you talking about," confusion taking over his face.

"Please drop the act. It's only making the situation worse," I said, turning away.

"Isabella, why would you think I don't want to be with you?"

"Because you don't. I can already tell," I reasoned.

"Silly girl," He walked in front of me, his hand guiding my chin up toward the sky. With my eyes finally meeting his, he spoke, "Will you be my girlfriend?"

"You're just saying that..."

"No, I'm not," he said firmly.

Well... fuck. If he really wanted me to be his girlfriend, how the hell was I going to recover from this embarrassing situation? Was there even a way to come out of this without feeling like an idiot? I retracted my gaze and cleared my throat.

"Um. Yes?"

"Yes?" He repeated, bending down to look into my face. When I nodded, he laughed and pulled me into his arms once more. "I'm sorry for all the confusion."

"No, I'm sorry. Seriously."

He grinned at me and kissed me. This kiss was soft and slow, much different from the last one. I liked it. He pulled away a second before the bell rang.

"Lunch is over," I murmured, feeling a twinge of disappointment. I didn't want to stop kissing him.

We made our way to Biology and suddenly I felt like I was walking on clouds. Edward Cullen was my boyfriend. How many girls actually got to say that? Just thinking about it, I wanted to squeal with excitement and run around in an attempt to rid myself of this overwhelming emotion.

The last time that had happened, I ended up giving myself a concussion. I had been home alone and I can't really remember what exactly brought the excitement on, but I began to run throughout the house, looking like a complete spaz. I hadn't realized at the time, it wasn't the best idea to combine socks and hardwood floors—especially with my clumsiness. I fell straight on my back, slamming the back of my head against the floor. I swear, it felt like my brain tumbled around in my head and I wanted to cry. I had to call Renee and have her come home. It was horrible.

I could only imagine what the outcome would have been, had I allowed myself to act this way at school. Not only would it result in a trip to see my favorite doctor, but what would everyone say? What would they think? Having decided it would be better to keep it to myself, at least until in the privacy of my own home, I cringed with pain. I immediately hated this decision because I didn't know how to handle myself. I felt my steps falter and apparently Edward did as well.

"Everything alright?"

I ignored him, coaching myself to our desk with him leading the way. It was growing unbearable, to the point where I felt my chest was going to burst. There is a video online of someone microwaving a bar of soap. With time, the bar of soap begins to bubble from the inside out. This is the closest way to describe how I was currently feeling. It was hard to breathe and I could feel all my muscles clench tightly. I squeezed my eyes shut tightly, trying not to cry, trying to breathe. It felt almost like a panic attack, but at the same time it didn't.

"Isabella? Isabella!"

It seemed like an impossible task to respond and I was about to give in. Fuck everyone. At this point, I didn't care anymore what they thought. I just needed to get rid of this feeling. Suddenly I was being ushered out of the classroom.

I felt warm hands on my shoulders, rubbing soothing circular patterns. I breathed in deeply through my nose, and exhaling through my mouth. Finally I was able to open my eyes and see Edward standing with me in the girls restroom. Nothing had really changed—my body was still tightly wound, it was still hard to breath with my chest feeling ready to combust. But at least I was able to open my eyes.

"What is going on, Isabella? You're scaring everyone."

"Nothing," I managed to get out through clenched teeth.

"Bullshit."

"Its nothing Edward," I lied. "Can you just go back to class? I'll be there in a few minutes." He looked like he was about to protest when I continued. "Just give me a few minutes to right myself. It's just a panic attack."

"Why are you having a panic attack?"

"I don't know Edward," I said sounding defeated. "Please. I'll be fine, but I need you to leave."

He looked doubtful as he said, "Okay... But if you're not back in class in five minutes, I'm coming back here and taking you home."

"Fine," I said quickly, wishing he'd leave already.

"And I want to talk about your panic attack later."

"Okay," I appeased with no intentions of following through.

I watched him walk out slowly, waiting a minute before locking the door. Standing at the sink, I looked at myself in the mirror. Fuck. My hand formed into a fist and I shoved it in my mouth to muffle the scream I needed to release. I bit down and, though I knew it would be muffled, I still tried to stifle my scream. God, just letting myself go like that, I felt better. Not completely, but enough to get myself through the rest of the day.

I splashed cold water on my face and the back of my neck. It was shocking, but nice. I didn't bother to pat it dry, instead unlocking the door and trudging back to the classroom.

Everyone's eyes were on me, watching as I made my way back to Edward. They all looked expectant of me. Yeah, like I'm going to spill of my secrets to you. Mr. Banner continued his discussion, slowly but surely, capturing everyone's attention. Besides Edward, who was outright staring at me.

I tried, I really did, to pay attention to the topic today, but I couldn't. I was surprised when Mr. Banner appeared in front of our desk with a small stack of papers. Everyone else was bent over their own papers, completing the assignment.

"Ms. Swan, how are you doing?"

"I'm fine."

"If you need to leave class at all to see the nurse, please let me know."

"Okay," I replied, taking the offered paper out of his hand.

The rest of class ticked by slowly. Edward had passed a note over and I gave him an excuse that was complete shit, but he seemed to give in. I was sure though, that eventually he'd bring it up again. I wished that as we walked to gym together that he'd hold my hand, but apparently I'd scared him off.

I didn't dress down for class, instead choosing to sit on the bleachers. Alice attempted a conversation with me, but when I didn't give proper enthusiasm in my responses, she turned her attention to Jessica and Lauren. I didn't really mind—at this point I couldn't give a shit.

What I really wanted was a hug from my mom. But I'd never get that. Even if I did, it wouldn't be what I'd be hoping for. I wanted someone to be there for me, but I didn't—I wanted to be left alone. It seemed I didn't even know what I wanted. What the fuck was wrong with me?

Our group met up in the parking lot after school ended. I kept my gaze to the ground, not wanting to see the different emotions displayed in their eyes. I was so sick of dealing with emotions. I needed to sleep this off in my nice, warm bed. I declined when Edward asked if I wanted to hang out, knowing the real reason behind it. He wanted to talk and I didn't. I was about to just leave, when I remembered that I hadn't driven myself to school—Edward had.

"Can you just take me home please?" I asked quietly.

"Um, sure," Edward said. "I'll see you guys later."

Everyone resounded with their own goodbyes. Instead of responding, I turned and began walking to the mom car. I let myself in the unlocked car and waited. I sat there with my head against the headrest, eyes closed. I didn't move a muscle as Edward opened his door, climbed in, and shut it.

I didn't want to talk, which I'm sure Edward picked up on because he didn't bother to converse with me. I could barely feel the car moving, so I didn't feel us come to a stop.

"We're here," Edward murmured.

I opened my eyes, sort of surprised because I hadn't really felt the car move or stop. I didn't fall asleep did I? I couldn't have—it was far too short of a ride to have passed out. I looked over at him and could see he was upset, so I closed the little bit of distance between us and hugged him. He sighed deeply with his arms wrapped around me. He nuzzled his face into my neck and held me there for a few minutes. I kissed him before we fully parted.

I opened the door, halfway out of the car before I realized I should say something, anything to him.

"I'm sorry," I offered pathetically. "I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Yeah," he bobbed his head. "See you then."

I nodded, turning my head away before climbing out of the car completely. I didn't look back at him as I walked away. I didn't even look back when I was finally in the house and shutting the door. I couldn't bear to do it.

_This was definitely not how I pictured the day happening..._

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**A/N: **Hi. I feel like there's no excuse for the amount of time it's taken me to get this chapter out. Very sorry about that. RL drama, work, and just being plain tired were major factors in the day. Also this chapter wasn't supposed to play out this way, but in a way, I think it's helping to express Isabella properly. I guess that's all I have for now.

Many thanks goes out to my WC girls… you know who you are. HAPPYFACE lol. Also, thanks to my bff and beta, **Violette de Musique**. You are awesome, seriously. Please take the time to check out her stories. I love them.

Thanks to everyone who reviewed, added to their favorites and alerts. Hope you guys aren't too mad at me…

XOXO  
Jenn


	14. Deja Vu

**This story is rated MA.**

**The original characters and plot of Twilight are the property of Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended with this story. After the story is completed, all Twilight references and character names will be changed and copyrighted. Copyright 2010 by Jenndur. This story may not be duplicated, copied, printed or otherwise reproduced in any way, nor can it be reposted on any other website without the expressed written authorization of the author.**

**This story may contain adult subject matter, strong language, controversial topics, drug and underage alcohol use, mentions of rape, consensual sexual content, and self-injury. You have been warned.**

**Summary:** Isabella is a troubled teen with self-destructive behaviors sent to live with her father in Forks, WA. Will Edward be the one to help her, save her from this downward spiral? Or will his actions push her closer to the edge? AH/OOC, B/E.

**Recommended songs: Taking Back Sunday- "Liar"; Seether- "Fake It"**

_(Sorry guys, couldn't find any songs and these ones probably aren't that great for this chapter)_

* * *

**Chapter 13**

"_The man is only half himself, the other half is his expression." -Ralph Waldo Emerson_

* * *

It wasn't until a week after my panic attack that I was finally able to begin acting like myself again, though I stayed quiet for the most part. All my relationships were strained that first week, to say the least. Everyone wanted to know what happened, to talk about it. Each and every attempt only fueled my aggravation further. But I didn't get to the point where I'd blow up at anything or anyone.

I had been so sure that this would have been a major set back in my relationship with Edward, but he wasn't allowing that. I had expected him to tell me that I was crazy and to dump my sorry ass. Instead, he pushed himself closer to me, making sure that our lives were deeply intertwined. He was very insistent to drive me to and from school, which over the past three weeks had become a regular occurrence.

Edward and I were quietly walking hand in hand to his car when Emmett screamed our names from across the lot. Startled, I jumped while Edward shook his head. My eyes scanned the general direction before landing on our friends. I looked back to Edward, his eyes burning into mine.

"What do you think? Want to see what they want or do you need to get home?"

"We can go," I shrugged, not in a rush to leave.

We slowly made our way over and once there, we moved together as a group to the bleachers at the football stadium. I stayed quiet, watching the track team practice as my friends chatted in the background. There were times that I longed to be out there running, to have that freeing feeling. I probably would have if I hadn't been such a klutz in this life.

Edward squeezed my hand, pulling me out of my thoughts. He was talking to Emmett and Jasper, but smiling down at me. I flashed him a small smile before looking down at our connected hands. I was still sort of in disbelief about everything. I looked back up and tried to engage myself in their conversations.

"Did you guys see the game yesterday?" Emmett asked excitedly.

"Diamondbacks all the way baby," Jasper laughed.

"Yeah, yeah," Edward mumbled, before planting a kiss atop my head.

"Awwwww. Is little Eddie-bear sad that his Cubs lost?"

"Whatever man. The Diamondbacks were just lucky this time," Edward replied.

The boys began to immerse themselves into a play by play of the entire game. A few times, Edward would lean in close, stopping at my ear to explain what exactly they were talking about. After about the fifth time, I rolled my eyes and told him that I already knew pretty much everything about baseball.

I had learned all the basics at an early age from Charlie. And then once Phil came into the picture, there was no way I would have ever escaped the knowledge he provided Renee and I.

Noticing their doubtful looks, I explained, "Phil plays for the minors."

"Who's Phil?"

"My step-dad," I replied, shifting my body slightly.

"Do you still talk to him?"

"What?" I asked in confusion.

"Do you still talk to him?" Edward repeated. "You know, what with your mom being gone?"

Oh.

"No. I don't talk to him anymore. Not if I can help it," I said, shifting once more.

"What team does he play for?" Emmett questioned.

"Um… the Suns from Jacksonville."

"No way. That's so awesome," he said in awe causing me to laugh.

"I thought you guys lived in Arizona?" Rosalie piped in, surprising me a little because I hadn't known they were paying attention.

"We _did_. Apparently, he signed a contract not too long ago with the team and they moved to Florida."

"They?"

"Huh?"

"You said they. I thought it was just Phil."

Fuck.

"Oh. Um…" I faltered.

Thankfully my phone started ringing and I jumped for it. Digging around in my bag, I prayed it was Charlie calling, wondering where I was or requesting something in particular for dinner… anything. I flipped it open to see the caller ID. Apparently I should have been so thankful. I hit the end call button, effectively ignoring the call before snapping it shut and stuffing it into the pocket of my jeans.

"Who was that?"

"No one," I muttered, standing up quickly. "Alice, Rose, want to come with me to get something to drink?"

"Sure. I'm totally parched," Alice replied, while Rosalie declined.

Edward threw me a look as Alice and I left the bleachers. He had been pestering me nonstop about talking to Alice, but there never seemed like a good time. I guess now was as good as any time.

"Alice, you need to stop being so weird," I said once we were far enough away.

"Weird? I'm not being weird."

"Yes you are."

"No, I'm not."

"I'm not stupid, Alice."

"I never said you were. And I'm not being weird."

"Then tell me why Edward won't stop bugging me about talking to you. He knows there's something up with you. That you're not telling him something."

"What exactly do you want me to do, Isabella? I—"

"I want you to stop acting so weird. Just be normal again."

I watched Alice inhale deeply before letting it go, "I _am_ keeping something from him. At your request. I'm sure he'd like to know—"

"Don't you dare, Alice. If you tell him, I swear I will never talk to you again," I threatened.

"He cares about you. I _care_ about you. We all do. Please," she pleaded, her eyes watering up.

I grabbed her arm, dragging her away from the other students. I whispered menacingly, "Would you just drop it? I already told you that I wouldn't do it again and I haven't. Would you like to check?" I couldn't help snapping at her as I crossed my arms over my chest.

She shook her head minutely, a 'no' escaping her lips.

"I'll tell him… eventually," I said, my tone softening. "But in the meantime, please just try to act more normal. I'm just not ready yet."

"Okay," she uttered softly.

"Thanks. Come on, we better get back," I said, twisting the cap off my bottle of soda.

Alice perked up immediately when we got back, to the point of almost being over the top. No one said anything, but I knew they could see the difference in her personality. I hoped it wasn't apparent that she was just putting on a show to appease me.

Alice and Rosalie began gossiping about anything and everything under the sun. Or in the case of living here in Forks, everything under the clouds. I felt relieved that I was no longer the topic for discussion, at least for the moment. Once the boys realized there was girl talk happening, they branched back off into their own world. Though I could tell that Edward was only partially paying attention as he watched his sister intently for a while.

"I can not believe she actually wore that hideous thing she calls a dress," Alice said with disdain.

"I _know_," Rosalie replied. "I honestly never expected that from Jessica. She usually wears such cute clothes. Unlike Lauren, who constantly dresses like the skank she is."

"Be classy, not trashy," I laughed loudly, causing them to smile back at me.

"Exactly. I don't need to see her boobs and ass both falling out. I just don't."

It was then that Rosalie said the magic words that gained the boys' attention, drawing them back into our conversation.

"Are you guys really talking about tits?" Emmett asked.

We turned to see the boys looking at us with interest and then Rosalie smacked Emmett upside the head.

"What was that for?" he whined.

My laughter was cut short when my phone started ringing and vibrating, once again, from my pocket.

"God. Stop calling me. Can't you get the hint?" I muttered under my breath.

I was about to ignore it until I saw who was calling.

"I'll be right back guys," I said, walking away from my friends. "Hey Jake. What's up?"

"Not much. What are you doing right now?"

"Uh, just hanging out with my friends."

"Oh you wound me, Isabella. Am I not one of your friends as well?" Jacob joked.

"Of course you're one of my friends. You knew what I meant, Jake," I laughed.

"Sure, sure."

"What're you up to?" I asked, scuffing the toe of my shoe on the cement.

"Well, I was calling to see if you wanted to hang out, but it seems that you're too busy with your friends."

"Jake," I whined. "Please. I'm sorry."

"Relax, Isabella. I'm just messing with you. There's no chance of you ditching them though?"

"No," I replied, looking back over and catching Edward's tight gaze. I took in his appearance and noticed his body seemed a little ridged. I smiled at him before turning and saying, "Maybe we could do something this weekend? Like on Sunday?"

"Sure. Sounds good to me."

"What did you want to do?" I asked.

"Whatever you want," he replied.

"Awesome. No motorcycles though—Charlie would just kill me," I laughed.

"No problem. Oh wait. Actually, I'll need to see Sam by then, so do you want to go and finally meet him?"

"Yeah. Hey Jake? I've got to go now, but I'll talk to you later, 'kay?"

"Sure, sure. Later."

"Bye." I hung up the phone.

Smiling lightly, I made my way back to the bleachers, plopping down as I sighed. I leaned back into Edward's chest and immediately I could tell his body was tense.

"You okay," I asked, turning slightly to look at him.

"Yeah. Who was that?"

"Oh, um… just Jake."

Edward nodded and moved away from me slightly. I sighed loudly, hurt consuming me. Why couldn't the two of them get along? Oh right. It had something to do with that Clearwater girl. Lindsay or something.

"What the hell is you're problem, Edward?"

"Nothing. Its all good."

"Obviously," I replied dryly.

"So what did Black want?"

"He just wanted to see what I was up to. That's it."

"I'm sure," he said sarcastically.

"Would you grow up? You're being utterly ridiculous."

"Oh hey, Isabella," Alice jumped in. "What are you doing Saturday?"

"I'm busy. Why?"

"All day?"

"Yeah." I rolled my eyes. "Why do you want to know?"

"Doing what?"

"I have two interviews on Saturday. Charlie basically told me I needed to get a job."

"Oh," Alice said, sounding down. "I was hoping we could hang out."

"Well maybe you could come over later that night. After my interviews."

"But Esme wants to meet you," Alice whined.

"What Alice is trying to say, or ask in this case, is would you like to come over for dinner?" Edward asked, his voice still tight. "Charlie is invited too."

"Sure. I've never really been to your house before. I don't think Charlie will go though. He'll probably be busy watching the game."

"What game?" Emmett asked.

"I don't know," I shrugged. "There's always some game that he's watching."

"Yay!" Alice squealed, clapping loudly.

"Speaking of dinner, I should probably get home to start cooking for Charlie," I said, looking to Edward.

He nodded and stood up as he gathered our things. After saying goodbye to the others, Edward kept me at a distance. I longed to hold his hand, to be in his embrace, any sort of contact. While I was hurt, I was just as mad that he was acting this way because I'm friends with Jacob.

I wasn't really surprised that when Edward stopped the car in front of my house, he didn't kiss me goodbye. It felt like déjà vu of the first time he drove me home. Well, if he was going to be like that, two could play at that game. I grabbed my bag, slammed the passenger door, and all but ran to my front door.

Fuck this shit.

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**A/N: **Hey guys. Hope you enjoyed this chapter. Sorry for the long wait. The next chapter is almost done and will be off to my fabulous beta, **Violette de Musique**, before the end of the weekend. Leave me a review, I'd love to get honest opinions of my story. Thank you.

XOXO  
Jenn


	15. Awkward Dinner

**This story is rated MA.**

**The original characters and plot of Twilight are the property of Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended with this story. After the story is completed, all Twilight references and character names will be changed and copyrighted. Copyright 2010 by Jenndur. This story may not be duplicated, copied, printed or otherwise reproduced in any way, nor can it be reposted on any other website without the expressed written authorization of the author.**

**This story may contain adult subject matter, strong language, controversial topics, drug and underage alcohol use, mentions of rape, consensual sexual content, and self-injury. You have been warned.**

**Summary:** Isabella is a troubled teen with self-destructive behaviors sent to live with her father in Forks, WA. Will Edward be the one to help her, save her from this downward spiral? Or will his actions push her closer to the edge? AH/OOC, B/E.

**Recommended songs: 30 Seconds to Mars- "A Beautiful Lie"; All American Rejects- "Dirty Little Secret"**

* * *

**Chapter 14**

"_No man has a good enough memory to be a successful liar." -Abraham Lincoln_

* * *

My truck shuddered to a stop, the sound of the gravel driveway no longer crunching beneath. I hadn't anticipated how long it would take to get to the Cullen residence, now being twenty minutes late. It was a miracle I had even been able to find the place at all.

Their massive house was secluded, built in the middle of the forest. The turnoff for their road was so unrecognizable, I swear I passed it three times before I finally found it. I cautiously made my way down the worn path, hoping I hadn't made a mistake and taken the wrong road. The farther I went, deeper into the forest, my nerves grew. Images played out in my mind, sure to haunt my dreams later, from the movie _The Wrong Turn_ and my heart began skipping beats. I was about to throw my truck into reverse, when the dirt path became gravel. Less than a minute later, the house came into view and I exhaled, suddenly feeling exhausted.

I spotted Alice waiting for me on the hood of her yellow car. She sat cross-legged with her arms resting on her legs and her chin supported in her hands. She looked bored out of her mind, until I climbed out of the cab of my truck.

"Hey Alice," I called out, waving a little.

"You made it," she replied, pushing her small body off her car.

"Of course I did, though it was a little difficult to find. You really should put a marker or something so that its easier to find."

"Yeah, I know," she nodded. "Come on, let's go inside."

Alice grabbed my arm, practically dragging me along through the front door and into the kitchen.

"MOM! Isabella is here!"

"No need to yell, sweetie. I'm right here," Mrs. Cullen said, pausing her movements. Looking over to me, she smiled and set down the knife she had been chopping with. "Its so nice to finally meet you, Isabella. I've heard so much about you."

I blushed furiously when she gathered me up into her arms tightly. It almost made me tear up as I wished my mother was like this, even though I barely knew the woman before me. Feeling a little embarrassed and extremely shy, I quietly replied, "Its nice to meet you as well Mrs. Cullen."

"Oh, please call me Esme, darling."

"Okay Esme," I uttered softly. "You have a beautiful house."

Esme made her way back to the island in their kitchen, a warm smile still in place on her face, "Thank you, Isabella. Alice, why don't you give her a quick tour of the house? And let Edward know that dinner will be ready shortly. We're going to start as soon as your father arrives home."

"Sure Mom," Alice said, jumping down off the stool as she popped a cherry tomato in her mouth.

I was thankful I wouldn't have to sit around chatting aimlessly with Esme while waiting around for Edward. I wouldn't have been capable of doing that except giving one word answers as she proceeded from topic to topic. I'll fully admit that I'm really no good at dealing with new people, usually becoming more awkward. Especially around adults.

I followed Alice out of the kitchen as she nonchalantly pointed out which rooms were which and little facts about various items throughout the house.

As we ventured up the stairs, I craned my neck while asking, "Where is Edward?"

"He's in the shower right now. I think he's a little nervous," Alice whispered matter-of-factly.

"Ah," I hummed in understanding. "Why would he be nervous? I mean, if anyone should be nervous, it should be me."

"Why should _either_ of you be nervous?" Alice asked, laughing. "You've met our dad several times, and you just met our mom without any problems."

"I guess you're right. Still doesn't mean I'm not nervous."

"There's no one else to impress. So just relax, Isabella."

I grumbled, crossing my arms over my chest in a self conscious manner. How the hell could I relax when the main reason I was here was to impress his parents? I was here to please his mother and father, to show that that I was good for their son. But really, I was the farthest thing from that. I'd never be good enough for him, for their family.

"That's Edward's room and this is my room," Alice said proudly, throwing open her door.

Though I'd rather be with Edward, I gave into Alice knowing she'd get her way eventually. I was surprised when I walked in, not expecting what I saw. Her room was not bright and bubbly, no bubble gum pink or canary yellow. Instead it was elegant in shades of purple and champagne. Her room was not messy like mine and everything was in a spot that seemed to just fit.

"Wow," I said, stepping in completely. "I love it, Alice."

"Me too," she smiled, flopping down onto her bed.

"I'd hope so because if you didn't, I'd totally kick you out of here and take over. This is amazing."

"Why don't I just decorate your room instead? That way I wouldn't have to worry about you trying to take mine," Alice chuckled.

"I'd love you forever and ever," I said in a serious tone, which caused her to chuckle again.

We hung out in her room for a few more minutes before Alice decided that we should find Edward, to which I completely agreed. Standing outside his bedroom, Alice knocked on the door three times before turning to look at me. I felt sick, wanting to just leave. Was Edward still mad at me for talking to Jacob on Thursday? I just wanted us to forget about the whole thing. Would he do that? Could he?

These downing thoughts fled as soon as the door opened and I was left gaping like an idiot. Edward stood there in the doorway in baggy jeans, his boxers showing a little, and no shirt on. His head was cocked to the side as he ran his towel through his hair. I wiped the back of my hand across my chin, just to make sure I hadn't drooled. God that would be so embarrassing, even though he was completely drool worthy. What I wouldn't give just to run my hands through his wet locks.

"Hi," he said simply. No smile, no warmth in his greeting.

He was still upset.

"I made it," I said weakly.

"So it appears," he said in monotone.

"Uh… I think I'll go see if Mom needs any help," Alice said quickly, before abandoning me.

I didn't bother watching her walk away because immediately after, Edward turned away from the doorway, muttering for me to come inside. I was a few stops inside when Edward told me to close the door behind me. After shutting the door, I stayed put, not daring to move forward into his room. It still looked the same, smelled the same.

"How were your interviews?" he asked, his back still to me and his tone suggesting he was merely trying to be polite.

"They went okay, I think," I shrugged.

"Where'd you apply to?" he asked, now moving over to his dresser.

"Um, the grocery store and the Newton's store," I recalled.

I honestly didn't want to work at either place, but living in such a small town, the options were severely limited. I couldn't really be picky. Edward nodded in response, finally pulling out a shirt and slipping it on over his head. All I could do was sigh loudly as I watched his muscles contract in the most delicious way.

"Edward, can we talk please? I don't want you to be mad at me anymore."

"What's there to talk about? I'm not mad."

"Yes you are," I replied. "I can see it in your body language and hear it in your voice. Even Alice picked up on it and bolted."

"I'm not mad at you. I'm mad at the situation," he clarified.

"Care to explain that to me?" I asked, my question laced with attitude.

"You know how I feel about _him_—"

"You need to stop with the jealousy bit, Edward. It suits no one."

"I'm not jealous of him," he said defensively. "Is there a reason I should be?"

"No," I shook my head. "I just don't get what's going on between the two of you. Why there's so much animosity there."

"I take it he hasn't told you about what happened to Leah, right?"

"No, he hasn't. And neither have you. No one will tell me."

"Its not my story to tell," he said.

"Clearly," I said acidly. "You can't expect me to just take your side blindly without at least giving me a reasonable explanation. And until I have one, you're not going to dictate who I'm friends with."

This seemed to aggravate Edward further, to the point where he punched the wall. I jumped slightly, unsure of what I should do. I'd never seen him punch anything.

I began shaking my head and turned back to the door. I stopped, my hand resting on the handle and took a deep breath.

"I'm sorry Edward. I can see that my friendship with him bothers you a lot. And I'm not trying to hurt you, honestly I'm not. But I refuse to let you tell me who I can be friends with. I refuse to let you be another man that controls me, even if it is different."

"What are you saying Isabella?" He was suddenly much closer.

"Nothing. Never mind," I sighed, my shoulders dropped. "I just… I just want to forget about this. It's stupid. I'm sorry."

He gathered me into his arms, holding me as tears slowly clouded my vision. "I hate fighting with you," I muttered into his chest.

"We fight all the time," he whispered, stroking my hair. "It's normal for us."

"But this is our first fight as a couple," I whined.

"And its not our last," he said, pulling away slightly to look at me and wiped away a single tear from my cheek. "Besides, now that the fight is over, we're supposed to make up."

Edward wiggled his brows with a grin plastered on his face. I laughed softly at this, a grin spreading over my face to match his. I placed my hands on either side of his face, pulling him down to my level. I gasped loudly when our lips connected. There was a spark, a tingling sensation coursing through me now. Leaving me no time to recover, his lips attacked mine and overtook me.

I raked my fingers through his hair, like I had fantasized earlier. God, his hair was so soft, just like his lips. I loved how he held my hips tightly, trying to pull me closer to him, though it was almost physically impossible.

Edward hoisted me up and I wrapped my body around his, continuing to kiss him. He took measured steps, easing us down onto his bed, never breaking contact.

His lips left mine only to explore my skin. As he kissed my neck, one of his hands snaked up into my shirt. A moan escaped me when his hand reached my breast. Right now, I needed him like I needed air to survive.

I couldn't have stopped my body, even if I wanted to, which I didn't. Edward groaned loudly as I grinded my hips into his. He pulled away slightly, pausing all movements as I stared up at him. Then his hips met mine suddenly and he went back to caressing my skin with his lips.

Just as he began to lift my shirt, a loud knock pierced the otherwise quiet room. We both groaned out of frustration, Edward calling out, "What?"

"Dad's home. Its time for dinner."

Edward growled, sitting up. I laid there, resting back on my elbows as I watched him. Did he really just growl? It was sort of sexy, getting me all hot and bothered.

"Come on," I said, sitting up beside him.

"What? Your face?" he smirked at me.

"Real funny, Cullen. You're hilarious. Now let's go."

With our clothes all straightened and my hair fixed, we made our way down to the dinning room. I felt slightly anxious again, unable to shake the feeling even as Edward squeezed my hand in reassurance. What if Mrs. Cullen, I mean… Esme didn't like me having any physical contact with her son? I pulled out of his grasp, wrapping my arms around my body awkwardly. I shook my head when Edward gave me a bizarre look.

Esme walked in from the kitchen, followed closely by Dr. Cullen, each of them carrying food. Alice grinned up at me from her seat as Edward pulled my chair out for me. I rolled my eyes at her, grinning like crazy.

"What do you want to drink?" Edward's deep voice whispered in my ear.

I turned my head to him and said, "I'll have whatever you're having."

He nodded in confirmation, asking around before going to get drinks. He came back a few minutes later with two glasses filled with iced tea. My face flushed when Edward kissed my cheek quickly before sitting down in his chair next to me.

"Hey doc. What's happenin'?" I giggled as he sat down beside me at the head of the table.

"Hello Isabella," he smiled. "How are you?"

"I'm good," I giggle-snorted. "Just trying to stay out of trouble."

"Well, I think you're succeeding at it because I haven't seen you at the hospital in a while. Let's keep it up," he said, raising his hand in a high five.

I couldn't just leave him hanging like that, so I raised mine and gently tagged his and of course I couldn't stop giggling like the little school girl I am. I had to look away. This was getting a bit awkward, especially with how Alice was staring at me with saucer eyes.

_HA! That's what you get for flirting with my dad._

"So, um… dinner smells amazing… what is it?"

Alice and Edward both snickered, while Dr. Cullen attempted to hide his own laughter. Esme smiled at me, her eyes twinkling.

"Well, we have chicken in a three cheese sauce. A ricotta, cherry tomato and lettuce salad. And a rice and pasta mix. Its Edward's favorite."

I nodded, "I didn't realize you were a chicken kind of guy."

"What's that supposed to mean?" he asked with an amused grin.

"I don't know. You just seem like you would enjoy steak more than chicken," I shrugged.

"You haven't tasted my mother's chicken. It's awesome."

Esme asked Dr. Cullen how his day was and I tuned out their conversation, looking down at the food in front of me.

Edward's hand brushed mine, starling me. My head snapped to him as I stiffened. My eyes shot from his to Esme, hoping she hadn't seen anything because the last thing I needed was for her to hate me. Luckily, it appeared she didn't. Edward looked at me with raised brows before leaning over to whisper in my ear. I couldn't stop my face from flushing.

"What's going on?"

"Nothing," I whispered back to him. "I just don't think your mom would want us touching. That's all."

"She doesn't mind. It's fine," he said, firmly grasping my hand.

I scowled at him. Why did he have to push my buttons? But it _was_ fine. Esme glanced over at us and her smile grew.

"So Isabella?" Esme began. "Are you enjoying living in Forks?"

I took a sip of my iced tea before answering her with a nod. "Its okay," I smiled, squeezing Edward's hand. "Still the same old Forks."

"You grew up here?"

"Yeah. My parents grew up here, married right out of high school and had me not too shortly after. My mother and I left for California when I was about three years old. We stayed there for a few years until my mom decided to move us all over the country, never really staying in one place for too long. We finally settled in Arizona," I said wistfully.

"You must miss it there."

"Kind of. Only bits and pieces."

"What made you decided to move back to Forks after all this time? I bet your mother misses you terribly. Does she still live in Arizona?"

"Mom—" Alice and Edward both said in warning tones.

"I wouldn't bet on that. I'm sure she's glad to be rid of me."

In my peripheral, I could see Edward and Alice glance at each other in confusion.

"What are you—"

"My relationship with Renee went to shit with a long time ago. I'm better off here in Forks."

I partially felt bad for cursing in front of Esme, but Renee was a sore subject for me. Even without her being physically present in my life, she irritated the hell out of me.

"I'm sorry, but do you mind if we talk about something else?" I questioned.

"Sure sweetheart," Esme said gently. "Did you kids sign up for your SATs yet?"

I stayed silent, assuming she was taking to Alice and Edward. They mumbled their responses as I pushed my food around on my plate. When the fuck would this dinner be over?

"What about you Isabella?"

"Oh, um," I looked up in confusion. "Uh…. no. I haven't yet."

"That's okay. You'll still have time."

"Actually I don't think I'm going to take them," I forced myself to take a bite, silently praying that she'd leave me alone.

"Why not?" Carlisle questioned. "Aren't you going to college?"

"Yeah, but community colleges don't require them."

"A community college?" Edward asked.

"They're cheaper and—"

"That's no reason to settle," Edward argued.

"Financial aid is always available," Carlisle stated.

"I'm not settling. I just don't see what the point is of going to a four year college when I don't even know what I want to do with my life."

"You still have time to figure that out," Esme said softly. "Where's the harm in taking the SATs?"

"I don't know," I shook my head. "I guess, I'd rather just do two years at the community college, get all my general ed out of the way and then transferring to a four year."

"I still don't get why you'd want to do that," Edward muttered.

What the fuck was his problem? I've already made up my mind and that it. Let's take the topic off of me.

"Do you know where you're going to college, Edward?" I asked.

"I was planning on applying to Harvard or Dartmouth. Possibly Princeton or maybe Yale."

Oh. Fuck me.

I don't know why I wasn't surprised. Dr. Cullen mentioned that Edward wanted to be a doctor. So it made sense that he'd go to an Ivy League school. I didn't want to think about him going away to school, it made me feel… empty.

"What about you, Alice?"

"I'm going to apply to a bunch of schools, but I'm hoping for Brown," she said excitedly.

"Did you guys go to Ivy League schools as well?" I asked Esme and Dr. Cullen.

They both nodded as they revealed where they attended.

"Is that like some family tradition or something?"

"Not really. But I guess its becoming a tradition," Dr. Cullen said with a smile.

I shook my head. I was seriously out of my mind if I thought I'd ever have a chance of being accepted by this family. They had their lives all figured out where as I didn't. I didn't belong here, eating dinner with them. I didn't belong in their lives.

The rest of dinner passed without event. I attempted to help clear the table, but Esme refused my help saying that I was a guest.

"I'm very sorry that your father couldn't join us, Isabella. How about I pack him up some leftovers for you to take?"

I nodded in thanks before making my way over to Edward.

"Are you going home?" He asked.

"I guess," I replied unsurely.

"Before you go, I want to show you this place I go to sometimes…"

"Okay," I said, taking his hand and following him to his car.

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**A/N:** I totally meant to post this chapter yesterday, but I spaced it. Thanks to **Violette de Musique** for beta'ing. : ) Thanks to Stephanie, Adrienne, and Kaitlyn for reviewing. Just so you guys know, I TOTALLY LOVE GETTING REVIEWS *winks*... just sayin'. BTW—you guys may just get a lemon in the next chapter. Follow me on Twitter.

XOXO  
Jenn


	16. Bitter Lemonade

**This story is rated MA.**

**The original characters and plot of Twilight are the property of Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended with this story. After the story is completed, all Twilight references and character names will be changed and copyrighted. Copyright 2010 by Jenndur. This story may not be duplicated, copied, printed or otherwise reproduced in any way, nor can it be reposted on any other website without the expressed written authorization of the author.**

**This story may contain adult subject matter, strong language, controversial topics, drug and underage alcohol use, mentions of rape, consensual sexual content, and self-injury. You have been warned.**

**Summary:** Isabella is a troubled teen with self-destructive behaviors sent to live with her father in Forks, WA. Will Edward be the one to help her, save her from this downward spiral? Or will his actions push her closer to the edge? AH/OOC, B/E.

**Recommended songs:** Snow Patrol- "Chasing Cars"; Paramore- "Fences"; Kelly Clarkson- "Be Still"

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**Chapter 15**

"_It all depends on how we look at things, and not on how they are themselves." - Carl Jung_

* * *

I watched the sunset reflected in the passenger's side mirror as Edward sped down the highway. The day had grown progressively nicer; only a few clouds lingered now. With my window rolled down, I enjoyed the feel of the cool air on my skin. I resisted the urge to stick my hand out of the opening, letting the strong forces direct its movements. Though the wind on my face made it slightly difficult to regulate my breathing, I couldn't control the grin that overtook my face.

In my peripheral vision, I saw Edward glance over at me as he cleared his throat before grabbing my hand and squeezing it briefly. I turned to him, my grin still in place. Glancing at me once more, this time with a smirk, I giggled and turned back to stare out the window. My brows furrowed as I felt the car decrease in speed.

Why the fuck was he stopping in the middle of nowhere? Was there something wrong with his mom car?

I peered questioningly at Edward, receiving no response. Instead, he looked over his left shoulder before guiding the car over the set of double yellow lines. The car came to a rest just off the side of the deserted road. Edward climbed out and made his way over to my door, helping me out of the car before going to his trunk.

"Edward? Is everything okay with the mom car?"

Edward slammed the trunk closed, glaring at me and muttering about how it wasn't a mom car. I laughed lightly until he reappeared with a lantern.

"What the fuck is that for?" I asked with disdain.

"We have to go a little farther, but we can't take the car."

"I didn't realize we were going to be hiking, especially in the dark. I wouldn't have agreed to come otherwise."

"Oh relax," Edward murmured. "Its really not much of a walk."

I huffed loudly as Edward held out his hand, waiting for me. I honestly didn't want to walk into a forest in the dark. With my luck, I'd end up falling and breaking something. But on the other hand, I was very curious about this mysterious place Edward wanted to show me. I huffed once more before pushing my way passed him.

"Uh, Isabella? You're going the wrong way," Edward laughed.

True to his word, we only walked for about fifteen minutes. Though five minutes in, I began questioning whether he actually knew where he was going. I grew anxious as many scenarios played out in my mind, each only adding fuel to the growing fire. What if we got lost? What if Edward was knocked unconscious and I couldn't find my way back to get help? What if we were attacked by wolves or some other kind of animal? What if we were attacked by severely disfigured cannibalistic people?

I tried to think about other things, but my mind kept coming back to these horrifying thoughts. My heart was racing a million miles a minute and I was starting to break out in a cold sweat. Then Edward announced that we'd arrived and for the first time, I'd really taken in my surroundings.

"We'll have to come back here another time for you to really get to look at it."

We were standing on the outskirts of a decent sized meadow. I gasped loudly, taken aback by its beauty. The moon was bright and was steadily lighting up everything. I walked forward slowly, delicately touching a small flower that was just beginning to bloom.

"I come here sometimes when I need to think or just… get away," Edward said softly, leading me to the middle of the meadow.

"What do _you_ need to get away from?" I questioned.

"Plenty," Edward replied.

"Such as…?"

"I don't know. My family, school… my life."

I looked at him with doubt written on my face, but stayed silent as I waited for him to elaborate further.

"Its just… so much is expected of me," Edward began. "My parents are constantly pushing for me to go to an ivy league school and become a doctor, but I don't want that. I don't want any of it."

"Why not? I'm sure you'd make a great doctor. You're great with people and taking care of them. I'd know," I added the last part in quickly.

"Thanks," Edward smirked before it softened to a gentle smile. "I guess I'd rather just do something that I absolutely love and am passionate about."

"Like what?"

"I'm not sure. I was thinking of studying music. Maybe."

"Really? Shouldn't you be able to play an instrument or something?" I asked, feeling my face scrunch up—I definitely had not been anticipating that answer.

"I do," Edward nodded. "I play the piano mostly, but I have composed a few of my own songs."

"Are you fucking kidding me? That huge piano at your house isn't just for decoration?"

"Uh, no…" he trailed off. "I'll have to play for you sometime."

The conversation turned back to the irritatingly high expectations Edward's parents had for him and Alice. I stayed silent as Edward let it all out. As I listened, I though about my own parents.

I had always done mediocre in school, but that never seemed to be enough for Renee. She began pressuring me to achieve better grades in my freshman year of high school. By my junior year, my grades had dropped to their lowest. Her pushing only had a negative effect on me and I guess unintentionally, I was rebelling.

For the most part, Charlie left me to sort through school alone, which I actually preferred. And even though I'm not hassled about school, I still feel the indirect pressures that come with being the daughter of a police chief. There are so many things that are expected of me, things I'll never be able to accomplish. Try as I might, I will never be able to play that role, be that person. I will unequivocally disappoint everyone at some point or another.

"Isabella, can I ask you a question?"

"You just did," I said, cocking one eyebrow.

"You know what I mean," Edward replied, rolling his eyes which caused me to laugh lightly.

"Yeah. Go ahead, ask away."

"Earlier, when my mom asked about your mom… I thought you had said she died?"

"I did," I nodded, looking down at my hands.

"But you were talking like she is still alive."

"Renee _is_ still alive."

"Then you… what? You lied?" Edward's tone became accusing.

"Not to you," I shrugged, still not looking to him.

"How do you figure that?"

"I told Jessica and her friends. I never straight up told you that."

"That doesn't matter," Edward argued. "You've let everyone believe that you lost your mother."

"Its not my fault you guys assumed—"

"Yes it is," he interrupted. "You knew the moment you said it that everyone in this small ass town would know. There are no secrets around here; everyone knows everyone else's business."

"Secrets…" I snorted lightly.

"You _did_ lie to me. You lied by omission."

"Oh please, Edward," I shook my head.

"You did," he insisted. "You've had the chance to tell the truth every single day, but instead you chose not too."

"It doesn't matter anyway," I said softly, turning away. "Renee _is _dead to me. I didn't lose her… she just threw me away."

"What?"

"She didn't want me anymore, so she shipped me off to live with Charlie."

"Why would she do that?"

"Apparently I was too much for her to handle and she grew tired of having to deal with me. Is that what you wanted to know? What you wanted me to say? Should I have just told our classmates that my mother didn't want me and that my father begrudgingly took me back into his house?" I started to tear up. "I'm sorry I didn't say something sooner, but honestly… I didn't want to see the pity in everyone's eyes. Besides, there never seemed to be a good time to talk about it."

"Isabella," Edward uttered softly, waiting until I looked at him. "You can talk to me about _anything, whenever_. Okay?"

I nodded, looking away awkwardly. "So, uh… how did you even manage to find this place?"

"About a year and a half ago, I was feeling a little stressed out so I got in my car and started to drive, just trying to clear my head a bit. I ended up on the highway and passed the trail the guys and I use when we go hiking. I pulled over and just wandered around, keeping track of where I was going. I was about to turn around when I stepped foot into this meadow." When I didn't say anything in response, Edward continued, "I've never brought anyone else here before."

"Alice…?"

"Nope."

"Not even Tanya?" I prodded quietly.

Edward shook his head and grabbed my hand. I was slightly surprised at this small piece of information. Why hadn't he shown this place to anyone else? Why hadn't he taken Tanya here? If I was calculating correctly, he still would have been with her when he found this place. Could she be one of the reasons Edward had been stressed out in the first place?

"So what made you want to bring me here? To your private space?"

"I don't know. I guess I just wanted to have you all to myself," he replied as he shrugged.

"Have me to yourself, Mr. Cullen? You already do," I whispered.

Edward's gaze dropped down from my eyes to my mouth as my tongue darted out, lightly wetting my lips. I watched as Edward leaned back on one hand before he tugged me forward gently with his other hand. I pulled my hand free to stabilize myself as I leaned over him slightly. His large, warm hand cupped the side of my neck, his thumb caressing my cheek lightly. I nuzzled into his hand, slightly angling my head to the right. My eyes fluttered shut as I exhaled deeply in content.

I drew in a shallow breath before our lips touched. Once… twice… three times. Edward brushed his tongue against my lips ever so slightly, asking for permission. I granted his request by parting my lips.

We sunk down to the earth together, never breaking our kiss. I briefly gripped Edward's shirt in an attempt to pull us closer. I was craving him, this… My hand trailed up from his chest to the back of his neck, just below his hair line. Edward moaned loudly into my mouth as I gently tugged on his hair.

I could feel the ache below and knew it was the same for him. Though the need was present, there was no frenzied rush. It was different, something I had never been used to. But Edward… he was different, wasn't he?

I pulled myself back minutely, gasping for much needed air. Sometimes when we were kissing, I would forget the need for oxygen and I'd have to stop from being lightheaded. I couldn't help it—he was constantly dazzling me.

Edward placed a hand on my exposed skin where my shirt had ridden up. I sighed, dropping my head into the crook of his neck. I wanted him. Now. I threw one of my legs over his body so that I was straddling him. I unbuttoned his shirt, fumbling the whole time.

"I need you, Edward," I said, finally freeing him of his shirt.

His green eyes stared at me through heavy lids as he sat up. His lips were on my neck and he was helping me out of my own shirt. I moaned, rocking my hips. It was only seconds before his skilled fingers unsnapped my bra. My back arched as his mouth closed over one of my nipples. He did the same to the other one before laying me on my back. He effortlessly flicked the button open on my jeans and helped me shimmy out of them, along with my panties.

"Beautiful," he muttered, leaning down to place a kiss on my thigh.

I blushed deeply at his words and wanted to argue with him. I stopped myself though, letting it go because I needed this. I didn't want to give it up just because I wanted to prove he was wrong.

I needed to stop thinking. I needed only to feel. And that I did. I felt his lips trail their way up my leg, stopping short of my center. My breath hitched as he began on my other leg. The physical need I felt was excruciatingly painful, causing me to clench my eyes shut tightly.

"Stop teasing me," I pleaded softly.

My hips bucked and I cried out as he began licking and sucking at my center.

Oh. My. Fucking. God. His mouth on me was so fucking amazing. He gripped my hips tightly to keep me from moving around to much. I propped myself up on my elbows, just watching Edward. He must've felt my gaze because he looked up at me a minute later, never stopping.

"Ah, Edward. I'm so close," I panted, throwing my head back and reaching my hand down to grip his hair.

The coil deep inside me that had been threatening to spring suddenly sprung as I came. Edward continued his ministrations as I rode it out. It was when I heaved a sigh of contentment that Edward stopped, sitting back on his heels.

I smiled up at him as I felt the need starting to grow again. I may have orgasmed, but I still craved penetration that only he could give me.

"I need you, Edward. Now," I demanded, pulling him back to me.

He kissed me deeply and I could taste myself on him. Normally, I was really weird about that but Edward was different.

"Please," I breathed onto his lips, reaching for his pants.

"We can't," he said, pulling away.

"What? Why not?" I questioned, sounding hurt.

"We just can't right now. I don't have a condom. I still want to," he said looking into my eyes. "We just have to wait a little longer."

"Edward. _Please_. I need you," I sounded desperate now. And I was. This intense desire I had looming deep inside me would only eat away at me, driving me crazy. "It'll be okay."

It hurt to see the pain in his face as he weighed his options. But I knew if I didn't get the release I needed and soon, that would hurt more.

"I'm on the pill so you don't need to worry about the condom. Please Edward."

It only took a minute of internal debate for Edward to concede, nodding his head gingerly. Hesitantly, I reached for him again and this time, he didn't stop me when I started to undo his pants.

After removing all his clothing, I couldn't stop myself from staring. His body may not have been ripped but God… he was definitely a sight to behold. And he was mine. All mine.

I wanted to take him in my mouth to return the favor, but honestly, I felt like I was suffocating from needing him so badly.

Somehow I was on my back again with Edward between my parted legs. He hovered above me, positioning himself. I could see in his eyes he still wasn't sure about this, silently asking if I really wanted this. I nodded and grabbed his ass to bring him closer.

Feeling his tip lightly skim my wetness, I bit my lip in anticipation. Edward thrust into me quickly, stilling when he was completely inside me. While he groaned loudly and shuddered, I moaned at the filling sensation.

Eventually, he slowly began thrusting again, watching me. I usually hated this position because of this—being face to face. I felt like I was being analyzed or that he wanted me to talk about something. I could endure it though, right? Because Edward was different…

He was lovely to watch though when he was about to come, muttering incoherently with his eyes closed and head thrown back. I smiled up at him, reaching down to touch myself so we could find release together. I was almost there when I felt Edward's thrusts become erratic. His body stiffed and as he exhaled, he called my name…

"_Bella_."

_He wasn't different… not at all._

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_11_


	17. Nightmare

**This story is rated MA.**

**The original characters and plot of Twilight are the property of Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended with this story. After the story is completed, all Twilight references and character names will be changed and copyrighted. Copyright 2010 by Jenndur. This story may not be duplicated, copied, printed or otherwise reproducted in any way, nor can it be reposted on any other website without the expressed written authorization of the author.**

**This story may contain adult subject matter, strong language, controversial topics, drug and underage alcohol use, mentions of rape, consensual sexual content, and self-injury. You have been warned.**

**Summary:** Isabella is a troubled teen with self-destructive behaviors sent to live with her father in Forks, WA. Will Edward be the one to help her, save her from this downward spiral? Or will his actions push her closer to the edge? AH/OOC, B/E.

**Recommended songs: Red- "Breathe Into Me"**

**WARNING: THIS CHAPTER DOES CONTAIN SEXUAL ASSAULT/RAPE.**

**

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**

******Chapter 16**

"_And this is who I am when, when I don't know myself anymore. And this is what I choose when it's all left up to me." -Red, "Breathe Into Me"_

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_I couldn't sleep; it was hotter than usual in my room, stifling almost. I stared mindlessly at my ceiling for a while before glancing at the alarm clock beside my bed — it was late. I fanned myself with my hand, listening to the crickets chirping outside. I really wished Charlie wouldn't turn the heat up so high — it wasn't like it was the dead of winter anymore. I rolled onto my side, flinging the covers off my body. I had no idea how long I lay awake before I finally started to drift into unconsciousness._

"_Bella."_

_My body tensed and chills ran down my spine. I knew that voice — it haunted me constantly. Dread coursed through me as my anxiety level increased with each passing second. I slowly rolled onto my back, hesitantly looking around my shadowed room. I exhaled sharply when I found nothing. I knew trying to hide as much of myself under the covers was absolutely pointless. It only offered a false sense of security. But it was all I had._

"_Bella," the voice called again._

_I clenched my eyes shut, trying to convince myself that I was safe here in Charlie's house. There was no way _**he**_ could break in unnoticed… right? His voice was only a figment of my imagination. I focused on my breathing — in through my nose and out through my mouth. Over and over._

"_Bella…"_

_When I felt the bed dip on my right from an added weight, I gasped loudly. I couldn't stop my body from trembling or prevent the tears from escaping out the corners of my closed eyes. The weight shifted slightly, the bed creaking as he moved closer to me. I felt my hair being brushed away from my neck and his touch made my skin crawl._

"_What're you doing here?" I whimpered. "You're not supposed to be here."_

"_You know why I'm here, Bella," he said sardonically._

_Without even having to look at him, I knew he wore an evil grin. He'd have this bloodthirsty look in his eyes as he watched his hands run along my flesh. He would get turned on not only by my body, but my fear as well._

"_My dad will—"_

"_Your dad will what?" he asked quietly, stroking my cheek._

"_He'll… he'll—"_

"_He'll nothing. He's not here."_

"_What?" I asked, feeling terrified._

"_He's in Washington."_

_Opening my eyes again, I peeked to my left and looked around my room — it was different. It was my room… but it was the one I left back in Arizona._

"_But I…" I trailed off._

"_Shhhhh, Bella. Your mother is asleep and we wouldn't want to wake her, now would we?"_

_I didn't answer… I couldn't. I was lost inside my mind. I knew any minute Charlie would walk through the door and put an end to this nightmare. He'd aim his gun and put a bullet straight into Phil. I pondered whether I should scream — would it help me or hurt me?_

_I snapped out of my thoughts when I felt the covers being pulled back. Phil started tugging at my shirt as I tried to fight him off. In return, he knocked my hands away, and his mouth latched back onto my unclothed bits of skin. He straddled me and sat up slightly so he could take my shirt off easier. He ended up ripping the front of it in half, exposing my chest._

_I swung my arm up and my hand connected with his face. I used my other arm to hit him a second time. He slapped me before forcing me to look at him. I watched him, my terror intensifying._

"_Now, just what do you think you're doing?"_

"_My dad will walk in here any second," I said, gazing steadily at the door. There was no way Charlie didn't hear that — the walls were too thin._

"_I already told you, Bella. He's not here." Phil chuckled darkly._

_Through the quiet ruffling and my pleadings, I heard the unmistakable sound of his pants being unzipped as he groaned loudly. He roughly grabbed at my chest with one hand, and I'm sure he was using the other to free himself from his constraints._

_He let out a strangled moan that drew my attention back to him. I glanced over for only a second before looking away. I flailed in panic after finding him stroking himself above me. My arm knocked my alarm clock to the floor, and I flinched slightly at the loud noise it created. Surely that would grab Charlie's attention._

_Both my wrists were gripped tightly and forced to rest over my head. He freed one of his hands and began pulling at my underwear, shuffling it down off my hips. I felt resigned that Charlie wouldn't rescue me this time since he hadn't shown up by now. My body writhed under Phil's as I struggled to get him off of me, but his strength was too much._

"_Get the fuck off me!" I yelled._

"_Shut up," he said, slapping me once more. He forced my legs open with his once my panties were resting at my ankles. "You want it and you know it."_

_Before I even had a chance to respond, Phil thrust sharply into me, barely stopping once he was fully inside. I cried out in pain — it felt like he had ripped me in two. He kissed me forcefully to drown out my sobs. I continued to struggled to free myself from him to no avail._

_I felt paralyzed as I begged and pleaded with him to stop. Eventually I fell silent, the shock finally setting in… once again. The pins-and-needles feeling in my hands disappeared as they grew numb — much like how I wished I could be. The heaviness of his body and his breath on my face made me want to throw up. I tried to think about something else, anything else, to forget where I was and what was happening to me._

_I couldn't stop myself from counting to the rhythm of his thrusts and his breathing. Each repetition brought me that much closer to my reprieve._

_1-2-3-4... 1-2-3-4... 1-2-3-4..._

_In… out… in… out… in… out…_

_He finished quickly, letting all his weight crush down on me as he found his release. He buried his face deeply into my neck before letting out a satisfied sigh. I continued to count… 1-2-3-4. Finally he pulled away from me, lifting his face to look at mine._

_I was even more horrified by what I saw. It was not Phil who was staring back at me with copper hair clinging to his face. It was not his chest that heaved up and down as he tried to catch his breath. Instead I was face to face with Edward. His mouth was moving, but I heard nothing. Pure silenced surrounded me, and it was like I was trapped in a soundproof bubble. He leaned closer and suddenly his voice hit me and my bubble popped._

"_Don't tell anyone." He smiled as he caressed my neck._

_His smile was off though, like it wasn't his own. And there was something about his eyes… Like a flickering light, I caught a glance of Phil before I saw Edward once again. His smile was like Phil's — he had the same evil look in his eyes._

_I nodded minutely. Edward smiled once more, running his thumb along my lips before kissing me. "Good girl, Bella."_

FUCK!

I jolted awake and sat up as I clutched my chest, my heart hammering away. I was scared out of my wits, looking around my room and taking it all in. I was still in Charlie's house, still in my clothes. I was safe… for now.

Even after I had looked around, I still felt the need to check everywhere. I peered under my bed and in my closet, before making sure the windows were still locked. My door handle jiggled just as I threw on a sweatshirt. I jumped and screamed loudly.

"You okay, kiddo? Is everything alright?" Charlie asked through the door.

"Yeah, Dad," I called back breathlessly. I dropped down into my rocking chair, muttering incoherently as I rubbed my hand on my thigh.

* * *

My mind wandered as I trudged out of Spanish class with Alice trailing behind me. As thankful as I was that Alice was giving me space, I wasn't sure it was such a good thing. It was painfully obvious that she was at unease around me, but a part of me was past the point of caring. It hurt that she wasn't even attempting to make an effort with me, and yet I didn't want her to. It was much easier this way — I didn't have to force a conversation that was bound to be awkward and tense.

Alice rushed past me while I took slow, measured steps toward the cafeteria — I really didn't want to go to lunch because then I'd have to face Edward. I'd successfully managed to avoid Edward up until now. I called him briefly on Sunday to let him know that I'd gotten the job at Newton's and that I'd have to start driving my truck again. When he asked to hang out, I claimed that I had things to do around the house and that I'd see him at school. I spent most of that day in my room, high out of my mind.

Monday had been tense. I was emotionally exhausted and it was taking a toll on me physically. I looked like shit, felt like shit and my patience was at zero. Once again, any little thing would set me off. There was a constant headache pounding away from lack of sleep… or a possible hangover. And I couldn't get _his_ voice and image out of my head. I ditched before lunch began, not having the strength to face Edward. I drove to the outskirts of town until it was time to start my first shift at work. I was given a tour of the store and instructions of my duties before being released for the day. I didn't call Edward when I arrived home, instead quickly throwing dinner together for Charlie and locking myself away in my room. I had tried so hard not to give into the temptations, but it was inevitable that I made the same mistakes… again.

The night Edward had called me "Bella" was just the start of constant nightmares. I flinched as I thought that name, hearing both Phil's voice and his in my head. The nightmare was the same every time — starting out with Phil and toward the end he would morph into Edward. Though I knew that Edward would never intentionally hurt me that way, seeing him like that in my dreams scared the crap out of me. I couldn't help my reactions because even awake, I was unable to evade that nightmare.

Even though I was sure Edward wasn't aware he'd called me "Bella," I couldn't stop myself from holding it against him. All because he called me that — especially while doing what we'd been doing — I was constantly being haunted. After he came, Edward collapsed on top of me, murmuring in my ear — not that I heard what he said as I was trapped inside my mind, reliving horrid memories. When he finally extracted himself from me, I scampered to get myself resituated and to put space between us. It seemed to be even darker as we made the trip back to the car. I followed a few feet behind Edward, stumbling along the way.

Being so close to him in the car was difficult — I wanted to cry, feeling trapped again. I all but jumped out of his car as it came to a stop in front of his house. I muttered that I really needed to get home, adding that Charlie was sure to be worrying about me. I watched as Edward nodded, standing a few feet away from me. He knew I was acting out of sorts and it would eventually lead to him asking questions. To avoid that, I took that impossible step into his arms.

"_Are you okay?" Edward asked into my hair._

"_Yeah, I'm fine." I nodded, lying through my teeth. I leaned back in his arms, forcing myself to look into his eyes — they were still his. I stiffened minutely when he leaned forward, briefly pressing his lips to mine. I reminded myself that I just needed to hold on for a little bit longer._

I'd been in luck though, because Edward dropped his arms and stepped away from me. He quietly told me good night and to drive safe. I nodded again in response, unable to use my voice. I climbed into my truck, heaving a deep sigh after the door shut. I waved after the engine started and pulled away. Once I was no longer in sight at the end of his drive, I peeled out and sped away. I was losing grip of all my control.

The rest of the night was horrible… difficult to say the least.

I'd broken my promise to Alice, several times since Saturday night. I subtly ran my hand along my thigh, remembering the satisfaction I got from the instant release cutting gave me. I felt the need to do it again, but I had just walked through the door to the cafeteria. There was no way I'd be able to leave unnoticed. When Mike and Jessica both called out to me, I continued to make my way to where Alice stood in line. I merely bobbed my head in acknowledgement before stopping a foot away from Alice. We still didn't talk as we progressed through the line. I knew she was curious as to why I didn't just go straight over to the table if I wasn't getting food or talking to her. She didn't know that I was hiding behind her like a shield against her brother.

I followed her as we approached our table. Of course, she left the seat next to Edward open for me. And of course, no one knew that I didn't want to sit next to him. I hesitated briefly before settling into the chair, deciding that I needed to act normal. I couldn't risk being asked questions…

"Hey, haven't seen you in a while," Edward said, slinging his arm around the back of my chair.

"Hi," I replied gruffly. My body tensed and I leaned forward to put as much space between us. I reached down into my bag, grabbing my water bottle — I'd refilled it with stronger crap after thoroughly searching through Charlie's 'hidden' stash. I took a sip of the Everclear, wincing lightly at the harshness.

"Are you okay? You look kind of worn down," he asked, seeming concerned.

"Thanks, Edward," I said snippily, taking a gulp this time.

"So, uh… what happened yesterday? I thought I saw your truck in the parking lot, but then you never showed up at lunch or biology."

"I wasn't feeling well," I mumbled.

"If you're not feeling good, you should go home and rest."

"Obviously I can't," I snapped at him. "Charlie doesn't want me missing anymore classes." While this was true, Charlie didn't know exactly how much school I had missed.

"What's going on?" he asked, his voice dropping down an octave as he put a hand on my shoulder.

"Nothing." I was focused on his hand on my shoulder; I wanted if off of me.

"Isabella…" He quirked one of his eyebrows.

"What?" I asked exasperatedly. "Everything's fine. Why can't you just leave me alone?"

There was a slight hint of hurt in his eyes before they hardened. He removed his arm from around me, crossing both over his chest before leaning away from me.

That hurt more than I'd like to admit. Jeez, I felt like I was going crazy; my feelings were contradictions in themselves. I wanted nothing to do with Edward, but when he finally left me alone, I was hurt… upset. I could feel my eyes stinging as they began to water.

I could feel myself growing defensive again. I needed to leave — to get away from him and everyone else. I pushed my chair back from the table, looking to the ground. I didn't care to know what any of them thought, as they'd make it obvious with the looks on their faces.

During that short time I'd been at the table, I hadn't realized that I had downed most of the contents of my water bottle, and it was some of the strongest alcohol I'd ever drunk.

Holy fuck! I was a little drunk. And at school nonetheless. Oh God, I could just image the shitstorm that would threaten to blow up in my face. Would Charlie have to arrest me for underage drinking? Would I be suspended or expelled? What would everyone say?

I staggered a few steps, attempting to make my way over to Mike and Jessica. I stumbled slightly into an empty chair, throwing an apology over my shoulder. Were my words slurred? My thoughts were going much faster than I could articulate and my feet seemed to be two steps behind me.

I was almost there when I felt hands grip my upper arms, forcing me out the doors, away from curious eyes.

"Let me go!" I shrieked, trying to struggle out of their grasp.

"Stop it, Isabella." Edward's stern voice in my ear caused me to struggle even more.

Oh God. Oh God. Oh God.

While Edward was on one side of me, Emmett suddenly appeared on my other with Alice scurrying in front of us. I briefly wondered if the others were behind us. As if this wasn't horrifying and embarrassing enough… At least with the others here, I hoped Edward wouldn't be able to hurt me.

We ended up in the parking lot, and I was still fighting to get him off of me. He loosened his hold on me, and before I knew it, I was flat on my ass. I gazed up to see my friends standing there, looking down on me.

"What the fuck, Isabella?" Edward whisper-yelled. "Are you kidding me?"

I shrugged nonchalantly, brushing my hands off on my pants.

"What the _hell_ are you thinking? Seriously? Drinking at school?"

I ignored him, struggling to stand up while keeping my balance. I stepped away from Edward and ended up in Emmett's arms. I glanced up at him briefly before heaving a sigh. I felt that stinging in my eyes. I wouldn't cry…

"What the fuck do you want from me, Edward?" I sobbed at him. "Just leave it. Just leave me alone."

"What is your problem? Why are you doing this?" He took a step closer and I pushed myself back into Emmett's chest. I glanced over and saw Rosalie holding my forgotten things.

"Rose," I slurred. "Will you drive me home?"

"No," Edward said before she could give me a response. "I want to sort this shit out — Now."

"Enough," Jasper interjected, glancing between us. "Rose, take Isabella home. Emmett and I will follow you guys and bring you back."

_I was thankful that Jasper helped me and seemed to understand that Rosalie was the only person right now that I wanted to be around right now, even if it was only to drive me home._

* * *

**A/N: **Major thanks go out to Mel (mcc101180) for beta'ing on such short notice — She is incredibly amazing : )

Thank you as well to Kaitlyn for being there and supporting me : )

Thank you to everyone who reviewed, added to their alerts and favorites.


	18. Needs

**This story is rated MA.**

**The original characters and plot of Twilight are the property of Stephenie Meyer. No copy right infringement is intended with this story. After the story is completed, all Twilight references and character names will be changed and copyrighted. Copyright 2010 by Jenndur. This story may not be duplicated, copied, printed or otherwise reproducted in any way, nor can it be reposted on any other website without the expressed written authorization of the author.**

**This story may contain adult subject matter, strong language, controversial topics, drug and underage alcohol use, mentions of rape, consensual sexual content, and self-injury. You have been warned.**

**Summary:** Isabella is a troubled teen with self-destructive behaviors sent to live with her father in Forks, WA. Will Edward be the one to help her, save her from this downward spiral? Or will his actions push her closer to the edge? AH/OOC, B/E.

**Recommended songs: Marilyn Manson- "Coma White"; The Fray- "Little House"**

* * *

**Chapter 17**

"_Everybody winds up kissing the wrong person good night." -Andy Warhol_

* * *

I felt like shit — plain and fucking simple. As I sat slumped over in the passenger's seat of my truck, I wished there had been more room to lay stretched out instead of having my face smashed against the window. I couldn't even recall how Emmett had managed to keep me in the car while getting the door shut safely. Staying pressed up against the cool glass helped minutely ease away the queasiness I felt. I couldn't tell how much time it actually took Rosalie to start the truck, but it felt like forever.

"Honestly, I cannot see why you drive this piece of crap," she complained.

"You've got to, uh… double pump the, uh… um… the clutch," I mumbled back.

"Look, Isabella. I—"

"I don't need you to fucking lecture me, Rose. Okay?" I snapped, essentially baring my teeth at her.

"Chill out, Isabella. I was just trying to say that I'm not going to force you to tell me what's going on — especially with whatever it is that's between you and Edward. But I hope you know that I'm here for you if you ever need someone to talk to or whatever… all right?"

While I appreciated it, I couldn't invest in her offer — I didn't trust her enough. There was no way I could believe she'd be there for me in the long run, especially if she knew the real me. I'd never wholly give myself away, but there would always be bits and pieces of me that I'd never be able to conceal. No, I didn't trust her to understand anything when it came to me. She'd never be able to rationalize my thoughts and mixed feelings. I only knew this to be true because I didn't even understand it myself. And there's no guarantee that she'd still want to be friends with me or even like me as a person if she really knew.

_I_ didn't like who I was, so why should she?

In fact, I abhorred myself vehemently.

"Thanks, Rose," I murmured, settling back in my seat.

So now, not only was I feeling shitty physically but emotionally as well. As I thought back, I realized I probably should have eaten something. Maybe then it wouldn't have hit me so hard. My stomach churned at the thought of food, and I had to fight back the waves of nausea.

As we rolled to a stop and Rosalie finally declared we'd arrived, I hastily pushed the door open. It occurred to me as I hung halfway out of the truck that I hadn't thought to remove my seatbelt which was now digging into my body. I didn't bother attempting to right myself, because I knew that I wasn't really in control of my limbs. Rosalie rushed to my aid, using all her strength and energy to shove me upright.

"Em? A little help here, please?" she called out breathlessly.

Both Emmett and Jasper appeared in front of me as Rosalie moved out of the way. Emmett closed the distance, releasing me from the seatbelt and pulling me out. Once I was standing securely, I tried to shove him away by his chest.

"I can take care of myself," I slurred.

"Yeah. It sure looks like it," he replied sarcastically.

"I can," I repeated, stomping my foot in emphasis.

"Fine. I'm not arguing with you, but just to be safe, I'm going to help you up to your room. The last thing we need is for you to get hurt again."

I huffed in annoyance but let him guide me to the house. With unwanted help, I made it up those troublesome stairs and flopped onto my bed. I felt my shoes being removed, and instead of being thankful, I just wanted them to leave me the fuck alone. I wasn't a fucking child. They were being as annoying as Newton…

"Fuck!"

"What?" Emmett panicked. "You're not gonna toss your cookies, are you?"

"No," I moaned.

"Then what's wrong?" Jasper finally spoke.

"I'm supposed to fucking work tonight. What am I going to do?"

"Don't worry about it," Rosalie said, setting down a glass of water beside my bed. I hadn't noticed she'd left the room. If I had, I would have completely lost it. "We'll talk to Newton and tell him that you're sick. Besides, it's not like they're ever busy anyway."

"Thanks," I replied quietly, turning away from their judging faces.

It didn't take long before they mumbled their goodbyes and left without a response from me. I stayed quiet as I listened to them talk about me. I wasn't sure if they thought I'd passed out or if they just didn't care if I'd hear them.

"_What the hell is going on, Rose?"_

"_I don't know, Emmett. It's not like we discussed it on the way over here."_

"_Well, obviously it has something to do with Edward."_

"_No shit, Jazz. She couldn't get away from him fast enough."_

"_And Alice…"_

"_Alice? Dude, you're delusional."_

"_No, Em. He's right. Alice is a lot closer to her than I am. It doesn't really make sense…"_

I could barely hear the front door close, but as the heavy silence pierced through the air and hit me head on, I knew they had left. Despair flooded through my body as the empty void consumed me once again.

I was alone.

I suddenly wanted to be held, but there was no one to hold me. I longed for Edward but knew if he was with me that I'd just want him to leave. I wished for my friends to be huddled around me, but they wouldn't know how to comfort me. I wanted Charlie… and even Renee to be the parents I needed them to be. Oh, God, how I wanted my mother to just wrap me up in her arms and take this all away. I wanted her to give me back that security she had once provided me as a young child. I wanted her to make me feel happy and whole again.

But I couldn't turn to them, because they'd never understand. They couldn't even see how much I was hurting or the tears that I'd shed. They couldn't help me, because I didn't want their help.

I couldn't be helped.

I fucking hated feeling like this — so hopeless. There was no way that everyone could feel this way as constantly as I did, could they? Did everyone feel this shitty when they were alone? Did they become overwhelmed so easily when they got lost in their wandering thoughts? I just wanted to not feel like everything about me was so wrong. There was no way that everyone felt this way…

I didn't deserve Edward. He was much too good for me. There were plenty of other girls that I'm sure were worthy of him. Why did he even like me? I was just a pathetic and worthless person. I wasn't easy to deal with and definitely not easy to love. It fucking pissed me off that I couldn't be the girl he needed me to be. I should just let him go before I ruin him, but I couldn't because I was a selfish bitch. He's the only person that could help make me feel somewhat normal, somewhat happy… even if it wasn't all the time. He's the only one that could help me, if only I'd let him.

What the fuck was wrong with me? I was like a broken mirror, just waiting for the shattered pieces to fall. I just wanted to fucking tell someone… anyone how I felt. But when I was given the chance to, I couldn't get those fucking words out.

I just wanted someone to save me from myself.

But no one could…

* * *

"_Bell-aaaaa."_

I sat up abruptly, startled out of my nightmare. My chest heaved with a broken sob as I tried to catch my breath. I was covered in a cold sweat as tremors overtook my body. Christ, would this ever stop?

Phil's taunting voice wouldn't stop bouncing around in my head, so I quickly jumped out of my bed and went over to my closet. I sank to my knees and began rummaging around.

"_You know you want it…"_

"Shit!" I hissed, throwing down the empty bag.

I sat back on my heels and bit my lip as I surveyed my room. Surely, I'd stashed some of my shit in different places. Scrambling to my feet, I tore my room apart, searching for anything, even just one pill. I needed to rid myself of _**him**_.

"_Be my good girl, Bella."_

No! I yanked and tugged at my hair. Did I seriously already go through all my shit? When was the last time I had restocked? I couldn't remember.

"_Don't tell anyone…"_

Jacob! He could help me — he always had stuff. I tore out of my room and down the stairs. It was miraculous that I didn't break my neck in my current state. I wasn't really drunk anymore, but I wasn't hung over yet.

"Where the fuck are my keys?" I shouted to no one in particular. "Argh!"

I covered my eyes in frustration. Why couldn't she just leave my keys somewhere I could find them? _Probably because you were drunk only a few hours ago_, my conscience pointed out. I groaned loudly and went into the kitchen to drink myself into oblivion when out of the corner of my eye, I saw my keys resting on the counter beside the sink. Thank you, Rosalie!

* * *

"Hey," I called out.

"What're you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be just getting out of school now?" he asked with a raised brow as he climbed off his bike. Jake must've just arrived home before I pulled up.

"I was supposed to." I nodded. "I needed to see you, though."

"For what?"

"Can't a girl just want to hang out with her friend?" I asked.

"Yeah, but there's a difference between _wanting_ and _needing_."

"I've missed you, Jake," I replied softly, looking down at my feet.

"And…?"

"Fine," I huffed, snapping my eyes to his as I crossed my arms over my chest. "I'm all out. I need more."

"Already? Jeez, Isabella." He shook his head before silently pushing his bike to the garage. I stayed where I was until he looked over his shoulder at me. "You coming?"

I rushed forward just as he disappeared around the corner. Once he was in my view again, I kept my distance. There seemed to be an awkward tension building between us, and I wasn't sure if it was appropriate to break it. Instead, I stood there and watched him.

He kept his back to me as he fiddled around with his bike. After what felt like forever, his head fell and he sighed deeply. He stood straight and made his way over to his shelves. He once again pulled out the familiar wooden box and opened it before tossing me a bag. Looking down at the clear bag in my hands, I decided to break the silence.

"Don't you want to smoke up with me?"

He shook his head as he put the box away.

"Okay." I shrugged, plopping down on an overturned crate. A few minutes and quite a bit of hits later, I was effectively high. While I felt a little better, I craved to feel numb, and I knew I needed something much stronger than weed. "You got anything stronger?"

"What?" he asked, finally looking me in the eyes.

"You heard me, Jake. I need something stronger, and I know you have it."

"No," he said without hesitation.

"What?" I asked harshly. "Don't lie to me, Jake."

"You're right. I do have other shit besides weed, but you're not getting any of it."

"Why the fuck not?" I stomped over to him, getting in his face.

"Because I said no."

"Not good enough," I spat, shoving my hands against his chest. Unlike earlier with Emmett, Jacob reacted by grabbing both my forearms and putting a few inches between us. He held my arms in an awkward position and refused to relinquish his hold. "Let. Me. Go," I demanded through clenched teeth.

"Knock this shit off, Isabella. I'm not giving you anything besides pot."

"That never stopped you before."

"I'm not gonna let you fuck yourself up."

He released me forcefully, and I stumbled back. I was hurt and pissed off. Who the hell did he think he was?

"Here's a little lesson for you, Mr. Wannabe Drug Dealer. When a customer wants to buy drugs, you fucking supply them."

Jacob backed away from me with a weird look on his face. "What is wrong with you?"

"Nothing." I tried to act indifferent. "But fine. If you're not going to help me out, maybe I'll go find someone else who will."

"No," Jake grunted.

"Don't act like you can tell me what to do. You don't fucking own me," I snapped.

"You're right." He laughed sardonically. "I don't. Cullen does. How could I forget?"

"He doesn't own me, you asshole. Nobody does."

Silence took over, and we both refused to back down until I'd finally had enough.

"Well, obviously this is going nowhere, so I'm just gonna leave. Sam should be home, right?" I asked, knowing I'd hit a nerve.

"Fine," he sighed.

"What?" I stopped moving.

"What do you need?" He asked, sounding defeated.

"Just give me some pills. I just want to feel numb."

I just want something to make me forget how to feel.

Once I had them in my hands, I dry swallowed four pills. I knew I'd start to feel the effects very soon and then everything would be good again. In the mean time, I needed more of a distraction. I needed Jake.

His body grew rigid under my touch, yet he stood still. I ran my hands down his back and around his stomach until I was pressed fully against him in a hug. I could feel him take in air as my hands inched their way south. I sighed as I felt his body slowly loosen up beneath me. He placed one of his hands over mine just before I reached the button of his pants.

"Isabella?"

"I want you, Jake," I said, emphasizing my point by snaking my hand into his pants and grabbing his dick.

He responded with a hiss before throwing his head back with a groan. Swiftly, I maneuvered myself around his body until we were chest to chest. I stroked his cock until it was fully erect, and then I attempted to strip us both out of our clothing. I drew his head down until our lips connected, and a fiery passion erupted.

Our kiss was unexpectedly cut short when Jacob pulled away and shook his head.

"What about Cullen?"

"What about him?" I asked uninterestedly, trying to pull him back to me.

"Stop, Isabella. I don't want _his_ sloppy seconds."

"_Excuse me_? Sloppy seconds? Really, Jake?" I snapped.

"You know what I mean."

"No, I don't. Besides, you had me first."

"Well I don't have you now."

"But you can, though. Please," I tried not to beg. I felt wanton as I stood there shirtless.

"No," he said callously.

"Fine! Fuck you, asshole," I yelled as I turned and ran out to my truck.

While I knew I shouldn't be driving, I couldn't stand to be there any longer. I locked myself away in the cab of my truck, and the engine roared to life. I pulled forward, only to stop short of hitting Jacob. I quickly rolled down my window and stuck my head out.

"Are you fucking crazy?" I yelled.

"Give me your keys now, Isabella. You're in no state to drive," he replied, unmoving.

"Get out of my way. I'll hit you!"

"Isabella," he warned.

I lifted my foot off the brake slightly, and my truck lurched forward to stress my threat. He jumped back, looking at me incredulously.

"Move," I said in a deathly tone as I revved my engine.

The moment he was no longer in my way, I flew out of his drive way and onto the main road. I didn't look into the rearview mirror to see if his house had disappeared. I didn't wonder if he had gotten his bike back out and was following behind me. All I was concerned about was getting away. To where? I didn't know.

I abandoned my truck once I arrived home. I darted in and out of my house before stumbling my way down to the edge of my backyard. Without thinking it through, I stepped into the forest that was clear of any well worn paths.

* * *

**A/N:** I know, its been too long and you probably don't want to hear my excuses. So I'm just going to leave it at I'm sorry. I truly apologize and hopefully will be back on track now that I have a new beta, **Ooza**. She has done an amazing job and had to endure reading/editing Jake's dick without warning. THANK YOU SO MUCH. I also want to thank **Taylor** for giving me sudden inspiration to finish this chapter and for helping out. **KAITLYN**, my beautiful ficwife, thank you for being there for me and putting up with me. Happy early birthday, love. ILY. Thank you to everyone who has reviewed, added to their alerts and favorites.

Reviews get teasers. :)


	19. Searching

**This story is rated MA.**

**The original characters and plot of Twilight are the property of Stephenie Meyer. No copy right infringement is intended with this story. After the story is completed, all Twilight references and character names will be changed and copyrighted. Copyright 2010 by Jenndur. This story may not be duplicated, copied, printed or otherwise reproduced in any way, nor can it be reposted on any other website without the expressed written authorization of the author.**

**This story may contain adult subject matter, strong language, controversial topics, drug and underage alcohol use, mentions of rape, consensual sexual content, and self-injury. You have been warned.**

**Summary:** Isabella is a troubled teen with self-destructive behaviors sent to live with her father in Forks, WA. Will Edward be the one to help her, save her from this downward spiral? Or will his actions push her closer to the edge? AH/OOC, B/E.

**Recommended Songs: Red- "Nothing and Everything"**

* * *

**Chapter 18**

"_I'm telling you, things are getting out of hand. Or maybe I'm discovering that things were never in my hands." -Real Live Preacher, RealLivePreacher . com Weblog, August 2, 2003_

* * *

"Fuck," I said to myself as I tugged at my hair and rolled onto my back.

Just as Alice and I had arrived home, our mom pulled into the garage. We had barely walked through the front door before the door that connected our garage to the kitchen opened, and our mom's voice called out for help unloading the groceries. I'd heaved a sigh and made my way out to the car with Alice alongside me. Both Mom and Alice grabbed two bags each, leaving me to gather the last four. I set the bags on the table before scurrying out of the room with their voices trailing after me.

I glanced longingly at my piano, wanting to lose myself in its calming effects, but I knew that I'd only be bothered by my family. Sighing once more, I turned away and grabbed my backpack before disappearing into my room. I paced for a while with thoughts of Isabella, practically wearing a hole in my floor before dropping down onto my bed.

Isabella was driving me up a wall with her behavior. She was fine one minute, but the next, she wasn't. It was surprising that I didn't have whiplash from her mood swings — I swear she had to be bipolar or something. I really couldn't see any other reasonable explanation.

I gazed over to where my closed laptop sat before sitting up quickly. I strode over to my desk, intent on searching the Internet for any information on bipolar disorder. As I waited for my laptop to boot up, my mind started to wander over the possibilities. Could Isabella really be bipolar? Did she have any inkling of the reasons behind her every action or was she just ignorant? Had she been diagnosed? If she was and knew this whole time, why hadn't she said anything?

I shook my head — I shouldn't get ahead of myself.

Clicking the browser icon, I was immediately led to the Google homepage. It took less than a second before over six million results came back on this topic alone. I chose the first link on the page — Google Health. As I looked over the list of symptoms for both mania and depression, I could easily put Isabella into half of each category. This didn't necessarily mean she was bipolar.

Delving further into this information, I discovered there were four basic types. When it came down to it, though, I couldn't categorize Isabella in any of those due to the required length of time for each episode. I didn't even think she could be considered to be rapid cycling because even those episodes lasted too long; she could go through at least four different emotions in the course of a single afternoon.

I was starting to feel defeated with the lack of explanation for Isabella's behavior, so I began to explore the realm of other disorders and illnesses. So far, nothing I came across could describe Isabella better, which frustrated me even more.

I tilted my chair back as my hands found their way back into my hair. I threw my head back and let my eyes fall shut. There was a brief knock before my door swung open, and I fell backwards. I scrambled to my feet as I fumbled with my computer, trying to close the browsers.

"Hey," Alice said quietly, taking a step inside my room. When I said nothing in return, she continued, "What're you doing?"

"Nothing! What do you want, Alice?" I snapped, closing my laptop.

"Dad just got home from work. It's time for dinner," she said with a slight tremble.

When I turned around, I could clearly see the hurt displayed upon her face. While I realized what a douche I was being, I couldn't bring myself to apologize. Even if I had tried, Alice left as quickly as she came.

As I made my way down for dinner, my frustration grew. Not only was I upset about Isabella's behavior and the wedge she was creating between my sister and me, I was also pissed at myself and Alice.

Something had been troubling Alice for a while now, but she refused to tell me what it was. Instead, she would plaster on a fake smile and try to refocus the conversation on something else.

The first time I really noticed was just after Alice had taken Isabella shopping. Alice had come home completely unlike herself and didn't want to talk about it. I didn't push her then because I thought that she'd eventually tell me. When she didn't, I asked Isabella to talk to her. Alice had come back putting on a show for everyone, but I saw right through her act. I'd never gotten to ask Isabella what was bothering Alice after that.

It wasn't right — Alice wasn't acting like herself. Trying to piece the puzzle together, I'd figured out the change in Alice occurred at or just after the party a few weeks ago.

It wasn't until today, when Isabella had gotten drunk at school, that I realized the issue was between her and Alice. She had asked Rosalie to take her home, not Alice, her best friend. Alice, it seemed, accepted this easily and left immediately.

I used to be the only one that knew every secret Alice kept — her only confidant. It hurt that this was no longer true. I just wished they both wouldn't keep me in the dark about whatever it was…

Alice wasn't in the dining room when I sat down at the table, and I was about to mumble some sort of excuse for her absence just before she walked in. She sat down across from me, rattling off an apology.

"It's all right, darling," Mom said, passing around the plate of meat. "How was your day, Edward?"

"Fine," I muttered as I dished up my plate.

"Did anything interesting happen today?"

Alice and I locked eyes immediately. I watched Alice fidget minutely in her chair, and I fought the urge to cringe. I tightened my grip on my fork and fisted my other hand, forcing myself to shake my head.

"What is going on with the two of you?" Mom asked, looking between Alice and me. "Are you kids fighting?"

I shook my head again, pushing my veggies around. No we weren't fighting, just not talking.

"Are you feeling all right, Edward?"

"I'm fine, Mom!" I snapped, moving out of her reach. She let her hand fall to the table.

"Edward!" Dad said sharply.

I knew without looking that I'd managed to hurt my mother's feelings. This was the second time I'd hurt someone's feelings within twenty minutes. This time, though, I was quick with an apology.

"I'm sorry, Mom," I sighed. "I just… it's just been a really long day, and I don't want to talk about it."

What was going on with me? I had never talked to my mother like this before. She forgave me immediately, but I knew it still hurt her deep down. Instead of questioning Alice and me more, she moved on to talking with our dad.

Dinner had barely started and I'd already lost what little appetite I'd had. I poked and prodded at my food as I waited until I could be excused from the table. I heard my parents talking, but I wasn't listening.

I was brought back to reality when the phone rang. No one moved from their chairs, continuing on with their meals as if the phone didn't exist. After a few moments, it stopped ringing and the conversation between my parents started back up.

Once again, the phone interrupted dinner, and I watched as Dad pulled something from his pocket.

"It's not the hospital," he shrugged, setting his pager down on the table.

"Oh for heaven's sake, Carlisle. Just answer the phone," Mom sighed.

Dad nodded, quickly exiting the room. From where I sat, I could still see him as he picked up the phone and held the receiver to his ear.

"Hello?"

I watched for a moment while he listened to the caller. I looked back to my mom who was also watching with curiosity, and I wondered why my mother had allowed this phone call to be answered when the rule had always been to unplug the phone. Who was this caller that was desperately trying to contact us and what did they want? My heart rate picked up when my father turned back to our family and looked surprised.

"Uh, no. Sorry, Chief Swan. I haven't seen Isabella today."

FUCK.

I sat up in my seat, itching to race over to my dad and take the phone from him. Why the hell are they talking about Isabella? Dad started walking back into the room while he continued to listen. As he neared, I could hear the frantic buzz of the Chief's voice, and it drove me insane.

"I'm sure she's fine, Charlie. Just calm down for a moment and let me ask the kids when they last saw her." After the Chief's short response, Dad began, "Edward? Alice? Chief Swan is on the phone. He said Isabella's truck is at home, but she isn't. He said he's tried calling her cell phone, but she's not answering. Have you guys seen or heard from her today?"

I nodded, unable to talk due to the lump that formed in my throat. In my peripheral vision, I saw Alice fidget again. "When was the last time you saw or talked to her?" Dad asked.

"She left school early today — just after lunch. She wasn't feeling too good so Rosalie drove her home in Isabella's truck," Alice replied in a small voice, sneaking a peek at me.

Unfortunately, he caught Alice and brought his gaze upon me in search of confirmation. I looked anywhere besides him as I nodded once again. He turned away slightly as he relayed the information Alice gave him.

"…We'll be over in a few minutes," he said.

* * *

In no time, we were pulling up to the Swan's house and looking for a place to park on the unusually crowded street. It took me a moment to figure out that all these cars belonged to people that were here to look for Isabella. It was then that I saw her truck parked haphazardly on both the driveway and lawn. Knowing that Rosalie had driven Isabella home, there was no way she'd have ever parked like that. No, Isabella had to have left after Rose dropped her off. But where would she have gone?

I noticed more people than I had been aware of as we approached. It seemed as if all of Forks' police officers were here. There were two at Isabella's truck now, searching through it for evidence. I could see two more wandering around the perimeter of the yard. A few policemen could also be seen inside the house through the open front door. Next to Chief Swan sat Billy Black in his wheelchair, and I huffed knowing that Jacob couldn't be too far away.

I followed along behind my parents as we made our way toward Chief Swan, and I could see the anxiety radiating off of him. His daughter — my girlfriend — was missing. We stopped just in front of him and Billy Black as we exchanged tense pleasantries. Before I could say anything more, I felt a tug at my arm. I peered down to find Alice pointing out our friends on the outskirts of the yard. I tried to shrug her off, wanting to get any and all the information I could from the Chief himself. Surprisingly she didn't relinquish her hold on me. Sighing deeply, I let myself be drawn away.

Rosalie, Emmett, and Jasper were whispering amongst themselves, quieting as we came closer. The three of them looked wary, and I knew it wasn't just because of the current situation. After they had arrived back at school earlier, I was obviously pissed and couldn't seem to shake it off. I had ignored everyone and grumbled to myself.

"Hey, guys," Rosalie uttered softly, pushing herself closer into Emmett's side.

"Hey. When did you get here?" Alice asked.

"About five minutes ago," Jasper replied.

"Yeah, when we got here, Chief Swan mentioned that you guys said we took her home. I also told him that when we left, the truck wasn't parked like that," Rose added.

"Did you tell him the real reason why she left school early? Why she couldn't drive herself?" I asked. My voice sounded rough.

"No," Rosalie said, looking startled. "Were we… did you guys tell him?"

I shook my head and looked away for my parents and the Chief, knowing they could answer my questions. Not finding them, my eyes fell on Jacob and his two friends. I tensed upon seeing them, and my group turned to see what I was looking at.

"Oh yeah. Jacob and his dad arrived when we did. We heard him telling Chief Swan that Isabella had been at their house a few hours earlier. Apparently, they got into an argument and she left all pissed—"

Immediately, I saw red. I didn't give Rosalie the chance to continue gossiping as I stalked over to Jacob. Grabbing him by the shoulder, I spun him around until he was facing me.

"Cullen." He smirked.

The fucking asshole had the nerve, the gall to smirk at me while Isabella was missing. And it was all his fault. It had to be. I thrust my arms out, connecting to his chest before I used all my weight and strength to shove him backwards. As he fell into his friends, I didn't feel the slightest bit of satisfaction — I was still pissed and worried.

"What the fuck was that for?" Jacob demanded as he stood back up.

I couldn't stop the growl that rumbled deep in my chest. "Stay away from Isabella," I warned.

"Why should I?"

"Because I fucking said so," I answered, stepping closer.

"Ooooh. Now I'm really scared," he mocked.

"I fucking mean it, dog. Stay the fuck away from her."

"Or what?" the taunting motherfucker asked.

My voice dropped lower so only he could hear me, "Or she'll become another Leah."

I watched Jacob's jaw clench just seconds before he launched himself at me. You'd think we were playing football with the way he tackled me. The two of us then went tumbling to the ground. We rolled around a few times, trying to get as many hits in as possible before he pinned me. He managed to hit me twice in the face before I saw my opening. I threw my elbow into his gut causing him to bow over in pain as he gasped. With Jacob distracted, I flipped us over again, throwing punches at his face. I desperately craved to hear a sickening crunch of his nose breaking. Before it could happen, though, I was hauled off of him by Emmett.

I could have tried to break free from his grasp, but I was already winded. Jacob took his time getting back up, standing bent over with his hands resting on his thighs. Looking at me sideways, he took me in with narrowed eyes.

"What's wrong, Cullen?" Jacob panted, dabbing his finger at the corner of his mouth where it was bleeding a little. "Jealous… jealous she'd rather be spending time with me?"

"Yeah, right," I growled.

"Obviously you're not keeping her satisfied if she has to come looking for _my_ company. If you know what I mean…" He smirked again.

I threw myself back at him, wanting to wipe that stupid smirk off his face. As much as I wanted that, I thought it would be more satisfying to succumb to my earlier urge. I pulled my arm back, sling shooting it forward into his face. Blood spurted everywhere as a loud crack erupted from his nose.

"Edward!" Mom shrieked.

I looked up, expecting to see my mother's face. Instead, I found Chief Swan glaring between Jacob and me. He grabbed us by our shirt collars, roughly pulling us apart.

"What is going on here?" Chief Swan asked darkly. The two of us muttered noncommittally in response. "You two are fighting while my daughter is _missing_? I shouldn't have to deal with this right now, so knock it off." He lets our collars go, shoving us away from him and each other.

"Chief," a policeman calls out urgently, coming from behind the house.

"What is it, Benjamin?"

"I found a cell phone, sir," he said as he stopped in front of us, holding said phone.

My stomach dropped when I realized it was Isabella's. No wonder Chief Swan couldn't get a hold of his daughter. She didn't have it with her.

"Where did you find that?" Chief Swan asked.

"Just inside the edge of the forest behind the house."

* * *

It was much darker inside the forest without the natural light of the moon. Chief Swan had ordered everyone to break off into small groups after Isabella's phone was found. Each group was given a radio. Though we were also given flashlights, we were still consumed in the dark shadows of the thick forest.

Garrett, a policeman, was grouped with my mother, Alice, and me. Dad decided to go with Emmett, Rosalie, and Jasper. Chief Swan took Jacob and his two friends, while the final group was made up of four police officers. Billy Black stayed behind at the house with another policeman.

My small group kept our pace quick, stumbling often as we called out Isabella's name. The farther we ventured into the forest, the quieter the other groups became. We had agreed that in case Isabella was unable to respond to our calls, we'd create more distance between the four of us.

I heard a twig snap to my left. I quickly whipped around, thinking maybe it was her. Disappointment flooded through me — it was only Alice. She looked like she wanted to say something to me. I admit that earlier I might have jumped at the chance to have to finally tell me what was bothering her, but now my entire focus was on finding Isabella.

Fuck. I hoped she was okay.

And yet at the same time, I was still pissed. Why the hell had she gotten drunk at school? Did she really go over to Black's house? Did she disappear into the forest to get back at Black? Or did she do it in an attempt to make me forget that I was mad at her?

The radio in Garrett's hand crinkled a bit, causing him to stop. Our whole group froze, not even daring to breathe. My heart began to race, and that lump in my throat from earlier reappeared.

"We found her."

I felt my body sag as I momentarily breathed a sigh of relief at my father's words. I didn't care that I couldn't decipher his tone — I didn't want to. As long as Isabella had been found, I was thankful…

* * *

**A/N:** Thank you to **Ooza** and **Taylor** for beta'ing. Thank you to **TheTwilightAwards(dot)com **for making me a WC leader, without it I wouldn't have been as motivated to work on my chapters. Thanks to all the ladies that have participated in my WCs. Thank you to everyone who has added this story to their alerts and favorites, as well as those of you who have reviewed. REVIEWS MAKE ME SMILE... just saying.


	20. Hurt

**This story is rated MA.**

**The original characters and plot of Twilight are the property of Stephenie Meyer. No copy right infringement is intended with this story. After the story is completed, all Twilight references and character names will be changed and copyrighted. Copyright 2010 by Jenndur. This story may not be duplicated, copied, printed or otherwise reproduced in any way, nor can it be reposted on any other website without the expressed written authorization of the author.**

**This story may contain adult subject matter, strong language, controversial topics, drug and underage alcohol use, mentions of rape, consensual sexual content, and self-injury. You have been warned.**

**Summary:** Isabella is a troubled teen with self-destructive behaviors sent to live with her father in Forks, WA. Will Edward be the one to help her, save her from this downward spiral? Or will his actions push her closer to the edge? AH/OOC, B/E.

**Recommended songs: Evanescence - "Hello"**

* * *

**Chapter 19**

_"Love is not blind — it sees more, not less. But because it sees more, it is willing to see less." -Rabbi Julius Gordon_

* * *

It didn't take long to find our way out of the forest. The other groups appeared within seconds of ours, with my dad's group trailing out last. Jasper came out first, talking quickly into a cell phone. Rosalie emerged next, clearly looking shaken. My heart dropped when I saw Emmett step through the clearing with Isabella lying limp in his arms, her head bobbing around. My dad tried to keep pace with Emmett's long strides while attempting to find Isabella's pulse.

Emmett crouched down, easing Isabella slowly to the ground. When he finally stepped away from her, I swear my heart actually stopped beating. From where I stood, the way the moonlight hit her ashen skin and blue tinted lips, she appeared to be dead.

She couldn't be, could she?

Her head rolled to the side, facing in my direction. I watched as she blinked heavily before my dad's figure blocked her from my view. I took a step forward, needing to see her. I stopped when my dad turned around to say something to me. Or maybe he was yelling.

I couldn't hear anything — it was as if I had been submerged in water. It seemed as if everything and everyone around me was in slow motion, and I couldn't move.

My dad loomed over Isabella, ripping open the jacket Emmett had wrapped around her. The only thing covering her torso now was her bra. Her skin had smudges of dirt and what appeared to be dried blood. Her jeans were just as dirty with a few new rips.

Just as he began chest compressions and rescue breathing, my mom appeared at his side with the emergency kit he always kept in the trunk of his car. She backed away slightly, giving him room to work. My gaze drew to Jasper again who was still on the phone, and I couldn't help but wonder who was so important that it couldn't wait. I mean, CPR was being performed on my girlfriend.

Lights began flashing, reflecting off the Swan's white house. It wasn't until the paramedics flew past me with a backboard, that I realized an ambulance had arrived. Time sped up as they crowded around her and my dad, and I desperately wanted to know what they were doing. When they backed away, Isabella had a neck brace on and was strapped to the board. Chief Swan tried to get into the ambulance with Isabella, but my dad took his spot. And then they were gone…

I couldn't tell you how I had gotten to the hospital. I was stuck in a daze, watching the clock's hands move. I focused on the thin red one — it moved the quickest, counting off each second. _Tick, tick, tick._ With each tick of the clock, a different image of Isabella burned into my mind; each worse than the last.

Somehow, I managed to pull myself back to reality, which wasn't any better. There was a muted television on in the corner of the room, playing meaningless late night shows. There were a few pastel pictures hanging on the stark white walls and tons of magazines that had been building up over the years.

I turned my attention back to the clock, trying to remember when we had arrived at the hospital. My back ached from sitting in a horrible blue chair with wooden armrests. We'd been here for hours, at least four, with still no news.

"Everything will be fine," Mom said, squeezing my knee gently. I hadn't even realized I'd been nervously bouncing my knees. She tried to send me a reassuring smile, but it came out more like a grimace. I knew she was trying to be optimistic, but she wasn't able to hide the worry and anxiety that were showing through her eyes.

I grabbed her hand and held on tightly. For the first time, I didn't believe my mother when she promised everything would be fine.

Turning my attention away from Mom, I looked forward to find Jasper tightly embracing Alice. Her shoulders shook with silent sobs. Tears streamed freely down her face, which she didn't bother to wipe away. And though she was a snotty mess, Jasper took it all in stride.

Rosalie and Emmett sat a few seats away, talking quietly amongst themselves. While Rosalie wasn't crying like Alice, it was still obvious that she was upset. She shot me a sympathetic look when she noticed my gaze. I wanted to look away, but she beat me to it. Both her and Emmett were looking to my right before they glanced warily at me.

I grew angry, clenching my fist when I saw Jacob walk in. He had cleaned the blood off his face, but there was some that remained on his shirt. His face was already swollen and beginning to bruise. Hopefully, he'd have at least a black eye.

"_Jealous… jealous she'd rather be spending time with me?"_

"_Obviously you're not keeping her satisfied if she has to come looking for _my_ company. If you know what I mean…"_

I couldn't stop myself from remembering our fight from earlier. That stupid smirk of his just irritated the fuck out of me. I couldn't stand being in the same room as him.

I couldn't even keep myself in this room any longer without answers. I needed to know how Isabella was doing. If she was still even alive…

I stood up suddenly, walking away only to be immediately jerked back. I had forgotten to let go of my mom's hand.

"Where are you going?" Mom asked quietly.

"I can't be in here. I need to get some fresh air."

* * *

After going outside for a while, I decided to wander around the hospital to avoid being stuck in that small waiting room. I stopped at the vending machines, getting a soda and a bag of chips. There were more uncomfortable chairs lining the walls of the hallways, and I plopped down onto one. I sat there, munching on my food — it tasted bland. I could only stomach about half of the bag and a few sips of the soda before I dumped them into a nearby trash receptacle.

I continued to wander until I found myself approaching my dad's office. The door had been left ajar, and I wondered if he was in there. Maybe I'd be able to get some answers. I stopped when I heard his muffled voice filtering out to the hallway.

"…overdosed. We're still not sure what she took, but we're running tests as we speak. We've pumped her stomach and—"

"You're wrong, Carlisle. Isabella would never do this," Chief Swan said strongly.

"I'm afraid there really is no other explanation. Isabella was found extremely drowsy, to the point of being unresponsive. Her skin was cold and clammy, and her lips were blue—"

"She was barely dressed! Did you expect her to be able to maintain a normal body temperature?" Chief Swan interrupted.

"Charlie, please. In addition to a slow heart rate and shallow breathing, she was displaying signs of respiratory distress, which can often accompany an overdose," my dad said.

"N-no. You must be mistaken."

"I'm sorry, Charlie. We'll know the results early afternoon tomorrow."

"Can I… can I see her?"

"That shouldn't be a problem. I'm sure they've finished putting her cast on by now. Before I take you to see her, though, I'd like to address an additional concern I have."

"What else could there possibly be?"

"We've found—"

I jumped when a hand clamped down on my shoulder before I whipped around to face my sister.

"There you are," Alice sighed softly.

"Jesus, Alice. Give me a heart attack, why don't you?"

Her lip trembled and she sniffled, before she asked, "What're you doing outside Dad's office?"

"Shhhhhhh." I barely spared her a fleeting glance before I turned back to listen. Chief Swan was speaking again, but I couldn't make out what he said.

"Are you _eavesdropping_? I can't believe you, Edward," Alice whispered harshly, moving into my line of sight with her hands placed firmly on her hips. Shaking her head, she continued, "Look… I need to talk to you."

"Can't it wait, Alice? I'm really not in the mood to talk right now," I snapped, trying to stay quiet.

"No, Edward. It's about Isabella."

I raised my eyebrow as I waited for her to elaborate. When she didn't, I asked, "What about Isabella?"

"Can we talk somewhere else, please? More privately?" she asked.

"Fine," I sighed heavily, running my hand through my hair.

She walked past me, and I glanced at the open door once more before turning in the opposite direction to follow her. She disappeared into a room at the end of the hall, not waiting for me. I pushed the heavy door open, squinting as my eyes adjusted to the lack of light. When I could finally see again, Alice was pacing slightly as she bit her nails. I walked over to the window, staring out at the parking lot below. I turned back to her, leaning on the windowsill. I waited for a few minutes, but her pacing wore on my patience.

"Well? What is it, Alice?"

"Isabella cuts herself," Alice blurted out, finally pausing her movements.

"Excuse me?"

"Isabella. She purposefully hurts herself."

"I heard what you said, but…" I snapped, closing my eyes and pinching my fingers firmly against the bridge of my nose. "When did you find this out?"

"Just after the party," Alice mumbled, turning away from me.

"What? Why didn't you tell me this when you found out? We could have stopped her from reaching this point, Alice! What on earth were you thinking?" I yelled.

"I'm sorry!" she cried out as tears streamed down her face. "She made me promise not to tell anyone. She said she was going to tell you soon."

"She made you promise? So, what if she made you promise not to tell anyone if she was going to kill herself?"

"That's not the same thing—"

"It's not? How so? What if she continued to hurt herself? What if she did it again and cut too deep? What if she bled out and was all alone? What then?"

"No." She shook her head, scrunching up her face in pain. "Stop it. Just stop it, please."

"This is serious, Alice. When a friend is hurting themselves and you know about it, you should tell someone before it reaches this point," I said, running a hand through my hair and tugging on it.

"I wanted to. Please believe me," she begged.

It was quiet for a few moments, and I was left trying to process this information.

"Earlier, when you came into my room, I'd been researching. I was looking up mental illnesses and… I think Isabella is bipolar. She's sick, Alice. She needs help."

"Really? What makes you think—"

Alice paused when my phone alerted me of a new text message. I fumbled to get my phone out of my pocket. It was from Emmett.

**Where r u? Is Alice with u? Ur dad is here…**

I read the message aloud to Alice before we rushed out into the bright hallway and back to the waiting area. We arrived to find Mom with her arms wrapped around Chief Swan's shoulders. It was obvious that he'd been crying because his watery eyes were red and puffy. Dad sat on his other side, now dressed in his scrubs and lab coat.

"How is she?" I asked.

Dad glanced at me with a neutral expression, knowing without Chief Swan's permission he wouldn't be able to tell me anything. "Charlie?" he asked.

"Yeah. Sure," Chief Swan croaked out.

Dad sighed before he began, "Isabella has fractured her thumb and radius bone, but she should heal just fine without surgery. We believe her respiratory distress is caused from an overdose, and we've taken all the necessary precautions in treating her."

"Can I see her?"

"I'm sorry, Edward. Not right now," he said, shaking his head.

"Why not?" I demanded. I needed to see her, to know she was okay.

"She's in the ICU, and it's past visiting hours. Besides, as your father, I'm telling you I don't think you'd be able to handle seeing her hooked up to ventilator."

"What?" I gasped, as my legs threatened to give out.

"We were lucky to have found her when we did," Dad said quietly.

"This is all your fault, you fucking piece of shit," I snapped at Jacob.

"You're crazy," he yelled, standing up.

I laughed before asking, "Am I? Really? This seems an awful lot like what happened with Leah—"

"Fuck you, Cullen," he growled, moving closer to me.

"Edward," my mom warned.

"—the only difference this time is that we were lucky enough to find her in time. Before you could kill her as well."

"Shut up," he snarled as his friends held him back.

"That is enough," Dad said, stepping in between us. "I think it's time for everyone to leave. I'll let you know when Isabella can have visitors."

"But—"

"Now, Edward," he interrupted, his tone final. Turning to Mom, he softly said, "I'm going to stay here until I finish my shift tomorrow night."

"Okay." Mom nodded before she ushered Alice and I out.

I refused to talk the whole way home. I knew if I did, I'd break down. Mom was worried, but instead of fussing over me, she focused on making sure Alice was okay. I went to my room, lying down on my bed as a few tears escaped. I couldn't believe how close I had been to losing Isabella forever.

* * *

**A/N:** Wow! I can't believe it's been exactly a year since this story began — it's been quiet a journey so far. We still have at least 10 chapters, I think. **Ooza** and **Taylor** are amazing for beta-ing and doing it so quickly. They really makes this crap look pretty. Thanks to all my WC buddies for writing with me. Also, thanks goes to everyone who has added this story to their alerts and favorites, as well as those of you who have reviewed. Since this is Ricochet's 1 year birthday, don't you think it would be nice to leave a review? I do.

Until next time,  
Jenn


	21. Denial ain't just a river in Egypt

**This story is rated MA.**

**The original characters and plot of Twilight are the property of Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended with this story. After the story is completed, all Twilight references and character names will be changed and copyrighted. Copyright 2010-11 by Jenndur. This story may not be duplicated, copied, printed or otherwise reproduced in any way, nor can it be reposted on any other website without the expressed written authorization of the author.**

**This story may contain adult subject matter, strong language, controversial topics, drug and underage alcohol use, mentions of rape, consensual sexual content, and self-injury. You have been warned.**

**Summary:** Isabella is a troubled teen with self-destructive behaviors sent to live with her father in Forks, WA. Will Edward be the one to help her, save her from this downward spiral? Or will his actions push her closer to the edge? AH/OOC, B/E.

**Recommended songs: none.**

* * *

**Chapter 20**

"_I learned denial from my mother. I just never confronted things and if anybody did, I just would go crazy." -Tab Hunter_

* * *

Ugh.

I awoke to pain everywhere; a sharp pain overtaking my whole body. My throat hurt so badly that I was unable to scream like I so desperately needed to. This only intensified the pounding in my head. I didn't bother attempting to open my eyes; they were far too heavy. So instead I lay there silently listening to a constant stream of beeps.

A door nearby opened and shut quickly as a pair of feet shuffled across the floor only to stop beside me. I shifted slightly in my bed and groaned loudly when the ache became a raging fire biting at every inch of my skin. I barely felt the scratchy fabric of the sheets against my skin, but I did notice foreign objects attached to me.

"Oh, good. You're awake," the nurse said as she checked my vitals. I took in her form, noticing her look of indifference toward me. She didn't say anything else as she recorded information into my electronic chart.

"Can I have something for the pain?" I asked, wincing at my harsh sounding voice.

Her fingers punched a few more times on the keyboard before she backed out of the system and the computer locked up. She turned on the swivel stool with a tight smile on her face and said, "I'll let the doctor know."

What the fuck was her problem? I didn't have to wait long before Dr. Cullen appeared, looking worse for wear. Mimicking the nurse's actions, he strode over to my bedside and looked over my chart before he addressed me more formally than usual.

"Hello, Isabella."

"What am I doing here? When can I go home?" I rasped out.

"Isabella," Dr. Cullen sighed, glancing at my chart again before looking me in the eyes. "A week ago you went into cardiac arrest just before the ambulance arrived. It was lucky we found you when we did. Can you tell me what happened?"

I was too shocked at this information to speak, not to mention I could barely recall what happened to lead me to this point. I scrunched my nose as I tried to remember. Apparently I took too long because Dr. Cullen spoke again.

"Let me fill you in on what we already know. You were found in the forest just outside your house. You were displaying signs of an overdose, so the hospital was alerted immediately. Just after arriving in your yard, you went into cardiac arrest and CPR was performed. The ambulance arrived shortly after, and we had to use an AED to revive you. Once you were brought in, we pumped your stomach in the likeliness of an overdose, and with the blood we drew, we ran tests. Your results came in a few days ago revealing high levels of Vicodin and a blood alcohol level of twice the legal limit. Do you remember taking these?"

My mind was racing to keep up with everything he said, but nothing sounded familiar. I remembered getting drunk at school and then going to Jake's house. I vaguely recalled him pissing me off before I threw back a few pills. I hadn't taken _that_ many, had I?

"I had a… a headache," I murmured quietly, reaching my hand to my throat. I looked down when I felt a tug and saw an IV taped down to the back of my hand. I fucking hated the tape they used in hospitals because once you took it off, it left this residue that refused to come off. You could scrub at that shit for hours and it wouldn't budge.

"Where did you get the Vicodin, Isabella?"

"It was left over from when I crashed on the motorcycle. Back when I needed stitches," I said, pointing to my head where the pinkish scar was still visible.

Dr. Cullen nodded, seeming to accept my answer. He paused before hesitantly questioning, "I have to ask, are you suicidal?" I immediately stiffened and shook my head. "I'm concerned, Isabella. You are exhibiting several signs of people with suicidal tendencies."

"What sign?" I asked defensively. I'd been so careful.

"Isabella, you had to have known mixing high quantities of alcohol and narcotics would eventually lead to your current situation, and—"

"I already told you, I had a headache. I didn't mean to take that much," I interrupted him.

He barely batted an eyelash as he continued, "When we brought you in, we had to give you a full body check in case of any additional injuries you may have sustained. While we found out you'd fractured your thumb and radius bones, we also discovered several self-inflicted lacerations on your thighs."

"I'm _not_ trying to kill myself."

"I'd like to have you evaluated by a psychiatrist."

He wasn't listening to me!

"I don't want to. You can't make me talk to them. I want to go home. Right now!"

"Aside from the fact that you went into cardiac arrest only a week ago, it's hospital procedure to keep you here under observation and suicide watch."

"Why aren't you listening? I've already told you several times. I'm not, nor was I, trying to kill myself. Why can't you believe me?"

"I'm sorry, Isabella. But I can't allow you to leave," he said, standing up and making his way to the door.

I huffed as I crossed my arms, only to wince in pain as I accidentally bumped my cast and tugged at the IV tubes.

"Can I at least have something for the pain?"

"Unfortunately, due to the nature of your overdose, the only thing I can prescribe you is Tylenol which you've been getting every six hours through your IV drip."

"Are you fucking kidding me? You seriously expect that to help relieve me of my pain? What kind of doctor are you?" I shrieked at him.

"This is a very serious situation we've found ourselves in. I don't think you realize how much, in fact. Ninety-five percent of people who go into cardiac arrest die before they even reach the hospital. You were on a ventilator, and you're in the ICU. Now, if you don't feel what I've prescribed is helping, I can take you off of it, but that is all you're going to get. Take it or leave it, Isabella."

"Fine," I huffed quietly.

Dr. Cullen nodded as he said, "I'll be back later to check on you. Just relax for now."

A few hours passed uneventfully before the indifferent nurse returned to check on me. She didn't talk this time, instead choosing to get in and out of the room as quickly as possible. She pulled the door open to leave, but was blocked by a tall woman with her hand raised as if to knock on the door. They exchanged a few pleasantries before the nurse excused herself. The mysterious woman took a couple steps into the room, just enough so she could close the door.

"Hello, Isabella. My name is Kate, and I'm a friend of Dr. Cullen's. Would you mind if I sat down?" she asked once she stopped at the foot of my bed. I shook my head, watching her drag a chair closer to my bedside. Once she had settled into the chair, she asked," Do you know why I'm here?"

'No," I mumbled.

"Carlisle is worried about you."

"You're a shrink?" I accused as realization hit me like a ton of bricks.

She smiled lightly, tucking a strand of blond hair behind her ear. "Actually, I prefer the term psychiatrist."

"Same thing," I snapped at her.

"Do you know what a psychiatrist does exactly, Isabella?"

"Yeah. You deal with insane people, and I'm not insane."

"I work with people who've been diagnosed with mental illnesses and create treatment plans for my patients, including writing prescriptions. Right now, I'm just here to talk with you."

"Well, I don't want to talk to you. So you can just leave now."

"How are you feeling, Isabella?" I huffed loudly, turning my attention away from her. "Look, I'm not going to force you to talk to me, but I'm not just going to give up and leave." Rosalie had said something similar only a few days ago.

"Why is it that no one in this hospital will listen to me? I'm _fine_! I don't want to talk because there is nothing to talk about."

"I just want to help you."

"Lady, you don't even know me," I scoffed angrily.

"You're right. I don't know you, but I'd like to. I can wait until you're ready."

An awkward silence filled the room as I played with the corner of my bed sheet. It was clear she wasn't going to leave, so I debated for a short moment before quietly asking, "Why did you come here?"

"Carlisle asked me to," she replied. She crossed her legs before hesitantly asking, "Would you like to tell me why you're here?"

"Don't tell me you don't already know. Didn't your good friend, Dr. _Carlisle_, fill you in?" I sneered at her.

"While I can see that you're frustrated, Isabella, I'd appreciate it if you could treat me with the same respect I've given you."

"Respect? That's hard to believe. You can't even mind your own business."

"All I've done is ask you questions because I'm trying to get to know you."

"Don't act like you care about me. You get paid to listen, to act like you care."

"I'm not doing this for money, Isabella. I came here as a favor to a friend."

"So I'm just a charity case?"

"I didn't say that, Isabella," she sighed.

"It still doesn't mean you care about me."

"I guess it comes down to trusting that I want to get to know you."

"I'm not going to give my trust away blindly."

"Then give me a chance to earn it. Is that something you'd be willing to try?" I shrugged noncommittally. "Do you think we could talk now?"

"I guess…" I murmured. "What am I supposed to talk about?"

"That's up to you to decide. You're in control right now. What would you like to talk about?"

"I don't know…" I shrugged.

"Why don't we start with how you're feeling?"

Our conversation seemed to flow easily after that. Kate would ask a variety of questions, most of which I would answer. I knew my answers were vague, and there were a few topics I refused to discuss, but Kate seemed appeased that I was even talking.

I had just been asked about my relationship with my mom, and I knew Kate was waiting for my response. I was about to tell her I didn't want to talk about my mother when the door to my room swung open and my copper haired boy appeared.

"Edward?" Kate asked as her brows rose in confusion.

"Oh, uh… hey, Kate. How's it going?" Edward questioned, staying close to the door. He looked just as confused to see Kate talking to me.

"Good," she smiled. "How are you?"

"I'm okay. Just came by to see Isabella," he said before turning to me. "Hey."

"Hi," I uttered softly.

Kate glanced between the two of us as she questioned, "You two know each other?"

"Yeah," I replied, nodding in confirmation.

"Isabella's my girlfriend," Edward supplied.

"Oh…oh! Well, of course you are. I guess this is my cue to leave. It was nice talking with you, Isabella," she said, grabbing my hand briefly and squeezing it before addressing Edward. "Did you see your dad out there?"

"Yeah. He was at the nurses' station."

"Okay. Thanks," she replied, giving him a hug. "I'll see you later."

We both quietly watched her leave the room. When the door was firmly shut, Edward turned back to face me, staying rooted to his spot. The awkward silence of the room grew into tension that was so thick it could be cut with a knife.

"Are you gonna stand over there all day or what?" I asked, trying to seem playful.

"No," he said softly, shaking his head. "Of course not." He finally moved, stopping once he reached the chair Kate had previously occupied. He slouched down into the chair, propping his forehead against his hand.

"So. What's up? How was school?" I asked, unsure of what to talk about.

Edward shrugged as he looked away. "School was… school."

"Hmmm… How are the others? Did Alice come with you? Where is she?"

He shook his head, heaving out a sigh. "Can we talk please?"

"Isn't that what we're doing right now?" I joked.

A deep growl rumbled in his chest as he angrily ran his hand through his hair, messing it up further. "I want to talk about what happened the other day at school. That day you…"

"Edward, not now," I begged.

"When then? How can you just sit there and act like nothing's wrong? Like you're fine when you're obviously not?"

"We'll talk. I swear we will. But please, not right now."

"Fine," he said quietly, running a hand through his hair again. He looked at me as if I was suddenly going to break down and tell him everything. Suddenly he grabbed at my hand, holding on desperately to my fingertips. He sniffled as his eyes began to water before he looked away from me. He ran his hand roughly over his face before turning back to look at me. A solitary tear escaped him, and my heart shattered when his sorrowful voice uttered, "God, Isabella. I'm so mad at you. I just can't believe…"

"I'm sorry," I said when his words broke off. I wanted to continue, but a knock at the door interrupted our conversation.

Charlie appeared in the doorway wearing casual clothes instead of his usual work uniform. In fact, he should have been at work right now. "Hey, kiddo," he said as he nodded to Edward in acknowledgement.

"Hi Dad. Aren't you supposed to be at—" I stopped, unable to finish my question when I focused on Renee standing in the doorway with Phil towering behind her. I sat up immediately and turned my head to look at Charlie, angrily asking, "What the fuck is _she_ doing here?"

"Isabella, please lie back down," Edward requested, leaning over me as he eased me back onto the pillows.

"She's your mother. She has the right to know," Charlie replied.

"Really, Bella. Must you speak to me like that?" Renee asked, walking into the room with a small vase of flowers. She handed the vase to Phil before turning to look at Edward as she asked, "And _who_ is this?"

"I'm Edward," he said, moving away before I could stop him.

"It's nice to meet you, Edward. I'm Bella's mom, Renee," she said, smiling as she shook his hand. "And this is my husband, Phil. I'm afraid Bella's never mentioned you. You'll have to tell us all about yourself."

"No fucking shit, Renee. You've never heard me talk about him because I don't talk to you."

"Don't talk to your mother that way," Phil demanded. He shook Edward's hand, looking at Edward as if he was sizing him up before saying, "So _Bella's_ got a boyfriend."

"Uh, yeah. That's me," Edward responded, tugging his hand out of Phil's grasp before moving back to my side.

"Get the fuck out of my room. Leave. Now," I said with a raised voice.

"Oh, Bella. I would have hoped that with all this time away, you'd have matured just a little. Can't you act like a grown up?" Renee asked.

"I want to you leave! Get the fuck out!" I yelled.

Charlie moved to my other side, blocking Renee from my view momentarily and tried to calm me down. "Bells, please—"

"Now, now, _Bella_. We came all this way to see you," Phil interrupted Charlie as he moved closer and back into my view. He was way too close.

"Get away from me!" I screeched as I scrambled out of my bed to put distance between us.

I backed up into Edward's chest and he held me securely around the waist, keeping me steady. I began pulling off the tubes and wires that were attached to my body, even managing to rip out my IV. I cried out, tears streaming down my face when I kept hearing everyone continuously call out my name. My anxiety level was growing unbearable, and I was getting lightheaded.

I turned around in Edward's arms, needing to hold on to him, only to be ripped away. I fought my hardest to keep him in my grasp just as I fought to breathe. An older looking Edward was suddenly looking back at me, and I knew it was Dr. Cullen.

"Get her an oxygen mask," Dr. Cullen's voice called out as he held my head, locking eyes with me. "Isabella, I need you to calm down. Deep breaths." I tried to copy his instructions, but I was having a hard time. "If you can't calm down and stop fighting us, I'm going to have to sedate you. I don't want to do that, Isabella. Just focus on me."

I couldn't take my eyes off his face as I tried to focus on the similarities between him and his son. I barely noticed Kate next to him even with her voice echoing quietly. My vision went black and from that moment, I couldn't remember what had happened until my mother's shouting startled me. I was back in my bed with the tubes and wires reattached.

"She's _my_ daughter. You can't keep me from seeing her!" Renee roared.

"Renee…" my dad warned loudly.

"No, Charlie. Stop it."

"I understand that Isabella is your daughter, but currently she is my patient and under my care. For the sake of her health, I'll need you to leave for now," Dr. Cullen said authoritatively.

"But—" Renee began.

"If you won't leave willingly, Mrs. Dwyer, I can and will have you escorted from the building."

"Fine," Renee said begrudgingly. "Can I at least say goodbye?"

"I'm sorry, but I don't think that would be a wise idea," Dr. Cullen replied.

My brain felt foggy and my body was heavier. I began dozing when it quieted down. I don't know how much time passed before I heard Dr. Cullen whispering.

"Hurry up, Edward."

"Okay, Dad."

"Edward?" I asked, not sure if I was dreaming. My voice sounded weird, slow almost. I struggled to open my heavy eyes when I received no response and found Edward standing at the foot of my bed, frozen in an awkward position.

"Yeah?" he asked when he noticed my gaze.

"I'm sorry," I said as my eyes fell shut.

"Shhhhhhh. It's okay," he said, stepping beside me. He leaned over me, pushing stray hairs away from my face. "It'll be okay."

"Will you stay with me?" I whined. "Please?"

He looked up at the door where I assumed his dad was standing, waiting for him. "I'm sorry, love. I can't."

"Please," I pleaded, tears welling up as my vision grew blurry.

"Isabella," Edward moaned. "I can't. I'll come back tomorrow."

"Promise?"

"I promise. Go back to sleep, love. I'll see you soon," he replied, leaving a tenderly soft kiss on my forehead.

"I love you, Edward," I sighed as my eyes fluttered shut.

The last thing I heard before I drifted into oblivion was Edward telling me he loved me too.

* * *

**A/N:** Wow. I bet none of you were expecting an update this soon. To be honest, I wasn't, but I guess being on couch rest gave me more of an excuse to write. That, and we're getting closer to the end. Many thanks to my amazing betas, Ooza and Taylor. Thank you to those of you who have reviewed, alerted, and added to their favorites. I also have to thank the ladies and dudes who join TheTwilightAwards weekly WCs. It definitely helps having people to write with and stay motivated. Anyone and everyone is welcome and encouraged to join. Follow me on twitter or check out thetwilightaward(dot)com for more information or schedules.

XO  
Jenn

_3_


	22. Coming Clean

**This story is rated MA.**

**The original characters and plot of Twilight are the property of Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended with this story. After the story is completed, all Twilight references and character names will be changed and copyrighted. Copyright 2010-11 by Jenndur. This story may not be duplicated, copied, printed, or otherwise reproduced in any way, nor can it be reposted on any other website without the expressed written authorization of the author.**

**This story may contain adult subject matter, strong language, controversial topics, drug and underage alcohol use, mentions of rape, consensual sexual content, and self-injury. You have been warned.**

**Summary:** Isabella is a troubled teen with self-destructive behaviors sent to live with her father in Forks, WA. Will Edward be the one to help her, save her from this downward spiral? Or will his actions push her closer to the edge? AH/OOC, B/E.

**Recommended songs: Hana Pestle- "Make You Hurt"; Linkin Park- "In Between" (this may not be the best song for this chapter, but yeah...)**

* * *

**Chapter 21**

"_All of us, at certain moments of our lives, need to take advice and to receive help from other people."  
-Alexis Carrel_

* * *

It had been sixteen days since I had been admitted to the hospital, nine days since I had regained consciousness, and today I was finally going home. Though Dr. Cullen had cleared me for discharge at my father's persistence, I knew both he and Dr. Kate wanted to keep me there longer. I hadn't been completely honest and forthcoming with information, instead providing what I knew would make it seem like I was okay. I'm sure they saw right through me, which was why Kate continued to see me for an hour every day.

With each day that passed after our first meeting, Kate tenaciously pushed me for answers, particularly about my relationship with Renee. Not only had Kate been a witness to my freak-out, but she had also been there when Renee had returned with Charlie the next day. I had still been recovering from being sedated so things didn't escalate. I had threatened that I wouldn't ever leave the hospital if Renee stuck around before Kate stepped in and escorted my parents from the room. Shortly after, Kate returned to the room alone, smiling lightly at me before immediately questioning me about Renee. I didn't see my mother again after that day.

Taking about Renee in any sense wasn't like pulling off a band-aid. In truth, talking about her to Kate was like picking away at a scab that hadn't yet healed; I would be left bleeding again.

Luckily, I had already had my daily meeting with Kate and had mixed feelings about no longer seeing her. She could be really irritating with her incessant probing, but she had become a fixture in my life that I would miss. Today's session had been no different from the others, and ended with no hint of her leaving me.

After our hour was up, I had been left alone. For a few minutes I was surrounded in silence, but then Dr. Cullen's voice spoke up just outside of my door.

"I think it would be beneficial for Isabella to continue therapy with Kate."

"Carlisle, there is nothing wrong with my daughter. She's fine," Charlie argued.

"I have to disagree, Chief Swan. Isabella is a very sick girl—" Kate interjected.

"Then why don't you explain to me what's wrong with her."

"At this point, I am unable—"

"Exactly!" Charlie raised his voice. "If there was something wrong, you should've been able to figure it out in a week."

"I don't want to just throw out a diagnosis without being sure of it. Isabella's been lying to me and is unwilling to divulge information," Kate replied.

"Then what makes you think that continuing to see you will help any at all?"

"She needs time to grow accustomed to me and I need time to gain her trust to fully evaluate her. It's a normal process. But I can assure you there is a problem. One, that left untreated, will possibly have dire consequences."

"This was just an accident. She didn't mean to do it," Charlie said quietly. So quietly, I almost couldn't hear him.

"Please, Charlie," Dr. Cullen said. "Take some time to consider it. For Isabella's safety."

"Fine. When can we get Isabella out of here today?" Charlie asked, sounding defeated.

"Soon. Why don't you come with me to get her papers signed," Dr. Cullen replied.

It grew quiet again as I assumed Dr. Cullen led my father away. The door opened, and I tried to look like I hadn't been eavesdropping on a conversation about myself.

"Back so soon?" I asked Kate.

She quirked her brow in response before saying, "I just wanted to say bye and to give you my card." I took the card, looking over the information printed on it before I looked back up at her. "It has my phone number on it," she explained. "Call it _whenever_ you need me."

"Okay," I murmured, looking at the card again. "Thanks."

She nodded and turned to leave. She paused with her back to me, saying, "It's been nice getting to know you, Isabella."

* * *

It was nice to be home, and from what I could see, Charlie had made an effort to clean. I smiled gently at this as he followed me up the stairs. My room had a stale smell to it having been left untouched. The bed was still unmade, clothes were still strewn about, and a few of my school books were still lying open on my desk from the night before my incident.

By the time I had changed into my pajamas and had climbed into bed, Charlie came in with a grilled cheese sandwich. I thanked him for it while he fussed over me and mumbled to himself about needing to change the sheets. I was about to argue with him that I was fine when there was a knock at the front door. Charlie regarded me momentarily before going downstairs.

"I'm sorry, but she needs her rest right now," Charlie said.

"I understand that, sir. I just wanted to see her for a little while." My ears perked at Edward's reply.

"The answer is no," Charlie said sternly.

"Can I at least bring her homework up to her?" he asked.

"I'll take it. I think it's time for you to leave."

Edward had visited me every day that I was in the hospital and had begun to bring my schoolwork to not only ease my boredom, but to keep me from falling behind. He was a really sweet guy.

I stood at the top of the stairs and cleared my throat to gain their attention. Sure enough, they both turned to gaze up at me. "Hi, Edward," I called down softly.

"Hey, Isabella. Sorry, I didn't mean to—"

"No." I raised my hand to stop him. "It's cool. I wasn't sleeping."

"Isabella, you should be in bed," Charlie said firmly. "Edward was just leaving."

"Stop trying to push him out the door, Dad," I replied.

"You need to rest," he argued.

"And I can do that while Edward's here," I said in return.

"But—"

"Dad, please. We're not going to do anything besides talk while I work on my schoolwork. Besides, I'll probably need his help since I missed a bunch of school."

"Fine. He can stay for one hour, but no longer," he told me before pointing his finger in Edward's face, adding, "No funny business."

"Understood, sir," Edward replied, trying to suppress a smile that was threatening to escape.

"Come on up, Edward," I said, turning back into my room.

He appeared in my doorway just as I was climbing back, a smirk gracing his face. "Nice PJs."

I blushed deeply at his comment as I remembered the flimsy tank top and baggy pajama pants that barely hung on my hips. I continued to climb into my bed, pulling the covers over my body with my good hand. "Be quiet," I grumbled.

He laughed and shook his head.

"Could you shut the door please?" I asked. He nodded and shut it gently before walking over to my bed. His bag fell from his shoulder, landing with a heavy _thunk _on my wooden floor. He sprawled out at the foot of my bed as he leaned against the frame.

"So. How's it going? You feeling okay?" he questioned.

"Okay. I'm happy to be out of the hospital. Though, I'm not sure if being at home will be much better. Charlie hasn't stopped hovering since your dad told him I was being discharged."

"Eh," he shrugged. "I'm sure it's normal parent behavior."

"Yeah, I guess. It's just so annoying, you know?"

"I bet."

"Anyway. How was school today?"

"Nothing eventful. Not much homework either," he sighed, leaning over the side of my bed to where his bag was lying. I could hear him shuffling through his stuff before he sat up with a few books and papers. I took them from him, setting them on my lap as I looked them over briefly. Determining I wouldn't need his help, I placed my schoolwork on my night table. "Isabella, I think we should talk now."

I groaned, "Edward, I don't feel up to it right now."

"You keep saying that! I'm not just going to let this go if that's what you're hoping for. You've put this off long enough."

"Fine," I snapped in defense, crossing my arms. "What do you want to talk about?"

"I don't even know where to start," he sighed. "Why don't you tell me the truth about your mother."

"What?" I asked, taken aback. Where the hell did this come from? "I did tell you the truth."

"Isabella," he said in a warning tone.

"I'm being honest with you. What I told you was the truth."

"She must care. She traveled all the way from Florida to see you."

"That doesn't mean she cares, not about me. She was probably only concerned about what other people would have thought if she hadn't shown up," I cried out angrily.

"Maybe she does care, but just isn't good at showing it," he suggested.

"Doubtful," I muttered.

"She seemed really concerned."

"Why are you sticking up for her?"

"I'm not," he replied, throwing his hands up in surrender. "I'm just trying to understand."

"I've already told you everything you need to know about Renee. If you can't understand that, you never will," I said. He shook his head, looking away from me.

"Why did you… react the way you did when she came into your room?"

"I don't know. I was mad that she was there and when she wouldn't listen to me, when she wouldn't leave… I didn't have control. I guess I couldn't stop my frustration from building and that made me panic."

"You really scared me," Edward uttered softly.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to."

"Isabella, I'm not just referring to your panic attack. Lately, you've just been acting… different."

"I don't know what you want me to say, Edward."

"Is it something I've done or said?" he asked quietly.

"Why would you think that?" I questioned, trying to lock our eyes.

"Things have been weird between us since I brought you to the meadow."

"No it hasn't," I denied.

"Yes it has. Ever since we had sex. Was I… was I not good or something?"

"NO!" I practically yelled before I lowered my pleading voice. "Edward, please don't think that."

"What else am I supposed to think?"

"It's not you. I swear."

"Why won't you just tell me?" he asked, desperation in his eyes.

"It's not that easy," I bit out, not wanting to talk to him about this. It was clear he wasn't going to drop this issue and I couldn't think of any other reasonable explanation, so I was going to have to tell him the truth.

"Just spit it out!"

"Fine!" I snapped. I paused, taking a deep breath and the tears welled up in my eyes as I whispered. "I was… raped."

"What?" Edward asked, shocked. "I didn't rape you, Isabella. I don't know what you—"

"No! That's not what I meant. _That_ night you called me _Bella_ and it just… it just brought me back to that night. I keep having nightmares, and it's always the same," I whispered, sounding pathetic.

"Oh God, Isabella. I don't even remember doing that," he replied, moving closer to me so he could hold my good hand. "I'm so sorry. Do you know who did it? Was it someone from around here?"

"No. It happened when I was living with Renee. I… I really don't want to talk about this anymore. Please?" I choked out.

"Okay. Okay," he hushed me, rubbing my hand tenderly. "If you want to talk to me about it—"

"No. That's okay. I don't think I will," I interrupted.

"Well, if you do, I'm here for you."

"Thanks," I replied, pulling my hand out of his. "Was that all you wanted to talk about?"

"No. I wanted to ask you about something Alice told me."

"Alice?" I repeated, my body growing rigid. "What did she say?"

"She mentioned that you've been hurting yourself," he whispered painfully, closing his eyes as he pinched his nose. He exhaled deeply before looking me in the eyes and asked in a strangled voice, "Is this true?"

"And if it was?" I asked defensively.

"Why would you do that to yourself?"

"Why do you think, Edward? It makes me feel better."

"Can I see them?"

"You want to see them? Why?" I asked, shocked at his request. I never expected that kind of question from him or anyone else.

"I don't know," he said, shrugging.

"I have to admit, Edward. That's a little weird."

"I know, but I need to see."

"Okay," I replied hesitantly. I climbed out of my bed and moved away slightly. I tugged at the drawstrings, struggling a little. At once, my baggy pajama pants slid down my legs, pooling around my ankles. I stepped out of them and stood there awkwardly.

Edward threw his legs over the side of the bed again, staying seated as he reached his hand out slowly. My breath hitched as his fingers traced lightly over the angry red scars, and I had to look away. I bit my lip painfully as I waited for him to stop. He cleared his throat, pulling his hand away. I bent down to grab my pants and awkwardly pulled them back on, knowing he was watching me.

"Thank you," he rasped. "For showing me and being honest."

I nodded, not knowing what to say. "Charlie will be up here soon to kick you out," I said once I realized how much time had passed.

"I know," he replied, glancing at my alarm clock. "But I'm not done talking with you."

"What else, Edward?" I sighed, starting to feel fatigued.

"I want to know about Jacob."

"What about him? He's just a friend."

"He's not a good person to be friends with."

"Because of Leah?" I questioned. He nodded in response. "You all keep warning me to beware of Jacob because of something that happened with this girl, yet no one will actually tell me what happened."

"Isabella—" he began.

"No, Edward," I interrupted. "You want me to stay away from him? Then give me a fucking reason. Don't bring Leah up and then just expect me to drop it. That's not fair."

"Fine. I'll tell you, but I want you to tell me honestly about Jacob in return."

"Deal. You first," I said.

"Leah Clearwater was one of the Quileute girls down on the reservation. I didn't know her well; I'd only met her once down at La Push Beach when I had a run-in with Jacob, who happened to be her boyfriend. Even back then, he and I didn't get along. Anyway, one day I had stopped at the hospital to talk to my dad, and as I was leaving, I ran into Jacob holding an unconscious Leah. He begged me to help her, knowing who my father was. So I helped him carry her inside, calling out for the nurses. Her body seized as she was whisked away on the gurney, and I waited with Jacob. It was hours before my dad walked into the waiting room, and I knew it was bad.

"I can't remember much about what my dad had said, besides that she had OD'd and he couldn't save her. It was later discovered that she'd had an underlying health condition that had contributed to her death. But still to this day, I'm pretty sure Jacob had been the one who supplied her the drugs and had been on them as well. I don't care what the drug test said, I know he was on something.

"He was her boyfriend and it was because of him — someone who was supposed to care about her — that she died. He blames me and my family for having not saved her, and in return, I blame him. I can't stand him for ending her life. Oh God, Isabella. It's like I was living it all over again, but this time it wasn't just some girl I barely knew. It was you. Please, please say that you'll stay away from him? For my sanity?"

His story left me speechless, so I nodded in promise.

"It's your turn now. Why did you go to Jacob's house that day?" Edward questioned.

"I had a nightmare and needed to chill out. I was out of weed, and I knew he had some," I admitted.

"Just pot? No other drugs?"

"Nope," I lied, shaking my head.

"Then why did you OD on a bunch of Vicodin?"

"I had a really bad headache."

"Why did you get pissed at Jacob? What did you guys argue about?"

"He was mad that I chose you over him."

"Have you ever _been_ with him?" Edward asked hesitantly, wincing as if he was in pain.

I nodded slowly as I replied, "Once."

"Fuck, Isabella," he said, tugging angrily at his hair before looking at me in disbelief. "Are you fucking kidding me? So what he said was true?" He sounded so broken and angry.

"It was before you and I got together. Please don't be mad at me," I requested, taking his hand in mine.

"I'm not mad. I'm just not sure how I feel about that right now."

"You deserve so much better than me, Edward. I know I'm not good for you, and I can't understand why you care about me so much, but I love you. So much, it hurts sometimes. I don't feel that way about him or anyone else. Not even a little bit."

"I don't care if I deserve better," he said, moving off the bed to kneel beside my bed. "I want _you_ regardless of your history with Jacob. I love you, but I'm worried about you. I want you to continue to see Kate, to get help. I couldn't bear to see you end up like Leah," Edward broke off.

I wanted to tell him that I wouldn't be seeing Kate any longer, not if Charlie was unwilling to pay for it, but before I could say anything, Charlie knocked on my door and opened it. He was letting us know that our hour was up. Unfortunately, Edward didn't even give me the chance to argue with Charlie for more time. He stood up, kissing my forehead on the way before saying he needed to get home anyway.

"Okay," I said dejectedly.

"I'll call you later," he promised. "Bye."

And with that, Charlie reminded me that I needed to rest before he followed Edward downstairs. Once the door was shut and the house had fallen silent, fatigue overtook me and I drifted into a dreamless state.

* * *

**A/N:** Happy Valentine's Day, Lovelies! Well that was a long conversation, and at least Isabella was honest about something. And we've finally found out the story on Leah. Can I just say that I'm so glad to be done with this chapter? I've already briefly outlined the next chapter, and I'm not sure at this point if I want to split it into two parts or not. We'll see how it goes.

My fabulous betas, **Ooza** and** Taylor**, have done amazing with this chapter and deserve a round of applause. Without them, this story wouldnt look this good.

Thank you to those of you who have reviewed, alerted, and added this to their favorites. Thank you to the ladies and dude who participate in the weekly **TwilightAwards **WCs with me, I bring the angst. Anyone and everyone is welcome and encouraged to join, just follow me on twitter or send me a PM.

REVIEWS GET TEASERS!

XO  
Jenn

_6_


	23. Fallacy

**This story is rated MA.**

**The original characters and plot of Twilight are the property of Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringemnet is intended with this story. After the story is completed, all Twilight references and character names will be changed and copyrighted. Copyright 2010-11 by Jenndur. This story may not be duplicated, copied, printed or otherwise reproduced in any way, nor can it be reposted on any other website without expressed written authorization of the author.**

**This story contains adult subject matter, strong language, controversial topics, drugs and underage alcohol use, mentions of rape, consensual sexual content, and self-injury.**

**Summary**: Isabella is a troubled teen with self-destructive behaviors sent to live with her father in Forks, WA. Will Edward be the one to help her, save her from this downward spiral? Or will his actions push her closer to the edge? AH/OOC, B/E.

**Recommended songs**: Linkin Park- "Breaking the Habit"

* * *

**Chapter 22**

"_We are more interested in making others believe we are happy than in trying to be happy ourselves."  
__-Francois De La Rochefoucauld_

* * *

I fucking hated my cast. Not only was it incredibly itchy, it also made showering practically impossible. It was a major pain just trying to cover the damn thing so the water wouldn't ruin it, and it doubled the amount of time it took me to get ready in the mornings.

My body shook with violent tremors as I climbed out of the shower, and my skin raised with gooseflesh as the cold morning air attacked me. I stood in front of the mirror, wrapped in a towel as I watched myself shiver. I remembered when I was younger, I would drop to the floor, curling into the fetal position under my towel until I felt somewhat warm. That was back when things were okay, when I wasn't screwed up.

I let my towel fall as I continued to stare at myself. Nothing covered my body now except for the plastic that protected my black cast. My eyes drew away from my cast to my thighs. I ran my fingertips over the angry red lines, just as Edward's had grazed them a few days prior. I still couldn't understand what had been going through his head when he asked to see where I cut myself.

My eyes trailed up to my face. How had this happened? How had it gotten so bad? How had I become this person I hated? A person no one should cared about?

I used to be happy. I used to be alive. Glimmers of that girl sometimes still slipped through the cracks of anger and sadness.

My eyes looked lifeless and my skin was unnaturally pale. I tried out a smile, which looked more like a grimace, before I huffed loudly and slammed a fist on the counter in frustration. Why was this so hard? It really shouldn't have been.

"Isabella!" I jumped as Charlie banged his fist against the bathroom door. "Are you done in there yet?'

"Y-yeah," I stuttered, feeling emotionally exposed. I stooped down, quickly retrieving my towel and securing it around my body. I threw the door open, pushing past Charlie as I mumbled, "Sorry."

I shut my bedroom door, leaning against it as I willed my heart to stop pounding so quickly. I felt adrenaline coursing through my veins, but I couldn't understand why. I grabbed at my chest in an attempt to calm my racing heart. I sucked in a shaky breath, pushing off from the door. I didn't have time for this right now; I was going to be late.

It had been easy enough to get most of my clothes on, but when it came to my long sleeved shirt, my bulky cast just wouldn't fit. I struggled with it before I finally gave up and grabbed a different shirt. Not even bothering with my tennis shoes, I opted for my Ugg boots that I could slip on easily.

Charlie was filling up his coffee mug when I entered the kitchen. He didn't stop as he asked, "What're you up and dressed for?"

"School," I replied, rolling my eyes as I bent down to look in the refrigerator.

"Oh no, you're not. You were just released from the hospital."

"Yeah. Three days ago, Dad," I corrected him as I stood up and closed the refrigerator door. "I'm fine."

"Isabella, I really think it would be better if you took it easy at home for a few more days."

"But I've already missed so much school. I really need to catch up."

"And you can continue to have Edward bring your work to you. I'm sure your teachers would understand," he suggested.

"Nice try, Dad. I'm sure I have tons of tests to make up. I don't want to have to repeat this year because you wouldn't let me go to school. Most kids try to get their parents to let them skip and I'm asking you to let me go to school. Please?" I could see his decision starting to waiver so I continued. "Just let me go today and we can see how I do. If I get too tired or am just not feeling up to it, I'll come home."

He regarded me intently for a moment, fiddling with the lid on his coffee mug before he nodded.

"Thanks," I smiled. I was happy I wouldn't have to spend the day alone or bored out of my mind again.

"Okay. Well, are you ready to go?" he asked, looking at his watch.

"Oh," I replied, trying to keep my face from falling. "I was sort of thinking I could drive myself."

"I don't think that's a good idea."

"Why not?" I demanded.

"Because you're injured," he replied simply.

"Come on! I don't even need to use my left hand to drive my truck. It'll be fine."

"I don't know, kiddo," he said unsurely as he scratched the back of his head.

"If I drove myself then you wouldn't have to leave work early to pick me up."

"Fine," he sighed. "But please drive safe."

"Sure thing. Bye, Dad."

"And slowly," he added.

I grabbed my keys from the table next to the front door and stumbled out into the misty day. I adjusted the strap of my backpack before crossing the soggy grass to where my truck sat. The pounding in my chest returned as I neared it. It felt like I was physically trying to fight with it to stop trying to escape my chest. I stopped outside the driver's door, sighing as I shook my arms in an attempt to rid myself of this feeling. The key slid smoothly into the ignition, just as it had the door. I sat nervously in the cab as I tried to convince myself to turn the key. It had been almost three weeks since I had last driven, and my truck looked and felt different. I briefly recalled thinking the same thing _that_ day Rose had to drive me home. I readjusted the seats and mirrors, even the steering wheel, but nothing I did made it feel normal. A huff of frustration escaped me as I turned the key. The roar of the engine caused me to jump; I had forgotten just how loud it was.

I drove slow just as Charlie had asked, but it was mostly because it had been awkward not being able to move my cast-covered hand. The school looked deserted when I arrived, but the almost full parking lot suggested otherwise. Shutting off the engine, I grabbed my things and exited the warm cab of my truck. As I walked to the office to check in, I couldn't help but notice the eeriness of the deafening silence. I shivered again.

The front office was brightly lit with fluorescent lights, and it contrasted against the dark, gray sky. Mrs. Cope sat at her desk, only looking up when I opened the door.

"Ms. Swan?" she asked in surprise. "We didn't expect you back so soon."

"Sorry I'm late, Mrs. Cope. I didn't realize how long it would take me to get ready with this thing," I replied, lifting my hand to show her my cast.

"Oh, that's all right. Just let me get you a late slip," she said, pulling out a small blue piece of paper and scrawling across the page quickly. "Here you go, dear."

"Thanks," I said, taking it from her. I was about to leave when a door behind me opened and out stepped the principal in his typical tacky-looking suit.

"Isabella Swan," he called out, stopping me in my tracks. "I'd like to see you in my office for a moment please."

I nodded, moving around Mrs. Cope's desk to where Mr. Nelson stood by his door. He gestured for me to enter first before he followed me in and shut the door.

"Yet again, my heart began to race and my palms started to sweat. I didn't like being in such a small space with an older man —I felt trapped. Just because he was the principal didn't mean he wasn't secretly a perverted old man who took advantage of his students. I shook my head in an attempt to clear my mind of these thoughts.

"Have a seat," he said, already seated behind his desk. I did as requested, keeping a hold of my bag so I was ready to leave as soon as I was dismissed. "You're not in any trouble," he added.

"I know," I replied nervously, causing him to laugh.

"I've called you in here because I wanted to talk to you about your classes."

"I don't understand. I'm not failing any of them."

"I know. From your file, I can see that you excel at your schoolwork. What I'm concerned about is the amount of school you've missed. As stated in the handbook you received on your first day here, you can only miss up to a certain number of days. I've noticed that you've exceeded that limit."

"What does that mean?" I asked, my nerves spiking.

"Normally, we'd have to hold you back to repeat your grade—"

"Mr. Nelson, please. Isn't there something I can do to keep from having that happen?" I pleaded.

He twiddled his thumbs, leaning forward on his desk. I bowed my head and tucked a strand of hair behind my ears while I waited. After a moment, he sighed and leaned back in his chair as he said, "I'm willing to overlook this on one condition."

"And that is?" I asked hesitantly.

"You cannot miss a single class from now until the end of the semester."

I nodded in relief. "I can do that."

"Good," he replied with a smile. "Now off you go."

* * *

I didn't bother to stop at my locker after leaving the front office; there were only a few minutes left of my first class.

I kept my head down as I pulled the door open. It slammed heavily against my back causing me to cringe. I looked up when the room grew silent and found several pairs of eyes fixed on me. Whispers broke out after I cleared my throat and only quieted down to a dull buzz when the teacher shushed everyone.

"Welcome back, Ms. Swan. Take your seat."

I made the short journey to my desk, ignoring the knowing looks and mumbled rumors. I dropped my bag beside my desk before sliding into the cool seat. It felt just like my first day at Forks High all over again, and I remembered both Edward and Jacob telling me there were no secrets in this town. Suddenly, I wished I had stayed home instead of facing my judgmental classmates and teachers.

"As I was saying…" the teacher began. I crossed my arms on my desk before resting my chin against my cast. The noise level would raise whenever the teacher tried to speak above the dull murmurs.

"Pssst. Isabella," Emmett whispered, tugging on my hair.

"What, Emmett?" I snapped, turning around in my seat.

"Ms. Swan," the teacher called out, causing me to whip back around. "I'm sure whatever is so important can wait until after class."

"Sorry," I murmured, slouching in my seat. _Damn it, Emmett._

I growled internally as I pulled out a piece of paper to jot down our homework assignment. The bell rang just as I finished writing, and the class began to pack their things up. I slid out of my seat and reached down to grab my bag, but Emmett had beaten me to it.

"Edward didn't tell us you were going to be here today," he said, shouldering my bag.

"Ms. Swan? A word please?"

"Uh, yeah. It was sort of a last minute thing," I replied, taking my bag from him before I stopped at the teacher's desk. "See you later, Emmett."

"Bye, Isabella," he said, waving as he exited the room.

I rushed to my next class after arranging times to make up missed tests. I skidded to a halt in the doorway just as the final bell alarmed. My second and third period classes went much like the first — gawking and whispers floating around me. Rosalie didn't look surprised to see me when I took a seat beside her. She welcomed me with a warm smile. Jessica, on the other hand, wasn't acting her usual bubbly self. She spent the whole class muttering under her breath and choosing not to acknowledge me.

Jessica's behavior became even more unusual when we arrived to fourth period. She openly sneered at me before sitting down with Lauren. Lately she had been acting different when she hung out with Lauren. I sat down next to Alice, ignoring her as I pulled my Spanish book out.

"Isabella?" Alice asked, her voice unusually quiet.

"Yeah?" I returned, not looking away from my book.

"I… I just wanted to apologize. For telling Edward, I mean."

"Stop," I said, raising my hand. "Its fine."

"Are you sure?"

"Its fine, Alice. Just leave it alone," I said in a final tone.

"Okay," she replied.

We didn't talk for the rest of class. Again, I stayed behind to arrange more times to make up missed work.

Amazingly enough, I had somehow managed to evade all my friend in between classes. I knew Edward wasn't going to be happy that I was here, and I was right. He was at my side the moment I entered the cafeteria.

"What are you doing here?"

"What? No hello?" I asked.

"Of course not. Sorry. Hi."

"Hey," I said with a smile before I kissed him.

"Now can I ask what you're doing here?"

I sighed. "I can't miss any more of my classes."

"Isabella, I'm sure everyone understands."

"Yeah, right. I'm sure _everyone_ understands since it's no secret," I replied sarcastically. "Anyway, I've already talked with Mr. Nelson about it."

"But—"

"Let's go for a walk," I interrupted.

"You need to eat though," he argued.

"I'll eat in a bit. I'd rather not talk about this with an audience. Unless you'd rather not talk right now."

Edward looked around the cafeteria, nodding at our group of friends before he took my hand and led me away. We stopped in a secluded area after walking in silence for a while.

"Edward, I'll be held back if I miss anymore school," I said, continuing our conversation from the cafeteria. "I don't want that, especially when we've only got a short amount of time left."

"My dad can talk to him about giving you more time."

"No. It's fine. Just leave it, please."

"Okay," he sighed begrudgingly. How are you feeling? Are you tired? Does your arm hurt?"

"I'm fine," I replied, trying not to get irritated. I knew he meant well, but I wished he would stop.

"I'm really surprised Kate cleared you for school this soon."

"Well, um. She didn't exactly."

"What? I knew it," he said accusingly. "You shouldn't be here if she didn't think it was a good idea."

"She didn't have an opinion on it. She doesn't get any say."

"Well, she should as your doctor."

"She's not my doctor."

"You know what I mean," he said, running a hand through his hair.

"Yeah, I do, but I'm not seeing Kate anymore."

"Why not? I'm sorry to say this and I know it's not something you want to hear, but you need help."

"I'm fine!"

"No, you're not! You practically died a couple of weeks ago, Isabella. _Something_ is not fine."

"It was a mistake," I defended.

"Mistake or not, I still think you should continue to see Kate."

"Well, just because you think I should doesn't mean I will."

"Why are you being so difficult?"

"That's who I am. If you don't like it, then leave," I threatened.

"I'm not just going to abandon you. I love you, Isabella."

"You shouldn't," I mumbled.

"Can you stop saying stuff like that?"

"Can you?" I questioned in return. "Stop telling me you love me."

"But it's true. Just tell me why you won't see Kate. Is it because you don't like her? We could always find someone else. My dad—"

"That's not it."

"Then what is it?"

"I can't afford to see her. Charlie won't pay for it."

"What about your mom?"

"I'm not fucking asking Renee for anything. If I did, it would be like I was welcoming her back into my life with open arms. I don't need or want anything from her." Edward stayed silent as he played with my fingers. He looked away briefly before turning his gaze back to me. The look in his eyes caused me to ask, "What?"

"Nothing," he said, shaking his head. "Let's get you something to eat."

Edward bought a bunch of food for us to share once we arrived back at the cafeteria. I sat at our table, eating quietly as our friends talked until lunch was over. It was a relief that I wasn't the topic of discussion among my friends, unlike the tables around us.

The rest of my classes continued as they had in the morning, though it was much easier to ignore everyone in biology with Edward at my side. I was excused from gym because of my injured hand; I couldn't have been more thankful for my cast at that moment. Overall, my first day back at school hadn't been as bad as I had expected.

* * *

**A/N**: Hey there! Many thanks to **Ooza** and **Taylor** for beta'ing this chapter and helping me push through it. Thanks to everyone who has reviewed, alerted, and added this story to their favorites.

If anyone is looking for motivation to finish their chapters, come join our weekly **TwilightAwards** WCs. I host Monday nights and every other Thursday night. There is one almost every night of the week. If you have any questions about our WCs, send me a pm or find me on twitter. Don't be afraid to chat me up, I'm very friendly.

I've also created a facebook account for this account where I'll be posting pic teases for upcoming chapters. The link can be found in my profile, come and find me.

REVIEWS GET TEASERS!

XO  
Jenn

_5_


	24. Nothing and Everything

**This story is rated MA.**

**The original characters and plot of Twilight are the property of Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended with this story. After the story is completed, all Twilight references and character names will be changed and copyrighted. Copyright 2010-11 by Jenndur. This story may not be duplicated, copied, printed, or otherwise reproduced in any way, nor can it be reposted on any other website without the expressed written authorization of the author.**

**This story contains adult subject matter, strong language, controversial topics, drugs and underage alcohol use, mentions of rape, consensual sexual content, and self-injury.**

**Summary:** Isabella is a troubled teen with self-destructive behaviors sent to live with her father in Forks, WA. Will Edward be the one to help her, save her from this downward spiral? Or will his actions push her closer to the edge? AH/OOC, B/E.

**Recommended songs:** Linkin Park- "Hit the Floor"; Muse- "Sober"; Gym Class Heroes- "The Queen and I"; Red- "Nothing and Everything"

* * *

**Chapter 23**

_Oh no,_

_She's at the bottom of that bottle_

_She's only one more swallow_

_From being, oh, so hollow_

_The Queen and I_ by Gym Class Heroes

* * *

I rushed into the cafeteria, red in the face and slightly out of breath. I skidded to a halt once I reached the table where my friends sat. I dropped my bag on the floor and threw my biology book on the table, knocking it into Emmett's tray.

"Hey! Watch it," he called out as he grabbed his drink before it spilled.

"Sorry, Emmett," I said, throwing myself into the last empty chair.

"Where have you been?" Edward asked as he pushed his tray of food towards me. I shook my head, declining his offer. Still, he was persistent as he said, "Eat."

"Fine," I huffed, grabbing an apple. I knew from his expression that he would've preferred me to have taken the pizza, but he didn't push me.

"So?" he asked with a raised brow, waiting for my answer.

"Right," I said, leaning forward on my forearms against the table. "Well, just as I was leaving the bathroom, I overheard some girl talking about a party tonight at Tyler's house."

Everyone at the table grew quiet and looked away except Edward. It had been like this a lot over the past few weeks. It irritated me that they thought they had to walk on eggshells around me.

"What?" I asked, glancing to each of them.

"I don't think we should go."

"Why not?" I demanded, my good mood fading quickly.

"You know why," Edward replied, settling back in his chair.

"But I'm fine," I told him quietly.

"No," he said simply, his tone final.

"Who the fuck do you think you are? My father? You have no right to tell me what I can and can't do."

"No, but I am someone who cares about you. I just want you to be safe."

"And I will be. Nothing is gonna happen."

"Yeah, cause _nothing_ happened at the last party," Emmett mumbled sarcastically.

"Stay out of this Emmett," I snapped. "No one asked for your opinion."

Emmett opened his mouth to retort, but Rosalie stopped him by placing her hand on his arm before turning to me. "Why don't we go to a movie or something?"

"Why are you all trying to ruin this for me? I really want to go."

"Well I don't, and I don't want you to either," Edward said.

"Fine! Don't go," I said, standing abruptly and gathering my things. "Stay home or go out to the movies. I don't care, but I'm going to Tyler's tonight." I pivoted on my foot and stalked toward the nearest exit. Just as I reached the doors, Jessica and Lauren blocked my path. I ignored their snide looks and comments, shoving through them.

By the time I reached the biology classroom, I noticed there were still ten minutes left until lunch ended. I tried the door with the hope of it being unlocked, but it wouldn't budge. Rolling my eyes, I moved over to a nearby wall and slid down to the ground. I leaned my head back against the bricks and stared at the dark sky.

I knew this was a dangerous move — letting myself get lost in my thoughts — but it was as if I couldn't stop myself. I began gnawing on my fingernails as my thoughts bounced from one thing to the next, but it all came back to one thing: that urge… that craving I desperately wanted to fill.

I blinked as the bell rang and found Edward staring down at me.

"You okay?" he asked, extending his hand down to help me stand.

"Yeah. Fine," I replied, quickly swiping any dirt off my behind. "Thanks."

We waited as everyone around us entered the room before we trailed in. I dropped his hand when we reached our desk. I pretended not to see his curious glance as I took my seat and opened my book to a random page. Mr. Banner began today's lecture before Edward could say anything.

I was so consumed by my thoughts, I didn't notice how quickly biology and gym had passed. I couldn't even recall what we covered. I wandered out to the parking lot, staring into my phone and counting down the minutes until the party. I was so oblivious to my surroundings that I ran straight into Jessica, knocking both of us to the ground.

"What the hell? Don't you watch where you're walking? Or is that too difficult for you to manage?" she shrieked, standing back up.

"Shut the fuck up," I mumbled loud enough for her to hear. I turned to leave when Jessica gripped my arm tightly, forcing me to stop. I turned my head slightly in her direction, growling, "Get your hand off of me. Now." I gritted my teeth in frustration when she didn't listen. I jerked my arm from her grasp before stiffly walking away.

"I was talking to you," Jessica called out as she chased me toward the parking lot.

"I heard you and I honestly don't care. Go fuck yourself and leave me alone."

"What is your problem? I thought we were friends."

"Yeah. Because friends talk crap about each other, right?" I asked sarcastically, my eyes flickering back toward Lauren.

"Well," she began, crossing her arms over her chest. "Maybe if you weren't constantly getting high and drunk, then the whole town wouldn't be talking crap. We're just dealing out what you've supplied us with."

"Oh yeah, like that's your _real_ problem with me. I know you, Jessica, and you're just jealous."

"Of what?" she scoffed.

I leaned in closely, whispering so only she could hear, "That _he_ chose me."

There was a flash of something in her eyes that told me I was right, but then her eyes grew hard as she replied, "Even if that were true, we both know it'll never last between the two of you. One day soon he'll wake up and realize he deserves so much better than you."

I took a step back in shock, knowing that she was correct. Edward did deserve more than what I could offer. There was a sinking feeling in my chest as this hit me deep and hard. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Edward and our friends approaching. Jessica saw this too, and quickly said, "It's only a matter of time before you screw everything up."

Without really thinking or knowing why this set me off, I launched myself at her and knocked us both to the ground again. I straddled her midsection, leaning back on my heels as I slapped her cheek. The resonating sound of my hand connecting with her face was quickly followed by a deep voice yelling out "Fight!"

Jessica grabbed a fistful of my hair, yanking on it roughly. I cried out as my neck cracked from the force of her pull. With my good hand, I desperately tried to free myself from her grasp but quickly gave up on that. My hand blindly sought her out, wanting to rip out her hair. When my fingers came into contact with her hair, I wasted no time grabbing some and jerking her head closer to mine.

Neither of us wanted to admit defeat; instead we chose to continue tugging on each other's manes. Suddenly, Jessica struck me across the face. There was a stinging sensation as I realized the stupid bitch had scratched me. I couldn't let her get away with that, so with another yank on her blond locks, I pulled back my cast-covered hand and started to pummel her.

I only got a few hits in before our hands were pried from each other's hair and a set of hands snaked around my waist. I was pulled away from Jessica, stopping once we were a few feet away. I leaned back into Edward's chest, trying to catch my breath as he kept his arms wrapped around me. I gingerly touched my scalp, wincing when I brushed against the section Jessica had kept a hold of.

I watched as Lauren helped Jessica stand back up, trying to take inventory of the damage I had inflicted. Though I couldn't see much evidence, I knew her face would be hurting tomorrow, if not by tonight. Lauren shot me a dirty look as Jessica took a step closer to me. Edward responded by tightening his hold around my waist.

"Nobody will ever want a crazy, drug-abusing bitch like you," she said loudly.

She was really lucky Edward was here otherwise I would have fucked her up. I fought Edward's restraining arms, wanting to wipe that smirk off her face. I could hear his voice, deep and quiet, telling me that it was time to leave.

"Come on, Isabella," Rose said, blocking Jessica from my view. "She's not worth it."

"Yeah. Let's go," Alice piped in, stealing a glance at Edward before drawing her gaze down to my face. "You can come over and we'll get ready for the party tonight."

* * *

I stepped out of the shower, wringing excess water from my hair with my good hand. I grabbed the fresh towel that had been laid out and began drying off. Crossing the bathroom, I thought to myself how much I loved Alice's bathroom. Not only was it insanely large, but she also didn't have to share it with anyone. I avoided looking at the mirror as I neared the counter, instead gazing at the clothes I had fought over with Alice.

After school, we had decided I would leave my truck at home, and Rosalie and Alice would pick me up from there. I'd started throwing things into a bag once we arrived at my house, pausing to write a note to Charlie before I forgot, when I heard someone riffling through my closet. Once I'd finished, I turned around to find Rose lounging on my bed while Alice held two outfits in my direction. I shook my head, refusing both options. We had ended up spending forty minutes bickering over what I should wear. She wanted to play Isabella Barbie, but I wanted something comfortable and simple. Rosalie had offered the solution of letting Alice pick one article of clothing. I debated for a moment before conceding.

So here I stood in her bathroom, staring at the pile of clothes that I'd compromised on — specifically my shirt. I sighed loudly, getting dressed before I emerged from the bathroom.

There was no one in the bedroom, but I knew my friends couldn't be far because I could hear voices coming through the ajar door. Nearing the door, I realized the voices were arguing. I held my breath as I listened, discovering _I_ was the topic of Edward and Alice's spat.

_I can't believe you!_

_What's the big deal, Edward? We'll all be there with her._

_You know how I felt. You knew I didn't want her to go, and yet you still went against me._

_I didn't do it to piss you off—_

_No, you did it because you wanted to fix shit between the two of you._

_That's not true!_

_Don't tell me that bullshit, Alice. Since she was released from the hospital, you've been doing anything to try to fix your friendship._

_Fine. That's partially true, but I honestly didn't want her to go to that party alone. Not after last time._

_Well, I was working on that when you intervened and screwed up my plan._

_What could you have possibly done to stop her?_

_I was going to—_

From across the room, my phone began ringing. I lunged over to Alice's desk — without injuring myself — where my phone resided in my bag. "Shit!" I hissed, fumbling to silence my extremely loud phone. Once it had gone quiet, I realized the arguing voices from the other room had stopped, so I dashed back into the bathroom to answer Charlie's call.

"Hey, Dad."

"Hi," he replied before cutting to the point. "So you're at the Cullen's?"

"Yeah."

"Isabella, I want you to come home tonight."

"But why?" I asked in a whiney voice.

"It's just too soon, kiddo."

"All I wanted to do was hang out with my friends."

"You see them every day at school. Besides, I didn't say you had to come home right now, but I do want you home before curfew."

"Just let me stay the night."

"I… I don't think so," he said, his voice wavering.

"I really need some girl time with Rose and Alice. Please?" I begged.

"Well… what're you kids gonna do?"

"Just hang out, watch movies, pig out on junk food, girl talk," I spouted off easily. "You know, the usual."

He hesitated briefly before asking, "And Carlisle and Esme will be there?"

"Yeah," I said, nodding though he couldn't see me. "Esme is downstairs right now. But I'm not sure when Carlisle will get home from the hospital."

"Okay," he acquiesced. "I guess that's fine. I want you home by eleven tomorrow morning. Got it?"

"Yeah. Thanks, Dad."

"Be good. And have fun, kiddo."

"Bye."

After hanging up, I slid my phone into my pocket and exited the bathroom again. This time, though, Alice and Rosalie were in the bedroom waiting for me. They were already dressed and ready to go, and had decided to do my hair and make-up. I had to admit, it was fun having Rose do my hair, but the moment Alice came at me with an eyelash curler, I was terrified.

Twenty minutes later, I was walking downstairs with my hair loosely curled and a light amount of make-up on my face. I followed the girls into the kitchen where the boys were stuffing their faces. When Esme offered to dish up some food, we each accepted and mumbled our thanks. I took my plate over to the breakfast bar at the island and pulled out a stool. I wasn't hungry and ended up pushing my food around.

"You all look nice tonight. What are your plans for the night?"

"We're going to a late movie in Port Angeles," Rose lied quickly.

"Oh? What're you going to see?" Esme asked in interest.

"Face Punch," Rose replied without hesitation.

Esme's face scrunched up when she realized what movie that was, shaking her head before telling us to have a good time. The conversation died after that, and I knew it was because no one else wanted to lie.

I rinsed off my plate after dumping the leftovers in the garbage. The others left the kitchen as I was closing the dishwasher, leaving me alone with Esme. I thanked her once more for dinner and was surprised when she walked over to me and enveloped me in her arms.

"I'm so glad you're doing well, Isabella," she murmured as her lips brushed my forehead. She pulled back just enough to look me in the eyes. "You _are_ doing well, aren't you?"

My throat constricted as a lump formed, and I couldn't control the wave of emotions that swelled over me. I nodded while tears prickled at my eyes. Esme was such a kind-hearted woman, and the fact that we had lied to her was starting to eat away at me.

"Good," she said with a smile, pulling me back in for one more hug. "Have a good time tonight, honey."

* * *

I glanced at my phone for the fiftieth time since we had arrived at the party two hours earlier. I huffed and grumbled under my breath when there were still no new messages in my inbox.

The asshole couldn't text me back, even if it was to tell me to fuck off. I guess I should have known better than to contact Jake. I hadn't seen him since I left his house _that_ day. He hadn't even attempted to visit me while I was stuck in the hospital. According to Rosalie and Alice, he and Edward had gotten into a fight, so I wasn't sure if it was me or Edward that was keeping him away.

"What's up?" Alice asked, gesturing to my phone.

"Nothing," I said, tipping back my plastic cup and taking a large gulp from it. Rose's perfectly shaped brow quirked up so I continued on, "My mom won't stop calling and texting me."

"Okay," she replied, nodding slowly while she shot a quick look to Alice. It was obvious she didn't believe me, but she decided not to call me out on my lie.

I chugged the rest of the contents in my cup, noticing I went from being buzzed to borderline drunk. I couldn't tell how much I drank, but at this point, it had to have been at least one bottle. I thought drinking would help the emptiness in me, but it only made it worse. It was like there was a hole that kept growing, consuming me, and I was powerless to stop it. The only way I knew how to fix it, or at least temporarily relieve it, was through pain meds.

Alice joined me when I got up to refill my cup, claiming she needed to refill as well even though I could see her half empty cup. I knew it was her shift to play babysitter, and I didn't bother to hide the irritation that I'm sure was radiating from me. There was a tightness building in my chest as I broke out in a cold sweat when we returned to Rosalie.

I got up abruptly and started to walk away when Alice stopped me.

"Where are you going?"

"Sorry, didn't realize I needed permission to go to the bathroom," I snapped before sarcastically adding, "Do you need to stand in the bathroom with me too?"

"N-no," she stuttered, shocked at my sarcasm. She sat back down and said, "Sorry, Isabella."

I turned my back to them and walked away with their eyes trained on my back. I sighed in relief as I rounded the corner, having escaped my babysitters. There was a short line for the bathroom, but I didn't feel like waiting so I headed upstairs.

I found myself in the master bathroom after bumping into a few people scattered throughout the hallway. After I relieved myself and washed my hands, I pulled my phone out to check for new messages.

Still nothing.

Fuck.

I really needed something and I needed it now. I watched myself shake with tremors as I tried to figure out how to satisfy my craving. With Jake no longer an option, my only choice left was Sam, who also wasn't answering his phone.

Double fuck.

I groaned in frustration and splashed water on my face, knowing I had to get back soon before my friends noticed how long I'd been gone. I briefly examined the items spread out on the countertop as I patted my face dry. My eyes landed on the pill bottle, causing me to stop.

The hand towel I'd been holding fell to the floor and my hand shot out, bringing the bottle close so I could read the label. It wasn't what I wanted… what I needed. Suddenly I was scouring the medicine cabinet, finding exactly what I needed. I replaced the capped bottle exactly how I found it after pocketing a handful. After making sure everything was as I found it, I made my way downstairs.

Alice stopped me at the foot of the stairs, demanding to know where I'd been. I answered her question quickly and honestly before walking away to get another drink. Once I had a newly filled cup in hand, I wandered out of the kitchen and spotted Edward. He and Jasper were standing with Mike and Tyler, and they were laughing over something. I watched as his laughter settled into a grin, which in turn caused me to smile.

Edward and I hadn't spent much time together during the party due to the fact that he was angry with me. Compared to his brooding and moodiness earlier, he now seemed like he was past his anger. As I neared the group, I felt my blood boil when Jessica laid her fucking hand on Edwards arm.

"What the fuck are you doing?" I shrieked as I stormed over.

"What are you talking about, Isabella?" Edward asked moving closer to me.

"I can't believe you'd do this to me!" I yelled.

"I'm not doing _anything_," he replied defensively.

"Don't lie to me," I huffed, pointing my finger at him. "I saw you, Edward."

"I don't know what you're talking about. Just calm down for a minute."

"You're disgusting," I said with contempt. I shook my head, backing away from him as I whispered, "I need to leave. I- I can't stay here."

"Fine. Let's go," he replied, reaching out for me.

"Don't fucking come near me," I warned. When he didn't listen, I threw my drink in his face, causing him to sputter in shock for a moment. He heaved a sigh as he wiped the liquid from his face before a look of patience settled on his features. This really annoyed the crap out of me.

"Come on, Isabella. Just stop it."

"No!" I snapped. "I'll do what I want. I'm not someone you can control. You don't own me!"

And with that I stormed away, bumping into Angela and her boyfriend, Ben. When she offered to take me home, I accepted immediately. We were halfway to my house when I realized I was supposed to be staying the night at the Cullen's. I definitely couldn't arrive home in my current state, so I begged to stay the night at her house. I ended up sobbing uncontrollably until she agreed.

The last thing I knew, I'd been changed into a spare set of night clothes and was plopped down onto Angela's bed, drifting as she talked quietly on her phone. I wasn't concerned about Edward, his new skank, or our fight… my only focus was on what laid in the pocket of my jeans.

* * *

A/N: Hey there! Yeah, I know it's been a while since the last update. RL has been crazy and I've been dealing with Writers block. Hopefully you all still remember what's going on. **Ooza** and **Taylor** did amazing beta'ing this chapter. I love them sooooo much! Thanks to those of you who've reviewed and added this story to their alerts and favorites. Next chapter has a bit written already so I'm hoping to get it out within a week. No promises though.

**REVIEWS GET TEASERS!**

XO  
Jenn

_4_


	25. Riptide

**This story is rated MA.**

**The original characters and plot of Twilight are the property of Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended with this story. After the story is completed, all Twilight references and character names will be changed and copyrighted. Copyright 2010-11 by Jenndur. This story may not be duplicated, copied, printed, or otherwise reproduced in any way, nor can it be reposted on any other website without the expressed written authorization of the author.**

**This story contains adult subject matter, strong language, controversial topics, drugs and underage alcohol use, mentions of rape, consensual sexual content, and self-injury.**

**Summary:** Isabella is a troubled teen with self-destructive behaviors sent to live with her father in Forks, WA. Will Edward be the one to help her, save her from this downward spiral? Or will his actions push her closer to the edge? AH/OOC, B/E.

**Recommended Songs:** Linkin Park- "Don't Stay"; Linkin Park- "Easier to Run"; Kelly Clarkson- "Hole"; Jakalope- "Nothing Nowhere"; Mazzy Star- "Into Dust"; Linkin Park- "One Step Closer"

**[Note: We have reached the scene from the Prologue, and a few things have been re-edited in that section.]**

* * *

**Chapter 24**

_There is no flying without wings.  
-French Proverb_

* * *

Today was not going to be a good day. I could feel it the moment I woke up with achingly tense muscles and the worst headache I've had in a long time. I knew it'd been the results of stressing all weekend over today, of having to see Edward.

I tried to convince Charlie to let me stay home when he stopped by my door to make sure I was awake. After trying to argue with him, I still had to go because he'd had the same conversation with the principal that I'd had a few days ago. Unless, of course, I was in so much pain that I needed to go to the hospital, which would have been pointless because they wouldn't have done shit.

"Isabella! Hurry up! You're gonna be late," Charlie yelled up the stairs, startling me.

"I'll be down in a minute," I shouted back to him.

I scrambled over to my desk with the last of my pills. I held my palm flat so I could recount them once more. This wouldn't even last me to the end of the day. I huffed, knowing I should've just taken the whole damn bottle regardless of the voice in the back of my mind reminding me that it would have only caused me more problems. I struggled to quickly seal them into a small plastic bag. With the bag tucked away safely in my backpack, I made my way downstairs and out the door.

I arrived at school with a few minutes to spare, just enough to stop at my locker. I knew the reason people were openly staring this morning was because of my outburst at the party — if they hadn't witnessed it first hand, they'd definitely heard about it by now. I bet they were just waiting for me to breakdown completely. I struggled not to divert my route when I locked eyes with Jessica in the hallway. All I wanted to do was tackle her sorry ass to the ground and finish what she started. Instead, I continued on.

I rounded the corner and saw that my locker was being blocked by Edward and our friends. There wasn't any hesitation in my steps as I veered to the right and started in the direction of my first class. Unfortunately, I drew more unwanted attention to myself when I ran into a freshman, knocking her books to the ground. I didn't stop to help her as I darted away, trying to leave unnoticed by my friends.

I didn't get far, only the length of the hallway, before a hand clasped my shoulder to stop me. I flinched and glued my eyes to the cement walkway, not in fear, but because I knew the hand belonged to Edward. He kept his hand on my shoulder as he moved around to stand in front of me.

"We need to talk," he said seriously.

"There's nothing to talk about," I replied, keeping my eyes downcast as I tried to move around him. "Let go of me. You can't touch me."

"You're my girlfriend, Isabella. Of course I can touch you."

"No, not anymore." I looked up at him as I continued, "If Friday night wasn't enough of a hint, then let me make it a little more simple for you — I don't want _this_. I can't do it anymore."

"You don't mean that," he stated quietly, searching my face.

"Don't I?" I scoffed. "Just leave me alone. You're free to be with your little slut now. I don't care."

He leaned in closer toward me as the warning bell rang, saying, "This is exactly why we need to talk. I don't understand what you're talking about."

"Just stop, Edward. Stop trying to lie to me. I _saw_ you with her."

"Why are you doing this?" he asked with a hint of desperation.

"Because you're not getting it," I said loudly, not caring if anyone could hear me.

"Stop pushing me away. I'm not going anywhere."

I glared at him as I growled, "Let go of me now or I'll scream until you do."

His hand jerked away from my body so quickly, it was as if he had been burned. Though he did as I demanded, I couldn't stop the intense feelings of hurt that swarmed throughout my chest. Swallowing away the lump in my throat, I exhaled sharply and willed my eyes not to betray me. Everyone was still as they watched me walk the rest of the hall until the final warning bell rang, and suddenly people were rushing to their classrooms while gossiping about me.

I avoided going to class, not willing to deal with my classmates and a raging headache. I needed to fix it; I couldn't wait any longer. I hid behind the concession stand at the track field, pulling out my pills. I debated momentarily about how much I should take and how I was going to get more before I made my decision. I pulled out my cell phone, my fingers moving quickly across the keys. While I waited for a response, I sat back and sighed deeply, hoping the effects would kick in soon.

* * *

**EPOV**

I was left motionless in the sea of students after the bell rang, trying to figure out where I went wrong with Isabella. I couldn't help but wonder if things would have been different if there hadn't been a party Friday night or if this reaction had been bound to happen eventually. No, this still would have happened. There was no doubt in my mind. Things weren't going to get better. Isabella wasn't going to get better because she wasn't getting the help she needed.

Throughout my morning classes, my mind kept replaying Friday's events. She had seemed fine that morning, but when she came to lunch, it was as if she was on an emotional high and there was no talking her down. Even when I was persistent about not wanting to go to the party, her emotions shifted to anger while staying at the same level of intensity.

After school, I'd been surprised to find her propel herself at Jessica. Once the two girls were separated, Alice stepped in, trying to get back in Isabella's good graces. This only pissed me off because it felt like she did it for selfish reasons. I waited until Isabella was in the shower before I pulled my sister aside and started arguing with her.

My agitation with my sister and Isabella had increased once we arrived at the party. So much that I couldn't stand to be around either one of them, but I occasionally watched from afar. Before we had left my house, I'd made everyone promise not to leave Isabella by herself. At one point during the party, I couldn't watch my girlfriend any longer, knowing who she was texting — it didn't take a genius to figure it out.

Out of nowhere, Isabella had stormed out of the kitchen toward me and began yelling. I couldn't understand what she was so upset about, nor could I get her to calm down enough to tell me what was wrong. I was taken aback when she threw her drink in my face, but I refused to get upset with her. I couldn't… not at that moment.

After that, she'd taken off with Angela Weber and Angela's boyfriend. I'd been slightly relieved because I knew Angela was a good person and wouldn't let anything happen.

While there was a part of me that hoped things would've blown over by now, I knew better. Isabella's behaviors were often times unpredictable, and I expected something to be out of place. But I had not been expecting the look on her face and the venom in her words that had shaken me to my core.

I walked into the cafeteria, glancing around to find out she wasn't there. I grabbed some food before I slid into my seat, still keeping an eye out for her. After a moment, Emmett turned to me with a serious look on his face.

"What, Em?" I asked tiredly.

"Dude, what is going on with Isabella? Is she going through some post-traumatic stress thing from almost dying or something?" he asked.

"Emmett," Rosalie hissed, elbowing him in the gut. "Don't be so insensitive."

"What?" he questioned. "She's acting crazy and you know it."

My eyes snapped to his instantly as I said, "She's _not_ crazy! She's sick and needs help."

"Sorry, dude," Emmett replied quietly. After a few moments, he blurted out, "Can I just ask why you're putting up with her crap? She's being a total bitch to you, to everyone. Would you stop that, Rose?" he asked after she kicked his shin.

"I'm doing it because no one else will. I love her. She needs me."

"But she obviously doesn't want you right now," he replied.

"No," I said, shaking my head. "She's pushing me away because she's trying to protect herself from being hurt. She doesn't know what she wants or needs."

"If you really care as much as you say you do, you should step away for a while," Jasper spoke up. "Just give her some space to breathe, to calm down. Let her come to you."

"I can't. I just… can't stand by and watch her fall further," I said, standing up to leave.

"Aren't you going to eat?" Alice called out to me, but I was already walking away.

They just didn't understand the severity of Isabella's need for help, but I guess it didn't help when she was trying to make it clear that she didn't want anyone's assitance. I was afraid of the consequences of stepping back and leaving her to her own devices because she had almost died last time. I felt a little relief when I saw Isabella sitting at our lab table in Biology, but in the pit of my stomach, something still felt wrong. It was a feeling that didn't let up by the time school ended. In fact, it only grew worse.

I knew then that I couldn't let her leave without making sure everything was okay. I needed to convince her to see Kate again. Unfortunately, she dodged me and rushed to her truck. I hurried over to my car, quickly telling the others I would meet them back at our house. Her truck was still within view when I exited the parking lot, but she didn't make the usual turn to her house.

After I followed her for a few minutes, I realized she was on her way to the reservation to see _him_. I felt sick knowing that she wanted him over me. I dug my cell phone out of my pocket as her words from a while back bounced around in my head.

_Maybe I _like_ reckless and dangerous_.

"Edward?"

"She didn't go home, Jazz."

"Where'd she go?"

"She's meeting up with Black," I spat out.

"How do you know?"

"Because I do. Why else would she be going to the Rez?" He stayed silent, most likely not wanting for me to snap at him again. "I need you guys to meet me down here."

"Edward…" I knew what he was saying without continuing.

"I can't just let her go to him. I need you to keep me from beating the shit out of him," I begged.

"Okay," he agreed, sighing heavily before hanging up.

Isabella's truck pulled off the highway near First Beach, and instead of going down to the beach, she made her way into the trees. My stomach dropped as a sense of déjà vu hit me. I left my keys in the car, jumping out so quickly I wasn't even sure if I had turned the ignition off. I sprinted over to where she entered the forest, trying not to lose her.

* * *

**BPOV**

"_Bella_," Edward gasped. "Please. Just… just come back away from the ledge."

I ignored him, smiling as I heard the waves crashing below me. The wind blew my hair around, whipping me in the face. It was refreshing to have the mist cover my skin. My lungs and chest expanded with fresh air, leaving me feeling like I was on top of the world.

"I understand that you're upset, and—"

"You don't understand a single thing, Edward," I snapped, finally turning to face him. I knew this move only intensified his worries. "You can't save me. I can't be fixed. I've told you this many times."

"Kate can help you. I'm sure my dad would—"

I felt the rage inside me bubbling up. "You're not _listening_ to me!" I screamed. "I'm not good for you. For anyone."

"I love you so much, Isabella. So please… don't do this. For me? Please?"

"I don't care if you love me. You don't even really know me. I hate you Edward Cullen! I just want you to go away."

"You and I both know that's not true." He gave me a grim smile, rubbing his arm.

I looked to the beautiful man before me. There was no way I'd ever be able to compare to him — I was too average looking. On top of that, he and I both knew there was something wrong with me. Not that I could tell anyone what it was; not that I would. He deserved so much better than me. The only thing I could offer was irrational and unpredictable behavior…

"I'll destroy you if I haven't already," I said softly and sadly, taking a few steps toward him. "I don't want to do that to you, which is why you need to leave. Get as far away as possible."

"You could never destroy me, Isabella," he replied, walking the rest of the way to me.

He grabbed my face tenderly. I clenched my eyes shut tightly, so many feelings overwhelming me as he pressed his lips to my forehead. I tried to process his words, his feelings for me. I wanted to believe what he said.

I couldn't.

Anger at myself, and him as well, coursed through me. I pushed him away with my good hand. I would not allow him to distract me anymore.

"It's like I'm holding a gun, Edward. One pull of the trigger and it could mean the end of someone's life…"

"What are you going on about? You're not making any sense, Isabella," he said in confusion.

"I'm like the bullet in the gun. All I'll ever do is hurt you."

"What you're doing right now is the only thing that could hurt me."

I cringed in response and turned. I walked back to my original spot at the ledge.

"I'm really no good for you, no one. Not even my own family. I'm just a toxic, horrible person."

Without giving him time to respond, I took a deep breath and flung myself toward the raging waters. My scream was not out of fear, but excitement of falling. I could barely hear my name being yelled as I plummeted. I didn't feel the cold until I hit the surface. I gasped in shock at the freezing temperatures, losing my breath before I was lost in the riptide.

Swimming had never been my forte, but I did know enough that it was dangerous being caught in the riptide like I was. Even strong swimmers could lose the battle. I knew if I swam against the tide, I'd drown. My only option left was to swim parallel and eventually make it to safety. Though I accepted I was going to drown, my natural instinct to bring oxygen back into my lungs made me fight my way to the surface.

I was being tossed around in the tide, unable to find my way. Why couldn't I find the cool air that had the oxygen I needed? Why did Edward care so much? And why did that make me so angry?

Giving up, I let myself become the rag doll the riptide was trying to make me be. I felt regret build up for doing this to Edward. He didn't deserve it, any of the shit I put him through. If only Renee hadn't sent me away…

* * *

_Come on, Isabella, breathe!_

There was an intense string of pressure on my chest before a puff of air would try to force its way into my lungs. The process would repeat again, and each time my chest steadily grew sorer. I tried to listen to the voice telling me to breathe, but there was a buzzing in my head as more voices filtered in.

_Be careful! You could collapse one of her lungs._

…

_What was she thinking?_

…

_She's turning blue._

…

_What exactly happened?_

…

_We need to get her to the hospital. Now._

…

_Why isn't she waking up?_

…

_Not again. This can't be happening again._

…

I was tired of trying to piece together everything that was being said, but none of it made sense. The voices grew faint as I began letting go. I didn't even know what I was holding on to. I cried out as another string of pressure was applied to my chest. At least I tried to, but I couldn't because fluid was suddenly rushing up my throat.

* * *

**A/N:** This chapter was ridiculously hard to write because it needed to be just right. Hopefully I did it justice. Anyway, RL is going to be busy for the next week, so I'm hoping to get the next chapter out in about three weeks. Also, since we are so close to the ending of Ricochet, does anyone have any outtakes they'd like to see? PM any ideas you guys have or leave them in a review. **Taylor** and **Ooza **are my beautiful betas who have definitely helped with making this chapter what it is, so give them a round of applause. Thank you to everyone who has reviewed and added this story to their alerts and favorites.

**REVIEWS GET TEASERS!**

XO  
Jenn

_3_


	26. Wreckage

**This story is rated MA.**

**The original characters and plot of Twilight are the property of Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended with this story. After the story is completed, all Twilight references and character names will be changed and copyrighted. Copyright 2010-11 by Jenndur. This story may not be duplicated, copied, printed, or otherwise reproduced in any way, nor can it be reposted on any other website without the expressed written authorization of the author.**

**This story contains adult subject matter, strong language, controversial topics, drugs and underage alcohol use, mentions of rape, consensual sexual content, and self-injury.**

**Summary:** Isabella is a troubled teen with self-destructive behaviors sent to live with her father in Forks, WA. Will Edward be the one to help her, save her from this downward spiral? Or will his actions push her closer to the edge? AH/OOC, B/E.

**Recommended Songs:** Melissa McClelland- "Rooftop"; Vanessa Carlton- "The Wreckage"; Simple Plan- "Untitled"

* * *

**Chapter 25**

_"What is needed, rather than running away or controlling or suppressing or any other resistance, is understanding fear; that means, watch it, learn about it, come directly into contact with it. We are to learn about fear, not how to escape from it."_  
_-Jiddu Krishnamurti_

* * *

Nothingness.

I finally felt at peace, floating freely in nothingness. Was this what Heaven was like? No, it couldn't be because who would let me in there? But this couldn't be Hell either. There would have been flames or something. And if this _was_ my Hell, then I'd gladly accept it.

My peaceful nothingness was abruptly interrupted by several voices, and I felt like my chest was caving in. Panic struck me as a sudden rush of fluid made its way up my throat. There was a burning sensation as oxygen filled my lungs once more, causing me to cough violently. I wanted to cry and yell at whoever ripped my Heaven… my Hell… whatever it was, away from me.

I blinked several times, allowing my eyes to adjust to the sight before me. A crowd of people — my friends and Jacob's friends — stood over me. My senses grew overwhelmed as I became more aware of my surroundings. Though I knew I was lying motionless, it felt like my body lurched in sync with the waves that crashed angrily against the sand. I felt sick.

"_Bella_? Isabella, can you hear me?"

My eyes fell shut as I produced some sort of pitiful moan.

"Oh, thank God. You scared the shit out of us. Are you hurt?"

I moaned again, unwilling to use my voice. If it hurt to just breathe, I couldn't imagine what it would be like to talk. My whole body involuntarily trembled when a gust of wind swept over me. It didn't help that I was drenched to the bone.

"We need to get her out of here. And into some dry clothes. She's freezing," Jacob said, moving closer as he slipped his arm under my shoulder.

"Don't move her!" Edward demanded. "We don't know if she's hurt or not."

"She's fine!" Jacob snapped. "She just needs to warm up."

"She _needs_ to go to the hospital. If not for any injuries and a new cast, then for suicide watch. She's not okay."

"She wasn't trying to kill herself," Jacob said confidently.

"And how the hell would you know? You weren't up there with her. You don't know what she said before she jumped."

"You're right," Jacob scoffed. "I wasn't there. But cliff diving is a recreational sport around here, and Bella had told me she wanted to try. _If_ she was trying to kill herself, like you seem to think, I bet you were the reason that pushed her over the edge."

Out of the corner of my eye, I watched as Emmett and Jasper grabbed Edward, restraining him from Jacob. I knew Jake didn't really mean what he said, that he was only trying to get under Edward's skin.

"Fuck you, you piece of shit!" Edward yelled at him, still trying to break free of their hold. "Don't fucking touch her!"

"Ed, man, let's just take her back to his house and you can call your dad," Jasper said calmly.

Edward snapped back, no longer struggling to get to Jacob. "Whose side are you on? You know she needs to see my dad now."

"I'm on yours, but you know he's right," he reasoned. "You don't really want to waste time arguing with him right now, do you?"

"Fine," Edward said after a moment before continuing, "But I'm going to carry her."

"That's okay," Jacob said, quickly sliding one arm under my neck and the other under my legs before he stood up. "I've already got her."

"Give her to me. You've already gotten your way," Edward replied, trying to pull me to his chest.

"Shut up," I managed to croak out, swatting him away. "Just stop, Edward."

When Jacob began walking, I closed my eyes and turned my face into his chest, not wanting to see the look of hurt appear on Edward's face once again. Seeing this only reinforced the words I'd spoken earlier. I really was no good; I would just hurt him over and over.

"I really don't like this," Edward muttered loudly. "My dad is gonna be pissed when he finds out."

"Well, he won't find out because she's fine. Besides, who knows if she'd even be as lucky this time as she was with him last time."

"Black," Rose began. "Just because we got him to agree to this, doesn't mean we're on your side. It would be in your best interest to keep your mouth shut."

"Yeah. Okay, Blondie. Whatever you say."

"My dad didn't kill Leah. That was all you," Edward said.

Before Jacob could respond, Alice's quiet voice spoke up. "Edward, focus on Isabella. Why don't you call Dad now?"

"Fine," he muttered. After a few seconds, he yelled, "Are you _fucking_ kidding me?"

"What?" Alice asked, concerned.

"I have no service out here," he growled. "Do any of you?"

A chorus of "no's" rang out before Alice said, "It's fine. We'll just call him when we get to Jacob's house."

"Only if you ask nicely," Jacob replied cheekily.

"Don't fuck with us, Black," Emmett threatened.

"I was only kidding. I don't care."

"Of course you don't," Edward muttered.

Shortly after, we arrived at Jacob's house, the door creaking loudly as we entered. Though I was engulfed in sudden warmth, I couldn't stop shivering. Jake set me down on the small couch, saying, "I'll be right back. I'm gonna try to find you some clothes."

The moment he left my side, Edward appeared in his place, wordlessly sitting down beside me. He grabbed the blanket from the back of the couch, tightly wrapping it around me. He tucked me into his side as he rubbed my arm in an effort to warm me.

I looked around the crowded room, noticing Jacob's friends sitting on the other couch while my friends stood on the opposite side of the room near the door. I felt Edward tense as Jacob returned to the room.

"I couldn't find anything of Rebecca's or Rachel's, so this'll have to do," Jake said, handing me a pile of clothing.

"Thanks," I replied gruffly, causing me to wince.

When I tried to stand to go to the bathroom, Edward tightened his arm around my shoulders, refusing to release me. I looked him in the eyes for the first time since we left the beach, silently asking him to let me go. He sighed heavily, looking down at his lap as he removed his arm.

Everyone's eyes were on me as I took several shaky steps and struggled to keep the blanket around me while holding the clothes. Once the door was shut and locked, I leaned against it and exhaled. I could hear a murmur of voices behind the door, but I couldn't make anything out when I tried to listen. Immediately after I gave up listening, my whole body shook, reminding me of the task at hand.

I had a difficult time peeling off my wet clothes, especially with my ruined cast. Goose bumps covered my flesh as I pulled on the baggy clothing. I had to roll the pants a few times to keep them from falling off. Jake also lent me a sweatshirt of his that happened to be one of my favorites. A small smile formed on my face as I took in the smell of him.

"Everything okay in there?" Jake asked after he knocked on the door.

"Yeah," I said loud enough for him to hear. "I'll be right out."

When I opened the door, I noticed Edward standing in the kitchen with a serious look on his face. My stomach dropped as I realized he was on the phone with his dad — my doctor. Edward looked up and caught my gaze, pausing for a second before continuing to speak. I was suddenly terrified. I didn't want to go back to the hospital because I knew this time I wouldn't be able to escape the consequences of my decisions.

"You know what," I muttered to Jake. "I actually think I'm gonna take a quick shower so I can warm up faster."

"Okay," he replied.

I spun around quickly and locked myself in the bathroom again. I turned the shower on before I started to pace. I felt like a trapped animal in the small room with no chance of escaping. With my anxiety level reaching high, I tried to think of a way out of this situation, but thoughts of what would happen once I reached the hospital kept interrupting.

They'd lock me up for sure, but I couldn't let that happen.

I stopped when the window caught my eye, giving me a way to leave unnoticed. Quickly undoing the latch, I bit my lip and slid the window open as quietly as possible. I stood on the toilet, using it as leverage, and swung one of my legs through until I was perched on the sill. I held onto the frame as I brought my other leg through before jumping to the ground. I grabbed my elbow in pain, hissing curse words until I remembered I needed to stay quiet. I peeked back into the bathroom, hoping no one heard me. I sighed in relief after a moment.

I sprinted away from the house, paying that I'd stay hidden from sight as I made my way to my truck. I didn't stop to rest, even with a stitch in my side and my lungs threatening to collapse. I leapt into the cab of my truck, resting my forehead against the wheel as I tried to calm my breathing. After a minute, I couldn't wait any longer. I couldn't risk being caught. Reaching under my seat, I quickly found my key and fumbled to shove it into the ignition.

The engine roared to life, and I'm sure everyone inside Jacob's house was alerted by the noise. At the very least, Edward and Jacob would recognize the sound. I threw it into gear, hit the gas and flipped a U-turn. When I passed Jacob's house, everyone was outside, but the only person I could see was Edward. He stood there, gaping at me as I sped off.

I continued toward Forks, speeding well over the legal limit. A downpour began just after I had turned onto the 101, making it nearly impossible to see far ahead. With less than a mile from town, I glanced in my rearview mirror again for any sign of Edward chasing me in his car, but I couldn't see anything. I turned my attention back to the road in front of me and found that I was quickly approaching a deer standing frozen in my path.

I swerved into the other lane to avoid hitting it as I slammed on the brakes. I could see headlights coming at me, and I tried to correct, but I must've overdone it. My tires screeched in protest, and my heart pounded violently in my chest. In a swirl of colors mixed with bright lights, my truck was suddenly flying through the air. My seatbelt dug into my body as I was jerked around in my seat. I couldn't stop the screams of terror that escaped me.

Though everything happened quickly, it still felt like it was all in slow motion. The metal of my truck crunched in an unnatural way until a final jolt stopped my truck completely.

As I hung there, suspended upside down, I was hypnotized by the bright lights that grew fuzzy with each passing second until everything was black.

* * *

**EPOV**

My whole world came to a standstill as the scene before me played out. I slowed my car, coming to a stop as Isabella's truck lost traction. I sucked in a breath, watching her truck continue off the side of the road, rolling twice before slamming into a tree.

Not even a second later, I threw my car into park and bolted out into the rain, ignoring my friends' protests. I needed to get to Isabella. I need to get her out and make sure she was okay. She needed to survive this because I'm not sure I could handle it if she didn't.

I ran over shattered glass, dropping to my knees at the passenger door so I could look in through the broken window. I couldn't tell if she was breathing or not.

"ISABELLA!" I yelled.

I stood up quickly, pulling on the door as I gasped. It wouldn't budge, even after a few more attempts. I fell back to the ground, struggling to breathe as I continued to scream her name. Unwilling to give up, I leaned back and kicked in the rest of the broken glass so I could crawl through the window. Strong arms wound around me, pulling me up and away from the wreckage.

"No!" I protested, struggling to free myself. "Let go of me! Isabella!"

"Edward," Emmett said in a low tone, "there's nothing we can do."

"Yes there is. I can help her."

"The best thing you can do now is to let the professionals help her when they get here."

"Please. I need to make sure she's okay," I sobbed. "Just let me go back there and stay with her."

"I'm sorry, dude," he replied, continuing to pull me back to the car.

Emmett tried to get me to wait in the car, but I refused. I didn't want to just sit there and do nothing. After a moment, Jasper climbed out, telling us that help would be there soon. It felt like forever before sirens and lights broke through the pounding rain. Police cars blocked both lanes of the highway while the fire truck idled loudly near Isabella's truck.

The firefighters used a tool to cut the door off. It wasn't loud, nor did it take long before the mangled door was thrown to the side. One of them disappeared into the cab just as the ambulance arrived. Jasper nudged me in the gut and nodded his head toward the police car beside the ambulance. A pale Chief Swan stood there, watching his daughter be extracted from her truck. Another officer walked over to him, and they talked briefly before the Chief drew his gaze over to us. I could tell he was itching to be next to Isabella, but instead he started in our direction.

"Hey there, son," he said somberly, stopping in front of me.

"Chief," I replied, nodding my head slightly.

"What happened?" he asked, his voice cracking slightly before he cleared it.

"It's kind of a long story," I began, "but to get to the point, I was going to take Isabella to the hospital after she jumped off a cliff at the beach in La Push."

"What do you mean she jumped off a cliff?" he demanded.

"She needs help, sir. She isn't well," I told him. "I think she was scared of going to the hospital because she knows she needs help." I proceeded to tell him about taking her back to Jacob's house and her sneaking out of the bathroom before speeding away. "I don't know what caused her to crash because her truck was already flipped by the time we got here."

He nodded distractedly, watching as she lay motionless on a stretcher with a neck brace on. From where we stood, we could see she was covered in several cuts and bruises. I took a step forward as she was being loaded into the back of the ambulance, wanting to ride to the hospital with her.

Chief Swan rested his hand heavily on my shoulder, stopping me as he said, "Why don't you ride with your friends to the hospital." Before I could protest, the doors were shut and the siren started up as the ambulance sped off, taking away the girl we both loved.

The Chief left in his cruiser while I stood there in the middle of the road, long after the ambulance was out of sight. The scene started to clear out when I turned around to face my friends, finding them waiting patiently in the car. I climbed into the passenger's seat, letting the events of the afternoon fully hit me as Jasper started the car and took off.

Isabella had been right; not only did she hurt me, but everyone else around her. We would survive, but would she?

* * *

**A/N:** So, what did you think of Chapter 25? Do you think Isabella will survive? Or do you think I'm evil enough to kill her off? The next chapter will be the last, and I'm not sure when it will be posted. With that said, I'd like to thank both of my betas — **Ooza and Taylor** — for taking time out of their busy schedules. I don't know what I'd do without them. Also a big thanks to my girl, **Lexy**, for helping me get this chapter written. And lastly, **Girl who reads**, you made my night last night with your Friday Review on TWCS, so thank you!

I'd like to remind readers that I will be open to writing outtakes for Ricochet, but please let me know if you want to see something or someone in particular. I don't have Edward's mind reading powers, so I won't know unless you tell me. :P

I'm hosting a contest — **Wanna Be A Hardcore Nerdward Contest — **Lexy, starting July first. Link to contest page is located on my profile. Go check it out and write me a little nerdward!

**AS ALWAYS, REVIEWS GET TEASERS!** (and they make me smile)

XOXO  
Jenn


	27. How To Save A Life

**This story is rated MA.**

**The original characters and plot of Twilight are the property of Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended with this story. After the story is completed, all Twilight references and character names will be changed and copyrighted. Copyright 2010-11 by Jenndur. This story may not be duplicated, copied, printed, or otherwise reproduced in any way, nor can it be reposted on any other website without the expressed written authorization of the author.**

**This story contains adult subject matter, strong language, controversial topics, drugs and underage alcohol use, mentions of rape, consensual sexual content, and self-injury.**

**Summary:** Isabella is a troubled teen with self-destructive behaviors sent to live with her father in Forks, WA. Will Edward be the one to help her, save her from this downward spiral? Or will his actions push her closer to the edge? AH/OOC, B/E

**Recommended Songs:** The Fray- "How To Save A Life"; The Fray- "Ungodly Hour"; The Fray- "Vienna"; Christina Aguilera- "Save Me From Myself"

* * *

**Chapter 26**

_So petrified, I'm so scared to step into this ride_

_What if I lose my heart and fail the climb?_

_I won't forgive me if I give up trying_

_He Won't Go_ by Adele

* * *

"Bella? Sweetheart?"

"Mom?" I asked groggily. "What are you- what's going on?" I tried to shift into a more comfortable position on the hard, uneven bed, but I couldn't move. My body was heavy, and my muscles were sore and stiff, but the leather straps holding my wrists and ankles to the bed were what paralyzed me.

"Oh, Bella. Thank goodness you're awake," Renee sniffled. Her face was splotchy from crying. She scooted her chair closer to my hospital bed, snaking her arm through the railing to grab my hand. I flinched at her touch, unable to do anything to stop her.

"Dad!" I cried out, seeing him standing near the window with his head down. "What happened? Why are these on me?"

"Everything's gonna be all right, honey," Renee said, brushing loose strands of hair away from my face.

"Dad?"

"I'm gonna go get the nurse," he answered gruffly, refusing to meet my eyes before he walked out of the room.

"No, Dad! Don't leave me here! Help me! Dad! Dad!" I screamed, thrashing against the restraints.

"Shhh, baby. It's okay," Renee tried to soothe me through her tears, but her words didn't calm me. Instead, they had the opposite effect.

"Help! Somebody help me! Please! Help!"

The door to my room swung open and a blonde nurse came bustling in. Charlie trailed behind her. He looked exhausted and clearly upset. I settled down slightly when the nurse greeted me.

"Dr. Cullen will be in shortly," she said after checking the monitor and taking my vitals.

"Can you take these off?" I asked rudely before she could leave.

She shook her head once, saying, "You'll have to discuss that with Dr. Cullen when he checks in on you."

"Argh! Get these fucking things off me," I yelled.

"Bella," Renee scolded before softening her tone, "calm down."

It was clear that neither of my parents were going to release me, so I bitched and moaned until Dr. Cullen knocked at my door. He poked his head through the crack before swinging the door open completely. And when Kate followed him into the room, I shouldn't have been surprised.

"Finally," I huffed angrily, loud enough for them to hear as they stopped at the foot of my bed.

"Good afternoon, Isabella," he greeted, picking up my chart. "How are you feeling?"

"How do you think I feel?" I snapped, and if I could, I would have crossed my arms defensively over my chest and stomped my feet like a petulant child. "This bed is uncomfortable, my whole body hurts and you won't give me anything, and these stupid straps are digging into my skin. I feel like shit. You would too, if you were in my place."

"Do you know why you're here?"

I closed my eyes and bit my lip, trying to remember what led me to this moment. I could remember jumping off the cliff into the icy water and being unable to find the surface. I could remember Jake and Edward fighting over me, and the hurt etched into Edward's face. I could remember being terrified of Edward wanting me to go to the hospital, so terrified that I ran away and still ended up there.

I stifled a gasp as my eyes flew open, my right foot jerking and pulling on the restraints as I tried to slam on invisible brakes. "There was a deer in the road. I tried to avoid it," I whispered.

"It's normal for your body to be sore after a car accident, but it should go away within a few days. You have a few bumps and cuts on your face, as well as a bruise on your chest from the seatbelt, but those will fade in time. We also had to put on a new cast." I looked down as Dr. Cullen said this and found my warped black cast had been replaced with a hot pink one. I couldn't help the groan that escaped me as he continued, "You are receiving Tylenol through your IV drip, because like last time, that is all I can prescribe."

"Why?" I asked sharply. "_This_ is nothing like the last time I was here."

"While you didn't overdose this time, there were traces of Vicodin in your system," he replied.

Charlie stepped forward, his voice hard and demanding. "Where'd you get the pills, Isabella?"

"Charlie," Renee reprimanded, glaring and shaking her head at him to stay quiet.

"I don't know what you're talking about," I denied.

"Bullshit, Isabella. You failed _another_ drug test when you were brought in here a few days ago. For the second time in a row. Now, where did you get the pills?" I stayed silent, refusing to answer him. He continued, "You were driving under the influence. You're extremely lucky that you weren't injured too seriously. What would have happened if you had hit another car instead of a tree? Do you realize the severity of your situation?"

The room was quiet for a minute, minus the constant beeping of the monitor. Charlie shook his head in defeat. He moved back to his spot by the window as Kate cleared her throat.

"Carlisle, why don't you take Isabella's parents back to your office or to the cafeteria while I talk with Isabella?" Kate requested.

"Sure. Charlie, Renee, if you'll just come with me."

Charlie rushed out of the room first, not waiting for the others. Renee, on the other hand, had a hard time letting go of my hand as tears formed in her eyes. Finally, she let go, sniffling and telling me she loved me. I didn't watch as she and Dr. Cullen followed after my father, leaving me alone with Kate.

"Why don't we start off with what happened that day leading up to the accident. Can you take me through that day?" Kate asked as she sat down in Renee's vacated chair.

"Why don't you start by taking these stupid things off? Now," I demanded.

"I need you to calm down before I will consider taking off the restraints. You were put in those for not only your safety, but the staff's as well. You became very combative when you were brought in. So show me that you can stay calm while we talk."

"I'm not talking to you until you get me out of these," I said, scowling.

"Okay, Isabella. I'll just wait until you're ready," Kate replied, settling back in her seat. "Myself and Dr. Cullen are the only people that are authorized to remove the restraints, and I can guarantee he'll ask the same of you as I am."

I realized this was probably true, so I begrudgingly told her the basics. "Fine. That day I went to school, then out to La Push to see Jake, and when I was coming home, I swerved and lost control of my truck."

"What happened while you were in La Push?"

"I just told you. I went out there to hang out with Jake."

"And…? What did you guys do?" she prodded.

I sighed, frustrated because I was sure she already knew this. "I wanted to go cliff diving. I'd seen some of the boys doing it when I'd been there previous times. I was tired of waiting for him to show up, so I decided to just do it by myself."

"And Edward. He was there." It wasn't a question.

"Yeah…" I trailed off. "So?"

"Did he do it as well?"

"No…" I responded slowly, wondering where she was going with this.

"Why not?" she asked as she crossed her legs.

"I don't know. It's not as if we share a brain," I snapped.

"Well, why do you _think_ he didn't do it?"

"Because he didn't want to. He thought it was dangerous."

She nodded at this before asking, "Do _you_ think it was dangerous?"

I squirmed minutely under her gaze and decided to answer honestly. "I guess it kinda was…" It had been dangerous. I had almost drowned.

"I know we've covered this before, but I need an honest answer from you. Was this cliff diving a suicide attempt?"

"No!" I cried out defensively. "I already told you, the boys out there do it all the time." And this was true; I hadn't been trying to kill myself. I was trying to punish Edward for caring about me. I was trying to push him away before he decided I wasn't worth the trouble. I'd rather leave than be left.

"And the car accident?"

"What about it?" I asked cautiously.

"Was that an attempt?"

I hesitated, unsure of the true answer to that question. There had been several times that I imagined just crashing my truck to end it all. I winced as I remembered what it had been like, how painful it had been. "No, I- there was a deer in the road," I replied weakly after a moment. I'm sure she recognized the unspoken admission. "Can we stop talking about this? Please?"

"Isabella," Kate began, leaning forward in her chair. "There is a difference between Dr. Cullen and myself. As you know, he fixes the physical things in your body, while I help fix the emotional aspect. And just like a bone can break or a muscle can tear, the mind can become diseased too. Some diseases are incurable, but most are manageable."

"Okay…" I trailed off. I kept my face neutral as I looked over at her, not knowing where she was going with this. I wanted to snap at her to stop talking to me like I was four years old, but I held back.

"One disease is called borderline personality disorder, or BPD for short. It's caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain, as well as emotional trauma. Emotional dysregulation, ongoing trouble within relationships, impulsive behaviors, and feelings of insecurity are common in patients with BPD. People with BPD often engage in self-destructive acts, like rage attacks, promiscuity, and even substance abuse."

My stomach dropped and my heart lodged itself in my throat. That sounded a lot like me, and I didn't like it. I worked to keep my neutral mask on, but her next words completely shattered it.

"BPD can occur in anyone, but it is usually triggered by some kind of traumatic event. Now, I don't know what happened to you before you came to live with your dad a few months ago, but I want to help you get past this," Kate said.

"Wait. What the hell are you trying to say? That I'm emotionally retarded?" I asked in disbelief.

"Of course not, Isabella. This is by no means an inadequacy of any kind. I want you to know that I am not diagnosing you at the moment for two reasons. The first being that BPD can take several months to accurately diagnose, and the second is that I don't specialize in this disorder. But based on our conversation today, as well as our previous sessions, I've noticed you're exhibiting a majority of the nine symptoms of BPD."

"You don't know what you're talking about," I said vehemently, shaking my head. "There's nothing wrong with me. I'm fine!"

"Cliff diving and substance abuse are risky behaviors that fall under the category of impulsivity. Self-harm, such as cutting and suicidal behaviors, is also a symptom you've been displaying."

I really didn't want to talk about this, about the truth behind her words. I didn't want to talk to her at all, so I began to deny. "Jesus Christ. Cliff diving is a sport out there, so sue me for trying to relieve my boredom in this stupid, small town. And as for the rest of it, I've already told you that it makes me feel better."

"Feeling of boredom, loneliness, and lack of fulfillment are associated with BPD. This emptiness usually feels like there is a black hole inside of you, and you try to fill it with sex, drugs, and/or food, but none of it ever seems to be truly satisfying."

I stayed quiet, letting her words sink in. For years, there had always been a feeling deep inside me that never seemed to be sated, and I'd always had trouble trying to put it into words. Kate did so simply in just one sentence.

The food, the sex, the drugs… they never seemed to be enough. And while this tore at me, I felt a sense of relief wash over me.

Kate continued, "I've noticed from all of our previous sessions that your emotions, feelings, and reactions change quickly and you seem to have trouble settling down. This is also known as emotional dysregulation which seems to go hand in hand with two other symptoms of BPD — your rollercoaster emotions and explosiveness."

It was hard to believe this applied to me, but the more I thought about it, it did sound like me. I did jump from one emotion to the next. Often times, when I would suffocate from my overwhelming emotions, it could take me a few hours or even a full day to truly calm down and feel like I could breathe once again.

"Unstable or rocky relationships are common for people with BPD. Not only does emotional instability wreak havoc in all your relationships, but worries about abandonment can also hamper them," Kate explained.

Well, that was definitely true in my case. None of my relationships were stable. At this point, it actually felt like everything was crumbling around me. Was I really ruining my relationships because of a fear of being alone?

"In some of our sessions, when asked about what you want to do in life, you didn't seem to know. Other times, you'd tell me about all your future goals, like jobs for instance, and these shift quite frequently. Unclear and unstable sense of identity is also a symptom."

I instantly recalled the night I had dinner with the Cullens. I had been asked about my plans for college, for the future, and I could only respond with vague answers. I realized then everything I felt and thought were contradictions. Everything. There was absolutely nothing that I was certain of.

Kate brought me out of my thoughts, saying, "The last symptom is dissociation, which means feeling out of touch with reality. I don't believe this applies to you. And while you don't have all nine symptoms, you only have to display five to be diagnosed with BPD."

"What does this mean for me? Am I going to have my life taken away? Will I have to live in a psych ward with all the other crazies, never to see the light of day again?" I asked in a panic.

"Not at all, Isabella. Having BPD does not mean you are crazy," Kate replied in a calm and gentle tone. "There are different treatment options available. Dr. Cullen and I have discussed with your parents—"

"You told my parents?" I asked, my tone slightly hysterical. "What the fuck happened to doctor-patient confidentiality? Is that just null and void for me?"

"I need you to calm down, please. You've been doing so well during this conversation," she said. "If you can continue to show me that you can stay calm, I will take the restraints off."

I heaved a sigh, trying to relax, but it pissed me off that my parents knew. Even more, it was embarrassing that something _was_ wrong with me. I wanted to keep it all to myself. "Okay."

"Don't forget you are still a minor, Isabella. We were required by law to tell your parents. And because of our suspected diagnosis, as well as your instability, we felt it was crucial to talk to them as soon as possible about your treatment options."

"Fine. What are my options then?"

"There are inpatient psychiatric wards, partial hospitalization which is also known as day treatment, group and individual psychotherapy. There is a treatment facility in Colorado that specializes in BPD and other similar disorders—"

"No," I said simply, interrupting her. "I'm not going to Colorado."

"Your parents, as well as Dr. Cullen and myself, feel this is the best option for you," she replied, shifting in her chair.

I looked away, focusing my gaze to the rainy day outside. "I don't want to go. I want to stay here with my dad and my friends. Why can't I just stay here and see you? I thought you wanted to help me. Why are you trying to get rid of me?" I questioned, finally looking back in her direction.

"I assure you," Kate began, leaning forward, her elbows resting on her knees, "I am _not_ trying to get rid of you. The best way I can help you is to make sure you get the best help with someone who is familiar with BPD. Dr. Garrett Peters is a friend of mine and Dr. Cullen's, and he's been working with people who have BPD and its treatments for close to fourteen years."

"Isn't there someone who's closer?" I pleaded, my eyes watering. I didn't want to leave. Not again. "Maybe in Port Angeles? Or even Seattle? Why do I have to go to Colorado?"

"I believe a change in environment will be very beneficial to you. Not only will you encounter people who understand firsthand what you're going through, but you will also be able to focus solely on your recovery."

"I can do that here," I argued.

"The people in your life have been enabling your self-destructive behaviors. Your substance abuse and self-harming behaviors will be addressed in your treatment. If you stay here, there would just be too much temptation. You need this."

I had no response because I could no longer deny the truth in her words. And there was no point in fighting against her. The decision had already been made. There would be no going back.

"Do you have any questions?" she asked. When I shook my head, she stood up and pressed a button on the wall behind me. It didn't take long before a voice came through the intercom.

"_Yes?"_

"Can you have Dr. Cullen send Isabella's parents back in, please?" Kate requested.

"Wait!" I cried out. "Can I see Dr. Cullen? I just wanted to ask him something."

Kate nodded and asked the nurse to have Dr. Cullen return to the room with my parents.

"_I'll have him paged."_

"Thank you," she said, turning back to me and reaching for the cuff around my wrist. "You've done well staying calm, so I think we can take these off while we wait for your parents."

"Thanks," I mumbled after a few minutes passed, rubbing my wrist. I was finally free to move around, no longer attached to the bed. I readjusted the bed so I could sit up fully before quietly asking, "When am I leaving?"

"It will most likely be tomorrow unless Dr. Cullen thinks you should stay here longer. The treatment facility is expecting you, but we've been waiting for you to wake up so we could explain it all," she said.

"What about school? I'm supposed to be graduating soon."

"The school has already talked to your parents. Unfortunately, you've already missed too much school, and you'll have to retake your senior year," she replied.

"No. There has to be something I can do. I need to graduate this year."

"Let's worry about your treatment and recovery for now. Then we can deal with school," she said as my parents and Dr. Cullen walked back into the room. Kate moved aside as Renee resumed her spot beside my bed while Charlie stood behind her chair.

"You had a question, Isabella?" Dr. Cullen asked.

"Y-yeah," I replied. "If I'm- if I'm leaving soon, can I see Edward before I go? Please?"

Dr. Cullen and Kate exchanged glances before looking to my parents. I glanced at them hopefully. I needed to see Edward before I left. Dr. Cullen brought my attention back to him as he said, "Of course, Isabella."

"Today?" I requested.

He looked down at his wristwatch, nodding. "School should have just gotten out. I'll call him and have him stop by on his way home. Was there anything else?"

"No. Thanks, Doc," I replied.

"Okay, Isabella, we'll be back in a while to check on you," Kate said before she and Dr. Cullen disappeared through the door.

Once the door was shut, Renee launched herself at me, sobbing, "Oh, Bella."

"Stop it," I snapped, pushing her away. "Get off me."

"It's okay, baby. It's all gonna be okay. I'm so sorry. I never should have sent you here. This never would have happened—"

"Are you kidding me, Renee?" Charlie interrupted, moving to stand at the foot of my bed. "Weren't you listening to a single thing Carlisle said? Of course this would have happened regardless of whether she was with you or with me. Besides, the whole reason you shipped her off to me was because you couldn't handle her misbehaviors. And you didn't want to do a goddamn thing about it. Isn't that right?"

"Well, then why didn't _you_ do something about it?" Renee sneered at him.

"Because I didn't know the extent of her problems," he exploded. "But you — you did," he accused, pointing his finger and shaking it at her. "I didn't cause this."

"You guys can stop talking about me. I'm sitting right here," I added in their argument, getting irritated. I really hated when they fought.

"What are you trying to say? That I'm a bad mother?" she shrieked, ignoring my comment.

"Yeah," he snapped. "You're the one that broke up this family and left. You took my daughter from me."

"If you cared so much about her, you would have tried to see her more. There was nothing stopping you."

"That is such crap, Renee, and you know it."

"Shut up!" I yelled, sick of listening to them fight. "If you wanna keep arguing over whose fault it is that I'm so fucked up, then just leave the room, go outside, whatever. Just get the fuck away from me."

They both stopped, looking at me in shock before Renee turned back to Charlie and shouted, "You see? See what you've done?"

There were a few taps on the door before it quickly swung open to reveal Dr. Cullen and Kate with Edward standing behind them.

"Is everything all right in here?" Dr. Cullen's eyes raked over the scene before him, looking to me first before moving his gaze on to my parents. They were both red in the face, just as I was, I'm sure.

"Everything's just fine, Carlisle. Could you leave us?" my dad asked.

"No, don't. Dad, Edward's here. I wanna see him."

"Not right now," he told me, before addressing Edward. "I'm sorry, son, but you'll have to come back at another time."

"There won't be another time if I'm leaving tomorrow," I said, irritation clear in my voice. "I want to see him. Besides, you and Renee are just gonna keep arguing, so you might as well leave my room now."

He was about to retort when a sudden ringing pierced the air. A few seconds passed before a look of recognition settled on Renee's face. "Oh! Sorry," she added to Dr. Cullen. She grabbed her purse that had been resting on the floor, settling it in her lap. It look her a minute of digging through her ridiculously large and messy purse before she pulled out her cell phone, though it had already stopped ringing. She glanced down at the screen, saying, "It was Phil. I should probably call him back. I'll be right outside if you need me, honey." I ignored her, thankful to have gotten rid of one of my parents.

"Come on, Charlie," Dr. Cullen said. "Let's give them time to say their goodbyes."

"But—" he tried to argue.

"Just go, Dad," I huffed, impatiently.

He sighed in defeat, walking over to where the others were. He stopped in front of Edward and glanced back at me. "I'll be back in 20 minutes."

"Fine," I replied, crossing my arms over my chest. I dropped them back onto my lap once Edward and I were alone in the room.

I watched him stand awkwardly by the door for a moment before he caught my gaze and shuffled farther into the room. He didn't drop into the chair beside my bed that Renee and Kate had used; instead choosing to sit at the small, circular table in the corner of the room. He slouched forward, resting his forearms on his legs and kept his head down. His shoulders drooped as a heavy sigh escaped him. I wished that he would look at me. The brief glance we exchanged had been enough for me to see that he was just as exhausted as my father, but I needed more. It was obvious that I'd broken him, shattered him completely. But I needed to know if I'd destroyed him yet.

God, I hoped not.

It became painfully evident that he wouldn't be the first to break the silence, but I didn't know where to start. There was so much that needed to be said, and I was now working with a very short time limit. I wanted to tell him what was wrong with me and to apologize for all the shit he had to deal with, but an invisible force — one that had always been there — prevented me from saying what I was thinking. So, true to my nature, I tried to avoid my problems.

"Erm… hi," I said quietly, squirming in my hospital bed.

He still wouldn't look at me as he mumbled, "Hey."

I squirmed again. "How was school?"

"It was okay," he replied with a shrug.

"How's- how's Alice? And the others?"

"They're fine."

His minimal answers unnerved me, and I suddenly found myself asking, "Are you mad at me?"

His head snapped up sharply and his green eyes intently searched my face. "Why would you think that?"

"Well, you're barely talking to me or looking at me," I said, shrugging slightly as I looked away. I brought my gaze back to him, adding, "Besides… there's plenty that I've done for you to be mad about."

Heaving another sigh, he dropped his head into his hands. He scrubbed at his face vigorously before roughly running his hands through his hair a few times. "I'm not mad at _you_, Isabella."

"But you _are_ mad." I'm not sure if I was asking for clarification or if I was simply stating the obvious.

"Yeah," he admitted. "At myself."

"What? Why?" I demanded, shocked and angry that he thought he was to blame for any of this.

"Because I could have stopped this from happening. I should have stopped it. I mean, I saw it coming from a mile away and I did absolutely nothing. Jesus," he said, gripping his hair and tugging on it. "I've come so close to losing you so many times in the past few months. I just… I don't know what I would have done if I _had_ lost you."

"It's not your fault, Edward," I told him. He opened his mouth to retort, but I continued, "There was nothing you could have done."

"Yes there was. I could have—"

"No," I interrupted him. "I've been this way for a long time. And _this_," I said, waving my arms around me, "this was bound to happen. There was _nothing_ you could have done to stop it."

He knew I was right, but there were still feelings of blame that he couldn't let go of. "I'm sorry," he said quietly, tugging at his hair again as a silence fell over us.

"I'm emotionally retarded," I blurted, exhaling sharply. My anxiety spiked as I broke through that invisible barrier, but I felt some relief at being able to say what I wanted… needed to say. "At least that's what Kate said." His hands fell from his hair, and he raised his brow at me, waiting for me to explain. "Okay, well, she didn't say _that_ exactly. But she did say there was something wrong with my brain. A chemical imbalance or something."

I waited. I'm not sure what I was waiting for, though. Maybe I was trying to give him time to process. Or maybe I was just wasting time because if I said it out loud, then it would make it that much more real. But whether I wanted to admit it or not, I owed it to him. To be honest about what was wrong with me.

"She thinks," I began, struggling to continue, "that I have borderline personality disorder." I gave him a minute to mentally sort out what I'd just said before I continued. "And Kate and your dad… they both think I should go to a treatment facility to get the help I need."

He was silent for a moment. "Okay," he said slowly. "And you're leaving tomorrow?"

I nodded as a lump formed in my throat.

"Do you know where you're going?" he asked quietly.

"Somewhere in Colorado," I croaked. I sucked in a breath, looking up at the ceiling as I willed myself not to tear up. But as hard as I tried, I couldn't hold them back any longer.

Edward was immediately sitting beside me on the bed, wrapping his arms tightly around me as I sobbed into his chest. I gripped desperately at his shirt while he stroked my hair and kissed my forehead. I don't know how long he held me like that, but I didn't want him to ever let me go. I needed him.

"Come with me?" I pleaded through another sob. "Please?"

His arms tightened minutely. He sounded pained as he replied, "I can't, Isabella. You know that I can't."

"Please, Edward? I need you. Don't you love me?" I hiccupped.

"Of course I love you, Isabella." His voice cracked.

"Then come with me," I begged. "I can't do this without you."

"Yes, you can," he said strongly, pulling back to look me in the eyes while keeping me locked in his embrace. "I know you can."

I shook my head before I buried my face in his chest again. We both got lost in our thoughts. Would getting help mean that I would lose myself, who I was? Would things get better or would they just get worse? My biggest fear, though, was losing Edward. My sobs grew hysterical, and I cried, "I'm scared."

"Shhhhh. I know," he uttered into my hair.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Edward, for everything. Can't we just leave? Go somewhere else and start over? I'll get help and we can pretend this never hap—"

He cut me off, pressing his mouth to mine roughly. He tangled his hands in my hair as he moved his lips over mine, keeping the kiss innocent. This kiss wasn't a passionate, in-the-heat-of-the-moment type of kiss. Instead, it was full of desperation, sadness, guilt, and most of all, finality. This was a goodbye kiss. I gasped, sobs rocking my body while tears streamed down my face. He didn't hesitate in his kisses, continuing to place them all over my face.

If this was going to be our last kiss, at least for a long time, then I wanted to make the most of it. I had to wipe the tears from my eyes, so I could see him clearly. My eyes almost began to water again at the thought of possibly forgetting what he looked like, what he smelled and tasted like… I shook my head, locking my arms around his neck as I pulled myself closer to him.

I leaned in, breathing deeply before closing the distance. His mouth was hot, and I could taste my salty tears as I traced my tongue along his lower lip. Once he granted me access, I deepened the kiss. It took him a moment before we battled for dominance. I half-moaned, half-sobbed into his mouth and he let out a pained groan.

Eventually he pulled out of the kiss, leaving us both panting heavily. He leaned into me, resting his forehead against mine with his eyes shut. He looked like he was in pain… he looked the way I felt.

"Isabella," he whispered, sounding broken. "You need to go. As much as I don't want you to leave, what I want more is for you to get better, to get help. But you've got to want it too. You won't get any help if you don't want to get better for yourself."

"Edward…" I murmured, playing with the hairs at the nape of his neck.

"You know how much I love you, and that will _never_ change. Okay?"

I nodded. "I love you too."

He was about to say something else, but the door opened and he pulled away from me. We both looked over to find Charlie standing there, with a disapproving look. I wanted to roll my eyes because it's not as if he just caught us making out, but I couldn't; I was too emotionally distressed. And I think Edward was really trying to break it off with me.

"Can you give us just one more minute, Chief?" Edward quietly asked.

I think my dad got the same vibe I was getting because he just nodded, warning, "Make it quick, son."

Edward nodded, waiting until the door shut again before he turned back to me. He took my hand, lifting it to his mouth where he placed a kiss. He looked at me intently as his lips disconnected with my skin. "I don't know if I should say this, but I feel like I need to. When you leave, I want you to focus on you and only you. Not us. But when… if the time comes… I'll be waiting."

He stood abruptly, placing one last kiss on the crown of my head. He lingered there for a few moments before he stood back up. I wanted to cry out as he walked over to the door. I wanted to just grab a hold of him and never let go, but I didn't. He opened the door and started to walk out, but stopped at the last minute. There was pain in his eyes, but he held a smile on his face for me.

"I'll see you later, Isabella."

* * *

**A/N:** Well, there it is... the last chapter of Ricochet. It feels weird to say that because I don't think it's fully hit me that this is over. Maybe it's because I still have the Epilogue and a few outtakes to do. I'm going to save my big author's note for the Epilogue, because it'll be hella mushy and sad(a happy sad) and I think we've have a lot of sadness from this chapter already. I do want to take the time to say thank you to **Ooza** and **Taylor** for all their help. I honestly don't know what I'd do without you two, so THANK YOU!

As I mentioned in the last chapter's A/N, if you would like to see an outtake of something particular, let me know. As of right now, I have 3 outtakes planned: 1)An outtake of what happened between Leah, Jacob, and Edward, 2)Isabella's experience in rehab, and 3)Edward's pov of this chapter and beyond.

AS ALWAYS, REVIEWS GET TEASERS!

XOXO,  
Jenn


	28. Epilogue: Sober

**This story is rated MA.**

**The original characters and plot of Twilight are the property of Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended with this story. After the story is completed, all Twilight references and character names will be changed and copyrighted. Copyright 2010-11 by Jenndur. This story may not be duplicated, copied, printed or otherwise reproduced in any way, nor can it be reposted on any other website without the expressed written authorization of the author.**

**This story contains adult subject matter, strong language, controversial topics, drugs and underage alcohol use, mentions of rape, consensual sexual content, and self-injury.**

**Summary:** Isabella is a troubled teen with self-destructive behaviors sent to live with her father in Forks, WA. Will Edward be the one to help her, save her from this downward spiral? Or will his actions push her closer to the edge? AH/OOC, B/E

**Recommended Songs:** Switchfoot- "Learning to Breathe"; Kelly Clarkson- "Sober"

* * *

Epilogue

"_Life is like a game of cards. The hand you are dealt is determinism; the way you play it is free will."_

_-Jawaharlal Nehru_

* * *

"Okay, Isabella. Our time is up for today. According to my schedule, I have you down for two weeks from today. Is that correct?"

I nodded, setting aside the pillow I'd been holding in my lap. "I'll be out of town until then."

"If you need to speak to me before then, you know how to contact me," she said, following me to the door. It was dark outside, and the floor to ceiling windows acted like mirrors, reflecting everything under the harsh fluorescent lighting. As I tugged on my jacket and hat, I wished I had thought to grab my umbrella from the car earlier. "Happy holidays, Isabella. Stay safe," she added as I pulled the door open and an icy gust of wind swept over us.

"Thanks, Shelli. See you then," I replied, throwing a wave over my shoulder as I ventured out into the pouring rain.

By the time I'd managed to get to the car, I was soaked to the bone. I was quick to start the engine and blast the heater, letting my car warm up and the window defog. I glanced at the clock on the dash and fiddled with the radio. If I didn't leave now, I was going to be late. Again.

Traffic was horrendous. Along the way, there were a few fender benders, which was bound to happen with all the last minute shoppers and bad weather. My eyes constantly darted from the road to the green-lit numbers and back again, and with each glance, my anxiety of being late slowly grew.

It was only when I pulled into the almost deserted parking lot and saw a light filtering through the office windows that I could finally breathe a sigh of relief. Not bothering to use the designated spaces, I parked my car just in front of the building and jumped out. I wouldn't be there long, so I decided to leave the car running.

"You're late again, Isabella," Kendra said in a disapproving tone, standing as I stepped through the door.

"I know," I replied, looking at the owner and director of my son's daycare. "I'm sorry. It won't happen again." It probably would, though. And from the skeptical look on her face, I knew Kendra thought the same thing.

"This has happened four times this month. Please, don't let it happen again. Is there someone else that can pick him up when you can't?"

"No, his dad works late." I shook my head. "I'll try to move my appointments to an earlier time," I promised. This seemed to appease her. I always felt like a bad parent when I'd walk in here and my son was the last one left. I couldn't help it, even though I knew I was late because I was getting help.

These feelings disappeared when I rounded the counter and saw my son sitting in his car seat. "Hey, Brayden," I cooed softly. His face lit up, as I'm sure mine did, when we laid eyes on each other. He started kicking his legs and flailing his arms about as I drew closer. I leaned down so I could pick him up, needing to hold him in my arms. "How was your day?" I asked softly, bouncing him in my arms before placing a kiss atop his head.

"He had a really good day. His daily report is in his bag." Kendra smiled.

"That's good. You ready to go home, bud?" I asked, placing him back in his car seat. He began fussing as I secured the straps and covered him. I hushed him while quickly digging through his bag, pulling out his pacifier.

"Okay," I said, standing up once we were ready to go. "Thanks, Kendra. Merry Christmas."

"You too, Isabella."

* * *

My son hadn't been planned, but he hadn't been an accident either. I'd always been good at remembering to take my birth control, but one month, I had forgotten to take a whole week's worth. I shrugged it off, figuring it wasn't a big deal. But after that, I kept forgetting to take them more and more until I just stopped completely. I thought we'd be okay.

I was about two months along by the time I discovered I was pregnant. To say I was scared would be an understatement. I was shocked, terrified, and a little excited. I decided to keep my pregnancy a secret from everyone for another month.

Once I decided to start telling people, I was met with mixed responses. There were people, like my mother, who would immediately ask me if I planned on keeping it while openly gazing with disdain at my ringless finger. Not only did I feel discouraged by that, but it also pissed me off that everyone around me thought I would be a horrible parent. I decided if people couldn't be supportive of my decisions and me, then they weren't worth my time. But then there were others who were excited about my news, congratulating me with huge smiles. These were the people I would allow in my child's life, and the others could go screw themselves.

I'd had a relatively easy pregnancy, minus one incident of dehydration and abdominal pain that resulted in an overnight stay in the hospital. My pregnancy had also been the only time I could recall feeling normal, feeling like I didn't have BPD.

Time flew by, and before I knew it, I finally had my little Brayden Christopher in my arms just after one in the morning on May 26th. Holding him for the first time, watching him as he wailed, I was overcome with a tightness in my chest. I knew this wasn't the same feeling I had experienced years ago, when my chest was caving in, but instead it was because my heart swelled with unconditional love for this tiny human being. I couldn't recall ever feeling this type of love for someone. The kind that brings tears to your eyes and leaves you gasping for air. That was seven months ago, and I still felt that way every time I thought of or saw my son.

He was still awake when we arrived home, but his bedtime was quickly approaching. He happily gurgled in his highchair while I grabbed two jars of baby food. It was too quiet in the house, so I turned on the television for background noise while I fed him. He had me laughing every time he made faces when I gave him the green beans. I couldn't blame him though — they smelled nasty.

"Come on, Bray. Just a few more bites, and then you can have some more sweet potatoes," I said, holding the spoon close to his mouth. I sighed with a smile on my face as he turned away. "Okay. Fine, I give in."

I dropped a few Cheerios on his tray to keep him occupied while I quickly cleaned up the kitchen. He started fussing just as I finished, and I knew he was ready to go to sleep but he still needed to take a bath.

"Let's go take a quick bath, bud, and then I'll put you to bed," I said as a few stray Cheerios fell to the floor when I pulled him out of his highchair. Oh well. I'd get those later.

Within fifteen minutes, I'd bathed Brayden and had him dressed in his pajamas. Like every night, I'd read him a story while he drank a small bottle. Tonight's was _Goodnight Moon_ — one of my favorites. I loved cuddling with him in the rocking chair, breathing in his clean baby scent. We sat there rocking until he fell asleep, but I waited another few minutes before placing him in his crib. I leaned against the railing, caressing his hair away from his face. If I could, I'd stay here all night just watching him, but I knew I had things to do before we left tomorrow morning.

Entering the master bedroom, I grabbed my suitcase from the walk-in closet and threw it on the bed. I wanted nothing more than to climb into my warm, comfy bed and pass out, but I knew if I didn't pack now, it wouldn't get done. I laid all my things I'd need for the week into piles. Not wanting to forget anything, I doubled checked everything before zipping up my suitcase and lugging it to the front door.

I eyed the bed briefly as I wandered back into the bedroom. It was getting late and I was exhausted, but I wanted to watch the news while I waited. I threw on some yoga pants, a sweatshirt, and a pair of fuzzy socks before going back out to the living room. I was sort of hungry but felt too lazy to make food, so I plopped down onto the couch and changed the channel.

I tried to fight the heaviness of my eyelids, but in the end I lost, falling asleep to the new anchor talking about a robbery.

* * *

"Isabella. Come on, love. It's time to get up."

I groaned and hit beneath the blankets, burying my face into my pillow. "Don't wanna."

"You've gotta get up. We have a flight to catch, remember?"

"Do we have to? Can't we just stay here?"

"Nope."

"Come back to bed." I felt the covers lift a little and thought he was actually going to listen to me. And then the covers were gone. I shivered, no longer enveloped in warmth. "Ed-ward," I whined.

"Isa-bella," he replied, matching my tone.

I blinked blearily at him. He stood beside the bed, blocking most of the light that filtered in from the bathroom. After my eyes adjusted, I could see his grinning face and half-naked body. He looked so perfect while I, on the other hand, looked like hell.

"Morning, love."

"What time is it?" I sighed, sitting up.

"Just after four thirty." His smile grew wider as I shot him a dark look. It was too early for me to be awake and functioning. Besides, the plane didn't even leave until eight.

"How are you so _awake_ right now?" I grumbled.

"A shower helped. Why don't you hop in the shower and I'll have a cup of coffee ready for when you get out?" he suggested.

"Okay," I sighed.

"Good. Now get going," he said jokingly, ducking down to kiss me.

I turned away at the last second, muttering, "Morning breath."

"You know I don't care about that."

"And you know that I do. Besides, I thought I needed to get moving so we wouldn't be late."

"You're right," he grumbled before standing back up, moving toward the door. "But you owe me a kiss."

"Yeah, okay. I think I can manage that," I replied, rolling my eyes playfully. I could hear his laughter as he disappeared through the door, and I shook my head at him.

I grabbed the clothes I'd laid out the night before from on top of my dresser and made my way to the bathroom. I was happy that I'd decided to pack last night instead of rushing around at last minute with the possibility of forgetting something important, like underwear. Now I could take a hot shower and just relax, though I wished Edward would join me.

I could remember the look of surprise on his face when he had found me at his doorstep unannounced three years ago. He had looked just the same as I'd remembered him from Forks, but there'd been subtle changes, just as I'm sure there were now. Luckily Alice, who'd been sharing that apartment with her brother, hadn't been home at the time. It was an awkward first meeting for us; I hadn't known how to act around him. I'd felt nervous and unsure, but I'd also wanted to pick up where we'd left off.

I hadn't been sure what my plans had been — to stay in Boston permanently so I could be near Edward or return to Colorado — until I received a call from my therapist's office about having missed two appointments without giving notice. My therapist hadn't thought this move was a good idea, but there was nothing that would've convinced me to go back. I'd wanted… needed to see that I could do this on my own.

And I did.

I'd gotten my own apartment in Boston, signed up for classes as the community college, found a job, and got a new therapist who specialized in treatment of BPD.

Edward and I had found time to spend together in between our busy schedules with work and school. We both knew it would've been detrimental to continue the relationship we'd had in Forks; we weren't the same people anymore. So instead, we slowly got to know each other again.

A smile formed on my face as I towel-dried my hair. I still couldn't believe that because of my impulsive decisions to find him almost three years ago, he was now mine and we had a child together.

Following the scent of freshly brewed coffee, I wandered down the hallway and could hear Edward singing softly. I knew without looking in Brayden's room that he was with his dad. I stopped at the end of the hall and peaked around the corner, holding my breath as I listened. Edward stood in the middle of the kitchen with Brayden in his arms, swaying from side to side. Though I wasn't often awake this early, I knew that the mornings were their special bonding time. It was a heartwarming sight, seeing the two of them together. I realized then that I was no longer holding my breath and I'd been caught.

"Hello, Mommy." Edward smiled as I walked into the room, and handed our son to me.

"Good morning. You're up a little earlier than usual this morning, Bray. Did Daddy wake you up?" Edward glanced over his shoulder at me, shrugging lightly. I laughed and pressed a kiss to Brayden's forehead as I hugged him closer. "Has he eaten already?"

"Yup. Just finished actually," Edward replied, walking over to us. He leaned in to kiss me, but I leaned back, denying him once again.

"Coffee?" I asked with a raised brow, trying to keep from laughing at his mock indignation. The corners of his mouth were threatening to burst into a smile as he leaned in closer and wrapped an arm around my waist. With his other hand, he held a coffee cup in my view.

"Right here, love. Now where's my kiss?"

"Thanks." I darted forward to give him a quick kiss, but the moment our lips met, I was lost in the feeling of love I had for him. It was much different than the love I held for my son, but it was just as strong. Remembering Brayden was in my arms, I broke the kiss and took the coffee cup. "What time are we leaving?"

"In a few minutes. I've just got to finish getting Brayden's diaper bag ready. Do you have everything you need packed?"

I nodded in affirmation as I sat down at the table, still wishing we didn't have to go. I was dreading this trip; my anxiety levels were at the highest they'd been in a long time.

"Okay. Ready to go?" Edward asked just as I finished my coffee.

"Yeah," I said breathlessly.

"You okay?"

"Fine." I gave him a shaky smile as I secured Brayden in his car seat.

"Everything's gonna be all right," he promised.

"I know," I sighed. "Let's just get this over with."

"Okay, love." He smiled as he grabbed our bags, and I followed with Brayden.

* * *

"Just breathe," Edward reminded me, grabbing my hand and holding it securely in his over the middle console. I did as he said, trying to control the panic attack that paralyzed me.

_Inhale…_

_Exhale…_

_Inhale._

_Exhale._

_Just breathe._

It had been five and a half years since I'd been diagnosed and sent away from Forks, and today was the first time I'd been back. It was just the same as I remembered it to be. Being back in this small town where I'd hit rock bottom terrified me to the core. While I knew I was no longer that broken girl, I wondered if there was still a possibility of me being her again.

_No_, I told myself. I'd changed for the better.

_Inhale._

"Do you need me to pull over?" Edward asked, briefly glancing at me with concern as he slowed the car. There wasn't really anywhere to pull over on the narrow road leading to his parents' house, and we'd be there in a few minutes anyway.

_Exhale._

"I'm okay," I told him, squeezing his hand tightly in reassurance. When he gave me a scrutinizing look, I added, "Really. I don't even know why I'm acting like this." He didn't say anything in response to my blatant lie but resumed his previous speed.

We were both on edge, knowing the reason for my current behavior. The last time I'd been to this house had been the first time we'd had sex, and that ended up being the catalyst for my downward spiral. And though everything that happened that night had been forgiven long ago, it was still a sore subject for us.

I'd finally settled down as the car came to a stop. After turning off the engine, Edward silently waited with me. As much as I wanted to just sit here, holding hands with Edward, I knew it would only be a matter of time before someone noticed our arrival. These people were my family… our family. I could do this.

_Just breathe._

* * *

I was sort of expecting Alice to be lurking around the corner when we entered the house, just waiting to give me a heart attack. I was relieved to find that she was with everyone else in the living room, unaware of our presence. As we neared the entrance to the kitchen, the music and mingling voices grew louder.

"Hey, Mom," Edward called out. "Merry Christmas!"

"Oh! You're finally here," Esme said, rushing over from the stove. She pulled Edward in for a hug before moving on to me as she continued, "You look good. Was your flight okay? How was the drive?"

"Flight was good. Hit a little traffic leaving the airport, but for the most part it was okay," Edward answered, chuckling lightly.

"That's good, darling. I've missed you all so much," she replied with a sniffle.

"Mom, you just saw us last month for Thanksgiving."

"I know, but still, I don't get to see you nearly enough."

"It's about time you guys got here," Alice cut in as she gave both Edward and me hugs. "Now let me see my nephew."

"Nice to see you too, Alice," I said in mock sarcasm before handing Brayden off to his aunt.

"Sorry," she replied, rolling her eyes playfully. "Hi, Isabella. I'm so absolutely elated to see you. I'm just beside myself. Better?"

"Much." I laughed, and added, "Hey, Rose."

"Hey." Rose smiled in response as both she and Esme moved closer to Alice and my son. She held his hand, cooing, "I can't believe how big he's gotten."

"I know. Time's really flown by."

"So, Mom, when's dinner?" Edward asked as he wandered over to the refrigerator, looking for something to snack on. "I'm starving."

"Don't eat too much," Esme warned. "Dinner will be ready shortly. We're just waiting on your father and the boys to return from the store. I wonder what's taking them so long," she sighed and kissed Brayden on the forehead before moving back to the stove.

"Okay," he replied through a mouthful of food. "I'd bet you Emmett's the hold up, Mom."

"And you'd win that bet," Rosalie laughed.

Leaving Rose and Alice to fawn over Brayden, I walked over to where my dad quietly sat nursing a beer.

"Hi, Dad," I said, dropping down beside him and leaning in to give him a brief hug. He returned the gesture, patting my back somewhat awkwardly and drew a long gulp from his bottle.

"Hey, kiddo. How's the little one?"

"He's good. Why don't you go over and see him?" I suggested.

"That's okay. There's plenty of time for me to see him. Besides, I'm not sure Rosalie would be willing to give him up," he said, his mustache twitching slightly as he tried to conceal his smile.

"You're probably right about that," I replied softly, following his gaze. Together we watched in a comfortable silence, letting ourselves get lost in thought.

Something I'd learned about in treatment was forgiveness. For a long time, I blamed everyone else and never took responsibility for myself. Learning to forgive myself was something I still struggled with, but realizing and accepting that the past couldn't be changed, I knew I needed to forgive the people I cared about… the people I hurt deeply. And in return, my family and friends eventually learned to forgive me as well.

"It's okay. I'll feed him," Rosalie offered, pulling me back to reality. Brayden was fussing and squirming in her arms, and Edward stood over them with a bottle in his hand. She took the bottle from him and offered it to my son, who was immediately soothed.

"So…" Charlie began, drawing my attention back to him. "Have you spoken to your mother recently?"

"No," I sighed, wanting to leave it at that.

"Isabella," he said simply. He gave me an expectant look.

"No, Dad. I'm not gonna call her. She wants nothing to do with me."

"It's just a misunderstanding."

"But it's not. She's made her decision to stay out of my life because of my decision to keep Brayden."

"Just talk to her. Maybe she doesn't feel—"

"I don't think so. We've had this conversation many times, Dad, and I really don't want to have it again."

"Okay."

"Sorry," I apologized and he nodded, downing the rest of his beer before getting up to get another one.

Renee was still not a subject I liked to discuss. Like everyone else, I had learned to forgive her during my time in treatment. A few months before I left Colorado, I'd learned that Phil was no longer in the picture and that they'd divorced. She'd left him when he was accused and charged with two counts of statutory rape. It was then that I decided to accept her back into my life, willing to work on improving our relationship.

Things had been going well up until the point that I told her about my pregnancy. She'd told me I was stupid for making the same mistake she'd made — getting pregnant at such a young age. After not being able to convince me to get an abortion, she cut off all contact, basically disowning me.

"We're back!" Emmett's boisterous voice yelled out just before the front door slammed shut. He appeared a minute later with Jasper, both of them carrying a couple grocery bags each. Dropping his bags on the counter, he gave Edward a man-hug. "Hey, dude. Long time, no see."

"Hey, Em," Edward laughed. "How're you?"

"Good, good. Just went to the store to get a little snack," he said, gesturing to the many bags.

"A little?" I interjected with a smile.

"What can I say? I'm a growing boy." He grinned, meeting me halfway before scooping me up into a bear hug. "Hey, Isabella."

"Good to see you, Em," I rasped, adding, "You too, Jasper."

"What is all this?" Esme asked, looking through all the bags. "I sent you to the store for a couple of items."

"All of which are right here," Carlisle said as he walked into the kitchen, handing her his single bag of items. "Hello, Edward. Isabella."

"Thank you," she told him. "Now, can someone set the table?"

Everyone offered to help while Rosalie kept Brayden entertained. I excused myself to the bathroom just as Esme, Carlisle, and Charlie started bringing out the food. I ended up staying in the bathroom a little longer than I planned, getting lost in thought again as I washed my hands. I found Edward standing outside the door, waiting for me.

"Everyone's waiting for us. I just want to tell you that I love you so much," he said, kissing me. I pulled away after a moment, looking into his eyes.

I was happy.

Sure, things weren't perfect and could definitely be improved. I'd always have to deal with my disorder, and there'd be plenty of moments where I'd fail at controlling it.

But right now, I was happy where I was at.

"I love you too."

* * *

**A/N:** I don't even know what to say here. It feels surreal to click the completed button, having spent almost two years working on this story. And just like Isabella, I'm happy with where its ended. I hope you all have enjoyed the ride, even though it got really heavy in the end. Please let me know what you think of the epilogue and/or the whole story.

Not sure when the outtakes will be posted, but they will eventually be posted here. If there's anything you'd like to see, let me know and I'll try to make it happen.

I'll be posting for the TT25 over the next couple of months. If you'd like to read my next story, which will be posting in February, add me to your author alerts if you haven't already.

And now, my thank yous…

To my readers who have reviewed (and those who stayed silent on the sideline), and added Ricochet to their alerts and favorites… thank you.

Violette de Musique, my best friend, was the person who convinced me to write this story. I know you probably won't read this, but thank you for all that you've done.

Angie, my otherhalf, thank you for all your help and for being my late night writing buddy.

And last but not least, **Ooza** and **Taylor** have been the best betas. I'd really like to thank them for all their hard work, time and effort they've put into bettering my story. I feel I'm lacking proper words to express how grateful I am to these lovely ladies. Thank you so much! You are both amazing and I love you guys!

XOXO,  
Jenn


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